Thursday, December 25, 2014

FFF - The Naughty List

Merry FFF'ing Christmas!
Click over to the Kinky Brits for some hot holiday FFF'ing!

Shae speaking....

It seems like every time I was naughty my mom would say "Shae, Santa's going to put you on his naughty list for that!"

But Santa and Christmas always seemed so far away and whatever I was doing that was so naughty was right now and oh so much fun.  More often than not I still did that something naughty and for some reason Santa still always found my house.  I always wondered if Santa really had something in his heart for naughty girls!

Flash forward to last night and I'm at my first company Christmas Soiree.  My boss is pretty cool and she likes her young hottie boys.  So rather than a traditional Santa she got the yummy barista/actor "wanna-be" from the Starbucks downstairs.  He always had my Caramel Macchiato ready at 8:05 each day for me because, being the naughty girl I, was always a bit late to work.  I was always in such a hurry so we never really spoke but he always had the nicest, slyest grin as I walked in.  There was something about him, I knew, if I ever got the chance to speak.  Perhaps tonight was my chance.

After about four Cosmopolitans I finally got my chance to sit on his lap and tell him what I wanted for Christmas.  I hoped he would appreciate my naughtiest Christmas outfit I had picked out for the occasion.

He asked me "have you been naughty or nice this year my pretty Shae?"

I smiled, batted my eyelashes, and whispered in his ear "do I look like a girl who's been naughty?"

He replied out loud "ho, ho, ho, Santa knows all my pretty one!"  Then he whispered in my ear "oh my Shae I bet you think you have been naughty but Santa likes to see just how naughty a girl can be!  I'm going to take a break in about 15 minutes, shall we meet in the naughty room in the back?"

I found my way back to my boss's dressing room where Santa was taking his break.  He asked me if I wanted a drink.  I said "I think 4 Cosmos is quite enough but I'd like to know if Santa's lips do in fact taste like Cherry"

Santa smiled and said "oh my you are naughty and forward as well!"

Santa pulled me into the closet and kissed me.  He was just as yummy as I had always imagined.  He kissed his way across my neck and down through the V of my plunging neck line all the while cleverly unbuckling my belt and dipping his hands into me like the sly elf he was.  As he knelt between my legs he looked up, smiled, and said "let's see what candy is in this little stocking stuffer."

His tongue was magic and drove me insane.

Before I knew it he was behind me gently nibbling at my neck.  I leaned forward and reached back grasping his long luscious cock and gently whispered "come Dasher and Dancer let's see how hard Blitzen can work!"

I looked up and saw Santa behind me, his chest glistening in the light.  That sly grin came across his face as he gently grasped my waist, sledded his way between my legs, and said "Shae, I bet you always knew how much Santa adores naughty girls!"

Now, of course, I've been naughty as is often the case and exceeded my word total.  Not to mention posting my FFF a day early.  But I did want you to have something fun to read after all those presents are opened!

But please let me say,

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!

Key Words: Santa
Forbidden Words: Party
Word Limit: 360
Extra Credit: have you ever been naughty in with Santa?!
Bonus Words: +50 if they get on/off the 

Sunday, December 14, 2014

To the Fella Over There with the Hella Good Hair

I have to apologize in advance for using Taylor Swift lyrics on you today.  But I have to admit I love the song!  To me it's a real throw back Jackson 5 type vibe with a good beat and it just makes you feel good listening to it.  My girls love it so it's fun to have something we all like playing in the car on the way to school or practice.  I also am intrigued by the lyric above.  I came upon the term "hella good hair" as I was perusing the annual pre-season college football predictions back in August.  On Yahoo news West Virginia University's QB, Clint Trickett, was referred to as having "hella good hair."  Then I heard the Taylor Swift song and it mentioned "hella good hair."  It seemed everywhere girls were interested in "hella good hair."  And of course you know me, if chicks dig "hella good hair" I want to know where I can get some.  Fortunately for a 40-something dude, "hella good hair" means you actually do, in fact, have hair!  Which I do so I'm covered.  But Clint try to make sure you always have good hair.  You see you are a fairly mediocre QB for a somewhat sucky team but you are getting a lot of attention from ladies just because you have good hair.  In the immortal words of Billy Crystal "it's better to look good than to feel good," or in the case of guys sometimes it's better to be silky smooth and easy on the eyes rather than have a whole lot of depth because as Billy also said "you look mahvelous!"   :)

