Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Scary Monsters, and Super Creeps!

I don't travel for a living but I am proud that I have traveled a lot in my life and lived in different parts of the country.  I am almost never intimidated or feel uncomfortable by being in a different big city. I've driven in Manhattan and downtown Chicago and DC.  I've been to places like St. Augustine, FL and New Orleans that seem as if they are foreign countries.  Heck, I've been to foreign countries and places that don't speak English regularly like Montreal.

But one place just never quite seems comfortable.  It's not that it's a bad place because I love to visit - it is in fact an amazing place.  The inhabitant's faces look just like mine and even speak my language (sometimes).  But stepping off the plane in this one particular place doesn't feel like I'm walking into a foreign country.

No, whenever I'm here I feel like I'm having a Neil Armstrong moment.  "One small step for Ryan, one small step onto Planet California!"  Yeah, California is part of the United States but whenever I'm here it really does feel like a different planet.  So join me on -

Ryan's Scary California Adventure!

First of all let's take a look at the inhabitants of Planet California, seeing as I love to people watch.

*     Professional dress in California apparently is jeans that aren't ripped and a collard shirt.  Oh wait, simple professional means that shirt is not tucked in; tucked in would probably only be for formal business occasions like meeting with your plastic surgeon or pet aroma-therapist!  Business casual appears to be sandals and a "clean" surfing shirt.

*     Obviously there are a lot of great looking women out here.  In fact everyone looks healthy.  I think the thing that sets California apart is that the women in their 40's and 50's are still looking like sorority girls.  Back East around the age of 32 women's hair automatically reduces into a cute "mom-bob" or at most one of those "Jennifer Anniston shoulder length deals."  In Cali I see women who I assume are well into their 40's or even 50's and 60's dressed in tight yoga pants and with platinum blond hair that is perfectly curled and coiffured and hangs down half way from their shoulders to their perfectly zumba'ized ass!  I'm glad there is still a place where people are so self absorbed that they only have time for their hair, toning their ass, and getting a perfect tan!  I think Ronald Reagan said something about that once or was he cautioning us about socialized medicine, IDK?   :)

*     Did I mention everyone is too damned happy out here!  I'm happy most of the time as well but on the East Coast I feel I need a healthy daily dose of stress.  I'm reminded of Captain Kirk's quote to Spock's hippie brother in Star Trek III or XII (one of those) when he said "I need my pain, my pain makes me part of who I am!"  I don't know call me skeptical but anyone who smiles while going through airport security is either nuts, possessed with the Devil, or lives in California I guess.

That ass was in the Cali Screaming line!
*     Wow, Fox news likes to say one of those I states (Indiana or Idaho, not sure which) is the real America but out here?  This is the real melting pots.  Meet the Smiths in California and dad is Asian, mom is part Hispanic and Indo-Asian with Italian ancestry, and they apparently have adopted one kid from Africa and one from Ireland.  Actually, I have no clue where the kids are from I'm just looking at mom's Kim Kardashian ass with Angelina Jolia cheekbones - 'effin HOT!  I like it.

*     In my part of the world we have 4 seasons.  Summer is in July, fall in October, winter in January, and Spring in April.  Out here winter last until about 9 am in the morning (which they call 6 am in California; yes I'm still on east coast time), summer is at 2 pm, and then it goes back to winter around 9 pm (which we call Midnight on the East coast).  Yeah, I'm always totally *ucked up out here until the day I fly back and then I'm *ucked up back home for 3 more days!  But it is fun.

Awesome ride!
Oh well we did get over the Disney the other day.  I love California Adventure.  If you get out here Cars Land is a MUST!  LOVE it!  And I'm not a roller coaster guy but California Screaming is an awesome ride.  Although I was sure I was going to have to go K-Mart shopping during the ride (get it,? you know, "ship my pants")!  :)

Btw, I once said the Dole Whip float in Adventureland is the next best thing to sex.  And I found out it is, because I had to wait 40 minutes in line and pay outrageous amounts of cash to get some but once I started licking and sucking it down my suddenly liquidity aroused throat, I was delighted to have it.  And also btw that is closest thing I'll be getting to sex out here as Shannon is still way chillier!

Anyway, it was a scary adventure out here, but fun.  I also learned that if there are ghosts they are the imprints of souls that have adhered to a specific place over time, lingering over the years yet unable to communicate with those that are moving through time past their space.  In that they are like images on a projector that we may glimpse for a moment but will never speak to and similarly to them we, in the living world, may well be animated images moving past their space and time.  And yet I have hopes that those ghost as they float in the mist of time encounter other ghosts to move forward with.  This has been a weird few days and I have felt like a ghost or perhaps seen ghosts.  As Halloween approaches I have in this past day been haunted by the ghosts of my past as I have perhaps haunted them walking down the halls of this conference facility.  And yet as I have walked past the ghosts (or humans) of my past, this ghost has latched onto new ghosts (or humans) to network with and move forward with in my time.

I know that makes no sense and furthermore I never write off the cuff on impulse.  But that is where I am today.

"When I looked in her eyes they were blue but nobody home.
She could have been a killer if she didn't walk the way she do
and she do.
She opened strange doors
that we'd never close again."

