Friday, April 29, 2011

Where's Your Laughin' Place

So I'm back home from that Magical place ruled by a Mouse and am now driven to write about it!  I always said I wanted this blog to be more than just sex.  Of course, it's almost never about sex, but I hope it's educational :)

So here is Br'er Ryan's Guide to Disney:

But first I have to throw out some cautionary quotes for us philanderers from one of my favorite characters Br'er Rabbit (in case you were wondering br'er is an affectionate term for brother/friend).  I pondered these while riding Splash Mountain, themed on the Song of the South character.

"You can't run from trouble, there ain't no place that far."

"Mind now, Br'er Rabbit, better mend your ways, you's headin' for trouble one of these days!"

And please don't read into the non-PC'ness of Song of the South, I definitely get it that many of the portrayals in the movie can be offensive but don't forget that James Baskett (Uncle Remis) won an honorary academy award for his work, the first given to an African American.

The Rides:

Animal Kingdom -  Regardless of what you want to accomplish once in the park go immediately to the Kilimanjaro Safari.  It's a must do and the line grows quickly.  Also, animals are more active in morning so this is best to do early.  After that do Expedition Everest as much as possible, you can Fast Pass this and it's awesome!  Once tired, take the kids to Dino Land or the petting zoo (Affection Station) and let them play in the climbing area.  It's safe, corded off, shady, and a good way to occupy them while you rest.  The dinosaur ride is OK, but not worth a major wait.  If your a guy Pocahontas was at the Conservation Station and she is Smokin' Hot!  If you need more air conditioned entertainment the Nemo show is good.  Overall the park is very shaded and beautiful and simply fun to walk.  Be careful on "It's Tough to Be a Bug," its pretty spooky for young kids and those that don't like creepy crawlies!  And don't go on Kali River Rapids unless you wish to get soaked.

Epcot - Rides are not the big thing here.  The one must do is Soarin,' it is fantastic!!  I like the Maelstrom in Norway (or maybe it was the cutie from Oslo that ushered us onto the ride).  The test track is a great ride as well.  I passed on Mission Space, call me a pansy but if I want to test the condition of my heart, ejaculation needs to be involved :)  I'll talk about food later, for me Epcot is about the FOOD (and of course the cute blonds in Norway or well, the cuties anywhere)!

Magic Kingdom -  I got 2 words Splash Mountain - great ride.  We also love The Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and of course Space Mountain is always a must do.  Mix in Small World, Pirates, Mickey's Philharmagic to get some rest and air conditioning throughout.  If you want characters you will invest a lot of time waiting.  A character meal is a better way to get pictures without melting in the sun.  The shows at Cinderella's castle are fun for kids but understand you are out in the open like a stick of butter in a frying pan so be judicious!  And for me a great end to the day was seeing a lovely young brunette character cast member with a sultry attitude playing Pirate Elizabeth Swann outside of Pirates of the Caribbean - WOW, strand me on a deserted Caribbean island with her any day and I'll die a happy man!  :)    

OK, enough for today - tomorrow (or maybe Sunday) - the Food!

Bye for now.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Shock the Monkey to Life - My 1st HNT (at last)

Handsome devil, am I not! 

So my question is, who wants my Ashley Madison key now! 

Sorry, I saw the trailer the other day on YouTube and just couldn't stop myself! 

Monday, April 25, 2011

Oh My God Becky, Look at Her Butt

So I am experimenting with an auto-post.  Hopefully while your reading this I will be by a pool in sunny Florida!  But if it doesn't, I am signing off my computer and getting ready to leave the office for the day and heading to the airport for sunny Florida!

Either way I wanted to leave you with something while I was gone.

First, I want to again thank Kat for her kind words on her blog the other week.  I can't tell you what a boost to the ego any compliment can be but that was very special.

And the whole concept of "Favorite Bad Boy Blogs" was very intriging to me.  I thought, perhaps I should do something similar, I am a shamless copy cat you know.  What?  Me write a blog about MY favorite bad boy blogs?  No, I didn't mean that - I meant I should display a list of my favorite "Bad Girl Blogs."

So I started to rank my favorites in my mind 1, 2, 3, etc, etc.  And then something from the dark recesses of my brain clicked.  At first just a whisper and then the full extent of my male experiences with 15 years of marriage kicked in.

Yeah, ranking my favorite female blogs kind of feels like Shannon asking me "does my butt look big in this skirt" or "do you really think I am as pretty as Kate Winslet or are you just sayin' that."

Yes, I have learned over the years silent and stupid are always the best plays in the guy playbook!  Silent and stupid may not win any awards but it will keep you out of a lot of trouble!  :)  And I am an ace at stupid!

