Saturday, January 29, 2011

Well the Ukraine Girls Really Knock Me Out

Time for some more Beatles lyrics!  This song doesn’t seem to fit a blog about Ashley Madison? Well I’m expanding now so read on!

Interesting enough the addition of a public photo got me my first unsolicited notes.  In fact I got 2 winks within a week of putting up a public profile photo.  One of the unsolicited winks was from Astrid29 who was a pretty, single, 29 year old blonde from Charlotte, NC.  Not sure why someone from Charlotte would be writing me but maybe she travels to DC on business and was interested in taking me out some time!

So I write her back and tell her about myself.  She writes back and asks me to send her a note to oceanseternity@*****.com.  Wow, how exotic!

I ask her about 3 times if she is in DC often.  Her e-mails were always somewhat cryptic and talked of looking for the right person, that I seem very honest and caring, and that she is passionate about music.  She also sends more photos of herself – nothing pornographic, just nice pictures and she is certainly gorgeous.  And she also tells me her name is Ekaterina.

Finally, she does say that she is actually from a small town outside of St. Petersburg in Russia but now lives and works in Moscow.  Hmm.. I know AM has the “traveling man” application but that is a bit of a stretch!

Oh well, she is cute and I guess I am between AM girls right now (big assumption since I am after the first and assuming there will be a second) so I play along for awhile.

So for about a week she tells me daily about life and the dating scene in Moscow.  And she knows how to tug at the heart as one day she sends a picture of a young girl (presumably her) on the lap of a Russian soldier.  She says it’s a picture of her at age 3 with her dad and that her dad had died in Afghanistan when she was very young.

But the things you learn as a result of Ashley Madison!  Apparently there is a whole racket of women or more likely men posing as lonely Russian girls fishing for lost souls.  After, apparently falling in love with their American male suitor these ladies say they want to come to America.    Then the poor guy wires money and of course they never see the beautiful young Russian lady friend.  Of course, I being the eternal pessimist found this information on this scam long before Ekaterina fell completely in love with me so I was on guard.  I did play along for about 2 weeks.  Ekaterina said she was a court security guard/recorder and had graduated from a Russian military academy.  Apparently Russian men are jerks so she was looking to the good ole’ US for salvation because lord knows us American guys are real gems!  She eventually said she had some vacation time coming up and wanted to see me.  It was at that point I stopped writing and I never heard from her again.  Too bad, she did send me a photo of her in uniform – she looked really great in that Russian military uniform!

So, was a hot, young Russian girl really interested in me?   As Jake says in the final lines of Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises “isn’t it pretty to think so.”  Unfortunately, it was more likely that I was corresponding with Borat J  I think I hear Keith Jackson again “rumbling,’ bumbling,’ stumbling,’ whoa Nellie!”

Oh well, summer is half over, let's move on to those other AM ladies that look so interesting!

Here is some interesting info on the Russian scam.

And here is Borat!  Ohh.., now that I have that in my head, I wonder what Borat would be like on AM?  Hmm….

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

You and Me Baby Ain’t Nothin’ but Mammals So Let’s Do Like they Do on the Discovery Channel

The gym I go to has XM Radio piped in throughout.  In the morning they play 60’s/70’s Classic Rock with a splash of 80’s for us old geezers!  In the evening it’s more contemporary for the younger clientele. I really only work out in the morning occasionally, generally when I have something going on at night.  I also really enjoy watching the back and forth evening tennis match between MSNBC and Fox on the big screens in front of the stair masters.  And there does tend to be a group of cheerleaders from the local college that work out most nights around 6 pm.  Maybe that’s actually why I like working out at night?  At any rate, the other night while working out and watching Chris Mathews (and the cheerleaders) I heard the above song from the Bloodhound Gang and had an epiphany and mentally wrote the story below – tell me what you think of the idea!

Have you heard about this new movie (Hall Pass), what a great idea!

“A married man is granted the opportunity to have an affair by his wife. Joined in the fun by his best pal, things get a little out of control when both wives start engaging in extramarital activities as well.”

That’s me on the left of course; you can probably see the resemblance to Owen Wilson J Although I think I would find it fairly easy to stay faithful to Christina Applegate!  Ashley Madison should definitely get out ahead of this and get some sponsorship here!

So I have thought of how to combine Ashley Madison and this movie.  You see, Ashley Madison has been so educational for me that I believe it could help in other areas such as my marriage.

How could a cheating website help your marriage, you must be insane!

You see sex for me and Shannon has been on the “down low” for many years.  And to be fair I am more than responsible for that.  Among other things let’s just say that for most of my life I have not exactly been an advocate for oral sex and that has been an issue in our marriage.  But then along came AM and my attitudes have mystically evolved!

