Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - There Used to Be a Greying Tower Alone on the Sea

Or "Guess I got what I deserved; kept you waiting there too long, my love...." (Badfinger - Baby Blue)

Before I let you re-read this mushy gooey post I'll let you know I'm not a very emotional type of guy.  But over the past decade through marriage turmoil, marriage counseling, and of course the experiences that represent the content of this blog I have certainly gotten more in touch with my emotions so to speak.  Much like the mathematician in me I find it very therapeutic to analyze emotions and derive the source of the feeling.  If I feel good or bad I like to figure out what exactly it is that has me pensive or giddy.  Once I understand that I get ahold of my emotions or at least understand them and feel much better.

This post was theraputic in that exact same vein.  As I conceived of this post I wanted to figure out exactly what it is I feel for Shannon.  Just like working a break-even analysis on a new project at work I wanted to know what I felt for her, why, and from where did that feeling emerge and grow.

You'll see the way I approach a problem.  Here I thought of certain words that I felt described my feelings and then I googled them to make sure I had the definition just right.  Those adjectives led to synonyms and helped me drill down to just what I felt.  In the end I think I got there.  Well, I know I got there because what I got to in the end was pretty fuzzy which has always been the nature of our relationship - fuzzy, not sure where we are going, but pretty darn sure the alternatives are not so great either, too afraid of the unknow, so let's just stay on this runaway rollercoaster a bit longer and see if perhaps Einstein was wrong when he said "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a difference result."  Darn Einstein and christ that was a long sentence!  :)

Of course in the end you have to ask "who tries to derive one's feeling analytically?  Are you some sort of crazy person?"  And you would probably be right.  Maybe that is why Shannon thinks I'm such a pompous, hubristic, jerk!  Geesh!   :)

More Badfinger:
"What can I do, what can I say; 'cept I want you by my side.  How can I show you, show me the way.  Don't you know the times I've tried..."

"That special love you had for me, my Dixie dear."

Ryan's Repeat
from July 6th, 2012........

Today's post is a lead into my Monday post which will be a part of Kat's Blog Chain. I figured I have talked about my affairs through Ashley Madison and in the past month talked a lot about women from my past. I guess I should say a little about the woman who has shaped the past 18 years of my life more than any other. And if you are putting 2 + 2 together you can assume that I'll talk a little more about her on Monday in a more alluring way! :)

enchanted [ɪnˈtʃɑːntɪd]
1. under a spell; bewitched; magical
2. utterly delighted or captivated; fascinated; charmed

I have written a lot about my wife Shannon over the past year in this blog. I have mentioned a lot about the trials, tribulations, and failures. In a lot of ways we were doomed from the start and yet are still here held by some spell or enchantment. But in life it is rare that things are singularly bad (or even good). For instance we have two lovely daughters that we both adore. We have a nice home and both have good careers that I think have been driven by one another's successes. And I have to admit I still have a sence of pride when I walk into a restaurant with her. How many men I wonder have stared at her and then thought "god that guy is so lucky to get to have sex with that beautiful woman," even if reality is that that rarely if ever happens anymore.

More than anything she is a beautiful woman for whom I am still deeply attracted. Sure you hear that from a lot of guys; who wouldn't say that about their wife. But when I say that I mean by beautiful that she is in fact my fantasy more so than any movie starlet I have ever seen on screen. I know this because the things that attract me to her are not simply the traits of grocery store magazine racks. It's her beautiful shoulders that give her the perfect silhouette and make cloths hang so well from her body. It's her long delicate neck that is the perfect transition from her beautiful face to her elegant body. It's her immaculate skin, her soft hands and her regal and long thin fingers. It's her "stormy blue-grey" eyes that are so frightening to look at as is a storm over the ocean when she is angry and yet so easy to drown in when she is happy along with that little crinkle next to her eyes that sets them just so.

Anyway I seem to keep coming back to Shannon on my blog; maybe it's hidden meaning as to why I keep figuratively coming back to her in real life. I am even thinking about doing a "prequel" to my Shannon story down the road.

But for now a song the other day reminded me of a few short times when things were good. I guess every couple needs a song and our's (for me at least) has always been that Seal song "Kiss from a Rose." I think it is very telling because it is such a melancholy song that in fact reveals much of our life together. "My power, my pleasure, my pain" the singer of the song tells of the woman he loves with an almost glorious sadness as if he needs to ration his feelings lest he become completely overtaken with her. I think that is often how I felt about Shannon.


  1. Sad because one has no friends or company.
  2. Without companions; solitary: "passing long lonely hours looking onto the street".

Is it possible to be lonely as a couple?

I think it is. We married too young (for her) and lived in a very small town. I worked too much and she was in graduate school and so we were too occupied and didn't connect emotionally. Yet in that small town we were young strangers that didn't exactly fit in so we were as a couple alone. And so we did out of necessity connect in ways such as counting on one another, leaning on one another, being one another's confidant. As a result of that connection we became indelibly intertwined in ourselves yet disconnected from one another's heart. Our love was one of camaraderie and perhaps the distant love one feels for a painting that moves you emotionally but for which you can never enter.

But at times it was good, if not glorious.

I remember one weekend I didn't have to work. We traveled out of town for a football game. It was about a 2 hour drive. Whenever we left that small southern town it felt like an escape. Along the way we heard that song by Seal as we drove down the highway on a gloriously sunny day in the fall. That song had just come out the past summer on the Batman soundtrack and was popular.

The imagery of that song touched me. I felt as if I was some knight traveling to see my lady who waited for me in some keep by the grey ocean.