So, who are my favorite "Bad Girl Blogs?"  Well, just look at my profile (link at top right of page) and check out who I follow and those are it.  I try to comment on blogs as much as possible to let people know I care as well because I do.

And for the lady bloggers I follow out there.  Please know that you are all special to me in your own unique and individual way.  And though I may look at several butts (oops, I mean blogs) every day know that when I am looking at your butt (sorry, I mean blog) that you are the singular focus of my heart and soul!   :)



Friday, April 22, 2011

FFF Kissed by the Sun II – In the Sunlight of Your Smile in the Summer of Our Life

I had a few requests to continue this story and this is a great picture so here goes.  Part I is here if you want to go back.  In truth, as I wrote the story I did have a much bigger story line in my head but only had 188 words to give so this is a bit liberating.  This is not so much of a story or script as it is a basic plot line.

Background:  summer 1958 in Cuba just before the fall of the Bautista regime.  Thomas Hudson, a 20 year old American from Miami, takes a summer off from college to live in Havana, Cuba working days on pleasure boats and nights as a back-up guitarist at the Club Dolphin Azul.  Thomas' strict Merchant Marine dad and doting Cuban mother were not happy with his decision but he wanted adventure!

That summer Thomas meets Nadja, a dancer at the club, and is immediately captivated by her charm, beauty, and elegance.  She is Cuban but owes her name and blond hair to her Hungarian mother.  Nadja is intrigued by Thomas for his passion for music, his love of life, and his innocents which is a welcome deviation from her current emotionally exhausting love life.

This sets up a love-quadrangle.  Previous to meeting Thomas, Nadja was romantically linked to 2 powerful men on opposite ends of the Cuban political spectrum.

Nadja is known in town to be the mistress of General Juan Antonio de Silva a very influential man in the Cuban military.  But her true love these past few years has been Andres, a revolutionary and close confidant to the Cuban guerilla leader Che Gavara.  Nadja and Andres fell in love a few years prior in their small farming town in Central Cuba.  They came to the big city together and their paths have intertwined ever since. 

A year ago Nadja met the General at the request of “the movement.”  But the man whose world she was to infiltrate became her benefactor.   He introduced her to some influential club owners and got her the current “gig” as the lead dancer at el Dolphin Azul.  The General, although brutal with revolutionaries, is always kind to her.  She has discovered a warm side to him that can be comforting.  Of course if he knew the real truth she was hiding, her relationship with Andres, then his warmth would turn cold in an instant like a tropical storm.

Additionally, Nadja’s love of Andres has been put to a test.  Andres’ fanatical passion for the revolution has now surpassed his love for Nadja.  He can no longer separate himself from “the movement”  and has alienated Nadja.  And that has left Nadja lonely and torn between her 2 worlds.

Thus enters Thomas, her guitarist and newfound friend and potential lover.  Over the summer they form a bond based on a shared passion for music and Nadja's desire to escape the political intrigue of her current life.  On one beautiful August weekend Thomas suggests they run away from it all to an island adventure by hitching a ride with one of his friends to Cayo Largo.

And so on a sunny late afternoon their boat pulled into that beautiful port.  Nadja was so happy to be in the fresh salty air and the gentle breeze.  Thomas pulled out his guitar and played a lively salsa tune.  Nadja moved and twirled to the music.  All was happy, no revolution, no past, no future, no commitments – just the now!

As they got to the dock sailors, fisherman, and anyone else stopped to hear the music and gasp at the beautiful woman whose hair was kissed by the sun.  After they got off board, Thomas hailed a cab and gave the address of the little Inn his friend George had suggested.  Thomas had saved just enough tip money for the room and perhaps a nice dinner.  The little Inn was right on the water and the bellman walked them to their Cabana – it had a gorgeous view.  The bellman let them know dinner would be ready by 6 pm if they planned on eating there.

Now Thomas speaks…..
Nadja then changed for dinner in the bathroom.  My mind focused on the bed for the first time and it hit me what I hoped would be happing later that evening.  I was not a virgin.  My first experience was last fall with my girlfriend at school, Lola.  It was a bit underwhelming.  Lola was cute but born of privileged.  I felt getting into her pants was a riddle to solve not a sharing of passion.  Sex with Lola was mechanical, as if I was performing a service and Lola was just dutifully on for the ride.  And by year end I did find out that I was a toy that she played with for a time but had to put away when daddy decided it was time to meet Mr. Ivy League.

But what would it be like with Nadja?

Well first was a lovely dinner.  The inn had a beautiful Sofrito of Seafood, Chorizo Sausage, rice, black beans and fried plantains.  We enjoyed ourselves and drank in the Caribbean view along with our Mojitos!  There was no war, no politics, just us and the warm sea air – this was delight, like a Hemingway novel or at least in the early part of the novel when everyone is happy.