This whole concept of style over substance got me to thinking about silly songs I am ashamed to say I like.  But you know this is the blogosphere and so this is the place for guilt-ridden admissions.  Apparently there is even a science to guilty pleasures as Spotify has even researched and identified the top "Guilty Pleasures" of all time (read here) with Mambo #5 in fact being #1.  So here goes.

Anyway that Taylor Swift song does really speak to me in a very personal way when she says "got nothing in my brain."  Yes Taylor, I know you are singing about Ryan!  :)

Ryan's Favorite Guilty Pleasures:

Carpenters - Superstar:  This has to be the ultimate guilty pleasure.  Take a look at this scene from Tommy Boy (click here), one of the greatest movie scenes of all time.  You know what I mean, we have all done this very thing!  Ryan likes to pretend he is Neil Peart or John Bonham in the car while he plays the steering wheel drums.  Burt Bacharach wrote many of the Carpenters songs but this song was actually written by Leon Russell (of rhythm and blues fame) along with Bonnie Bramlett.  Apparently this song is about a groupie who hooks up backstage with a rock star and is now lamenting the fact that he probably ain't coming back.  It was performed by Cher and Bette Midler before the Carpenters picked it up in 1971 and made it their own.

Michael Jackson - I Wanna Be Where You Are:  Speaking of that Taylor Swift song being a bit Jackson 5'esque, here is one of those guilty pleasures (sans the 5 in this case).  This song was Michael's solo debut off his 1972 album "Got to Be There."  It was co-written by Arthur "t-boy" Ross, younger brother of Diana Ross.

I Can't Go On, I Go On - Everything I Own:  LOVE THE SKA here, majorly!  The Bread version of this song is sweet but this version has some balls!  Funny the ballsier version comes in a tween movie, albeit a surprisingly dark and introspective movie I saw and really liked.  Well maybe it had a lot to do with Aly Michalka!  Wait she played a high schooler in the movie; that makes me creepy, forget I said that.  Well she was long out of high school in real life.  Anyway this is a great song.

Olivia Newton John - Please Mr. Please:  This song was written by John Rostill and Bruce Welch from Cliff Richards' back-up band.  Cliff Richards was only a minor star in the States but he seemed to play the Svengali to a lot of hotties with English accents in the 70's, Olivia Newton John being one (albeit as Aussie).  This is another one of those cross-over country/pop songs I love with even a bit of a gospel tone in the background synth.  I love the imagery of a women trying to drink her memory away and how that beautiful song on B-17 keeps bringing that guy back into her memories.  Kind of like how this blog keeps bringing the bad memory of Ryan back to poor ladies on the web!

Elvis - Cold Kentucky Rain:  Looking at wiki it's easy to understand why I like this song so much.  It was written by Eddie Rabbitt (he of "I Love a Rainy Night" and "Rocky Mountain Music") and released in early 1970.  It is a very typical cross-over Country-politan hit of the late 60's/early 70's which I love.  And btw Eddie Rabbit may seem like country pop fluff but when you consider his range from writing and performing soundtrack songs from "Everywhich Way but Loose" to writing that song for Elvis and other top performers such as "Pure Love" performed by Ronnie Milsaps you realize the guy had talent.  Oooh, inner Ryan secret, Ryan once performed a karaoke version of Suspicious Minds, another Elvis guilty pleasure, for a girl he was trying to impress - she ended up being thusly so!  But to be honest I do better at making Elvis recipes than singing his songs!