These few times when we escaped that small town were when we were in fact alive. It did feel like we were the only adventurers riding along perhaps the green hills of Southern England or the Coast of Britannia even if reality was just a stretch of I-10.

And those were the times when it was good. Just she and I and nothing else. And back then I was her knight.

And at the end of the adventure no woman's body ever felt so good and so right underneath me. Her small frame and her soft porcelain skin fit so well. Her mouth the perfect size and shape and so delightfully soft. Often at the end and after a collective orgasm I would linger in her and sometimes we would even fall asleep still connected. For that brief moment we were alone in our grey tower on that lonely island and we didn't care.

We were married about the time this song was popular. I remember going to see Batman the summer after we were married and "Kiss from a Rose" was on that soundtrack. This song could have been the soundtrack to our life.

A lot of time when I do these little snipets of info about songs on the blog I'll take a look at wiki or one of the many song meaning websites. I did so with this song and this is what I drew for it

mel·an·chol·y (mln-kl)
1. Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom: "There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass"(Charles Kuralt).
2. Pensive reflection or contemplation.
3. Archaic
a. Black bile.
b. An emotional state characterized by sullenness and outbreaks of violent anger, believed to arise from black bile.
1. Affected with or marked by depression of the spirits; sad. See Synonyms at sad.
2. Tending to promote sadness or gloom: a letter with some melancholy news.
3. Pensive; thoughtful.

And that is I guess what I feel for Shannon - melancholy enchantment.

Friday, July 26, 2013

FFF - Questions

Hey, since that helicopter overhead just uploaded everything you've ever looked at on your computer you may as well join into FFF at Advizor's Blog!

I'll apologize in advance for being too Washington Wonkish!  But I do so love DC humor!  And the content of this post does not represent my endorsement of the IRS, I hate to pay taxes as much as the next dude!  :)

Inspector:     Are you Ms. Molly Phucker?

Molly:     Why yes officer, why do you ask?

Inspector:     I'm not a police officer I'm Special Agent Ryan Beaumont from the Cincinnati office of the Internal Revenue Service.  I need to ask a few questions about the 501c3 status of your organization the Tax Independence Tea Society & Abolition of Social Services for America, hereto for TITS & ASS for America. 

Molly:     Oh my, what possibly could be your interest in my little social welfare organization?

Inspector:     Mame are you in fact the CEO of this organization?

Molly:     No sir, I AM the organization, my friends made me a tax exempt non-profit.  My tits are the Director of Social Services and my ass is the Vice President for Outreach.

Inspector:     Ms. Phucker you do realize you can't use your tits and ass as a tax write off.

Molly:    But sir, my tits and ass are in fact the social welfare programs we provide to our constituents.

Inspector:     And your constituents are who, exactly?

Molly:     Oh they are my rascally little Red Republican boys from that little capital over there.  They do need me so!

Inspector:      Are you telling me that elected members of congress have set up your body parts as a tax shelter claiming 501c3 status?

Molly:     Oh those poor boys need me.  Just the other day Johnny-Boy, that's Speaker Boehner; you know he loves it when I make him dress in a leather garter and spank him until he cries.  He told me I give him the courage to go to work everyday.  He says he'd rather get whipped by me than get boned at both ends by those crazy pricks Cantor and Issa.

Inspector:  You don't say

Molly:  And speaking of my darling Eric, that's the House Majority Leader you know.  He makes me dress up like Michelle (Bachman that is).  He likes me to pretend I'm her so he can "scewer the loins of his ice princess with his hot Johnsonville Brat until I cum Cheese curds."

Inspector:  Ms. Phucker this is all well and good but I think you are going to have a hard time convincing the IRS that these are in fact social welfare programs for truly needy citizens.  Your organization is under suspicion of using your 501c3 status as a front for felonious kinky-crazy activities.

Molly:     How can you say that, why Senator McConnell just the other day said that tickling my ass with a feather is the only way he can laugh off those humorless bastards Reid and Pelosi.  You know nobody gets the simple joy of a filibuster anymore!

And of course good 'ol Rudy G adores coming over on Friday nights for a girls night mani pedi.  He does Marilyn so well, us ladies are all so jealous!

So see they really do need me!

Inspector:     OK Ms. Phucker, I get it now - yes America needs you to be tax exempt!  But as a duly appointed representative of the IRS I will have to inspect those tities.  If you are over a C cup there is a ceiling on the amount you can deduct.  Of course if you are a D cup+ you can capitalize and just pay taxes on the depreciated value of your ASSETs!

But Mrs. Phucker do you only serve conservative clients, that doesn't sound very "Fair and Balanced?!"

Molly:     Well Mr. Beaumont there is one quirky little fella; names Anthony, goes by "Carlos Danger" though.  He's always texting me pictures of his "pork barrel" as he likes to call it.  He says if he could get Universal Single Payer Health Care passed he would get a second pecker sewed on and give me the double treatment!

Crazy 'lil fucker though, says he's running for Deputy Dog in some little village in New York or something?

Inspector:     I tell you what I'm going to go back to Washington and tell the two Davids to leave you alone, go back to Chicago, and suck on my big 'ol Italian Beef!

