Friday, February 20, 2015

FFF - Devastated

It appears that FFF is back in the Ad court!

OMG, I thought.  I worked so hard getting used to this lifestyle now this; I'm devastated!

Yesterday he lost millions being over-leveraged in Russian energy futures.  But I said to myself, we still have the publishing company.  We'll have to give up the helicopter but I can make this work.

Then today he was gone all day.  I was sure when the phone rang it would be him telling me he was in some dirt-bag hotel with Mrs. Robinson, too busy ramming a hot poker up her ass or whipping her with her cake spatula.  I braced myself, I could hear the truth.  Sure I knew he was a cheat but maybe Mrs. Robinson was a just a silly hobby.

And then he said the words that made me drop to the floor.

"Ana, I'm a changed man.  I'm down at CenturyLink with the Promise Keepers.  I plan on being a new man, a man who is morally and ethically committed to sexual purity."

"Holy sh*t," I said to myself.  For a Dom that jerk sure does waffle like a Belgian!  I spent the year getting used to being tied up and smacked in the ass with a leather belt because I enjoyed the view of the Seattle skyline from his flat, Caramel Macchiatos in bed, and those cool grey smokey eyes.  Heck, if I wanted a promise keeper I'd of married the dork in the front row of Chemistry class.  I guess I better go looking for a Don Draper.

Key Word:  Devastated

Word Limit:  Short week, low limit, 180 words

Forbidden Word:  Phone, Carpet, Nipple
Extra Words:  20 Extra if her mom or dad finds her or is on the phone.
Extra Credit:  Tell me a story about your worst phone call.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Me Gotta Go Me Oh My Oh

Well now that we've gotten past that over commercialize "love" acquisition focused holiday, let's focus on a REAL holiday, a dude's holiday where all a charming guy needs to do is give a lady a cheap pair of plastic beads to see her tits!  :)

So the other week I mentioned that I had to do a Super Bowl food post because it was one of my oldest post themes.  Other than bitching about my wife, chasing married women on AM, and not writing about sex there is only one thing I look forward to as much as my Super Bowl post and that is my oldest food-related theme, my -

Mardi Gras food post!

Not the Bayou but they do know how to cook there!
I never intended on doing food posts.  It was on a lark one day that I did my first food post.  It wasn't so much a food post as it was a complaint that ended up talking about the history of pizza.  I enjoyed it so much that I decided to try it again.  You see I know a little about food.  Well, I know a little about a lot of insignificant things.  Food history is only one of those insignificant things I know a little about a lot.  Sure, I'm no great chef but I can cook well enough and I have been to the CIA, for food that is; not to learn how to spy on Russian chicks or help Seth Rogan kill foreign dictators!  I learned enough to be irritated whenever I see someone who doesn't know how to cut an onion.  But enough of ostentatiousness, useless wordiness being another thing I know a little about a lot of worthless stuff.

So after that first food post and after thinking about what food I'd like to write about only one cuisine came to mind, my favorite - Cajun/Creole!  Yes, it's part of my heritage and I love it above all others.  So that first (intentional) post was a little history, a little food, a joke, and a lot of useless information.  But mostly it was fun and I've had fun each year since!

So today I bring to you Shrimp Gumbo Rice Balls.  I know, I know; doesn't sound very appetizing does it?  I assure you Gumbo balls is not something you get from a hooker on the corner of Dauphine and Beinville Streets on a Friday night in the Quarter!  Maybe I better come up with a better, more appetizing name.  Let's go with - Gumbo Rice Fritters.  These are great center of the plate at dinner or as a conversation starting appetizer if you want to impress someone about your Cajun'ness or Creolarity!

Gumbo Rice Fritters


1 Qt             Reduced Sodium Chicken Broth
1 Cup          Chopped Leak
1                  Small Onion
6 Tbs           Butter, divided
2                  Garlic Cloves, minced
1.5 Cups     Arborio Rice (uncooked)
0.5 Cup       Dry White Wine
2 tsp            Kosher salt
0.5 tsp         Black pepper
1                  Green Bell Pepper, minced
1                  Red Bell Pepper, minced
1#                Lg (25-30 ct) Peeled, cooked, and de-veined shrimp
1.5 tsp         Gumbo File powder
0.5 tsp         Cajun seasoning
0.5 tsp         Tabasco
3                  Green onions, thinly sliced
1 Cup          All Purpose Flour
4                  Large Eggs, lightly beaten
3 Cups        Panko bread crumbs
                    Vegetable Oil
                    Spicy Mayo


*   Bring broth to a simmer in sauce-pan. 
*   Sautee chopped leek and sliced onions in 2 Tbs of butter in a Dutch oven on medium heat.
*   After 10 minutes add garlic and rice and sautee for two minutes.
*   Stir wine into mixture and cook for three minutes.
*   Add one cup of broth into mixture stirring consistently until liquid is absorbed.
*   Repeat, one cup at a time, until all broth absorbed into mixture.
*   Stir in 2 Tbs butter, 1 tsp salt, and pepper and simmer for about 5 more minutes.
*   Remove mixed rice, place onto baking sheet, and cool for 10 minutes.
*   Saute bell peppers in 2 Tbs melted butter until soft.
*   Add shrimp, gumbo file, cajun seasoning, hot sauce, and green onions to sautee.
*   After 10 minutes remove sautee mixture and add to rice mixture.
*   Form combined shrimp and rice mixture into 1.5 inch balls.  Cover and chill for 1 hour.
*   In a bowl stir together flour, 0.5 tsp salt, and 0.25 tsp pepper.
*   Place eggs in a second bowl, bread crumbs in a third bowl.
*   Dredge rice balls in flour mixture, then dip in eggs, and roll in bread crumbs.
*   Chill floured balls for 10 minutes.
*   Pour vegetable oil into Dutch oven to at least a 5 inch depth.
*   Heat oil to 350 degrees on medium heat.
*   Fry fritters in batches for 3 minutes or until desired crispness.
*   Drain on paper towels after frying.
*   Serve with spicy mayo.

*   Spicy Mayo:  mix 0.25 cups of mayo, 3 Tbs of Tabasco, and salt & pepper to taste. 

So as I always say this time of year
"Laissez les bon temps rouler!"
*  That's, let the good times roll or live with a certain "joie de vivre!"  If you don't speak Cajun' or en Francaise.   :)

Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the Bayou!!!!