Culture Club - Karma Cameleon:  There is no way in the world I would have ever admitted liking Culture Club back in high school.  I was on the edge of including this song or the Church of the Poison Mind but I love this video.  I love the festive, colorful Mardi Gras'esque scenes along the Mississippi River.  The song was written by Boy George and speaks to the fact that Karma will get you in the end particularly if you are disingenuous or a "karma chameleon."  I used the song once in one of my early Shannon Stories during our years in the deep south.  I guess Boy George is saying here that you shouldn't put style of substance, but ain't that the pot calling the kettle black!?  The song reminds me of the adventurous feel I always get when traversing the Mississippi and pulling into a small river town like Natchez and eating at some dive restaurant like the Cock of the Walk, much like the fashionable Cock of the Walk style over substance gents in this video.

Hanna Montana - If We Were a Movie:  You know I'm a very easy going, live and let live, if you can't beat 'em join 'em type fella.  When you have girls you won't win many radio selection arguments on the way to school.  So given that you may just go ahead and embrace your inner Disney.  The great part of that is that much of my best blog fodder has been my interaction with my girls along the XM Radio dials.  This is one of my favorite Disney songs.  I think the concept of the lyrics are actually pretty clever.  The song was written by Jennie Lurie and Holly Mathis expressly for Disney consumption and was selected for the Hanna Montana series as a B-side to Best of Both Worlds.  But for some reason it just has a sweet edge that makes it rise above the normal Disney bubble gum pop for me.

One Direction - Tell Me a Lie:  Well if you have to listen to a "boy band" these guys are actually not that bad.  The lyrics are really quite evocative and speak to me for some reason.  The song was originally written by Sheppard Soloman for Kelly Clarkson and I can totally hear her singing it.  One thing you can say for One Direction is that they have been handled very well.  Many of their songs are written by Ed Sheeran (now of Hobbit soundtrack fame).

the Wiggles - Six Months in a Leaky Boat:  This seems like sacrilege.  You know I like my XM Radio First Wave and I certainly like the Split Enz.  The Wiggles took this Split Enz song and made it into a wonderful kids song and I don't care if you think I'm weird for liking it.  Actually I love the Wiggles, they are really quite talented.  Founding members Anthony Field and Jeff Fatt were actually in a somewhat successful Aussie rock band, the Cockroaches, in the early 1970's.  Anthony Field later got a degree in Early Childhood Education.  Affected by the death of a niece, Field decided that he wanted to endeavor to create high quality children's music and the Wiggles were then formed.

Chilliwack - I Believe:  Oh my Ryan liking a band called Chilliwack is totally "wack!"  I know that is bad.  I'm not sure if Chilliwack is a guilty pleasure but it seems anything by a band named Chilliwack should make you feel guilty.  I don't know, I just like the song for some reason.

the Bangles - Going Down to Liverpool:  Another song about nothingness but oh do those 80's girl bands look hot!  And what up with Spock?  Actually he looks a little like me trying to be cerebral but really just dazed and confused by the whole situation when surrounded by gorgeous ladies!  This song was originally written and performed by Katrina and the Waves in a much more raw style.  The song is a tip of the hat to the Beatles.  Vicki Peterson, the drummer, takes vocals in the Bangles version; a rare diversion from the main vocalist Susanna Hoffs.  Btw, Susanna Hoffs, other than maybe the brunette from Bananrama, is probably my all time favorite/fantasy hot 80's girl group hotty!

Lowen & Navarro - We Belong to the Night:  Yes that's the Pat Bentar song, and I'm not sure it quite qualifies as a guilty pleasure but I'm adding it anyway.  It was actually written by Lowen & Navarro (brother of Red Hot Chili Peppers member Dave Navarro).  They used to play a lot in and around Big State U back in the day.  I mentioned them in the blog once before - here.  In fact their last show was at the Birchmere in Alexandria in 2009.  Sadly Eric Lowen died of ALS in 2012.  Lowen and Navarro wrote songs for many other groups including those Bangles above.

But for all you Swifties here is that Taylor song!
What are some of your guilt pleasures!?

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Let's Think of Other Things that Start with C

Oh, who cares about other things?

C is for cookie, that's good enough for me.....  