After dinner we walked on the beach.  We found a secluded inlet and sat and enjoyed the sunset.  Nadja sat behind me, her chest leaning against my back and her legs and arms around mine.  As we enjoyed the view she tenderly kissed the back of my neck and ran her hands through my hair.  And as the sun set she said “oh my little Thomas you are going to remember this for the rest of your life, my dear.”

And on that beach Nadja and I made love for the first time.  And I do mean love for this was not simply sex – this was two passionate souls joining in the desire to pleasure and enjoy one another.  Over that evening, at first on the beach and later in our Cabana we were at one with each other – bodies moving in tandem, sweat seeping together forming rivers over our bodies.

And after a time when our bodies no longer had the strength to move we just lay there next to one another (Nadja’s head on my chest) on that bed, in that Cabana, next to that sea.  And for a moment time was frozen.  I have lived a wonderful life and have many memories but if in death I could ever go back to a moment in time that moment with Nadja would be it.

The entire weekend was beautiful.  As delightful as our first night was, we had a wonderful time just sipping coffee the next morning and talking about growing old.  We had a lovely day on the beach and at night more love making.  Sunday was just as delightful.  I wondered what would happen if we just never went back.  Could we just live in Caya Largo and make ends meet somehow?  I guess I’ll never know.

By Monday we were back in Havana and back to the life and the paradox of Nadja’s world.   A month later I was back at U of Miami at Nadja’s insistence.  She said she would try to find a way to come to the states if things went badly in Cuba.

In fact it was just a month later that Andres was discovered.  He tried to protect Nadja but the government already knew everything.  I was devastated.  A few years later I found out Nadja was able to retreat back to her village and disappear into the chaos of the revolution.

But I never heard from Nadja again until last month.  My grandson signed me up for this new computer thing called Facebook.  And then a few weeks later a homemaker from Iowa named Nadia Mitchell sent me a note.  The moment I saw those eyes I knew it was her and when I read the note my heart leapt.

“My Darling Little Thomas how I have missed you.  Do you still remember our weekend together so many years ago….”

Ending scene:

An elderly Thomas walking to baggage claim, a sign above says Des Moins International Airport.


Thomas Hudson, Jr.                           A Young Antonio Bandaras
Nadja                                                  Jessica Alba
Gen. Juan Antonio de Salva              Raul Julia
Santiago                                              Andy Garcia
Thomas Hudson (father)                    Kris Kristofferson
Maria Hudson (mother)                     Rita Moreno

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

If There's Something You'd Like to Try Ask Me I Won't Say No, How Could I?

So I heard this song the other night and thought some Smith’s lyrics would be nice?  As I have said before I like listening to XM Radio First Wave and particularly to Richard Blade.  I think he called Morrissey “the Pope of mope.”  Or was it Robert Smith of the Cure?  I can’t remember now but it doesn’t matter because this isn’t a mopey post!

You know, I’ve allowed myself to go a month without updating my Sandra story which was my latest Ashley Madison Adventure.  And, of course, that was the whole point of starting a blog in the first place.  Funny how having so much fun can take you in so many directions that never occurred to you in the first place.  As Joe Pesci said in Casino "we're supposed to be robbin' this place, you dumb frickin'...;" oh well I guess I forgot my mission statement so to speak!  I guess I now know why Riff Dog talks about so many things that have nothing to do with chasing SoCal ladies.  J

So maybe once again I should reintroduce Sandra or click here if you want to go back.  I met Sandra through AM in early July.  Although she was not entirely accurate on her AM profile she is a gorgeous woman in her late 40’s and says she is a trophy wife.  And now I was aiming to make her my trophy.  She was an airline stewardess in an earlier life and simply has a big, warm, and confident personality.  I believe I described her as a bit like Samantha on Sex and the City.  She dresses immaculately with an eye on retro-dresses like the ladies of Mad Men but is very laid back, just perfect for me.

By mid-August we had met 4 times for lunch or dinner along with several phone conversations and frequent e-mails but time had never been on our side.  At this point the most that had happened was a very enjoyable and relaxing conversation and some very enjoyable kissing in a car on a secluded spot off a country road (which are many in my part of the world).  The main point though was time with her was very relaxing and didn’t ever feel like a test.

So as we had another lunch date in late August with no available time after for an intimate getaway I was a bit concerned that I might screw this up.  Despite my earlier AM success that I described here most of my female experiences were instances of “grabbing defeat out of the jaws of victory.”  Yep, old Ryan has talked himself out of bed more often than he has into bed.  J

But as we enjoyed lunch I knew we had that vibe.  Sandra complimented me on my shirt (a dark Hunter green paired with dark khaki slacks) and said again that I was “a handsome devil” with a smile.