First, to explain I have to digress as I often do.  My first sexual experience (freshman in college) was less than satisfying.  I went to college in the same town I grew up.  One weekend my parents were out of town and I was house-sitting as good sons do!  Of course I thought it would be nice to have some friends over.  So some of my high school friends who also went to Hometown State U came over.  One of my female friends from high school brought some of her new friends from her dorm.  I had met one of the friends, Susan, before so we began talking.  She was an interesting person but not particularly attractive to me.  We all drank at my house for awile and then went out to a bar to dance and drink more.  While dancing I noted Susan seemed to be staying close to me.  A slow song came on and we danced and she started sucking my neck.   Hmmm…

Well to make a long story a bit shorter I woke up some hours later in bed at home with Susan giving me a blow job.  Now, I am the ultimate nice guy and since Susan had done this wonderful thing for me I felt obligated to go out with her for some acceptable length of time.  At the time I didn’t know the required relationship time for a blow job but we went out for a few weeks.  Anyway that first experience sort of turned me off of oral sex (both ways for many years).

Now let’s flash forward to 2010 and Ryan is seeking new female relationships through Ashley Madison.  Now one thing I have learned, though not through much practice, is that ladies like oral sex.  So as I begin to meet ladies and as I prepare for that first meeting with Alecia I resolve to be a good oral care giver!  So, being the sports nut, I break down some oral sex game film via soft core porn on Showtime (hey Howard Stern said he does the same thing on Piers Morgan the other night).  I also read Riff Dog’s blog and begin to see in my mind how to best apply this skill to a lucky lady.

Lo and behold on my first time out of the gate I strike gold and am successful, note previous blog where Alecia does orgasm when receiving oral sex from me.  And better yet, I enjoy it!

OK, so how does any of this apply to the movie I mentioned at the top of this blog entry and how it could help a lust-less marriage.  So I am envisioning a dialogue between me and Shannon and it goes like this:

ME:                         Hey Shannon, I have really been thinking and I know you like oral sex and I want to please you, so how about you let me try!

SHANNON:          No way Ryan, you know it would just be too weird now and when a guy doesn’t know what he is doing down there it just tickles and that is a BIG turn off!

ME:                         Shannon, you don’t understand – I have been practicing, and I know I can be good for you!

SHANNON:          What do you mean by practicing!  Don’t tell me you….

ME:                         No no no no, Shannon, it’s not what you think!  I mean, I know we live out in the country but I would never do that to a sheep!

SHANNON:          Oh, OK – I feel better now… sigh.

ME:                         Actually, I have joined this training program created by a website called Ashley Madison and I have graduated from the oral sex program.  See I have a certificate and a seal of approval by their top teacher – Alecia.

SHANNON:          Wow, that’s great, this could be a big turn for us!  Let’s see what you can do!  J

Now doesn’t that sound like a great service!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hurts My Ears to Listen Shannon, Burns My Eyes to See

Did I mention I had a Grateful Dead phase in college?  One of my favorite GD songs is Jack Straw from Wichita with the above lyrics.  I believe it is written in the first person as an outlaw on the run is telling his tale in his mind to his lady who must be far away.  I don’t know if I would tell this tale to my lady far away.

So where do I go from here?  We are nearing the mid-point of summer and I am a little shaken from this first intimate Ashley Madison experience.  During the month that you could say I was “seeing” Alecia I had hidden my AM profile.  So I start thinking, what would Riff do?  I’m sure he would pick himself up, dust himself off, and start all over again.  While perusing his blog I see him mention this gal named Claire.  Uh oh…. would I/could I really go there.  Hmm… I could just chalk it up to an experiment as Riff does; if it’s for science then its OK?  Right!

So in this down time for me I go a little off the reservation and create Shannon’nNOVA71 just to get the female perspective, I mean this is for science.  I sort of use my wife as a guidepost.  So Shannon is 5’6,” weights 125#, is 39, limits undecided, lives in NOVA (unspecific), is an attached female looking for males, and her caption is “Life should be Exceptional.”  Her perfect matches are professional/well groomed, stylish/classy, sense of humor, imagination, creative/adventurous, confident, a good listener, casual/social drinker; with interests checked as travel, fine dining, music, dancing, theatre, wine tasting, and I am a social drinker.  Unfortunately I can’t check off her real interests like “La Mer,” “Sephora,” “Banana Republic,” “Caribbean Vacations,” “anything expensive” – oh wait this isn’t supposed to be real and I said I wouldn’t say anything ill of my Shannon.  OK, I write a few notes about traveling a lot, having a busy life, in sales/marketing, loving a good glass of Riesling, etc.  And I do go a step further than Riff Dog, I include a picture.  Shannon looks a bit like Kate Winslet so I crop this picture (of Kate, not Shannon).  Probably going too far, but I have to or the experiment won’t be complete you know.

So any ladies out there, tell me what do you think I get?