More to come on my California Adventure.  Surely it is worth one of my bi-annual Disney food posts although it may not come for a few months.

But for now enjoy some Scary Monsters with David Bowie and

Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 25, 2013

FFF - Be Careful What You Wish For

It's Hallo-FFF'ing-ween So Get to Over to Ad's Page and Get to Haunting!

They say "be careful what you wish for;" it's true!
I loved her, I really did.  I believe that Eva was the only woman who could have ever make me happy.  She was so beautiful, a truly sweet person and a gorgeous body that was spectacularly delicious!  Her only fault was that she was absolutely a "dead fuck!"  I got more passion from training dummies I gave CPR to back in Med School at Hopkins.
For me that was a problem.  You see I love sex and need it daily.  As beautiful and sweet as Eva was, she would never be that sensual woman for me.

But after taking our vows things were OK for some time.  I pretended that it was normal to be frustrated and just needed to be happy with the sweet comfortable occasional sex we did have.  But at work those nurses were so hot and tempting; they wanted me, all I had to do was yield.  And yield I inevitably did. What guy is going to resist a smoking hot BJ in the ER supply room from a women who truly enjoys her craft.  That first misstep led to many new encounters.  Eventually a pair of panties in my gym bag sunk my ship.  Eva was devastated and thrown into depression.  But instead of dealing with reality we decided I was a sex addict that needed therapy.

Therapy worked for awhile because I did love her and wanted to be the faithful husband she thought she had married.  But when I got my own practice those Pharmaceutical Reps started coming by.  Jesus, do they only hire the sorority girls with the biggest tits to sell Xanex?  And of course there was always an invitation to lunch.  
So the next affair started with Laney, the super hot Pfizer rep.  Laney was so cool and confident and would mount me like an obstacle course.  Being with her was a sexual boot camp that left me blown-away, addicted for more of the medicinal healing she proffered.

My undoing this time was when Eva realized Thursday afternoons were no longer spent at Congressional.  She tracked me one day and discovered my real Thursday afternoon forays.

The site of seeing her break down in that hotel lobby crushed me; her aura still melted my heart.  To see someone you care for fall apart at your doing is heart-wrenching.   A doc buddy of mine got her into Sheppard Pratt for some time and when she got back I thought we could move forward.  I tried to dive into work and worked out my frustrations on the links.  Things were again better for a little while.  We even talked about starting a family, surely that would be the prescription we needed to heal.
But eventually another woman found me as they always seemed to do.  She was the daughter of one of my old Med School profs.  We met at a charity golf outing.  First she just wanted some help on her back swing and short game and I obliged.  But the short game turned into a steaming affair.

Her youth and spirit and the way her body moved with mine was hypnotic and I was prisoner to her passionate exploration.  I knew I was just her "older guy" life affirmation and discovery but that made her even more appealing; I could not get enough of her body next to mine.

I rationalized that Eva was still mentally healing and that this thing would be over quickly and I would be then ready to move forward with my wife.

Then one nightfall on Halloween she discovered my weakness once again.  Deep in the midst of passion the door opened and there stood Eva.  At the sight her pretty head fell forward into her hands.  She shrieked and the turned and ran away.  Seconds later I heard an engine roar and the squeal of wheels pulling away quickly. 

I dressed promptly and took off after her not knowing where to go.  I only found a note when I arrived at home "I've gone to where we began perhaps if I start over I can end this pain....."

It hit me that she must have gone to Great Falls, site of one of our first dates and one of "our spots" so to speak.  I drove quickly through the night to get to her.

When I arrived I ran to the overlook and saw her shadowy figure standing on the rail.  Her angelic figure was brilliant as the moon-light cascaded and danced about her soft beautiful body.

I called to her "Eva don't do this; believe me I love you dear.... please give me one more chance, my darling!"

She turned to me and smiled.  "Adam, my love, you came for me; I knew you would.  You are my true and only love.  But you will never let me have you to myself and for that I cannot live happily."

She raised her arm and now in the moonlight I saw the glittering cold steel of a revolver clinched firmly in her hands.

I shouted "no my dear, please...."

But it was too late.  A brilliant light projected from that instrument at her hand followed quickly by a thunderous ear-shattering clap.

I was immediately blinded, falling as I reached out to save her from herself.

It seemed as if an eternity passed and I awoke abruptly, gasping for breath.  As my eyes began to focus I immediately was delighted with the image of Eva above me smiling down on me, her tender hands gracefully petting my hair as she hummed "Adam my love never worry, I will be yours for eternity."

I smiled, "she's alive; oh yes, she is alive, my dearest is still with me," I thought to myself.  I felt a pulsing warmth course over my body as I looked into those beautiful eyes.  I tried to rise up and tell her "I love you."  But my nerves could not translate my thoughts of love into words across my lips.  I now found myself short of breath and yet simultaneously at peace as her image shimmered and faded above me.  And I felt the greatest ecstasy of love I've ever felt as a blissful sleep then fell upon me there in Eva's lovely arms.