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!
 Time for JZ's Annual Bloggers Cookie Post

As you will notice below I didn't follow directions again this year.  As you can see here (sausage balls), here (spicy nuts), and here (finally Greek cookies) I've been doing this now for four years and only once (25% of the time) did I follow directions and contribute a holiday cookie recipe.  I guess you can see now why I perpetually stay on the naughty list (of Shannon and probably of Santa as well)!

Santa before diet
But to get on Santa's nice list I thought I might give you a good recommendation of what to give him as a treat this year.  Of course you could just stay up late and give him a quickie which would give him some exercise, a great de-stresser, and let him stretch out (it must get real cramped between the chimneys and the sleigh) and give his balls a chance to breath.  But even above that how about giving Santa the gift of something sweet but just a little healthy.  See I believe Santa needs a little fiber and good health in his diet.  It will not only help him live longer and better but happier and will likely even help his sex drive!  You know St. Nic is not who he used to be and men past the age of 1,600 often experience rapid loss in sex drive.

So with all that healthiness in mind here is a great holiday NOT cookie recipe!

Holiday Granola Bars

1 Cup         Instant Oats
1/2 tsp        Vanilla Extract
3 Tbs          Unsweetened Applesauce or pumpkin puree (might need a Tbs of water if pumpkin)
3 Tbs          Agave Nectar
2 Tbs          Chocolate Chips (vegan or carobs if you chant to cookies or the moon, dark chips if you are into superfoods)
1 Tbs          Turbinado Sugar
1/4 Cup      Dried Cranberries or raisins (no raisins though if you are inviting me over, I hate raisins) and add nuts if you are a nut aficionado, almonds are great for sex drive!
1 tsp ea       Cinnamon, Nutmeg, and/or Pumpkin Pie Spice
1 Pinch       Orange Zest

*     Stir all ingredients together in a mixing bowl.  Keep stirring until entire mixture is moist.
*     Once combined, let the batter rest while oven preheats to 325 degrees.
*     Grease a bread pan and pack the mixture down firmly and tightly.
*     Sprinkle Orange Zest on top and a pinch of Turbinado Sugar
*     Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown and firm.
*     Let cool in the pan for at least 10 minutes before cutting.

Santa after high fiber diet!
He's regular too!
Listen to this and then head over to see what these other wonderful bloggers have baking!

Cookie Blogs:

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

I Thank the Lord for the People I Have Found

It's My 4th Blogoversary!
I can't believe I've been doing this for 4 years!  I don't even like doing things I enjoy for that long!

Here are previous blogoversary posts:
First Year:  Remember where you came from (or as Stephen Colbert would say re-become the person you never were)
Second Year:  Don't go chasing waterfalls, stick to the rivers and the lakes that your used to...
Third Year:  Why we blog and meeting another blogger

Anyway, the song lyric above is from Elton John's song Mona Lisa and Mad Hatters off the 1972 Honkey Chateau album.  John has mentioned that it is one of his favorite songs and it's one of my favorite songs of his.  I've been meaning to use the song for a post for some time but just needed the right theme.  I almost used it once before for a very personal and emotional post about a year ago.  The song was penned, of course, by Elton John's long time lyricist Bernie Taupin.  Taupin and John created the rather somber toned song as an ode to New York city.  The two country boys were both amazed and awestruck by the city and somewhat scared one night when Taupin heard gunshots near his hotel room.  And yet in the song they rejoice in what the city is and what it is not.  To paraphrase a Rolling Stone critic from the wiki, the song evokes imagery of one's individual paradox of needing people and yet desiring the privacy of aloneness.  That paradox makes a great theme and in fact is the stimulus or simply that little something extra that made Taupin and John such a magical musical pair.

But I guess at these kinds of times, anniversaries of events, we tend to think about questions like "why we do this?"  "Does this make us happy?"  "Should we be doing something else?" "What do we get from all of this?"

In asking those questions it seemed apparent that the tone of that song ringed the true answer. As Elton John and Bernie Taupin make one another better, blogging seems to help us navigate that razor's edge along the paradox between needing people and needing privacy.  It gives us that little something extra in our life.