Well as much as I hate to admit it, Shannon got a bit more attention than I have ever received!  Here are the gory stats:

After 3 Days:             200+ notes; countless winks (hey, I just delete those as well)
Of the 200 notes:        75% are requests for keys, access to keys, additions to “my favorites,” and other highly deletable trash
Of Remaining 25%:     mostly quick notes such as “like your profile, please check mine, if interested send me a note at”

You know the funny thing is that while I was doing this I started to project myself as Shannon and started to think who she would find attractive and if any of these guys were good enough for her.  I wonder if I am in need of some therapy?  Of the 300+ notes by the end of the experiment I would say there were only 5 that, from this male perspective, a normal woman would find interesting.  These were guys who from their public profile were good looking (I didn’t open private photos – didn’t want to see anything revealing) and sounded interesting.  These few took the time to react to interests in Shannon’s profile and made a connection between their interests and her’s.  These few were also the only one’s that set a “vision” of what they might be like, for example what type of restaurant they would like to go to or where they had traveled.  They also had interesting careers or hobbies.  For instance one was a teacher but additionally was a music producer; one a lawyer; one an avid skier.  Of course, that is making the big assumption that they were telling the truth J

But the most funny thing was that one of those 5 had obviously been reading “Ashley and Me” because his note was a complete bullet pointed Riff Dog rip off!  Oh wait, maybe I shouldn’t kid because many of my notes have been complete Riff Dog rip offs – ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black.

The disturbing thing was that one guy from North Carolina (apparently travels to DC for business) would not leave me/Shannon alone.  See, he was from Shannon’s hometown and I made the mistake of responding by saying how do you like it in *****ville?  His first note was fairly nice but his second note included the comment “Damn you’re hot!  Please let me know when we can meet!”  Now even I know begging is never a turn on.

So what did I learn?

·           Yes, all of us guys are jerks.
·           I don’t know why women are interested in us.
·           If I was a woman, I would definitely consider the lesbian option.
·           Wow, if getting this much attention is this exhaustive for just 1 week what must it be like for an attractive woman 364 days a year?
·          Against this competition, I’m not so bad; so let’s hang this up and get back in the ball game!  According to my arithmetic I am more interesting than 98.7% of the Greater DC Ashley Madison male population J

I do learn that having a public picture is really important if you are going to separate yourself.  Like applying for a job you only have a brief few seconds to make a good first impression and that public profile picture is the first thing a women is going to see when she is going to decide if you are any more interesting than the other 300+ options she has on AM.  Yes guys, there are other guys who still have hair, have good abs, and make a lot of money so you need some separation, something that makes you distinct!  So I do add a public picture of myself shoveling snow and looking fairly outdoorsy, but not too close to be obvious.  Hint – a women will get over 100 bare abs pics so show yourself doing something classy or interesting like hiking or skiing or looking out over Paris from the Eiffel Tower, etc.  But don't post anything too obvious you need to preserve "plausible deny ability" - that's be able to lie in Washington-speak, yes I live near DC!  Of course I’m not classy so all I had was shoveling snow J

Overall, it was interesting to have a quick peek into the world women see.

I think there is a scene in the Jerk where Steve Martin thinks he’s invisible and says “think of the great things I can do for society” and then in the next frame you see women running screaming out of a bathroom after he goes in to take a peek.  Yeah, I might have said it was for science but I am not sure if I used it for good L Oh well, at the end of the day I am just a guy!

Friday, January 21, 2011

I Might Like You Better if We Slept Together

I heard this song on the First Wave channel of XM Radio earlier this week.  I was waiting at the airport at 12:30 am to pick up Shannon from a Midwest trip.  She had accidentally booked a departure from one airport and a return to another; I did say she had a hectic schedule.  So me being her turn to guy for anything other than sex dutifully took her to the airport and was now waiting to pick her up.  This angry song seemed to fit my mood in more ways than one.  First Wave played Anarchy in the UK soon after so it was a good angry-fest!  We got home about 2:30 am and of course I had to be at work at the normal time a few hours later.

OK, so I said earlier in my blog I had cast my lot with some other web sites.  So let me retrace my steps.  In early to mid-May, approximately when I was writing to Miranda and just before Alecia I found Married but Playing, Adult Friend Finder, and a few others.  I will say that they are 99.9% junk.  They appear to mostly be the realm of escorts/prostitutes, erotic chatters, and those who enjoy displaying and watching videos.  I, on the other hand, enjoy reality far too much to find all of this tempting.  Except for blogging now, which in my case is just the retelling of past reality!

If you can believe it, these sites are even harder to navigate than Ashley Madison and mostly charge monthly fees that as I found are very hard to stop once started.  For my money there is nothing better than AM’s pay by credit method.  It may seem a bit high to send a letter for $5 but in the long run it is better.  And I think it is the best place to go to find real people that actually want to meet.  AM, if your out there I accept TIPS!