Bonus Information:

Sexiest Cop (+25) - I don't really watch cop dramas or any drama for that matter.  I only watch sports, politics (as you can tell), and HBO mini-series where hot chicks shed their clothes and get jiggy with dragons!  But if I had to say I'll bend the rules a little and say Claire Danes (not a cop but CIA) in HBO's Homeland.  She is absolutely "bat shit craza,'" but I bet she would do anything to you/with you if she wanted you.  Of course then she would kill you if you tried to break up with her but us guys usually don't think that far ahead when "you know what" is involved!  :)

Crime and Punishment (+25) - You know little Ryan, as my 2nd grade teacher once said (affectionately), was a "little Diablo!"  Me and the boys used to sometimes find ways of shaking the vending machines in certain locations or even getting our hands up inside in just such as way as to sneak a few Snicker bars for free.  I know that sounds bad but I call it education.  All that time spent finding ways of getting my hands into difficult places ended up being great experience later in life as I now try to pry my hands and fingers into difficult locations with certain women in certain tight spaces!  :)


Saturday, July 20, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - We Adore Each Filthy Chore

OK It gets really bad when you are re-posting a re-peat post, but it is what it is and it's just too damn hot right now to think so here you go!

Really though my point here today is something that I've been harping on a lot recently and that is comments!  Comments are like the secret elixir to bloggers, a sweet honey that makes it all worthwhile and makes you strive for more.  And when you get a comment from a blogger you have a "blog-crush" on, well, that is ALmost as good as..... (well, you know)!  :)

So the original (re-post) of "We Adore Each Filthy Chore" is here.  What made me really excited is that one of my all time biggest "blog-crushes," Kimberly Errant Wife said this:

Giselle seeks a FWB - I am laughing my ass off over here! Genius!

Not so happily ever after!
But I did really enjoy writing this post and the follow up post and follow up to the follow up post.  This was one of my earlier "fictional/faux" pieces.  I kind of enjoy sitting back and analyzing this whole Ashley Madison Experience and try to think about how it might affect others.  I remember thinking I might do a whole series of Disney Princesses on Ash Mad.  I wonder what Belle would be looking for when she got tired of the Beast's lack of housekeeping and poor hygene.  What would Aurora be thinking when she realized loves first kiss doesn't mean he's a pistol in bed and does she really have to deal with pre-mature ejaculation for the next 40 years!  What happens to Cinderella and her Prince Charming when as I heard once "he changed from a Greek God to a Goddamed Greek!"  And poor Ariel who gave up a gorgeous Beach Front castle (other side of the beach that is) and a singing career to a dude who can't figure out who the hell he wants to be and is always on the road!

Yeah, happily ever after can be a real bitch.  But thanks to Ash Mad sometimes for a few hours we can at least get a little bit of a "happy ending" if you catch my drift!  :)

It's almost midnight bitches!

Ryan's Repeat
from July 29th, 2011............

Ryan's Liner Notes: This was a two part post so I have included the second post below the first.

So I am always fascinated with paradox/satire (e.g. Catch 22, Catcher in the Rye, Slaughterhouse 5, Ball Four). I had written a post a month earlier and wondered about a sequal to one of my favorite movies that would involve Ashley Madison. Then I started to think about fairy tales and what happens when you get everything you ever wanted? Are you then happy forever? Do you start wanting other things?

So what would happen if we followed one of those Disney Fairytales to the next day or the next year. Would Prince Charming and Cinderella still be happy? Would reality make life difficult just like it does for you and I. How would they reconcile reality? Is he/she really Mr/Ms Right or just Mr/Ms Right Now who will turn into Mr/Ms Wrong in 5 years. We don't do the same things we did 10 years ago, eat the same food, watch the same movies, etc. So how can we expect to be satisfied with the same life partner year after year unless magically we evolve together in sync. Wow, that would be the real fairly tale!

A lot of interesting concepts that are made even more interesting when you add a devilish little concept like Ashley Madison! Wow, married dating, who would have thunk it?

So re-enjoy my twisted little tale!

We Adore Each Filthy Chore
Ashley Madison Theatre – Enchanted II

For some time I have been thinking about taking a stab at some fiction. I’ve enjoyed the FFF’s but wanted to come up with a concept on my own. About 2 months ago I posted the following:

In that post I speculated a sequel to one of my favorite movies that would involve characters finding and using Ashley Madison after their fairly tale gets a bit old. So with that thought my warped mind conjured up a series of sequels to some of our favorite fairly tales where let’s just say our characters deviate off course just a bit perhaps allowing themselves to taste that poison apple that is Ashley Madison!

So here is Enchanted II – Giselle Seeks a FWB

The wedding was beautiful and Giselle was the picture of enchantment in the gorgeous gown she designed herself. She was a bit surprised when Robert chose the Poconos as their honeymoon location but was touched when he said “life with you will be a honeymoon and I want to get started on our life as soon as possible!” “Oh that Robert” she thought “always so practical.” But that’s what she loved about him.

Life was wonderful. Robert was so happy, things were great at work, Morgan finally had the mommy she needed, and of course Giselle was a knockout! Perhaps a bit timid and reluctant in bed at first but she would learn!

Giselle was delighted at her life as well. She finally had the real home she always wanted and a husband and daughter who really needed her. She delighted in sending them off every morning and meeting them at the door as they came home. Yes, Robert was a bit of a slob and disorganized but it was wonderful to have someone to take care of, to sing to, to love. And people were actually buying her dresses she never considered that people would seek her talents, would look to her as someone of great consequence!

And so the Philips lived happily ever after (for now)!

Fast forward 5 years……

Robert slammed the phone down after Giselle called and said she couldn’t pick up Morgan from ballet. “Another meeting with a buyer running late, this Andalusia dresses was just supposed to be a hobby – now it’s a god damn way of life with her, what’s with her!?”

Robert was now representing Brad Pitt in his divorce with Angelina Jolie (who saw that coming); the settlement there alone would be enough for Giselle to never have to work again. Robert thought he had met his soul mate, a woman who would make a home for him and Morgan and who he could cherish and take care of. Now he was married to a career!