You know it's not that bad here.  You get plenty of rest, no stress, and thank God I'll never ever have to fill out any more insurance paperwork or FMLA forms.  And she visits me at nightfall each Halloween and often at other special times.  It's funny, in my past life I could never satisfy myself with just one woman and her timidity kept me on the prowl.  Yet on that night it was as if my soul transposed with hers and changed my shy Eva into an erotic sexual animal.  Now, on those cold nights when she visits "her eternal love," her naked body is all I need to be satisfied as she mounts me from above and makes love to my eternal soul.

"she visits my grave when the night winds wail.
Nobody knows, nobody sees; nobody knows but me..."
from "The Long Black Veil" often performed by Johnny Cash

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Ryan's Duets - Put Me in Coach, I'm Ready to Play

Ryan’s Duet with Moira

The World Series starts this week and since the Nats are not in it (again as usual) I’ve been thinking about other aspects of baseball. You know there is a tried and true tradition that if your team sucks late in the year you bring up some “young guns” from the minors and see if they can do better than that old dead wood that has been riding the bench all year for you.

Well that is what I’m doing today with my Duet post! This blog is kind of like a piece of drift wood and it needs some young guns to come in and get things exciting!

So today I’m calling up Moira from the proverbial blogging bullpen.  Moira actually does not have a blog but has been following mine for some time.  Now as any of you know who do occasionally correspond with me I am wickedly kinky-erotic over e-mail! NOT! Actually Moira and I are usually talking about sports or music.  In fact, if you like me at all you'll love her; she talks in sports and music quote form but is way cooler (and hotter)!  :)

But knowing that this lovely lady does enjoy sports I thought she might enjoy contributing here - lord knows I need it!

Of course using my "bringing them up from the minors" analogy as a metaphor for a co-post with this fine lady is probably an insult to her as she is a very humorous writer. As you will see she truly brought the "A-game" and added some "major mojo" to the blog today!  Perhaps for Moira writing on this blog is more like getting sent down to the minors for re-hab or worse yet trying to make a come-back like Kenny Powers in the Mexican leagues after burning out on fame and drugs! Well Kenny would be an insult to her as well, his brand of style and intellect is more in line with “your’s truly!” :)

But you might think, “why am I throwing a new blogger into the fire on such short notice after doing Duets with experienced bloggers before?” Well really I’m doing it for a reason. See this is how to think about it like a guy. Or rather make excuses like a guy!

Here goes:
You really want to be ready for a lady’s first time. You know it's kind of like that story I heard once about 3 Furry Bears and some Blond chick. I think the moral was the first time is too hot or too fast, the second time is too slow or too cold, and finally the third time is JUST RIGHT.

Think about your "First Time." Was it all fireworks and rockets and Carpenter's songs in the background? No it was probably more like a Motorhead song - weird and mechanical (sung by some crazy bearded English dude named Lemmie). I wouldn't want to be a Lemmie for Moira!

Because I care for them so much (and btw, I've already gotten what I wanted from Sassy and Mrs B) I wanted to do it with her "just right!"

So rather than me apologizing for waiting several months to do a Duet with a blog-virgin I think she should be thankful that I was considerate enough to do it with everyone else until I learned how to get it right enough to be with her!

And I think all you ladies should be thanking me for "keepin' it real" and giving you a window into the warped world of the male mind. See with me it's always about YOU! :)
But what are we talking about today. Oh right! Well, it's October and as I said that means MLB World Series.

So let's talk about:

Why is Ashley Madison like baseball (or other sports)?!

Moira's Take - I'll be honest, when Ryan asked if I would join him in writing about baseball and Ashley Madison adventures, I seriously thought the man was on drugs. No, I'm not on AM and I'm actually "trying" to navigate through virgin waters with my first paramour. So, yeah...this is my rookie year.

Now, I like baseball, but FOOTBALL is my thing. My little romance kind of reminds me of my beloved Bronco's 2011 season with Tebow at the helm.  We went 8-8, and it was exciting, nerve racking, and embarrasing all at the same time, despite knowing full well that it would never "really" work.  Starting 1-4, I was ready to just throw in the towel and sign up for 3 months of salsa lessons. Then, Tebow "magic" reeled me back in.  As exhilarating as that season was, I would never want Tebow back on our roster. Too stressful, and in hind sight a total mind fuck.  A real "Jesus Take the Wheel" situation.

On the other hand, let's look at someone like Drew Brees. Maybe a bit on the shorter side, not your "typical" QB build...but still able to get the job done without making you reach for a handful of xanax in the process. Brees, was jilted by San Diego...deemed unable to take them to a Super Bowl, went on to New Orleans and was AWESOME. He made grabbing a world championship ring look effortless, then surpassed Unitas' 52 year long record for consecutive TDs/game, while playing with an interim coach at that!! (In your face Chargers!) You know what you're getting with a proven winner like Brees. It's like in that Coldplay song..."I used to roll the dice, feel the fear in my enemies' eyes."  Brees knows what it is like to be the king. Forget about Jesus!! Don't you want to Viva la Vida?!? It's FUN and easy to be with Drew Brees, you can't help but love the man. It just *might* take a bit more patience and effort to be with that proven winner, but worth it in the end.