I did catch the interest of one lady on Married but Playing, Suzanne.  She was fairly local and seemed nice on her profile.  We exchanged notes and then e-mail addresses.  We e-mailed over about 2 weeks.  It seemed as if she had a rough life.  She was married to an older man that I think was in poor health.  She had an affair but the guy apparently cheated on her.  I finally broke down and asked her for a picture, since I wanted to know who I was writing too.  Through the interaction I had a gut feeling that I would not be attracted to her.  These other sites are not as good as AM with vital stats – remember the George Clooney quote “I like my mother, I stereotype, it’s faster.”  I hate to be shallow but it is what it is.

So Suzanne sent me 2 photos of herself.  She looked like a nice person and had a warm smile and I looked at the pictures about 3 times to make sure that I was definitely NOT attracted.  I felt miserable because I think she was pretty interested in me.  Me being the polite sort, I continued to write for a few more days, just “how is your day” type stuff, nothing even close to “let’s meet for coffee.”

I finally felt I should cut it off as I was starting to have some other irons in the fire and needed to concentrate.  So I sent her a message telling her:

“I have really enjoyed writing to you; you have made me feel very good about myself.  You are a good person and deserve the best.  However, after thinking it over I just can’t go down this road.  I wish you well, but I think it is best if I do not continue this.  Sincerely, Ryan”

OK, so with that kind note I am sure she will understand.  Right?  Wrong!

Here is what I get back:

“You started this!  I told you I was not just interested in sex.  You say you don’t want to go down this road but what you are saying is that you are not attracted to me.  I hate this.  You’re an ass!  Goodbye!

Wow!  Tell me how you really feel?

I didn’t write Suzanne back, I really felt bad.  I sincerely don’t want to hurt anyone!  And more than just the looks I could tell emotionally she would have been risky.

It was good though to have this interaction for as you know I was soon to be on the other end of the stick!

However, I always look on the bright side, when I was dumped I just chalked up to experience and counted myself ahead J  One thing I did later learn though, don’t always count on bad pictures, it may just be a test – hint for future!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Run to the Hills, Run for Your Life!

I was inspired today to write an extra bonus post on the fly which is only indirectly related to Ashley Madison.  I wanted to let you know that I hear lyrics in my head for all aspects of my life, maybe I’m schizophrenic.  It snowed about 2 inches last night with some ice on top.  I love the snow and even enjoy the challenge of driving in snow, nothing like donuts on a sheet of ice in a parking lot!  I always get a kick out of seeing everyone around here go crazy whenever there is a threat of snow.  Lately, whenever I see everyone go crazy over news of snow I hear the song above in my head.  Also, by going from Charlie Pride to Iron Maiden I think I have a split personality as well.  Although the Iron Maiden song is about Native American’s running from the cavalry not from snow.

So snow always means short staffed at work.  And that means I have an excuse to set those administrative tasks aside and mess around in the kitchen, except that right now I am writing a blog post which is not at all productive.  Today I was pizza boy!  This got me to thinking and brought me to the point of today’s post which actually has nothing to do with the title lyrics.  And that is cooking and specifically pizza is like life and I guess a good cautionary tale for Ashley Madison.

How is pizza like life?

Too much of a good thing can be bad.  Yes that could be a cautionary tale for AM users!

Why do we like pizza?  Because of the gooey cheese, tangy sauce, all those bad for you toppings like pepperoni, sausage, peppers, black olives, etc.  And if the normal amount is good, extra should be even better – right!  Actually, wrong!

You see any pizza oven is calibrated for time and temperature to a given pizza recipe with respect to the thickness of the crust, the amount of sauce, cheese, and other toppings.  This is even more critical for a wood fired brick pizza oven.  Too much cheese will make a pizza greasy; too much sauce will tend to steam the crust and make it mushy and undercooked (or overcooked if you try to resolve by cooking more).  Too many toppings can do the same.  So for the perfect pizza you want just the right amount of ingredients no more no less.

And in my opinion the best pizza is the most basic – the original Margharita pizza.  And that doesn’t mean it has a Tequila sauce.

The first pizza was the Margharita pizza first made in Naples in 1889 by a local baker in honor of the Italian Queen Margherita.  It is simply sliced tomatoes, basil, and fresh mozzarella and perhaps a dash of olive oil and fresh garlic to reflect the red, green, and white of the Italian flag.  When baked in the high temperature of a wood fired oven, the crust comes out with a cracker texture and the fresh tomatoes will melt into their own natural sauce.  It is a delightful blending of basic flavors and textures; here simplicity is the best recipe!

Isn’t that a good lesson in life; take just the right amount no more no less J

Maybe I could start adding some recipes and cooking instruction to this blog.  I just need a signature like Emeril’s “BAAM!”  What could that be?

