You Clearly Didn't Think this Through

Ah the story of my life!

But really in my continual pursuit to rip off any decent blogging idea and turn it into, well, that stuff my neighbor's cat did in my garage the other day, I am prepared to do a book report.

As I remember Riff did a book report once.  Of course he did his report on a book about Open Marriage.  To be fair I don't think he really read the book, I think he admitted that.  I think he did what I usually do and that's read the first and last page and the jacket and then look up a few blurbs on-line.  That's probably what I'll do here.

I think someone like Advizor once did a post about that 50 Shades Book not too long ago.  But now I can't quite remember if he said that he in fact read it or if he was just talking about looking at all the hot ladies who were reading that book.  Speaking of Advizor, check him out this and next week as he will be taking over FFF for the indefinity future! 

But anyway, it's in fact that book that I am discussing today!

A Book Report on that 50 Shades Book by Ryan Beaumont

I have to admit I was not really interested in the book.  After all, I really don't read very much.  Why read when you can watch Honey Boo Boo on TV!   :)

But I'm always about the women you know.  And it seems all the chicks really dig this book.  They really dig Pinterest too but I looked at that site and there were no "pins" for chasing MILF's, eating BBQ, or watching college football so I decided to pass.  But this 50 Shades thing seemed like a real winner so I thought I better check it out and try to understand why all these chicks dig it so much. Maybe it could help me in pursuit of those things I couldn't "pin" on Pinterest (namely those hot MILF's)!

So this past weekend since I had time on my hands (God knows I wasn't fightin' that Black Friday crowd at Tyson Square) I went by our neighborhood Target, you know the one 50% of our Net Worth goes to each week and picked up a copy.  Yes Shannon has a bad Target habit that she is trying to get rid of by getting into a bad Wegman's habit!

But I'm just rambling now, let's get onto that 50 Shades Book!

So as I started the book I was not sure how I'd feel.  Was I looking for entertainment or an eduction?  I have to admit I am not really a kinky BDSM kind of guy.  I'm a romantic or perhaps a silly romantic scoundrel in that Rhett Butler mold.  Well really it's just that I have enough trouble getting that dang bra unclasped so I sure was never into tying someone or something up.  But as I said I needed to find out what the fuss was about so off I went.

"How have I gotten myself into this?"  It started out.  Immediately I felt welcome though slightly threatened.  I too was bewildered and looking for answers.

But the tagline alone drew me in as well, "A young free range chick..." and "a dominating, ravenous...." OMG so hot!

Within the first page the writer speaks of the heroine's rescuer laying her gently on a countertop, mesmerizing her with his hands, and coolly asking "you like my collection" as he displays his instruments of pain and pleasure.  Yes this would be educational and entertaining!

I was drawn in, I couldn't stop reading now even if I wanted to.

Each chapter was elegantly and efficiently written.  Each with a sultry story with succulence dripping from each page.  Each escapade was like a lesson on pleasure with simple ingredients and minimal directions to follow.  Each yielding ecstasy to the pallet.

Check out the hot trailer (here)!

And so the pages flew by.  "Dripping thighs," "spanked breasts," and legs bound and tied.  Multiple recipes for spanking, whipping, basting, pounding with the end result of erect appendages, "steamy white (or dark) meat," and "sticky fingers."

Me being a bit of the scoundrel in search of a demure chick to transform was most taken by the Coquettish Croquettes!  Five easy steps to fluffy puffs of juicy breast meat bursting with a slight Creole flavor that always feels so delightful in my mouth!  Yes, I could easily imaging enjoying this Coquette on some elegant inn balcony overlooking Bourbon Street.

Yes "50 Shades of Chicken" is a culinary delight with a lot of fun written transformations surrounding the adventures of our poultry heroine.  The recipes are very easy to follow, simple and succinct, and don't involve a large number of ingredients and none of them will kill you at your local Kroger, Wegmans, Giant, Piggly Wiggly, Publix, or wherever you shop.

Oh, btw the title to today's post is from that Cher Lloyd song that has been so popular recently.  I used to beat drums occasionally back in the day so I like percussion.  I think it's so funny that in this song Cher's screams are a percussion instrument.  Listen, she screams on the 4th beat of every 4th measure!

Yeah I "never had much game...grrrr"

Do I sound like a helicopter?"