Like football, affairs do provide a great escape...nothing is guaranteed, and in the's *just* a game, you can't get too emotional about it, yeah?
About Moira:  "I have a tattoo of myself, but only bigger. I always avoid alliteration at all times. I frequently speak of the "pompitous of love." I am currently the reigning International Gold Medalist champion in extreme origami. I grew up a 'Niners fan, but when my father passed I found a new man with a new team. It was easier to embrace his Broncos, one of those "compromises" you make in a relationship. So, I've been bleeding blue & orange for over 15 years. I love music...the classics, modern, experimental, with or without words, catchy, fast, slow...all of it. There are so many of life's ill moments that have been buffed away by blaring some great tunes and dancing around the house. Thank God for music & dancing. As the Queen of Silly City, when I'm not trolling the blogosphere or honing my haiku battling skillz, I can be found laughing and playing with my kids."

Ryan's Take - First of all, OMG; Moira really nailed it, didn't she!  I loved her Tebow analogy, he is truly a strange combination of "livin' la vida loco" and "Jesus take the wheel!"  And did you catch Moira's bio, did that sound like Ryan with a vagina or what!

So have you ever heard of Buddy Biancalana?

Well, you are probably saying now:  "No, I have no frickin' clue who Buddy Biancalana is and I couldn't give a *hit who he is for that matter but I bet that idiot Beaumont is going to go ahead and tell me who he is anyway! And btw what does he have to do with Ashley Madison!"

And of course you are right.
But here goes:
Buddy Biancalana was a utility infielder with the Kansas City Royals on their World Series Championship team of 1986. He was instrumental in the Royals victory that year with an on-base % of 0.435 during the Series. He achieved notoriety that year additionally when David Letterman started doing a countdown of his hits toward breaking Pete Rose's all time hit record. It was of course a big joke as Buddy had a lifetime hitting average of 0.205. But what does that really mean? Well, it's this; as I was telling my college buddy once. I'll bet somewhere in Larkspur, CA (Buddy's hometown), in spite of his poor hitting in the Majors, there are a couple of old men talking about how Buddy Biancalana was the greatest ball-play they ever saw in person.

And of course his wiki proves that exact fact as he was recently elected into the Redwood High School Athletic Hall of Fame.  You see even a weak hitting spoof worthy shortstop may well appear as super-human whilst walking among us mortals.

But thinking about Buddy I realize why Ashley Madison is in fact like baseball. You see to read my blog you'd think I was a master at this Ashley Madison game. But like Buddy I failed most of the time, in fact WAAAY more than Buddy. I've probably written well over 100 AM notes but only had sex with 4 women. Piss-poor average I'd say. But in baseball if you can manage to fail 67% of the time you'll be in the Hall of Fame!

No matter how getting home = 1 run!

But baseball is funny, little things do matter. Earlier this year I was watching a game. My team was up by a run in the top of the 9th. Our pitcher walked the 1st batter. No worries, he still is throwing well. In fact he strikes out the second batter. Problem is, the catcher drops the third strike and the runner goes to second. The pitcher then proceeds to throw a wild pitch! Now the game tying run is on third. Low and behold the next batter dinks a check swing into a little bloop single to opposite field and the game is tied. *HIT! And of course the other team won in extra innings.  Our team was better and should have won the game but the other team took advantage of opportunity and won the game.

Taking advantage of opportuny, that's really what AM is all about.  Doing the little things by paying attention to profiles and hitting on what a lady is communicating in her profile. It's being opportunistic and manufacturing runs by making that first meeting exciting and (more importantly) "turn-key" for her. And when needed lay down a bunt and move that runner over the second. That lunch may set you back $50 and you may only get a kiss. But it made her feel good and now the runner (you) is in scoring position!  That second date may be a line drive into the gap or better yet as that famous ESPN Sport Center guy Chris Berman would say "back, back, back, back, back...... GONE!"

So batter up boys. AM is tough and you'll strike out a lot. But take your swings - even Buddy Biancalana hit 6 Major League home runs in his illustrious career!

And take a bit of advice from that awesome Greg Khin song "Madison Avenue Man," with a few of my edits!  :)

"I'm an (Ashley) Madison Man,
I can make your fantasies part of my plan.
I'm an (Ashley) Madison Man,
let me touch your (h)oney with my Madison hands, alright."

"I (give you a) feel (and let you) flow and I'm riding high,
I (clear off the top of) my desk (and do you from) behind.
I put (my ladies) in the cross-town (hotel).
When they close the door it's just the two of us.
I use the magic touch for those special days,
it's dog eat dog (on AM) but I've got (smoother) ways.
Well, I can get results without pushing too hard,
and I can buy (room service) with my plastic card."


Thursday, October 17, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - I Only Know They Want Me

I seem to be on a Shannon fetish this month, which is a fetish that is never really too hard to be on.  You know in my last "Repeat" post I mentioned how my Shannon story seemed to go on and on.  What was going to be one maybe two posts ended up being 13 + an eventual "post-script."  I left the story alone for awhile and then I had to return to the beginning.  What I really enjoyed about these three posts (part I here and part II here) is that these posts are cobbled together from the discussions we have had over the years.  I was not there when these events took place but the weird thing about living with someone for so long is that in spite of the good and bad you really get to know them. Even though I was never there it was so easy to write because as I did write I felt I was there as if a shadowy figure in the background of her life waiting for Shannon to get to me so we could move forward in life.  In that vein it mirrors our current life where I tend to be a shadowy figure in the background of her adventures!   :)
Anyway, after seeing a concert with our girls Shannon and I were talking about the first concerts we attended back in the day.  I immediately started conceiving a "pre-quel" series to my Shannon story and here is the ending to that.  I also tried to be a little more explicit in illuminating the person that I have live with for these past many years.
Ryan's Repeat
from October 15th, 2012............