When Giselle got home she dropped her coat on the chair and then sighed in agony. My god what an absolute pig! What type of man lacks the common ability to hang up an article of clothing, place dirty cloths in a washing machine, or simply rinse a dish and load a dishwasher? I was to be a queen in Andalusia, this pig thinks I am some common service wench, screw him! People pay me good money to design beautiful clothes for famous people. Then I come home and this guy who makes money off people's sorrows expects me to make Mac & Cheese and wash his filthy tighty whities? I didn’t sign up for this!

Robert and Giselle had a roaring argument that night. Robert would be in heavy negotiations over the Pitt/Jolie divorce and needed Giselle to handle getting Morgan ready for her recital over the next week. But Giselle dropped the big bomb that she was leaving for Paris next Tuesday. Apparently Jean Paul Chooblahnik wanted to design his entire fall shoe collect around Giselle’s dresses. This was the big break she had longed for. This was a line in the sand!

To Robert’s dismay Giselle boarded her Air France jet for destiny. She cried when Morgan waved, she would miss the recital – but the Paris collection was also her dream. The City of Lights was all she dreamed it would be and her dresses were the talk of the show.

At an after party she met Javier a young Portuguese tennis ace who was intrigued by her. After her 4th Cosmopolitan Giselle was very happy and feeling her femininity standing there next to Javier. Being the object of desire was a feeling she had not had in several years. Soon she was in Javier’s room. In the bathroom he grabbed her and kissed her passionately. Soon her dress was around her ankles and his tongue was between her legs. He spun her around and soon she was bent over with her hands on the sink. She was shocked at what was happening. She had seen forest animals screw like this but had never been on the receiving end. Robert was so gentle and sweet with his love making, like an afternoon nap tranquil, quiet, peaceful. Javier’s glistening body was now behind her slapping against her behind in quick rhythm like a tremendous machine.

She felt something in her pelvis. Was she going to throw up in disgust? Not hardly, her stomach quickly felt that same exhilaration she felt on her first roller coaster ride as she plunged down 100 feet. And then there was the gusher she felt between and then down her legs. She screamed in exhilarating bliss! The next two hours, once in the middle of the night, and the next morning were a cavalcade of passionate, energetic sex.

There was another after party the next night where Giselle hoped to meet Javier again. When she didn’t see him she thought she would surprise him in his room. The door was slightly open and when she walked in she saw two hookers, three super models, and three very masculine male underwear models. Apparently Giselle was the last thing in Paris that Javier had not screwed other than a few wall sockets!

Giselle cried the whole night.

But the next day was her big show with Chooblahnik, her professional coming out party.

It was a brilliant success. Giselle returning to New York a fashion star, and Andalusia dresses was on everybody’s lips. Javier was a distant memory.

But at DeGaulle airport she saw a funny ad that caught her eye “La Vie est Courte, vous devriez avoir une affaire – Ashley Madison.” She knew a little French and so she googled Ashley Madison a few days later when she was back home.
“My heavens” she thought, people actually sign up to kiss people they are not married to?

Of course after a few days she couldn’t hold off anymore and she signed up.

“Not looking for another prince charming”
Age 34
5’4” 115# (fit)
Attached Female Looking for Males
Never Smokes

Preferences: Oh these silly checks! I want someone who respects who I am and what I do. No drama! And pick up after yourself, I’m not your mother. Oh, and I don’t like apples so don’t try to buy me an apple martini

What Turns Me On: Up until now I have been turned on when guys save me from trolls, catch me when I fall, or slap me on the rear when they are screwing me in front of a hotel bathroom mirror, just found that one out, lol J

What I am Looking For: I have a nice guy at home and could have married a prince back home so I’m not looking for nice. I want someone who will jump off a cliff with me and take me to places I have never been!

to be continued…….

That's How She Knows You Love Her
Ashley Madison Theater - Enchanted II (Giselle Seeks a FWB)


Giselle signed up for Ashley Madison on a Friday afternoon but then got caught up in another busy weekend of taking care of Robert and Morgan. By Monday she had hardly remembered her impulsive action. But late in the afternoon she did remember and thought she would take a look - "I wonder if anyone is out there, a lonely gentleman just looking to find another lost soul out there to sing with and to adore?"

So what do you think she found? Yep, apparently there were 300+ gentlemen in greater NYC that were in fact looking for NoMorePrincess!

First Giselle thought "what are all of these winks and key requests - I don't have a key to the castle?"

Then she started taking a look at some of those pictures.

"Oh my," she thought, "showing me your winkie is NOT a proper way to introduce oneself to a lady!"

"And these names sleezy, winkie, humpie, suckie.... am I in some perverted fairly tale - Slut Wife and the Seven Horny Dwarves? I don't know about this Ashley Madison at all!"

But the attention was gratifing and she had an hour to kill before going home so she continued to look now focusing on the few actual thoughtful messages and ignoring winks and private access pictures.

She finally found one that actually looked interesting. It was:

"If your looking for a Dr. McDreamy type guy"
6' 175#
Age 39
Attached Male Looking for Females
Never Smokes

His note read as follows:

Dear No Princess,

If you like Pina Coladas, getting lost in the rain, if your not into yoga, if you have half a brain..."

Just kidding but if you would like to escape with me to the Dunes of the Cape (or just the Hamptons) I would love to hear more about you!

I enjoyed reading your profile and I would like to have that feeling of jumping off a cliff with someone special! And no apples :)

Please take a look at my profile and let me know if I can share anything more about myself with you.