Monday, January 17, 2011

But a Paper Smile Only Lasts a While Then it Fades Away

Today is a holiday celebrating the life of one of America’s most inspirational leaders.  With that in mind and because of the next phase of my story I chose this lyric from a Charley Pride song Chrystal Chandeliers.  Charley Pride is one of my classic country favorites and had many hits including “Kiss an Angle Goodmornin’” and “Is Anybody Going to San Antone.’”  He is not as well known now as other artists of his era such as Johnny Cash or Glenn Campbell but he was a true pioneer.  Along with Ray Charles he was the rare African American that scored on country charts in the 60’s and 70’s.  Additionally, his style helped create the “Countrypolitan” sound of the late 60’s (sometimes know as the Bakersfield or Outlaw country sound) that brought Nashville to a mainstream audiences.  As a child of the south I know he broke down barriers.  There is a famous quote from an Alabama football coach about the barriers Sam Cunningham broke when his USC team beat the Crimson Tide in Birmingham in the early 1970’s.  I recently read a book about the game and its impact.

By being such a mainstream musical success Charley Pride broke down as many barriers.

OK so sorry for the music/sports/political history lesson of the day but as I said before, it’s my blog.  As you can tell about the only things I am interested in are sex, sports, food, and music.  Hey wait, that just makes me like 90% of all American males J Anyway I like that song and the lyrics seem to fit here.  So I will move on.  But sense I did speak about Ray Charles doesn’t “I Can’t Stop Loving You” just rip your heart out.

If you have been reading the previous blog entries you would know that communication did not appear to be one of Alecia’s fortes, or at least not so with me.  Although to be fair she really owed me nothing.

Simply put I never heard from her again.  What was exasperating was that through the month+ that we had communicated and between the five times we had met there had been gaps where I could not reach her so over the following weeks I was unsure if she had moved on, was scared, was busy???  I certainly did not want to be a stalker, I just generally wanted to continue seeing her or at least know it was over and perhaps why, I can be bad with closure.  About a month after I last saw her I sent this final message:

Hey Alecia,

 I wanted to reach out to you again.  I really enjoyed the time we spent together.  You are a neat, cool person and a joy to spend time with!  I would like to keep in touch even if as friends. 

I have to admit I stopped by your profile a few times and noticed that you must still be searching for that right person and had perhaps met others.  I was still hoping I might be that right person at some time.  And remember, like your one friend’s husband, I can be a glutton for punishment and keep on smiling!

 I probably did something to chase you away or disappoint you (I am prone to being obtuse).  I have thought about it a lot and certainly I should have walked you to the car the last time we met and I know I made a comment in jest about working out at the gym at the hotel to make the visit worthwhile which was insensitive.  You, of course, are beyond value!

 Again, please write back.  I can be bad with closure so “buzz off” would be a good response if that is your thought.  Of course, “stop by some time” would be a welcomed response as well!  I would love to talk about our summers.

 Take Care, Ryan
I really meant the “buzz off” phrase.  As I mentioned in an earlier entry, part of my AM experiment was to see if I really was a jerk.  I figured if someone else could validate Shannon’s opinion of me perhaps she was right and I needed to change even more. 

This was actually worse, I could infer that I had done something wrong but maybe she had gotten what she wanted and moved on or maybe I just wasn’t for her. But I had nothing concrete, just silence.

I guess the upside was that as we entered late June the family was set for several trips including the beach, July 4th, a wedding, and a big trip to the West Coast.  I would have some things to keep my mind busy and occupied.  But still after being on top of the world it hit hard to feel that I was back to where I started.

Looking at it from Alecia’s viewpoint it probably was better just to make a clean cut.  I am a typical guy so I am sure if she tried to be polite and cut it off slowly it would have been just as disappointing and I probably would have tried to keep it going by offering up the old “let’s be friends” route.

Oh well, c’est la vie!  As Scarlett O’Hara says “tomorrow is another day.”

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

But Now, Here We are so Whataya Want from Me

I am not a Pink fan but this seems to fit.  I mentioned in an earlier post that I have met Alecia Moore (aka Pink) sort of and that my Alecia looks a bit like her (but with long brown hair and no nose ring).  I will say I work in the hospitality industry and food and hospitality can often get you behind the scenes.  I have on occasion met and/or served a few famous people (e.g. Andy Griffith, Mrs. C from “Happy Days” and was on a plane once with Gilligan!).  One account I used to manage included an arena among other things and I got to get backstage for some great experiences.  Pink played at this venue one night.  I will always remember seeing her leaning up against the entrance from backstage and looking out into the arena as the road crew was doing final sound checks, etc.  She was smoking a cigarette and looking so cool.  A co-worker and I were joking and daring one another to go up to her and let her know that building code precludes any smoking within 20 feet of a state building.  We didn’t of course!  Something tells me I would have gotten a cigarette shoved where the sun don’t shine.  So I just walked past and said hi.  She looked at me and gave me a slight smile and a waved two fingers from her cigarette hand.  By the way regardless of your musical preferences she gives a great show!  And I do love her cover of the Linda Perry/4 Non-Blondes song “What’s Up” – I believe Linda Perry produced some of Pink’s albums.  Another show I saw at this arena and unexpectedly enjoyed was Nellie and the St. Lunatics; one I thought I would enjoy but hated was Matchbox Twenty.  Maybe later I will tell of some of my other backstage experiences including Nickelback, Red Hot Chili Peppers, etc.