As I was thinking about this intro I was reminded how much Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd remind me of us (Shannon and I) in that movie Knocked Up. I think they are in another movie together as a couple. Shannon is just like Mann's character, hot but very bitchy. And of course I am just like Rudd's character just trying to be stupid enough to be left alone! I think I need to do a post about that thought some day.

One of the things that is so dad-gummed attractive about Shannon though, beyond the fact that she is gorgeous, is her sense of style. She is always wearing the right thing, eating the right thing, using the "in" cosmetics or hand creams, and she has great taste in music. Whatever she is doing it's gonna be the same thing the "in" people are doing in Vanity Fair or the New Yorker or any of the other places she finds out about lifestyle. Of course that means our styles clash as I get my fashion and style from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour! It helps, though, that she and I both work in industries that keep us connected to the younger generations and of course now our girls keep us in the loop on new music.

As I've indicated before Shannon has always had a sweet tooth for good music. She is in fact a great musician in her own right with a great voice and still can tap out beautiful notes of Debussy on the piano. One of her favorites has always been Perry Ferrell whether it was with Jane's Addiction (hence lyric title above) or Porno for Pyros. I think Ferrell along with Nine Inch Nails were her favorites in college after going through the Duran Duran and later Depeche Mode fazes in high school. But today she is still really into music. I know we were in San Francisco a few years ago and she came back listening to Foster the People a full year before they broke on the east coast. I remember hearing that song Go Outside on her IPod long before hearing it on XM radio. That Shannon, she is so gorgeous, so stylish, so cool; I guess that is why everyone falls in love with her. It's just so bad that, as I think I said in a post once (jesus this blog is getting long, it's damn near impossible to find these things anymore), she is "fool's gold." Another less PC term would be biyatch but my momma taught me never to use words like that! :)

Anyway that's just ramblings, today is my final episode of ......

Shannon's Story - The Prequel, Part III

As always if you are new to this blog part I of Shannon's story (my wife) is (here). These are posts written by me with my best attempt of writing about our life through her voice. Except today is not part of our life together, it is my best attempt to show you a little about her life before me. You'll just have to trust that I've learned enough about her through our conversations over the years. Part I of this prequel story (her high school years) is here.

Shannon speaking......

My relationship with Anders slowly fizzled through my junior year of college as we lived in seperate towns now. By the end of the year I really didn't care. He was going nowhere fast and I was far to busy to worry about it. I was doing well in school, had a job at a Chili's, and was very active in school organizations. Those last two years of college flew by. During my senior year the only thing I could think about was a next step toward graduate school. I applied and got accepted to a very prestigious university. But money was going to be an issue and I didn't want to go back to my dad to bail me out once again. I decided to work a little and save until I could pay my own way.

Graduation was a bit of a reality check. The past two years had been very successful but with a degree in Liberal Arts the corporate world was not exactly beating a path to my door. But I did have my job at Chili's and after a few months I got a receptionist job at a local publishing company. Not exactly what I wanted but it was a start and all was really good just then. I was making money, had free time, and most of my friends were still around in school.

What was also enjoyable about this time is that I didn't have a boyfriend. Since I was a sophomore in high school I had always had one but now I enjoyed my independence and felt no need to give it to someone else. But toward the end of my senior year I met Troy.

In some ways Troy was a big departure from the guys I had dated before. Troy had played football in college for two years before getting injured. I can't quite describe what he was like. At times he was such a dumb jock and I soon found he drank and smoked way to much (and by smoked I mean illegal substances). I should have hated him. But again much of the time when it was just he and I he was very smart and sweet. He was also very funny. I guess mostly I liked him because he adored me and I think perhaps I needed that at the time. I guess part of why it is so hard to pin him down is that I don't think he knew exactly who he was. At times he was the jock, at times he could be that brooding intellectual writer, but more often than not he was simply a slacker. But part of me enjoyed the fact that I was not trailing behind the "music guy" to some show, I was taking the reins.

I hate to say it but as time went on Troy just irritated me. But I was not in school and spending time didn't cost me anything (at least philosophically as it really did cost me most of the time as I was working and he was not).

But as I have often experienced life dictates your moves. After about 6 months on the job I was laid off at the publishing company. I was distraught. I had just graduated with a 3.6 and I was already out of a job. Troy and I went to the beach the following weekend just to get away. I thought it would cheer me up. As we sat in one of Troy's friend's apartment (Troy was from the beach) he laughed at my plight. His laughter was not so much mean-sprited as it was clueless. He said "I've been fired plenty of times, who wants to work anyway."

