FFF - Questions

Hey, since that helicopter overhead just uploaded everything you've ever looked at on your computer you may as well join into FFF at Advizor's Blog!

I'll apologize in advance for being too Washington Wonkish!  But I do so love DC humor!  And the content of this post does not represent my endorsement of the IRS, I hate to pay taxes as much as the next dude!  :)


Inspector:     Are you Ms. Molly Phucker?

Molly:     Why yes officer, why do you ask?

Inspector:     I'm not a police officer I'm Special Agent Ryan Beaumont from the Cincinnati office of the Internal Revenue Service.  I need to ask a few questions about the 501c3 status of your organization the Tax Independence Tea Society & Abolition of Social Services for America, hereto for TITS & ASS for America. 

Molly:     Oh my, what possibly could be your interest in my little social welfare organization?

Inspector:     Mame are you in fact the CEO of this organization?

Molly:     No sir, I AM the organization, my friends made me a tax exempt non-profit.  My tits are the Director of Social Services and my ass is the Vice President for Outreach.

Inspector:     Ms. Phucker you do realize you can't use your tits and ass as a tax write off.

Molly:    But sir, my tits and ass are in fact the social welfare programs we provide to our constituents.

Inspector:     And your constituents are who, exactly?

Molly:     Oh they are my rascally little Red Republican boys from that little capital over there.  They do need me so!

Inspector:      Are you telling me that elected members of congress have set up your body parts as a tax shelter claiming 501c3 status?

Molly:     Oh those poor boys need me.  Just the other day Johnny-Boy, that's Speaker Boehner; you know he loves it when I make him dress in a leather garter and spank him until he cries.  He told me I give him the courage to go to work everyday.  He says he'd rather get whipped by me than get boned at both ends by those crazy pricks Cantor and Issa.

Inspector:  You don't say

Molly:  And speaking of my darling Eric, that's the House Majority Leader you know.  He makes me dress up like Michelle (Bachman that is).  He likes me to pretend I'm her so he can "scewer the loins of his ice princess with his hot Johnsonville Brat until I cum Cheese curds."



Inspector:  Ms. Phucker this is all well and good but I think you are going to have a hard time convincing the IRS that these are in fact social welfare programs for truly needy citizens.  Your organization is under suspicion of using your 501c3 status as a front for felonious kinky-crazy activities.

Molly:     How can you say that, why Senator McConnell just the other day said that tickling my ass with a feather is the only way he can laugh off those humorless bastards Reid and Pelosi.  You know nobody gets the simple joy of a filibuster anymore!

And of course good 'ol Rudy G adores coming over on Friday nights for a girls night mani pedi.  He does Marilyn so well, us ladies are all so jealous!

So see they really do need me!

Inspector:     OK Ms. Phucker, I get it now - yes America needs you to be tax exempt!  But as a duly appointed representative of the IRS I will have to inspect those tities.  If you are over a C cup there is a ceiling on the amount you can deduct.  Of course if you are a D cup+ you can capitalize and just pay taxes on the depreciated value of your ASSETs!

But Mrs. Phucker do you only serve conservative clients, that doesn't sound very "Fair and Balanced?!"

Molly:     Well Mr. Beaumont there is one quirky little fella; names Anthony, goes by "Carlos Danger" though.  He's always texting me pictures of his "pork barrel" as he likes to call it.  He says if he could get Universal Single Payer Health Care passed he would get a second pecker sewed on and give me the double treatment!

Crazy 'lil fucker though, says he's running for Deputy Dog in some little village in New York or something?

Inspector:     I tell you what I'm going to go back to Washington and tell the two Davids to leave you alone, go back to Chicago, and suck on my big 'ol Italian Beef!

Bonus Information:

Sexiest Cop (+25) - I don't really watch cop dramas or any drama for that matter.  I only watch sports, politics (as you can tell), and HBO mini-series where hot chicks shed their clothes and get jiggy with dragons!  But if I had to say I'll bend the rules a little and say Claire Danes (not a cop but CIA) in HBO's Homeland.  She is absolutely "bat shit craza,'" but I bet she would do anything to you/with you if she wanted you.  Of course then she would kill you if you tried to break up with her but us guys usually don't think that far ahead when "you know what" is involved!  :)

Crime and Punishment (+25) - You know little Ryan, as my 2nd grade teacher once said (affectionately), was a "little Diablo!"  Me and the boys used to sometimes find ways of shaking the vending machines in certain locations or even getting our hands up inside in just such as way as to sneak a few Snicker bars for free.  I know that sounds bad but I call it education.  All that time spent finding ways of getting my hands into difficult places ended up being great experience later in life as I now try to pry my hands and fingers into difficult locations with certain women in certain tight spaces!  :)