Wednesday, June 13, 2012

And I, Hate Everything About You

OK, so I said I was going to take a break for the summer.  These posts I've been putting out, except for Kat's Chain the other day, have mostly been written a few weeks ago.  I've really just been chillin' out by the pool recently.

But occasionally as you know important world events demand that I comment.  And so it is today that I find myself having to reflect on the eternal question -

Does true love last!

And sadly we have found that it doesn't!   :(

Yes apparently Bibi and Poldi, that beautiful and previously thought eternal Tortoise couple from the Austrian Zoo have in fact answered that question!

See link below:
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/115-years-together-tortoises-separate-ways-182500381.html

Bitch, I gave you the best 115 year of my life!
Apparently 115 years is the max on true love as Bibi finally pulled the plug on the relationship by attempting to bite Poldi's shell.  Which, by the way, also answers that age old question.

 Yes, it is the woman's fault!

The zookeepers did apparently try couples therapy and aphrodisiacs to no avail.

As one keeper said "we get the feeling they can't stand each other anymore."  Of course you could take this as a study in evolutionary science and human exceptionalism.  Yes, I said humans are exceptional; it usually only takes us about 10 years to discover we can't stand each other anymore!

The final thing I have to say to Bibi is, I don't think there is a check mark for erotic biting on Ashley Madison if you plan on going that route now that you are free!

And Poldi, keep your chin up there are a lot of pretty young reptiles out there just looking for a well aged sugar daddy like you!



http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/115-years-together-tortoises-separate-ways-182500381.html

6 comments:

Gertie said...

I love that Ugly Kid Joe Song, and I heard about the turtles on the radio this morning and laughed myself.

Maybe with all the Vampire frenzy in pop culture they should add a checkbox for biting to the AM. :)

Ponyboy said...

Thanks for filling me in on this Ryan, I had no idea that this iconic couple had called it quits.

First it was Brad and Jenn, then Ben and Jlo, now these two.

How can any of us make it, if they can't!?

Elle said...

This breaks my heart.

Luna Moon said...

Geez...I write a post about "I Love You" and then I see your post. How depressing. ;-)

If tortoises can't stay together...we're ALL doomed!

Red Shoes said...

Maybe carapace biting is some kind of tortoise kink or something... you think?

~shoes~

Ryan Beaumont said...

@ Gertie - Yes biting would be far better information than hearing if someone like "Cottage Country"

@ Pony - The good news for you is that by my estimates you and the wife can look forward to about 105 more good years. But after that? Keep Ashley in mind if you plan on being a Sexy Centenarian!

@ Elle - Somthing told me this would be an emotional story for you. I want to hear a back biting story about the Devil now!

@ Luna - Your story was much better

@ Shoe - Where you are from they'd just fry the bitch and eat her with some breaded pickels!