So it is rare in life when everything is just as your wish.  I was delighted that I had met someone with whom I was so mentally and physically attracted.  It was also spring, my favorite time of year!

That night I sent Alecia a nice Blue Mountain e-card to let her know how much our afternoon meant to me.  I followed it up with an e-mail.  Alecia had said her weekend was busy and would not be back to the office until Tuesday so I didn’t expect a response.  I did break down and call her Sunday just to see if she could talk but she didn’t answer.

However, Tuesday came and went and nothing from Alecia.  Then Wednesday came and went and no communication.  What happened, did I misread something?  Finally on Thursday I broke down and sent her the following e-mail around lunch.

“I've tried to get in touch with you all week, are you busy?  I had really hoped to talk to you about last week.  I feel like I fell short of communicating to you how much it meant to me.

 Before I go any further I really just want to say I think you are a fascinating, classy, cool, beautiful, and sexy woman and I am so glad to know you.  Regardless of what happens I want to make sure that we are both happy and satisfied with what we have done thus far.  I really want to continue seeing you; I think we can be very good for each other.  I enjoy the fact that we have common interests and I would be happy just sharing time with you.  The thought of some day having the opportunity to spend time traveling the area or maybe even a day trip to NYC or running away to the beach is exhilarating!  However, I understand life is a challenge and I am happy to be available for whatever you wish from me and what you are able to give.”

The end of the day came and no response.  Friday I dejectedly went into work but was delighted to have the following message in my inbox from late Thursday night:

i promise to write more later.. I'm sorry I didnt respond when I got back to work on Tues.  I got scared and needed a few days to try to figure it out. Let me check my schedule tomorrow and if I can perhaps we can meet at my office and talk about it..  Ill text tomorrow.. Promise A

OK, sigh of relief.  Privately I’m pissed, I mean “just communicate” but the part of me that is good at stepping outside of myself says you can’t know what other people are thinking or what their lives are like – take it easy and just be happy.

So I e-mail her back and say everything is OK, take your time, and let me know when we can see one another, maybe we can try the picnic again.

Monday afternoon I get a note from Alecia:

“can you get away tomorrow afternoon, earlier the better… I want to spend the afternoon with you… you let me know where to meet…A”

OK, that sounds good – do I assume hotel again?  For once my assumption is right.  We e-mail back and forth and agree to meet again at the ****ville Shariotte Resort and Comfort Suites at 1 pm tomorrow.  Again, I am on top of the world.

So I drive over to ****ville and check into the hotel and wait.  Alecia calls at 1 pm and says she hasn’t had lunch and wants to stop by Micky D’s on the way over.  I say OK.  About 30 minutes later she arrives.  We talk as she eats.  She has brought a bottle of Goldschlagger which she apparently enjoys but it has sat in her car and is very hot.  She insists I drink.  I politely choke down the hot spicy liquor because I don’t want to be rude.  She asks several times if I am mad at her and I continue to tell her no.  She again asks in several ways what I want out of the relationship.  I try to articulate that I don’t want to infringe on anyone’s family life I just want that “in the moment – third place” time with someone I enjoy and who enjoys me.  She does paraphrase and said that I was looking for someone to have romantic long walks with, etc. and even though she has a vision of sitting on a porch swing in her old age with someone she loves she not sure if she will ever be able to that.  On the other hand she tells me of a conference she attends each year near the Jersey shore and would love for me to come along.

After she finishes she says I probably won’t want to kiss her now since she had onions on her hamburger.  I assure her that I don’t care.  So I lean over and kiss her.

At that point she basically attacks me pushing me back onto the bed.  She straddles me and pulls off my shirt, unbuckles my belt, and then stands up and undresses on top of me.  She sits back down on top of me, again straddling me and moves over me simulating sex.  I move my hands up her legs and put my thumb inside of her rubbing inside.  After about a minute she leans up and reaches behind and we pull my pants off.  She rubs my dick and balls and then moves onto me.  As we have sex she alternates rubbing her breasts into my face and kissing me.  After several minutes she asks “are you going to come?”  I say yes but she orgasms first.  We roll over and I am on top with her legs wrapped around my waist.  Again, I can feel the pool of sweaty moisture between our stomachs.  This really turns me on and I do have a very intense orgasm.  Alecia seems very pleased.

After sex we cuddle and talk a bit and nap as we did the first time.  I think for her this what she was most looking forward to.  After about 30 minutes I get a little horney and start massaging her and kissing her back and neck.