I guess that was his plagued way at trying to cheer me up. But it really hit home for me. This guy doesn't get it. I have dreams and they don't include sitting around smoking all my tip money from Chili's all day. By the time we got back I had had it and resolved to change my direction and change to a path away from him. I mean really, I was not put on this earth to support a dead-beat guy who's only ambition is to get a six pack and a bag of pot and maybe hit the bars later. But for now, I let him hang around; I really didn't have any better guy alternatives at the time and he was still occasionally funny. I had my girl friends from school as well. I have to admit one night, after too much red wine, we all had a philosophical discussion about the merits of converting to lesbianism. It seemed plausible at the time if my luck with guys didn't turn around!

The next week I found an ad for another receptionist type job. I interviewed and got the job. The people there were really nice (in fact I still consider the lady that hired me a true mentor). This was a big company and this particular location for this company was supposedly a "marquee" account; a place where they trained managers that were supposed to be "high achievers" and would some day move on to running their own accounts. That didn't really make an impression on me at first as I really just needed a paycheck.

What did impress me though after a few weeks of working there was one particular manager. He was a bit goofy and distant. But people seemed to think that of all the manager's at this account he was the one most likely to succeed. I found myself finding reasons to interact with him. I would go get coffee when and where he got coffee and would find ways to engage him in conversation. He seemed so different. He was always kind and considerate and would always be talkative with me but he never seemed to hit on me like most guys would. I thought I was
sending out a vibe but he was a completely different vibe. Again, he was nice but always a bit detached as if he was always "on stage" or "in work mode." He was a professional, he had a career; I was not sure he would be interested in someone like me. He had both feet in the corporate world and I still had a toe in the grunge world of Troy and my college friends. The funny thing is that one of my friends, Staci, knew this guy (the manager) and he had made a half-way attempt at asking her out once. That never came together but she said he was cute and nice.

Anyway, his name was Ryan and in spite of his goofiness I thought he was kind of cute.

to be continued (maybe)......

Monday, October 14, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - It's Not as though I Really Need You

My Shannon story was an afterthought at first, just a quick recap of how our marriage had gotten to the point of where I was surfing this Ashley Madison thing.  Because I often suffer from written dysentery discharge that original recap went beyond one post.  It then went beyond one, two, three... ten, a dozen, and finally a "baker's dozen."  But after all that written diarrhea I did get to that last post here.  And here is what I think is the best post of that series, perhaps my whole blog.  In my humble opinion it's clean, crisp, and raw just like those fine Gen X rockers from Athens, GA!

I found this Hemingway gif a few weeks ago and I think it's very aprapo for blogging and writing in general.  I think I finally followed that with this post, though a few words past 100.  You know I started out wanting to follow the lead of Jeff Goldblum's Journalist character from the Big Chill when he stated that he tried not to write "anything longer than the average person can read during an average crap."  I guess with the advent of tablets and smart phones that is still a tenet any blogger should aspire too!  :) 

The funny thing about my Shannon posts where that something that started out retelling sad stories and extremely difficult times in my life ended up a story of triumph and one I ended up so glad writing.  Even though I knew the end I started cheering for Shannon as I wrote these.  I am truly proud of her and I hope that came out in this post.  The story depicted in this post is in fact true.  I know this as Shannon pulled to the side of the road and called me soon after this conversation took place.  Of course the last line is fiction, I can't know if that is what she actually felt.  But knowing her I am sure her emotions where surely close.

"The girls were asleep in the back of the car and REM was playing on the radio."

I also have to admit that it so comforted me to write about her triumph and it did draw and unexpected emotional response within me that brought a rare tear to my eyes as I wrote and even as I read today.

Well, enough of that sappy stuff!

If you are looking for some October sex read my Keeley post from 2011 (it's a good'un too)!

Hey.... sure to read to the end there might be a weird surprise down there somewhere!  Stop psst'ing Ryan, you'll ruin it!  :)

Ryan's Repeat
from October 16th, 2011......

Shannon’s Story – Part XIV

Part XIV of a series written from my wife’s perception of our life together. Part I of Shannon's story is here.

Shannon speaking......
All of my life I have depended on men. Up until graduating from college my dad took care of most of my needs changing oil in the car, paying for insurance, even bailing me out of a bad lease in an apartment once. I got married at 24 so in some sense I moved away from my dad and over to Ryan's care.

Over the past few years my career had really taken off. But to a large extent my world revolved around two axis, that of Ryan's and that of Brent's. As you found out in my last entry I was moving outside of Brent's world emotionally and perhaps physically if Ryan and I purchased the business we were looking for.

But as I drove down the highway to see family I was still very much under the sphere of influence of the men who had dominated my life for many years.

But in my life I have gotten accustomed to events changing rapidly.

The call from Mr. V, the company CEO, didn't alarm me at first - perhaps he needed help putting together a client dinner for some conference coming up. His tone was, as always, pleasant and professional as he went through the normal pleasantries of how I was doing and what I was doing over the holidays.

And then life turned again in a moment. The funny thing is it took me about 30 minutes and about 45 miles of driving to comprehend what was said.