Toward the end of lunch Sandra blushed a bit and said “you know dear we are going to have to consummate this soon if we want to call this a proper affair.”  I have to say I blushed a bit too and had to hold back a big Cheshire Cat style grin.

Yes, this was looking good and next week didn’t look too bad on the old work scene for me and as luck would have it, the proverbial “cat was away” so this mouse was ready to play!  Sandra was delighted when I suggested that I prepare an intimate indoor picnic for our next meeting.

Monday, April 18, 2011

But I Don't Care if You Don't

Shannon’s Story – Part VI

This is part VI of a series of sub-blogs written from my best attempt at writing from my wife’s perception of our life together.  If you are reading this blog for the first time I would request you go to the beginning (here) and start reading or go to any entry that looks interesting but don’t start here as this entry is a bit of a diversion from my previous direction.  If you are reading Shannon’s Story for the first time part I is here.

Shannon speaking….
About 1 year after I began working directly for Brent and began my travels I found myself at an out of town meeting with “the team.”  I had traveled a lot with Brent the two weeks before and I could tell he was starting to probe more and push barriers.  He had given me several bottles of a very expensive wine for Christmas just a few weeks prior and was paying me a lot of attention, putting me on a pedestal.

After the end of a long day of meetings we all went out for dinner and then drinks at this piano bar that was Brent’s go-to place in this particular town.  Brent even knew some of the regulars there and was picking on me when an older very professional guy was apparently hitting on me.  Of course, no one seemed to pick on Brent for all the flirting he was doing with the waitresses.  This place had developed into somewhat of an urban legend among “the team” and Brent’s escapades were somewhat legendary.  But I didn’t find Brent’s flirting with the waitresses a turn off.  To the contrary I was turned on by his magnetic personality, he was the “it” guy people wanted to be with and I now realized I wanted to be with him.

The whole team was pretty blitzed toward the end of the night.  As the one female on “the team” I always took a lot of ribbing.  A few of the guys were daring one another to ask me to dance.  Finally one of the older guys (Chuck) who was a really sweet man asked.  I was OK because it was really like dancing with my dad. 

Of course that gave Brent the “green light” and once he asked me to dance everyone stayed away and began their own conversations.  Once I was dancing with Brent he had me.  He kissed me slightly on the cheek at one point.  I was startled but then almost as a reaction I started to play with his hair on the back of his head.  At one point we looked at each other and I felt that momentum to kiss but we held back and just smiled at each other.

“The team” soon departed and walked across the street to our hotel.  I am not sure if this was planned but Brent’s room was close to mine but on a separate floor from the rest of “the team” so he was able to walk me to my door.  Brent said “we should probably talk about this.”

I should have known what “we should probably talk about this” meant but I was drunk and I was not really thinking about consequences so I invited him in.  I got a Sprite and some M&M’s out of the mini bar, took off my high heels and sat next to Brent on the edge of the bed.  He leaned back a little and put his arm behind me and then proceeded to tell me I was his fantasy woman and that he had thought about me since the day we met almost 4 years prior.  To say he “had me at hello” would be an understatement.  This was “it,” to be someone’s fantasy, to be the center of their universe was what I sought.  Here and in Brent’s presence I was exciting, engaging, intelligent, and felt sexy – I wasn’t the person irresponsibly spending away all of our money!  I can’t really remember too much more about the conversation but soon we were kissing and there was no going back.

to be continued….

Saturday, April 16, 2011

There's a Stain on my Notebook Where Your Coffee Cup Was

OK, so I got on a political kick earlier this week and like a drug addict I can't stop now because in addition to enjoying the sport of Ashley Madison I love the sport of politics.  Hopefully I won't rock the boat too much here but I just have to rant.

So with all the things going on in the world here is something really big and really important (read link below):

GOP, Dems Trade Barbs Over House Cafeteria Coffee Cups

Yes, apparently the House Republicans continuing to display a lack of taste have decided to remove the recycled paper cups of the Nancy Pelosi days from the cafeteria and replace with cheaper styrofoam cups.

So I really want to hear what people are thinking!

For me I am simply outraged!!!!

Don't they know how SUCKY coffee tastes with that residual styrofoam infused flavor!  I mean this is big folks, coffee flavor is at stake!  Call your congressman NOW!

Washington, God love it!

Friday, April 15, 2011

FFF - The Gathering Dark

Lily came to NYC an ambitious young artist.  Most from home in Carolina said “you’re crazy,” but said “if anyone will make it, it’s you!”