Take Care, McD

Giselle thought to herself "this Mr. McDreamy does sound, well dreamy!"

Giselle and her Ashley Madison gentleman corresponded several times the next day on Ashley Madison and then transitioned to her new gmail account. At first just kind words about how the day was going and that the weather was nice. But soon they started sharing their erotic fantasies.

McDreamy said: I want to share passion, not just someone on the receiving end of me, someone who is in rhythm with me, who is willing to lead and to follow and explore where we can collectively go....

Giselle said: I want to be treated like a lady but a lady that you just can't wait to see; gasping to hold and to ravish and discover every part of....

It sounded like they both wanted the same thing which is to say not the same old thing they were currently getting in their relationships. So with that they decided to meet at a bistro McDreamy knew of in the Village that would be far enough away from where each worked and lived.

Giselle was excited. McDreamy said he would be coming from work so he would be in a grey suit with a blue tie. Giselle said she would have on a tight form fitting yellow dress that would give great contour to her well formed body (and added a very thin black thong underneath)!

As McDreamy walked up to the maitre d' he saw her. God, she was hot! Long red hair (strangly just like Giselle), long thin legs (he would like to lick up and down), and what an ass - almost ready to pop out of that dress! He tapped her on the shoulder and said "my dear princess, it is I ..."
Giselle's heart seized as she heard those words from that familiar voice. She turned and yes it was Robert!

"Oh Robert!"


They both said in tandem "What are you doing here? Are you (Not Princess/Lawyer Up)? I don't know what your talking about? OK, yes I am but......wow you look fabulous!"

And then they laughed.

Inside the restaurant a familiar song was playing... "It was my own lovely lady and she said, 'Oh, it's you,'
then we laughed for a moment, and I said 'I never knew.'"

After lunch Robert and Giselle made love all afternoon, on every piece of furniture, and in every room (except the bed and bedroom) :) It was more than just that first time feeling, it was a re-awakening. And it was wonderful to be re-ignited with someone who they cared for so much!

And they lived happily ever after with perhaps an occasional hiccup!

Sunday, July 14, 2013

To the Late Night Double Feature Picture Show

Or I'll Remove the Cause but Not the Symptom!

Man it's been a long time since I've seen Rocky Horror.  I remember sneaking in a six pack into the theater and watching it at that late show in college back in the day.  In retrospect I'm sure that the chicks who dressed up like Janet and ran around the theatre in their undies were not quite as hot as Susan Sarandon.  But at that point I generally had on my "beer goggles" so it was all good to me!

You know I write this blog and I come up with musical lyrics for my titles for each post.  Because of that you would probably think all I think about is music.  But people who really know me know I don't walk around quoting musical lyrics.  No, in fact, I actually spend most of my time quoting movies.  It's simpler than coming up with my own thoughts, just like using music lyrics is easier than coming up with my own titles.

But of course I would not use movie quotes for titles because that would be too obvious if someone who knew me ever read this blog!  :)

But it hit me just the other day that the perfect way to meld by mind and my blog would be through that ultimate cult classic, the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  And no I'm not really a transvestite doctor from outer space!

What does have me thinking about the Rocky Horror Picture Show is what Sandee and I did last week.

Sandee is so fun because I can always be myself around her.  In real life I have not seen anything other than a "kid friendly" movie in probably 5 years.  I think the last movie Shannon and I saw together was Up in the Air, which just made me come away thinking that I had just watched Shannon on film in the form of Alex for the past 2 hours.  Sandee on the other hand loves movies and particularly loves Will Ferrell.  As you might guess I like Will Ferrell also!  We saw the Campaign together some time ago.  The other quirky thing Sandee loves is horror movies - she can't get enough of them.  We did see the Hunger Games together which was fine but I'm not really into the slasher/monster/vampires vs werewolves vs zombies stuff.  Finally Sandee did get me to watch a scary movie a few months ago.  It kind of sucked but we had fun.  The only troubling thing was the movie was set in and around DC and even had some remote scenes set in areas I knew well so I walked away a little spooked.

Anyway, I'm rambling.  All those movies we saw in the daylight; slinking away to an afternoon matinee with all the other creepy people who have nothing better to do on a Tuesday at 3 pm than to see killer teen tributes fight one another on screen (btw - go District 12; that's home you know)!

But all you bloggers of this genre know that one thing that we want most but get the least is that opportunity to feel normal or, let's be real, get to see one another after the sun goes down.

Last week Ryan had some alone time which only happens about once per year.  On this special night Sandee too was available.  And what better way to celebrate our alone-ness than to be together at the Late Night Picture Show!  In this case it was World War Z, something I knew Sandee would like.

Did someone say Free Slurpee Day!
We met at the theatre at 9 pm.  My first thought as I watched Sandee get out of her car - WOW!  It is so nice when a gorgeous woman takes the time to look her most gorgeous for you.  Sandee was in a tight, cotton, low cut sundress and smelled wonderful and had a big wide smile as she walked up to me.  For my part I enjoyed her seeing me in my normal non-work attire of shorts, a "muscle tee shirt (sorry to brag)," and sandals.

I paid for the tickets and we got our seats in the back of the theatre.  Now if I was Kat, I'd be writing about how Sandee gave me a blow-job about now.  Wait, if I was Kat I'd be giving the blowjob.  Wait, that's gross!  Forget about it; I'm not Frank-N-Furter nor am I Kat.

