But a Paper Smile Only Lasts a While Then it Fades Away

Today is a holiday celebrating the life of one of America’s most inspirational leaders.  With that in mind and because of the next phase of my story I chose this lyric from a Charley Pride song Chrystal Chandeliers.  Charley Pride is one of my classic country favorites and had many hits including “Kiss an Angle Goodmornin’” and “Is Anybody Going to San Antone.’”  He is not as well known now as other artists of his era such as Johnny Cash or Glenn Campbell but he was a true pioneer.  Along with Ray Charles he was the rare African American that scored on country charts in the 60’s and 70’s.  Additionally, his style helped create the “Countrypolitan” sound of the late 60’s (sometimes know as the Bakersfield or Outlaw country sound) that brought Nashville to a mainstream audiences.  As a child of the south I know he broke down barriers.  There is a famous quote from an Alabama football coach about the barriers Sam Cunningham broke when his USC team beat the Crimson Tide in Birmingham in the early 1970’s.  I recently read a book about the game and its impact.

http://www.redroom.com/publishedwork/one-night-two-teams-alabama-vs-usc-and-game-changed-a-nation

By being such a mainstream musical success Charley Pride broke down as many barriers.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1998-04-28/features/9804280005_1_singing-country-music-charlie-pride

OK so sorry for the music/sports/political history lesson of the day but as I said before, it’s my blog.  As you can tell about the only things I am interested in are sex, sports, food, and music.  Hey wait, that just makes me like 90% of all American males J Anyway I like that song and the lyrics seem to fit here.  So I will move on.  But sense I did speak about Ray Charles doesn’t “I Can’t Stop Loving You” just rip your heart out.

If you have been reading the previous blog entries you would know that communication did not appear to be one of Alecia’s fortes, or at least not so with me.  Although to be fair she really owed me nothing.

Simply put I never heard from her again.  What was exasperating was that through the month+ that we had communicated and between the five times we had met there had been gaps where I could not reach her so over the following weeks I was unsure if she had moved on, was scared, was busy???  I certainly did not want to be a stalker, I just generally wanted to continue seeing her or at least know it was over and perhaps why, I can be bad with closure.  About a month after I last saw her I sent this final message:

Hey Alecia,

 I wanted to reach out to you again.  I really enjoyed the time we spent together.  You are a neat, cool person and a joy to spend time with!  I would like to keep in touch even if as friends. 

I have to admit I stopped by your profile a few times and noticed that you must still be searching for that right person and had perhaps met others.  I was still hoping I might be that right person at some time.  And remember, like your one friend’s husband, I can be a glutton for punishment and keep on smiling!

 I probably did something to chase you away or disappoint you (I am prone to being obtuse).  I have thought about it a lot and certainly I should have walked you to the car the last time we met and I know I made a comment in jest about working out at the gym at the hotel to make the visit worthwhile which was insensitive.  You, of course, are beyond value!

 Again, please write back.  I can be bad with closure so “buzz off” would be a good response if that is your thought.  Of course, “stop by some time” would be a welcomed response as well!  I would love to talk about our summers.

 Take Care, Ryan 

I really meant the “buzz off” phrase.  As I mentioned in an earlier entry, part of my AM experiment was to see if I really was a jerk.  I figured if someone else could validate Shannon’s opinion of me perhaps she was right and I needed to change even more. 

This was actually worse, I could infer that I had done something wrong but maybe she had gotten what she wanted and moved on or maybe I just wasn’t for her. But I had nothing concrete, just silence.

I guess the upside was that as we entered late June the family was set for several trips including the beach, July 4^th, a wedding, and a big trip to the West Coast.  I would have some things to keep my mind busy and occupied.  But still after being on top of the world it hit hard to feel that I was back to where I started.

Looking at it from Alecia’s viewpoint it probably was better just to make a clean cut.  I am a typical guy so I am sure if she tried to be polite and cut it off slowly it would have been just as disappointing and I probably would have tried to keep it going by offering up the old “let’s be friends” route.

Oh well, c’est la vie!  As Scarlett O’Hara says “tomorrow is another day.”