The dialogue went something like this:

Mr. V: "Shannon, Laura (current VP of Marketing) has just informed us that she is taking an opportunity outside of the company. Now, we will start a national search for the position as soon as possible. However, we have many vital projects currently out in the field that must move forward. I know you are familiar with many of those projects as you have been working with Laura on many initiatives. In order to keep our positive momentum I would like to see you step into Laura's role on an interim basis. You are always very thorough on anything you do and I know you can navigate the politics of the position - I have complete faith in your ability to succeed."

I think my cryptic response was "sure Mr. V, I am glad to help in any way possible, you can count on me."

But over the next hour and 75+ miles (yes I drive fast) I realized that Mr. V was asking me to be the VP of Marketing for a billion $ company. Me, the girl with a BS in Art History from a small liberal arts college. The girl that would have been happy being a mom and volunteering at school. The girl that had married Ryan because he was going to be the VP.

Yes, I was excited about the challenge. But, I felt a sense of liberty that I didn't realize existed. The girls were asleep in the back of the car and REM was playing on the radio.

"It's not as though I really need you
If you were here I'd only bleed you
But everybody else in town only wants to bring you down and
That's not how it ought to be
Well I know it might sound strange, but I believe
You'll be coming back before too long

Don't go back to Rockville, don't go back to Rockville, don't go back to Rockville
And waste another year"

This was my time now, no time to waste.

Please check out this YouTube clip, they look so young. And I love the accentuated southern accent!
Oh wait.... who is this dude; he sounds so strange!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Where to Now St. Peter?

"Crazy was the feeling.
Restless were my eyes.
Insane they took the paddles.
My arms they paralyzed."

Elton John was one of my first "Pop Music" favorites.  One of my earliest memories of rock music was "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road."  That album vaulted him into the upper echelon of pop stardom though he had already achieved noted success with "Honky Chateau" and "Don't Shoot Me I'm Only the Piano Player."  With all that success over the years it's easy to forget "Tumbleweed Connection," his first "top 10" album.

Elton, I suppose, is like the Sistine Chapel.  I imagine you could look at that magnificent ceiling for years and still discover new details you had never seen before.  As much as I've listened to Elton over the years I still hear a song every now and again I didn't realize he sang.  Songs such as "Yellow River" off "16 Legendary Covers" or the song above "Where to Now St. Peter" always delight me as if I've hit gold while prospecting the XM radio airwaves.

Over the past 2+ years in this blog I have so come to love doing these little music "infomercial" pieces at the beginning of many of my posts.  After finding a new song that moves and stays with me I do some research about the song and that tends to lead me to back stories that are just as intriguing.  It is so with this song.  The album "Tumbleweed Connection" was somewhat of a tribute to American "country and western" with singles such as "Country Comfort" and "Ballad of a Well Known Gun." But I heard this song "Where to Now St. Peter" over the summer and it really haunted me as I reflected on my then experiences.  The song is written from the perspective of a soldier (in this case probably American Civil War) dying on the battlefield reflecting on his circumstances and the reality of the finality of his fate as he reaches out to St. Peter for direction.  Reading about the song meanings I stumbled upon one person's comparison between this song and the poem "Strange Meeting" by Wilfred Owen. The poem depicts the attempted escape of a soldier from the hell of a WWI battlefield deep into the trenches. But as he flees further into the trenches he in fact enters into Hell and upon that realization of his whereabouts he happens upon his "Strange Meeting" with the enemy soldier he had just killed the day before.

I know that doesn't seem like what I was going through but through the summer as I continued to run to or from things it seemed as if I continually returned to my circumstances and was in fact quite lost in those current circumstances.

Wow, that is a lot of gobledegook but on the Friday afternoon of my week of Great Expectations I stared at a text message that said:  "just sent you an e-mail, I hope it explains things."

Sandee has never really been an e-mail queen so I was pretty certain what this meant.  And so as I opened up my inbox and began to read that e-mail, the thoughts and memories of a relationship now two years old coursed through me and I did in fact have to ask the question to myself:  "where to now St. Peter?"

And as with that soldier as I ran from the troubles of my life was I running toward rescue or a worse fate?

By Friday that night it had become obvious that there would be no great sexual extravaganza nor even a simple breakfast.  Two years ago and certainly 10 years ago this would have troubled me to anger.  Now, I just moved on; such is life.  As I often say nobody is going to give a *rap in 100 years anyway and the happiness I might find over the coming years can only be lost by rushing to judgement over why something should have happened yesterday versus a week from now.  For all my logic I have turned somewhat spiritualistic or fatalistic.  Simply put what will happen will happen and pain is often a result of us pressing for action when we should be patient.

That being said I was a little startled when I did get that text from Sandee "just sent you an e-mail," no good ever came from that wording!  I was pretty sure I knew what the content would be.

As is Sandee's way she is often so naively matter of fact as if I could just read this and go on.

Hi Ryan,

So I'm back in the craziness again. The vacillating- it's exhausting. 

I wanted you to know that your offer of cooking for me--- it was beyond amazing. And I mean that. Just the gesture alone was something that's meant more than you know!  I wanted SOOOOO much to spend time with you, But it always leads back to the same place for me. Just knowing that it's not going anywhere. It's hard, you know?  