As I thought further I rather thought blogging is somewhat like parallel play in children.  If you have ever been around kids you know that young children (usually 2-3 years of age) often parallel play, a form of play where they are adjacent to but do not try to initially influence one another's behavior.  While playing alone, the child is still quite interested in what the other children are doing.  If quite interested, children will at times be influenced by one another and modify their play accordingly.  Parallel play is an important part of childhood development, it sews the seeds of learning how to deal with one another and will help form foundations for future relationships.  Children are always content at play but often parallel play is the little something extra that makes them happier and helps them grow.

Yes, like that Elton John song and parallel play, blogging is that little thing that makes us smile at the world in spite of all the craziness that surrounds us.  There is just something to it.

Or maybe blogging is just that little something extra that helps us feel good about where we are in life.  Yeah, a little life lagniappe.  In the Cajun/Creole vernacular a lagniappe is a little something extra, something a business might give a customer as appreciation for their business (aka that 13th donut to make a "baker's dozen").  Much like all of Cajun and Southern Louisiana culture, lagniappe is an amalgamation of many influences.  In this case the word is derived from the Spanish word (albeit Andean South American Spanish) la yapa (a free extra item, usually cheap).  In fact the word lagniappe is, in effect, a lagniappe; a little something extra one gets when you fuse a lot of things together.  When we enter the world of blogging an entire world then is fused to our screen and we get the amalgamated sum of those experiences and that gives us that little lagniappe, something extra, that keeps us going, reinforces us, amplifies who we are and fortifies us as we go on our way.

This also reminds me of my Intro to Economics Class at Big State U and how $1 moves through the economy.  Intro to Economics was a real eye opener to me.  It used mathematics which I was good at but it connected to something - making money!  And it used logic and human behavior which I liked.  All of a sudden algebra wasn't just something boring, it helped me decide how to maximize my utility over $10 between porn videos, porn magazines, or a six pack of Old Milwaukee and why my demand for such products was so elastic!  At once I knew what vector I needed to be on in that massive 400 person auditorium listening to the famous Dr. M*****st***, who btw was an Economic advisor to the Nixon administration (just had to throw that out for ego)!  But what we learned that day was that if I buy $1 of something off Kat's blog page, Kat then can take that money and invest it.  If she earns 10% that turns into $1.10.  She can then buy something from Sassy for $1.  The bank in the meantime can lend Ad the $0.10 that Kat left in the bank.  Ad can then buy supplies for his product and sell it to me for $0.50.  Of course, then you are saying Ryan can invest this into venture capital and become a millionaire!?  Hell no, Ad sold me a Larry the Cable Guy "Git R Done" ballcap, I ain't part'in with that!  But you see that $1 ended up becoming $1.10 + interest for Kat, $1 for Sassy, $0.10 + interest for the bank, $0.50 less interest for Ad, and one genuine "Git R Done" ballcap for Ryan.  Our national GDP is somewhere north of $2.50 + a cheap ass redneck hat for Ryan.  See, we all get a little something extra, we all benefit.  I know, you tea partiers are saying "Ryan you are just trying to RAM Obama's socialistic stimulus packages down our throats!"  Well maybe you are right but whether you are Keynesian or Friedman'esque, you realize we all benefit when we work with or alongside one another.  The sum of all transactions ends up greater than the parts.  It gives us a little something extra.

Who knows, I'm really not sure but all that stuff above sounds like a good reason to waste this much time over the past four years!  If nothing else I made a quirky attempt at finding some meaning by threading a Cajun word, a child development concept, economic theory, and a song lyric which I guess has become my little schtick over time.  Not that child development theory is my schtick just trying to tie together random concepts for some type of universal realization in the most inane way possible!

However, if you are trying to take some meaning from this post just understand this, write about sex (WAY more than me) and use a lot of pictures (people like that), and link to other bloggers, and shamelessly slobber affection of famous bloggers (like Kat) so they will mention you, and don't write so often that you get sick of it, and don't ever let it become homework (this is supposed to be fun).

But yes, blogging does add a little incremental value to my life.  Are you doing something that adds incremental value to your life?  Does blogging give you that mental lagniappe?

So in conclusion I steal this from Elton and Bernie "I thank the Lord there's people out there like you!"   :)