Well, I'd like to say (like Kat) we had copious amounts of hand jobs and oral sex in the back of the theatre but frankly I was trying to make sure I was not giving everybody a golden shower at the shock of Zombies jumping out at me!  Yes, I'm a little bit of a fraidy-cat when it comes to spooky movies.   Sure that's TMI but this is a blog, who cares!  Sandee was so sweet though and didn't give me a hard time about it!  :)

But the movie finally ended and I survived.  We walked out toward the cars and I knew I just couldn't say goodbye.  We went for a drive in Sandee's car and just talked for about 30 minutes.  When we got back to the theatre we kissed in Sandee's car for a great length of time.  Unfortunately it was quiet cramped.  I invited her over to my van and we kissed goodnight for some time more.

Normally I'm a very in control type of person.  In spite of the opportunity the night presented itself I had not really thought about the possibility of spending the night together.  However, as she now sat in my lap in my arms with her hands massaging the back of my head impulse commanded me to ask "would you like to come home with me."

She didn't say no.

We continued to kiss.  I was not sure if no answer meant yes or no.  Should I stop kissing her, let her return to the passenger side of the car, and drive away?  Should I offer a hotel instead?

Unfortunately for all her attributes a negative with Sandee is a lack of communication.  Frankly, I think at that moment I could have just commanded her to come home with me.  But I'm not that kind of guy.

I pressed again.  I knew the answer that she wanted to give.  Should I push for it.  I was pretty sure if I was forceful I could get her to do almost anything at that moment.

I asked again, "do you want to come home with me."

Guys, hint here:  never ask twice.  If she didn't say yes the first time it either meant no or that she just didn't want to say yes.  If you ask a second time it's just going to be no.  Best bet, take no answer as yes, she'll let you know if she really meant no.

That being said there is still honor in being a gentleman and asking a second time.

Her answer was a qualified no.  Unfortunately Sandee was not completely alone that night.  The husband was in town and was now texting and asking when she was going to be home.  He knew she was going to the movie and thanks to her quirkiness knew that she was prone to late night drives and coming and going as she pleased.  Most of the time she was out for late night drives because he had driven her off with his anger.  Apparently he did this too.  Bottom line there was still some time tonight but it wasn't going to be an all-nighter.

And then for the first time ever Sandee put forth an option.  She softly said to me "I have to get home fairly soon but I know a place we can go for a little bit."

That place was down a country road and then a right into a forgotten development started and then stopped abruptly many years ago when people stopped building new homes around here.  Now there was only a forsaken gravel road to a forgotten cul-de-sac where houses were meant to be.  But nothing was there now except the edge of the forest, the fire-flys, and the gentle soft sounds of the night.

I parked and we got into the back of the van.  I felt a little sleezy as I just am not a "do-it in the car kind of guy (although I have done it there before)."  I say that not because I am unimaginative, it's just that I feel Sandee deserves more than a teen-like screw in the back of a car.  But that is what we had that night.

Sandee now sat in the second row captain's chair of my van and I wasted little time placing myself on my knees in front of her.  I kissed her and in tandem my left hand pulled the lever to let the chair back.  I was now on top of her with her legs around me.  I pulled her dress down ahead of my lips as I kissed my way down her neck to her breasts.  Her nipples quickly hardened as I gently played with them with my tongue.  At the same time I moved my hands to her hips and then under her dress and into her panties.  She was now wet and positioned her hips to accomodate my fingers as they moved into her.  With two fingers massaging inside of her she started to move her hips rhythmically.  While at first I felt bad about our location now I wanted her to orgasm right there.  I rose up and slide her panties down and off her legs.  Her dress was now a mere sarong around her belly as she lay before me.

Her legs were now about my shoulders and I turned to kiss her knees.  Those pretty legs gleamed in the moonlight like lines on a dark country road leading to a hoped for restful place.  I kissed my way down to her.  For some reason Sandee has always stopped me from oral sex.  I think it's because she is not used to it and feels ashamed in a way.  I wanted to please her and have it be something she wanted and not a shameful act.  Pushing aside my gentlemanly manner now I force my way and my tongue into her.  This time she did not stop me.

I guess I can't say if she enjoyed it but somewhere between my fingers and my tongue she did sigh in gentle delight.  I rose up to my knees once again and she searched my pants for my cock and pulled it out and rubbed it admiringly.

I fell forward and was again kissing her.  Our hips were pressed together and I could feel our wetness together.  The thought of me being right on the precipice of her just needing one slight push to be inside of her was more than I could take.  I wanted to be in her if only for a moment.

A moment was what it had to be and all that it was, but it did feel great.  No, it was not because I "shot my wad" prematurely.  I could tell she was nervous now.  We had been at that secluded place for longer than we should have been.  I still needed to drive her back to her car and she had to drive back home.  And oh by the way I had to be up for work early the next day.

I hope it's moments like this that define us.  I'm pretty sure I could have talked her into screwing there for another hour if that is what I wanted.  Truth is though the gratification I needed was when she first got out of her car and looked like being with me was a big thing for her (at least she dressed that way).  Asking me to take her to a secluded spot so we could be together for a little longer was my second helping of gratification.  The final helping was seeing and feeling her stimulated and satisfied.

I guess that is what it's all about, knowing when to push and when to stop.  At least I think that is what it's all about.  I'm still learning this stuff, ya' know!  :)

But boy do I love those Late Night Double Feature Picture Shows!

And if you are feeling lucky take the Rocky Horror Picture Show personality test here!  I tested as Frank-N-Furter.  I'm sure it's because I'm sweet, sexy, and mischievous but sweet-transvestite?  Not so much!

And of course take a listen to that opening song from the movie!  Good night!   :)

Friday, July 5, 2013

FFF - Independence Day

Or Goodbye Earl - the Postscript

It's FFF Day - Check out Ad'z blog and join in!