Like many aspiring artists, reality dictated she join the “yellow” collar world of the waiter/barista.

But on that particular evening ambition intersected with desire at a trendy art gallery.

Her catering job got her through the doors; her willowy figure caught the eye of the hot young sculpture. 

And now, after several Cosmopolitans at an after-hours club, she sat in front of that artist contemplating life.  The artist seemed interested in her work saying he would stop by her flat some time to see it.  Was this a break or was it a line to get her into bed?

She could easily just go home and make a living painting murals in those McMansions outside of Charlotte and probably marry a lawyer.  But in the gathering dark of his studio she knew that fate was about to commit her image to his clay and perhaps her body to his flesh.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Should (Twenty) **** (Eight) % Appear too Small, Be Thankful I don't take it all.

'Cause I’m the taxman, Yeah, I’m the taxman

I hate that I received such a wonderful compliment earlier this week from Prowling with Kat and then follow with a dopey posting.  But I had this on my “to do” list so here goes.  And I will write a more appropriate response to Kat a little later.

But for now Kat, I very heartfelt thank you!

Yes tomorrow is Tax Day in America, the ultimate “anti-holiday.”  So in celebration of the $1,900 additional chunk Uncle Sam is taking out of my rear end I thought I would write a celebratory post!

But don’t worry; I’m not a wing nut so this won’t be any tea party rant.  I think I said once I’m a left of center/Bill Clinton kind of guy.  I would say I like the current Pres but Bill and I are BBQ eaten, lecherous, skirt chasin,’ southerners so I feel a kindred spirit with him!  A rare bread of straight southern male WASP’s that are blue’s.  Yes, I proudly walk to the beat of a different drummer!  OK, enough politics.

So here’s the deal.  Rather than take my $1,900 and drop another bomb on the Middle East, why don’t you let me keep it and really stimulate the economy!  Come on Mr. Pres, I know you really are a Keynesian (as in John Maynard Keynes, father of public sector macroeconomic monetary policy; not Kenya).  So if you monetize me, I’ll make it work for the greater good!   :)

Here are some of the things I could do and the outcomes:

  • Ashley Madison – spend more money and allow Noel Bitterman to move into a bigger house thus stimulating the housing sector and helping all the skilled workers that will build the house
  • Hotel Industry – Meet more women on AM, spend more time in hotel rooms thus stimulating this sagging sector.  And with all the sheets I’ll tear up it will help the textile industry as well
  • Restaurant Industry – I’m a classy guy, I always like to take my special ladies out to lunch so think of the help here and I’m a good tipper as well so it will help the waitron as well (bet you didn’t know the neutered word for restaurant servers).
  • Big Oil - Yes, let's throw some more money to the oil/gas sector with all those miles I drive to my encounters!
  • Wine Industry - I love to bring a bottle to any hotel encounter, can you say Northern Coast Pinot!  Yes, Northern California has been hit very hard by the economic downturn so any California Red's I buy will be a big boost.
And most importantly for Womankind….

I think you know the answer here!  My goodness, the amount of stimulus I could deliver to the women of the world……Priceless!    J

Sorry, I know I’m a smart ass!

And I guess that was all politics but a little sexy don’t you think!

I promise some cliffhangers in my Sandra and Shannon stories next week. 

Sunday, April 10, 2011

In My Younger Days I was so Bad, Laughin' about All the Fun We've Had

Or the Day After a Night in the Life of Ryan Beaumont (on Tobacco Road)

Here is the continuation of my March Madness post from last Friday.  If you missed part one here it is.

Two posts with Jimmy Buffet lyrics, oh no!  I do like Jimmy but trust me I’m not a Parrot head.  I have seen him live twice, both times at the invite of an interested lady!  I think I said somewhere in this blog that I am very shy and that most of my female encounters have been at the behest of the lady.  J Btw, he is great in concert!

Anyway, as I said this club in Raleigh had a Jimmy Buffet tribute band and they did play my second favorite Jimmy Buffet song from above “One Particular Harbor” and Whitney and I slow danced.  This did have that movie-like feel to it.

But alas in any pack of sorority girls there often seems to be one girl who assigns herself to “prick blocking duty.”  And I was unlucky to have Cruella the evil sorority sister on the watch.  Apparently Cruella didn’t feel Whitney deserved me as much as I did. 

So at some point there was a quick and hurried exit from the bar back to the party.  This time I was not lucky enough to make my way into Cruella’s car.  I had to settle for a ride in my best friend’s car, Unfortunate Dave, whose luck has always been notoriously poor.

So I was at the mercy of Cruella and Unfortunate Dave and that is a recipe fraught with disaster!