Trying to turn her on I slide on top of her back while continuing to massage and try to rub my dick just outside of her.  She is so wet that I accidentally slip inside of her.  At that point we start having sex; me from behind.  She looks and feels so good!

Too soon Alecia gets a call from her daughter and realizes that she is running late for pick up and has to dash.  She quickly dresses and says there is no need for me to walk her out.

Another odd occurrence for me on this day and our previous hotel meeting was that just before we leave Alecia reaches in to her wallet and pulls out cash and hands it to me.  She did say she did not want to owe anyone and she was just paying half of the room charge but what an odd feeling!  Most of me was thinking, “hey I’ve got a good job just let me treat;” but then part of me was thinking “COOL, I feel like I’m a gigolo – she’s paying ME for sex;” yet part of me was thinking “ick… I feel like a gigolo, she’s paying me for sex.”  Weird!

After she leaves I decide to work out at the hotel gym since I was going to go to the gym anyway, take a shower, and head home.

On the way home I got a call from Alecia.  She wanted to see how I was doing.  I said I was OK and then I say one of those stupid things when one is trying to be funny – I say “I stuck around for a bit and went to the gym to get my money’s worth.”  Yes I can be my own best critic and that was just plain dumb!  Alecia says “I would have thought you already got your money’s worth.”  The conversation ends soon after with no immediate indication of damage done.  I hope I escaped that stupid and insensitive remark!  But do I ever get that type of luck?

Monday, January 10, 2011

This Sucks!

Just a quick post today and nothing about Ashley Madison, music, or sex.  My weekend had the following incidents:

1.     Window busts as child opens & gust of wind catches, thank god child not harmed other than small cut.
2.     Garage door brace and bolts pop off imobilizing door.
3.     While cleaning basement find standing water in corner.

So I was able to gingerly remove broken glass and then remove window from frame.  I had some construction plastic so I was able to duct tape (greatist invention) 2 layers of plastic to frame with good success.  Child patched up as well.  Will take window to get glass replaced later today.

I threaded a coat hanger through door and through brace of pulley on garage door and door now works -good enough for government work as they say :)

Peeled back insulation from wall, worried about crack in foundation.  Luckily it was only pin prick leak in water pipe for outdoor faucet.  Will have to call insurance later this morning.

Oh well, other daughter won basketball game on Sunday.  She is cute and plucky and plays tenacious "D."  To use a football term she is a "shut down corner" on defense.

All in a days work as they say!  I guess us guys still have some uses :)

Friday, January 7, 2011

There She Goes Again, Racing Through My Brain

I heard that song last night by the La’s on XM Radio First Wave last night and thought it would fit here.  But I am lost for musical commentary today.  Although I was sad to read that Jerry Rafferty (Baker Street) died earlier this week.

So for our second date I plan on taking Alecia to this great spot about 30 minutes south of where I live.  It is a quaint old country store that has been refurbished to be a gourmet wine and cheese shop and they also make great soup, sandwiches, quiches, etc as well as coffee and bakery items.  And the store is located across the street from a historic mill and there is a beautiful picnic area adjacent to a bubbling stream – very romantic, I am proud of myself.  Alecia has not heard of the place so I send her a link and she says it looks interesting.  I am excited and eager.

On the morning of the day we are to meet I get an e-mail from Alecia.

“husband is out of town and I don’t want to be too far away from kids in case anything happens… can we meet somewhere here where we can have some privacy… there are some hotels close by”

Note:  this spot is about 30 minutes away from me but would be an hour for Alecia

Wow!  Alecia never ceases to amaze me and take my breath away.  I google hotels in ****ville (her town) and pick something I think will be discrete.  Alecia says the location is fine.

So I call and make a reservation.  Then I learn that the local Shariotte Resort and Comfort Suites doesn’t accept credit cards with zip codes within a 50 mile radius.  What gives, how is a guy supposed to pull off an affair with these types of rules?  OK, so I lie and say it is a business card and my regional office is local but I live in Outer Mongolia and give them another address and that works.  So I have a reservation with an early check in and Alecia says she will meet me around 2 pm.  She says call her when I check in.

I drive over not really sure of what to think, it certainly was the longest 20 minute drive of my life.  And of course I am thinking it has been awhile, I hope I don’t embarrass myself.  I check in and call Alecia; she says she will be right over.  So I brush my teeth, make sure I look OK, and just try to relax.  She calls me about 20 minutes later and says she is pulling into the parking lot.  I see her car and go out to meet her.

God she looks so great!  I said she looks a bit like Pink (the singer) for anyone a bit older I would say she also looks a bit like Stevie Nicks, at any rate she is beautiful, cool, and confident.

