Monday, April 15, 2013

Ryan's Repeats: Should (Twenty) **** (Eight) % Appear too Small, Be Thankful I don't take it all.

You know one of the benefits of writing a blog this long is that you start looking forward to certain posts one might do annually.

You mean I still owe more!
Well it's Tax Day in America which means it's time for one of those favorite posts of the year - my tax day rant.  The day I get to pretend I'm a Tea Partier!   :)

Except this year I'm so lazy that I'm going to amend my returns by using my 2011 Tax Day rant for this year's tax day rant.  I'll even throw in a link to my 2012 Tax Day rant (here).  I kind of like it this way, it makes me appear transparent!  Mitt squawked over giving up any of his returns and here I am giving up three years of Tax Day rants.  Makes me feel like a 1%'er!

Speaking of those tax brackets I remember the first year, a few years back, when Shannon and I finally flew off that tax chart in the back of that 1040 booklet.  I have to say I felt a little proud.  Well at least until I multiplied that taxable income figure by 28% and could only take off a measly $7,940 and then came up with a figure just north of 4 figures.  Crap, where is that Cayman islands tax shelter when I need it!

Damn!  That sure sucked!  Well I'm sure they spent it well.  :)

But I just have one question with my returns this year.  In spite of all the talk about cutting government spending and eliminating waste on funding stupid projects like fruit fly research could we PLEASE just have ONE wasteful government program where we spend ridiculous amounts of money researching how long a mid-40's white guy (like moi) can keep it up while getting blown by a 20-something, big titied, blond, stripper!

See for me that's a meaningful use and good stewardship of the public's tax dollars!

Ryan's Repeats:

from April 14th, 2011.....

'Cause I’m the taxman, Yeah, I’m the taxman

I hate that I received such a wonderful compliment earlier this week from Prowling with Kat and then follow with a dopey posting. But I had this on my “to do” list so here goes. And I will write a more appropriate response to Kat a little later.

But for now Kat, I very heartfelt thank you!

Yes tomorrow is Tax Day in America, the ultimate “anti-holiday.” So in celebration of the $1,900 additional chunk Uncle Sam is taking out of my rear end I thought I would write a celebratory post!

But don’t worry; I’m not a wing nut so this won’t be any tea party rant. I think I said once I’m a left of center/Bill Clinton kind of guy. I would say I like the current Pres but Bill and I are BBQ eaten, lecherous, skirt chasin,’ southerners so I feel a kindred spirit with him! A rare bread of straight southern male WASP’s that are blue’s. Yes, I proudly walk to the beat of a different drummer! OK, enough politics.

So here’s the deal. Rather than take my $1,900 and drop another bomb on the Middle East, why don’t you let me keep it and really stimulate the economy! Come on Mr. Pres, I know you really are a Keynesian (as in John Maynard Keynes, father of public sector macroeconomic monetary policy; not Kenya). So if you monetize me, I’ll make it work for the greater good! :)

Here are some of the things I could do and the outcomes:

  • Ashley Madison – spend more money and allow Noel Bitterman to move into a bigger house thus stimulating the housing sector and helping all the skilled workers that will build the house
  • Hotel Industry – Meet more women on AM, spend more time in hotel rooms thus stimulating this sagging sector. And with all the sheets I’ll tear up it will help the textile industry as well
  • Restaurant Industry – I’m a classy guy, I always like to take my special ladies out to lunch so think of the help here and I’m a good tipper as well so it will help the waitron as well (bet you didn’t know the neutered word for restaurant servers).
  • Big Oil - Yes, let's throw some more money to the oil/gas sector with all those miles I drive to my encounters!
  • Wine Industry - I love to bring a bottle to any hotel encounter, can you say Northern Coast Pinot! Yes, Northern California has been hit very hard by the economic downturn so any California Red's I buy will be a big boost.
And most importantly for Womankind….

I think you know the answer here! My goodness, the amount of stimulus I could deliver to the women of the world……Priceless! J

Sorry, I know I’m a smart ass!

And I guess that was all politics but a little sexy don’t you think!

I promise some cliffhangers in my Sandra and Shannon stories next week. 



Tom said...

You might find this article interesting: How the Maker of TurboTax Fought Free, Simple Tax Filing.

Basically the question is why don't we do taxes in America the way they do in Denmark, Sweden, and Spain -- the government sends you a prepared tax return saying, "we think you owe us/we owe you." You either accept it, or make any changes/deductions, and send it back.

Of course, the Tea Partiers freak out and say, "Do you really want THE GOVERNMENT doing your taxes for you?!?!?"

Overlooking the fact that the government already DOES your taxes for you. They have to do your taxes when they check your return. The only difference is they would be doing it first, rather than after. In fact, you can look at it as you are checking their work instead of they are checking yours.

So why don't we do this system?

Oh yeah... Turbo Tax and H&R Block and all those accountants who make tons of money this time of year doing your taxes for you. They have lobbyists... we don't.

Oh well.

Ryan Beaumont said...

You said it there Tom, I'm right there with you! It's all about the man right? Or I guess in this case H&R Block. :)

But you know us Americans are always the rugged invidualists. We would rather do it ourselves or pay someone to do it because we think we are a little smarter and can find a few more pennies to deduct than anyone else. At least that is the way I see it. I still can't get my wife to save her toll tickets though when she is on business travel. DRAT, missed deduction! And I wish I could right off all her fricken parking tickets! :)