And so as we approached the labyrinth of Jones Roads we lost our Chapel Hill girls.  My guess is they made that west bound exit on 40 back to UNC and I was left to a bad night’s sleep on some random couch in Raleigh. L  Sad was our life before the advent of cell phones and IM’ing!

One of my favorite “Gen X” movies is Less Than Zero and there is a scene where Andrew McCarthy and Jamie Gertz (btw another one of my all time celebrity crushes) are searching bar to bar for Robert Downey Jr.  I realized the last time I saw the movie that it would be a completely alien concept to have to do that now.  Why would you look for someone when you can just IM them!

“Well I woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head that didn't hurt.  And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had one more for dessert.  Then I fumbled through my closet for my clothes, and found my cleanest dirty …..”  Oh wait those are the lyrics to a Kris Kristofferson song, but it was how I felt.  But wait, where is my jacket?  Crap, Whitney still had it as we left the bar!

Oh well, I plan on finding out how to contact her and I’m sure I’ll get it back, or better yet let her keep it and have her!

Well quickly I found that Unfortunate Dave and Evan were of no help in trying to find Whitney, for some reason Evan seemed perturbed at even the thought of helping – I wonder why? J

So I limped back to my side of North Carolina and back to work on Monday hoping to find a way to reconnect with Whitney soon.  But soon never came and so Whitney is now just a fond memory to go back to now and then.   But maybe that is best.

But this does not end sadly, about two weeks later I would meet Natalie under similar circumstances at a bar my work friends and I frequented on certain nights back in my new hometown in another part of the state.  So my first Carolina girl would be Natalie rather than Whitney.  But that as they say is another story……..  And I never got the jacket back.  But a few months later I bought a brown leather bomber jacket with my first work bonus and that would be my “chic magnet” going forward.  J

But Whitney, if your out there I wouldn’t mind getting that jacket back.  Or better yet finishing that kiss!

Just in case you were wondering my favorite Jimmy Buffet song is “Chanson pour les petite enfants” but that really doesn’t fit into a sex blog!

And that odd chorus to the song:
Ia Ora Te Natura (Nature lives, life to nature)
E Mea Arofa Teie Ao Nei
(Have pity for the Earth, Love the Earth)
Ia Ora Te Natura
(Nature lives, life to nature)
E Mea Arofa Teie Ao Nei
(Have pity for the Earth, Love the Earth)

Apparently Jimmy Buffet wrote the song after looking at Cook’s Bay in Tahiti.  So enjoy the song below, it will take you to a more tranquil place!

Friday, April 8, 2011

FFF - Molten Ire

First I have to apologize for the post in advance.  This is an intriguing picture and I am sure it will get many delightful responses but for some reason it did not move me.  But I committed to trying this weekly exercise and my motto is "no pain, no gain" so I endeavored on!

At first I saw some type of erotic fantasy perhaps based on a Conan like character or perhaps a flaming Bridgette Nielson/Red Sonja.  I used to enjoy those types of movies back in the day but as I said nothing was flowing for me.  I also was trying to see some epic story scrolling across the screen similar to Star Wars, you know “In a galaxy far, far, away….”  And maybe make it comical like “Space Ball,” you know “may the schwartz be with you!”  But still nothing flowing out onto the keyboard of my mind.

I then went back to my safety zone, the coming of age genre.  I was thinking that the picture could be some cheesy velvet painting on the wall of some New Orleans brothel and would be some fond memory of a boy who got his first sexual experience there.  Or maybe the picture could be a key that unlocks some repression for some lost soul, kind of a Citizen Kane meets House of the Rising Sun (you know Rosebud, but in this case a cheesy velvet nudie pic).  But that sounded waaay to complicated for my simple brain and I had already gone down the coming of age road the past two weeks.

So finally I scrapped together this poor response:

FFF - Molten Ire

Fox News Alert!

In unprecedented action, the FDA has directed Starbucks to change its logo from it's classic mermaid siren image from Norse mythology to the Fire siren Vulcania (pictured to the right).  The rationale listed was that the current image was false advertising and that the new image would better communicate the overoasted flavor of the coffee.  The FDA noted that a lot of industry insiders refer to Starbucks unaffectunately as “Charbucks,” as their beans are roasted well beyond simple carmelazation.

The old image (pictured here) depicts the mermaid siren, which it is said would tempt and seduce the seagoing mariner with an enticing song that could not be resisted.  The symbolism of the logo thus communicated the seductive qualities of coffee.

From mythology, the Fire Siren Vulcania would tempt wayward men with her beauty and then melt their peckers with the molten ire of the flaming herpes she would pass along.  This symbolism will communicate the fact that Starbucks roasts its coffee well beyond the point of any remaining coffee flavor.