I've told you all of this before so I'll spare you the drama, but I wanted to give you some explanation. ( I have a hard time telling you in person (remember?? :)  So I just need to tell you one. Final. Time.  I'll try to put it in a language you can relate to... In sports terms, it would be the final inning-- all bases loaded. overtime. whatever.
Anyways, It's just too hard to do "this."  Just the "for fun " & once-in -awhile thing. I need/want more and you can't  do more. Like I said before- I TOTALLY get it!! And it's ok. You have a great life and family. I wouldn't expect anyone, EVER to have to choose! Even if the prize was ME!! ;) hehehe jk.

I hope some or all of this makes sense. I think my Spidey senses (very awesome, womens intuition) says you  may even feel a tad relieved to read it :). I mean, it's seems like maybe you've been pulling back a little more anyways? :) but it's ok. Like I said, I get it. 

I'm not going to go back on my decision this time. This really DOES make me
look like a flaky pastry, but  I am resolute this time. I swear I am. That's why I won't be texting or writing- no phone convo's, etc.. (that would include sending smoke-signals or talking through soup cans..anything)  As much as I'll be wanting to just hear how things are for you, sadly,  it's gotta be a clean break. I will miss you though. You are truly a special person, and you mean  alot to me. I just wasn't allowed to say or show it  (part of the problem) :) 

Please understand. All of this-- it's ALL your fault!!  It's because you spoiled me and left me wanting more :) 

Take care of you, Ryan, 
Sandee :) 

I'm usually not one to be thrown off guard; I am proud of my Ryan-ness.  But I have to admit this time it did take me some time just to process and figure out what I felt.  I was beyond slammed at work at this time, the busiest time of the year and some golden, signature, career defining opportunities were falling at my feet.  It was hard to separate and carve out the time to react and to feel or even decide if I should or needed to feel.  Fully eleven days later I responded with this:

 Hey Sandee,
Well I've been thinking about my response for a week now and still don't really quite know what to say.  One thing I do have to admit is that I've been quite busy so I can't completely claim benovolence.
So I guess what I can say first is that I understand and I'm not mad.  I think at one point I mentioned that I was going to try to come to some conclusions about my life by May.  As I often do I didn't and procrastinated.  So to that end I appreciate you holding out for the summer and joining me on some really fun times.
Your spidey senses are not quite on target.  I was and never would look for a way out with you; you mean too much to me.  What you sensed was me denighing myself the urge to promise you something I was not sure I'd be able to deliver in the end.  You are too good of a person to be the recipient of unfounded commitments.  You know the funny thing is is that the last week has been so busy that I can't say I've missed being able to see a movie or go on a walk; that is just life getting in the way and is understandable.  But what I miss is the daily texts or e-mail interaction with my friend and compatriot (in crime and adventure) - Sandee and the anticipation of figuring out our next wacky adventure.  And that is it, you have been the best and most wonderful part of my life for the last two years.  You are a prize and don't ever forget it!  Any man should consider it a priviledge to sweep you off your feet and treat you like someone well worth winning.
What I can't accept though is a clean break.  I know emotions get in the way and it's tough to be with someone you want to be with daily but can't.  That being said I have too much emotional involvement with you to not know how you are doing or know if life is getting better.  I need to know you are on a better path.  Please keep in touch as I plan on doing so.  I'll probably call in a few days depending on how you resond to this.  As bad as I am with making a decision on life events I am bad with closure.  For example, my dad was just telling me he is thinking of buying a place in Sommerset so since you like him so much perhaps I can set you guys up!  :)
Of course I have to send you a song.  I heard this the other day and it seems to represent my feelings.  I'm kind of asking myself "where to now...," as my where to for so long has been whereever you are going.  I'm sad to not be going somewhere with you as with you is always the best and funnest place no matter where that is.
Of course I have to send you a funny as well.  Hope you like it.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Sincerely and Thankfully,

You know I am typically a very good judge of people and can anticipate actions and reactions.  But this time I drew a blank.  I really wasn't sure if I would ever see or communicate with Sandee again.  And with that I was not sure if I should be scared, sad, or angry.

And so on those drives to and from work I was haunted by the images of a life partially led over the past two years and an apparent parting that could be captured in the words of an unfamiliar song sung by a familiar voice.

"Dirty was the daybreak, sudden was the change.  In such a silent place as this, beyond the rifle range.  So, where to now St. Peter?........."

Where to indeed?  Two years ago it would have been so easy.  It would be onto the next AM accomplishment and a new story line for the blog.  But that didn't seem exactly the right course to pursue just now running back to AM so soon.

For now I could only reflect on the journey and think if things could or should have gone differently. But perhaps mostly, I thought, I should just be thankful for how things went.  It's not often you get to have a Sandee in your life.  Wouldn't it be great to just be happy for what you had at a time when you think you are supposed to be sad.

"Strange friend, I said.  Here is no cause to mourn.
None said the other save the undone years."
- W. Owen (from a "Strange Meeting")

Note:  The poet who penned this, Wilfred Owen, was killed in action on November 4th, 1918, one week prior to the Armistice that ended WWI.

Please take a listen to this beautiful, melancholy song that is in fact so enchantingly bittersweet and delightful at the same time.  Such a paradox, but I do love a good paradox!  And think about "which road (you) are on, "strange friend."