Don’t Know What I Want but I Know How to Get It

As I was mentally writing this blog I started to hear a song for each entry.  So I think I have the idea of using a song lyric for each day’s title.  Maybe it will be a window into my soul :). Although I am not much of a punk rocker I have always admired the above quote from the Sex Pistol’s song Anarchy in the UK.  It simply states what I often feel!  Previous day’s quotes were from James Taylor (Oh Mexico), The Beatles, and the Left Bank.  A little music history, even though “Just Walk Away Renee” is archetypical 60’s bubble gum pop it has always been special to me.  It is an ode to unrequited love.  I used to see the duo Lowen and Navarro whenever they were in town (in college).  They are a pair of songwriters better known for writing Pat Benatar songs such as “We Belong.”  They always covered “Just Walk Away Renee” in their shows.  OK, enough background so let’s move the story forward.

So we fly back to Dulles (IAD for you frequent flyers) the Friday after Easter.  A cold reminder of where I came from and now missing the sunny beaches in Mexico.  The next day, Saturday, I went into work.  I hate going away and returning to 200+ e-mails so I wanted to get things in order for Monday.  And more importantly I wanted to check that Ashley Madison Inbox.  To my pleasant surprise, BANG!  A wink and a private showcase key from Fire Emerald.  Her private showcase is one nice photo of her face, very pretty, and is cropped – apparently the hubby has been pushed aside.  It is funny to see so many bad crop jobs of the lovely wife and the husband conveniently cut away – but I guess I have done the same so who am I to criticize.  But now I realize I have no way of actually communicating with this woman who is so obviously “into” me!  So I look around the site and I see how to actually talk to a woman.  Now you AM vets are probably saying the above never happens but please read to the end.

On Ashley Madison you can window shop as much as you like and you can wink or send your pictures to anyone you wish.  But if you want to talk you have to pay.  There are 3 buy-in amounts:

            200 Credits for $79

            500 Credits for $149

            1,000 Credits for $249 & comes with “Affair Guarantee”

Credits are used to communicate with other members.  A basic message is 5 credits.  A priority message (which puts your message at the top of a member’s inbox) is an extra 5 credits.  A 30 minute chat session is 30 credits; a 60 minutes chat session is 50 credits.  Virtual gifts can be purchased for 20 to 50 credits.  So if you do the arithmetic a priority message to a beautiful lady will cost you $3.95 if you purchase the basic package.  But really, what is $4 among friends (note:  I’ve used that line in a message before)!  The “Affair Guarantee” pledges, with several stipulations, that if you do not have an affair within 3 months after purchasing the package you get your money back.  I will talk later about Ashley Madison economics and some basic strategies later.  However, by the time I get there you may think my advice is worthless! 

So what to purchase?  Of course, I think I am a prize and should not need a guarantee so I go with the basic package and send Fire Emerald my first message.  I think of something short but kind and considerate:

Thanks for the wink back, it made me smileJ!  I like your caption as I feel the same way.  You have beautiful eyes, is that the source of your name?  Please let me know if I can share more about myself with you and I would love to hear more about you.   R

So with a letter like that I am bound to see success, right!

So I wait one, two, three days and no reply.  What a downer!  And of course I have noticed that you can see when a member last logged in on their page and I have noted that Ms. Emerald has been on AM during this time.

This must be a rip-off!  If anything I am meticulous so I start doing a little research on Ashley Madison.  There is some information out there and I read a few consumer reports.  Is Fire Emerald one of those Ashley Madison “hosts” I was reading about?  Most say this is a rip-off but a few say they have had success but you have to be persistent.  At this point I have 190 credits so I may as well forge ahead at this point!  So I plan to pick out 4 or 5 special ladies a day and write to them and see where I go.  And I will let them know a little more about myself in the e-mail as I note that you have 2,000 characters to tell your story.  If you are keeping track that is $0.002 per character and I want my money’s worth!  So over the next few days I write to SchoolBoyCrush, FitnessBuff, BlondBeachBunny, CometoMe2010, and many others.  By the way I will give this bit of advice.  During this time I also try the old Instant Message/Chat method.  I did have brief chats with 2 women but I will say that is largely a waste of time.  Oh and while I said I had 190 credits I decide to add 500 more.  As they say, “in for a dime in for a dollar.”  And I cast my lot with a few other sites but I can talk about those later.

Oh, and I upgrade my profile a bit as well adding a catchy lyric from Pearl Jam as my caption “I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on.”  Now they will know what a cool Gen X guy I am with kindness and consideration on top!  I also put in my cool Starbucks tagline that I am looking for that “Third Place,” “an enchanting alternative third place beyond career and family for solace, excitement or just a good cup of coffee.”  Note, Starbucks uses the term to describe their stores as comfortable places for their guests when they are not at work or home.  A wireless haven to read, work on computer, socialize, or listen to one of their edgy, cool compellation CD’s.  See notes below.

http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_research_citation/0/2/0/7/3/p20738_index.html

OK, so we have rebooted our Ashley Madison Adventure and we are now ready to move forward.  The only thing we need is a compass to help us steer.  Where might we find such a device as I hear dogs barking in the distance?