By the way, I don’t actually hate Starbucks, they are actually a great company that I have worked with before but their coffee is a bit overoasted!  And yes I am a bit of a coffee snob.  But at least this combines two of my favorite things sex and coffee, and thankfully I have never had to deal with Vulcania! J

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

She Never Mentions the Word Addiction

In case you were looking for a new addiction here is a good one just in time for the Masters this weekend in Augusta.  Yes this is another culinary post. 

Have you ever heard of an Arnold Palmer?  It’s half sweet tea, half lemonade and they are very popular now.  In fact Arizona tea has a whole line of Arnold Palmer tea and lemonade blends.
OK, you say that is a wonderful drink on a Sunday afternoon with the family as you lounge on the deck but not so great on a Friday night with someone special!

Well, if an Arnold Palmer is sweet tea and lemonade what do you think a John Daly would be?

YOU GOT IT – add some alcohol, in fact add some Jeremiah Weed Sweet Tea Vodka to lemonade and you have what I would call the elixir of the Gods!

And Jeremiah even has the NASCAR seal of approval as he was seen riding on the hood of Matt Kenseth’s #17 Ford just last year.

So here is the easy recipe.  Just poor Jeremiah Sweet Tea Vodka with Lemonade over ice and drink.  If you’re a light weight cut it down by using 1/3 of the Jeremiah mix, 1/3 sweet tea, and 1/3 lemonade.  If your John Daly just chug the vodka and say the word Jeremiah Weed!

Now enjoy! 

You say you need a snack with that beverage.  How about some fried pickles?  Yes they even fry pickles down south, here’s how you do it!


  • 1 egg, beaten
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour or corn meal
  • 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
  • 3/4 teaspoon salt
  • 3/4 teaspoon ground black pepper, or more if you like pepper
  • 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour or corn meal
  • 1 (32 ounce) jar sliced dill pickles, drained
  • 1 quart vegetable oil for deep-frying


In a small bowl, mix together the egg, milk, 1 tablespoon of flour or corn meal (your preference), and Worcestershire sauce. In a separate bowl, stir together the remaining flour, salt, and pepper.
1.     Heat oil to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) in a deep-fryer or heavy deep skillet. Dip pickle slices into the milk mixture, then into the flour mixture. Repeat dipping. You can speed this up by dropping small batches of pickels into wash and then tossing in flour and then sifting but make sure your flour doesn't get too "gummy."
2.     Place the pickles carefully into the hot oil. Avoid over crowding by frying in several batches. Fry until pickles float to the surface, and are golden brown. Remove with a slotted spoon, and drain on paper towels

And serve with a Texas Petal Sauce or Pureed Tomato Remoulade for you Yankees :)  Its basically mayo w/BBQ sauce.

Monday, April 4, 2011

It's a Magic Kind of Medicine that No Doctor Could Prescribe

Or A Night in the Life of Ryan Beaumont (on Tobacco Road)

To follow up on a theme I hit on last week, I was e-mailing a fellow blogger last Friday which helped me recall a wonderful memory from my early adulthood just after college.  This recollection was also augmented by my FFF entries from the past two weeks where I have hit on the “coming of age” and “lost opportunity” themes.  This is a memory of a truly fun night that came oh so deliciously close to being one of the greatest nights of my life.  But as Spock once said “after a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting.  It is not logical, but it is often true.”  So here is a story from my history.”  And it also celebrates March Madness which of course ends tonight in April!

So our setting is in late March, 1992 on a Saturday night at a frat party in Raleigh, NC.  The backdrop is the NCAA East Regional Championship game between Christian Laettner’s Dreaded Dukies and the University of Kentucky.

now me talking (I would say picture me as River Phoenix but that might be a stretch for him now)…..

I had just finished college the previous August and had started a job in North Carolina a few weeks prior to this particular weekend (yes, I spent a semester finding myself but that would be a different story).  Earlier in the week a friend of mine from college said the frat was going to take a road trip down to Raleigh for the weekend and they were going to “party” with the State and Carolina chapters.  I couldn’t say no to that!

I was a little worried because I really wanted to watch the Duke/Kentucky game that night but I figured there would be a TV around somewhere (yes I am a geek).  So I make the drive over to Raleigh.  Btw, if you have ever been to Raleigh how many damn Jones roads can you have?  I got completely lost between Jones Sausage, Jones Hope, and Buck Jones
 Road, geez!

Anyway I finally found the party right at halftime of the game.  So I got to watch what is probably the best basketball game ever played.  And even though the wrong team won what a beautiful game it was.  It was two great teams playing at the periphery of their abilities and ending on that great full court pass by Grant Hill to Laettner for the buzzer beating shot.  The radio announcer aptly said after the shot “and that’s why they are #1.”