It was July 5th so Mary Ann and I went down to the river to celebrate my anniversary and Independence Day.  One bein' the day I married Earl and the other'n was the day I got rid of him.  It was proper to celebrate at the river.  That river is where I first met Mary Ann, she bein' my best life friend.  When I was a young girl I was introduced to Jesus in that river.  And that river was where I was reborn the night I sent old Earl to Hell.

When I got to thinking about my life it was the men that was never there for me.  In fact it was them that was usually causing me to need somebody in the first place.  That person that had been there for me all these years was Mary Ann.

Last night when I was thinking about today I was looking at my wedding day gown.  I decided to bring it.  I was thinking that shedding it was just another way of sheddin' my old life.  Then Mary Ann and I decided to do some sheddin' together with a bottle of that old Muscadine wine off'n our vines from the shed!  lol  :)

You see Mary Ann and I are sisters and soul mates.  When you get to thinking about it marriage is really all about finding that person you want to share a life with.  The good times and bad is always a little bit better when you are with that person.

Yeah, I know there's that part, the lovin' and such.

A missing person nobody misses...
But you know one thing that Earl did teach me was that you need to love yerself first.  And by that I mean for real.  Earl was about as quick and sloppy with the lovin' as he was at changing oil in that shitbag car of his.  That got me to learnin' how to please myself so if I'm never with a guy ever again that ain't gonna bother me none.

I've got Mary Ann and that's alls that really counts.

Mary Ann this Red Neck Red Ass state ain't never gonna recognize our union but we is more than just plain old partners, we are sisters and lovers both.

"Let the weak be strong........ It's Independence Day!"


It's weird that I love these two songs so much.  I guess the sence of freedom and absolution found in the songs is moving for me.  Maybe I just love powerfull women who rise above the tide yet remain ladies (as the Dixie Chicks and Martina do).  I guess for me it's both beautiful and scary as it reminds me that women will always have a special bond with their female friends and sisters and us guys, in some ways, are always on the outside looking in trying to figure it all out (and of course never will).
Goodbye Earl is a re-make of a song written by Denis Linde (go figure, the dude who wrote "Burnin' Love" for Elvis wrote it) and originally recorded by the Sons of the Desert.  But the Dixie Chicks quickly made it theirs.  It had moderate success on the country and pop charts ahead of the album it was eventually on for the Dixie Chicks.  But it has become a cult classic and certainly a rallying cry for ladies tired of puttin' up crap from all those assholes!  :)

And it wins the award for all time best lyric:  "turns out he was a missing person who nobody missed at all..."  How many of those guys do we know!
I love that Martina McBride song as well although that dip*hit Sean Hannity has ruined it by putting it on as background music to his show.  I guess the song is a stark reminder of the depths some women must go to reach their Independence.

At any rate I hope you watch both videos - they are excellent.  Although the Dixie Chicks video below gives me quite a pause considering how much I like Black Eyed Peas (watch the video, you'll get it).

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Ryan's Duets - In the Beauty of the Lilies

Christ was born across the sea.
With a glory in his bosom that transfigures you and me;
As he died to make men holy, let us die to make men free
While God is marching on.
Ryan's Thoughts, Reflections, and the Best of Gettysburg
For additional thoughts on today please also visit Max at Thoughts from a Mystic Satyr and Shoes at Red Shoe's Chronicles.  Max will be further discussing Gettysburg and Shoes will be talking about the siege of Vicksburg that ended on July 4th, 1863.

Check here and here for some interesting new research and perspective on the battle.

Thoughts and Reflections:

Today is the 150th anniversary of the culmination of the epic 3 day battle that changed the course of America's greatest challenge and helped forge the nation we would become.  In the pristine hills of South Central Pennsylvania 160,000 young men fought and nearly 8,000 died to protect their ideals.  The area today is picturesque and massive in scope.  It's hard to comprehend the vastness of the battle and the hell those men endured on those fateful days.

However, as I am wont to do so often, I enjoy the small and subtle story lines that drive the outcome of the plot.

High Water Mark on day 3
Early on day 1 a savvy cavalry officer, John Buford, realized the strategic importance of the topography and chose to dismount and fight at great odds against the Confederates emerging from the West.  The engagement was folly but the precious hours bought allowed the Union 1st Corps to emerge and deploy west of the town to further obstruct the progress of that Confederate line.  The general of that corps (John Reynolds, perhaps the Union's best corps commander) would die from wounds received while valiantly directing infantry and artillery.  But fate would be for and against the Union over the next few hours.  A Major General Doubleday would take Reynold's place and hold the line for another few hours.  That Doubleday would go on to greater fame in another field later in life.  The Union line was bolstered by the presents of it's most famous Iron Brigade of hearty Mid-West boys.  But even the Iron Brigade could not hold when boys from North Carolina flanked them.  By the evening the Union had to retreat to ground south of the town.  But the day's action cost the Confederacy dearly in men and time.  The town they won was meaningless against the hills they now looked at to the east and south.  The time won by the Union's vanguard of Buford, Reynolds, Doubleday, and those Iron Brigade men from Indiana and Wisconsin meant that the bulk of the Union army could arrive and deploy overnight along the precious protected high ground overlooking the angelic fields to the southwest of town.  Upon the ground they had just recently won so dearly on Seminary Ridge the Confederates could only look east to Cemetery Ridge and know the hell they would pay the next day.  That first day of action showed that the minutes you give mean something and the interest earned pays in ways you may not know of at the time; but it does mean something.  Little things do matter.