By the way, I mentioned in an early blog about honesty, Captain Jack, and Riff Dog, etc.  What I meant is be true to yourself and you won’t misrepresent even if you are not completely honest in everything you do.  One thing I noticed at the bar and again in the room is that Alecia had cigarettes in her purse.  I did check her profile again later out of curiosity and it said “never smokes.”  Now as I said, I care not if she or anyone else smokes – that is there business.  And it is also there business whether they want to divulge their smoking preferences, it matters not to me.  My point here is we all reveal portions of ourselves and we may not always be completely truthful but I can say of Alecia that she was always true to herself so I never had inflated expectations.  In fact, in most cases things at this point were working out better than expected.

OK, so I diverted.

So we go into the room.  She sits on a chair between the window and bed crossed legged and facing me, I am on the edge of the bed.  We spend a few minutes with small talk about the day, etc.  Then as always Alecia asks those penetrating though obvious questions “so do you think we will have sex?”  Hmm, well I kind of expect it at this point – I am not sure what guy wouldn’t under the circumstances but I am sure you should never assume (remembering that when you ASSUME you make and ASS out of U and ME).  So I say given where we left things on Tuesday and what we were doing today I was certainly hopeful and btw way “you look fantastic.”  Not sure if it was a test but I guess I didn’t fail.  Alecia says “let’s order pizza, you have to feed me before we have sex.”  So we order a delivery and talk while we wait.  Among other things she seems to be intrigued on whether Shannon is still having an affair with her boss.

Pizza comes and when I walk back in Alecia is sitting on her knees on the bed.  I walk up to her facing her about a foot apart at the edge the bed and place the pizza down on the bed.  She looks at me with those sexy dark brown eyes and then at the pizza and then at me again.  She says “sex or pizza?”

Thankfully, she ends the drama by leaning forward and kissing me passionately.  She pushes her tongue to mine, she is a great kisser!  I kiss my way across her cheek and down to her long beautiful neck and then back to her mouth.  She finally leans back slowly and lies down on the bed and lifts her legs up to me.  I move my head down to her with her legs around my shoulders.  I slowly unbutton her pants and then stand up as I remove her skinny jeans.  She has a beautiful black thong underneath.  I slowly kiss the inside of her legs as I move back down to her.  I kiss her belly and then run the back of my tongue down one of my favorite female areas that beautiful gentle soft valley just inside the hips and thighs that leads from the torso down to between the legs.  I slowly pull back her thong.  I lean back to pull her thong off and then kiss my way back down her legs and to her belly button as I slowly move my thumb first around and then into her and begin rubbing her clit.  She groans with pleasure.  I then move my fingers deeply into her rubbing inside and along the pubic bone.  Soon she says “you’re hitting all the right places.”  I then take my fingers out and put my tougue around and then into her.  After about a minute she orgasms.

She looks up at me and says “are you sure it has been 3 years for you, you’re not playing me are you.”  Unfortunately I am not, it has really been even longer than 3 years but I am embarrassed to admit that.  Alecia leans up and unbuttons my shirt and pants.  I stand up and disrobe.  Alecia slides back on the bed and I crawl next to her and we begin kissing.  I role slightly over her so I am rubbing just outside of her.  She is again sighing and says she is going to come again.  At this point she is so wet that I slide easily into her.  She wraps her legs around my hips and starts grinding into me.

I enjoy many positions but I have to say the good ole’ missionary is the best for me.  For me it’s not simply the act of penetration.  I get knocked out by that total melting of bodies together.  For me the feeling of stomachs and particularly the pelvis pressed against one another is what drives me.  And for the next 30 minutes + we are certainly melting into one another. 

That being said she did get on top of me.  She looked fantastic; Alecia has a spectacular body and is very athletic looking with great abs.  She had a very intense orgasm that I could definitely feel.

I did have to slow down a bit because I start to sweat.  And, oh wait – I was worried that I wouldn’t last 5 minutes and we are now into 30 minutes and I think Alecia is ready for a break, that second orgasm happened several minutes ago.  Now I realize that I have built this up so much in my head that premature ejaculation is not going to be the problem; in fact quite the opposite I am going to really have to concentrate on coming L

Finally after much concentration I was able to but Alecia could tell it was a bit of a challenge and I think it hurt her feelings.  At any rate our bodies are so soaked in sweat that we are slipping off each other; Alecia giggles and says “we smell like sex.”

After that we ate pizza and just chatted.  The time went by and I actually enjoyed it as much as the sex.  We cuddled in bed and actually dozed off for a while.  I think Alecia has a fairly hectic life with her career and her kids and I don’t think her husband helps much.  I know she really just enjoyed cuddling and I think she was exhausted.  We finally woke up and had a quickie before we both had to leave.  As good as Alecia looked on top and under she looked even better from behind – Wow what a body!

So we walk out together and Alecia goes her way and I go mine.  She does call me on the way home and asks “how do you feel, are you OK…. Are you smiling?”  Yes I was smiling!