Oh well, luckily the story doesn’t end there!

A few minutes after the game one of my friends, Evan, introduced me to Whitney.  Well, maybe I actually horned in a bit and he introduced me just before I was going to introduce myself.  The truth is Whitney was pretty damn gorgeous and I could tell after about 10 minutes Evan wasn’t going to be able to close the deal so I thought, in the name of team spirit, I should start getting warmed up in the bullpen, lest I was needed later in the game J

Several of us eventually decided to go out to a club the locals knew of.  I quickly navigated/negotiated a ride in the car with Whitney.  As I sat next to her in the car we started to connect on the way to our destination.  Whitney said she was from “Winston” and I worked near so we had some things in common initially.  Btw anyone from Winston-Salem will always just say they are from Winston or from Salem or maybe even Bethabara or any other community in the area but I have never heard anyone say they are from Winston-Salem.

I think Whitney was into preppy guys and that particular night I was dressed a little preppie.  She was a UNC student and if you have been to Chapel Hill you would know that the required uniform of guys is khaki pants and Carolina blue Oxford cloth shirts.  I didn’t exactly have that on but I was wearing a solid white canvass type Ralph Lauren polo jacket and she said “that’s a nice jacket.”  When we got to the club (the name was something like “Lake (something) Boat Club….” but I can’t quite remember) we were going to have to wait in line a bit to get in and it was fairly chilly.  I offered my jacket to Whitney and she gladly accepted and said “you’re sweet” in her sugary Carolina accent!  Yep, I think its time to call Ryan in from the bullpen that curve aught to be "droppin' off the table" tonight in this cool Carolina air!!!

Once inside the club our group settled into an area against a waist high wall (this was an indoor/outdoor club).  Whitney and I sat next to each other on top of the wall, she with my jacket on and me sitting just close enough to be touching shoulders as the music was loud.  The band that was playing was some type of Jimmy Buffet tribute-like band.  Whitney and I did get up a few times to dance.  She was about average height with beautiful light brunette shoulder length hair.  She reminded me of Meredith Salinger.

As an aside ladies, let me tell you there are very few things that are more of a turn on to a guy than a beautiful woman wearing an article of our clothing!

At one point Whitney excused herself and I went to the bar to get the next round of drinks.  After securing drinks we intersected near an area that led to what I guess you could call a smoking area that was a little out of the way.  Luckily nobody was really using the smoking area so there was privacy.  We talked a little and at one point I saw her shiver.  I leaned into her and she leaned back.  In a few moments my right arm was around her waist and just inside the unzipped coat.  We were now chest to chest.  She set her drink down and I set down mine and then lowered my head gently to kiss her.  There was a series of light kisses interchanged with some small talk about something I certainly don’t remember now.  But the kisses grew longer and talk shorter and eventually we were “making out” against the outdoor wall of the club.  She had a tight wool sweater on very similar to the one above and I could feel her chest breathing against mine.  I moved my hand up and gently fondled the outside of her breasts.  She felt so good, tasted so good, and smelled so good – this was unbelievable. 

Unfortunately this was a bar and eventually people meandered into this area.  So I stopped for then, feeling assured that this would continue later……

Sorry, I’m at 2 pages in my Word document and that is my limit lest I be considered a hypocrite.  I will return to this soon! J

Thanks to Mrs H for being my muse on this!

Ia ora te natura
E mea arofa teie ao nei
Ia ora te natura
E mea arofa teie ao nei

Friday, April 1, 2011

FFF - Dita’s Bear

Frank Sinatra-like voice narrating......

Before the summer of ’39 in Berlin you might know Dita as “the Vivian Leigh of Germany, except with seductive ‘smoky hazy’ blue eyes slightly different from the violet eyes of the Gone with the Wind star.”

For a boy from Hoboken, studying film in Europe, she represented beauty and intrigue beyond what I could comprehend.  What I didn’t know was that she owed her beautiful dark hair to a maternal grandmother named Orenstein making Nazi Germany an unsafe place.

At the time she was protected by her sometimes lover General Henning von Tresckow.

But on that sunny afternoon the general was far away and I was a flower she picked on a whim; a student who had the enviable task of a photo shoot to promote a hopeful star.  And just charismatic enough to temp her into that naughty picture that is now my only image from a passionate afternoon at a Bavarian Inn.

Years later I learned that her lover took his life after trying to save the lives of others and perhaps charmed into the hope of saving her as well.

I don’t know what became of Dita but her beauty is imprinted onto my soul and the passion of that afternoon is always playing in the cinema of my memories.