The massive collision of armies on the second day of the battle is beyond the scope of anything that had or probably ever will occur on the North American continent.  The Confederates on the Union left fought bravely and at great cost in actions that transformed beautiful places like a "Peach Orchard" and a "Wheat Field" to "Devil's Den" and "Slaughter Pens."  And yet by the end of the day the Union had refused the line and at the extreme end of the line the battle came down to boys from Alabama charging up a hill at boys from Maine.  Those boys from Maine fought out and tired and out of ammunition finally fixed bayonets and at horrific odds (nearly 2:1) staged a heroic oblique charge down the hill sweeping away the remaining Confederates and shoring up the Union left and preserving the day.  Amid the 160,000 troops engaged a mere 1,000 men from Maine and Alabama determined the fate of the battle on that second day.  Actions like those on Little Round Top show the meaning of the power of 1 and that small things matter in the great scope of life.

And yet life is a collection of irony.  Private Wesley Culp had grown up in that small Pennsylvania town.  Young Wesley apprenticed and learned to make harnesses for horses.  When his employer moved to Virginia so did young Wesley.  At the outbreak of the war Wesley joined his friends in what would become the famed "Stonewall Brigade."  By July, 1863 Wesley was a veteran of many of the great battles of the Eastern Theatre of the War (1st and 2nd Manassas, Fredricksburg, Chancelorsville, and the famous Valley Campaign that forged the indelible image of that famed "Stonewall Brigade").  On the fateful 3rd day of the battle, Wesley Culp and the men of the 2nd Virginia looked up at the hill named after Wesley's paternal uncle.  Wesley and his regiment charged bravely up the hill but Wesley would not make it to the top dieing from his wounds near his family's farm.

To the south of that Culp's Hill engagement the center of the Confederate line 12,500 strong gave one last heroic, yet fateful charge.  Their goal a small "copse of trees."  While a few from Gen. Lewis Armistead's Brigade made it to and briefly broke through the Union lines, they were quickly thwarted and beaten back.   Gen. Armistead was killed in that attack, ironically in front of and quite close to troops commanded by his dear pre-war friend Gen. Winfield Scott Hancock.

I don't know what the life lesson is gained from Young Wesley or Gen. Armistead is, perhaps it's that you really can't go back home.  That's probably not the case, perhaps it's that you never know where life will lead you and amid the massive universe the paradox is that you never know.  So I guess you need to make sure you are living for the little things in life that make it worthwhile.

Civil War "hottie?"
Best of Gettysburg:

Speaking of little things it wouldn't be my blog if I didn't comment on travel or cuisine (no, today's post is not about hooking up with Civil War MILFs).  Although Belle Boyd to the left was quite the little Confederate seductress, bedding many a Yank for a bit of stratgic information!  So since Gettysburg is a place I truly enjoy let me speak about a few out of the way places you might look for if you care to travel to this wonderful place! 

That being said while the battlefield and the central town square are beautiful don't be surprised if you are traveling north along the Emmitsburg or Baltimore Pikes and feel you are traveling through the Jersey Shore of Civil War sites!  One minute you will be looking to your right and see the focal point of Pickett's Charge and then a half mile later you will pass Pop's Battlefield Fries and Ghost Tours.  It's both funny and a guess a bit sad but that is what the selling of history and the commercialization of Gettysburg has become.  But look around and you can find some wonderful spots.

Ryan's Favorite Battlefield Stop (Devil's Den) - If the kids are getting antsy Devil's Den is like a natural playground and they will love climbing all over the rock outcropping.  Although I caution you there are some steep drops if you are not careful.  From Devil's Den you can look up toward Little Round Top.  One of the best known ghost stories is that of the Confederate soldier depicted in Alexander Gardner's famous photo "Confederate Sharpshooter."  Later analysis revealed that the photo was staged and the soldier was moved to the site by the photographic crew (about 40 yards south of the site).  Urban ledgend has it that the Confederate soldier (angered by that indignity) haunts this place.

Ryan's Favorite Restaurant (Dobbin House Tavern) - After a hot day on the battlefield nothing is better than cooling off in the Springhouse Tavern in the basement of the Dobbin House Inn.  It is as if you are stepping back in time as you walk down the staircase into the natural coolness created from the spring.  They have a great selection of sandwiches and all are good.  A must however is the "King's Onion Soup."  This is the best Onion (King rather than French) Soup I have ever tasted.  You must finish with the Colonial Gingerbread with Lemon Sauce.  Before you leave check out the Underground Railroad Museum at the Inn.

Alternate Places Nearby (Emittsburg/Thurmont, MD) - About 20 minutes south of Gettysburg is a wonderful area full of outdoor activities and history.  The Grotto of Lourdes on the campus of Mt. Saint Mary's University is beautiful and tranquil.  It is a replica of it's namesake shrine in France.  If the kiddies are tired of history and tranquility they will love the Catoctin Zoo close by.  The zoo is small and intimate and gives you a much better way to get near exotic animals in a way you can't do at the DC zoo.  Given the elevation it is also not a flaming cauldron of Hell like the DC Zoo in the summer!  If you need something to eat at the end of the day I'd suggest the crab cakes at the Shamrock  Diner also close by.  If you are feeling real adventurous you might just take a little detour to the west of Thurmont  along State Route 77 and see if Barack and Michelle are taking the weekend off at Camp David, I hear they have great Skeet Shooting up there!

As you reflect on the battle and it's meaning take a listen to Johnny Cash's version of the Battle Hymn of the Republic.
I heard once that if God has a voice it's likely to sound like Johnny Cash to human ears.  I believe that!