Monday, July 31, 2017

It Took an Awful Lot of Trouble Just to Make Me Understand

The Firm was a mid to late '80's super-group formed by friends Jimmy Page (of Led Zeppelin guitar fame) and Paul Rodgers (from Free and Bad Company who performed on the Led Zep able).  They only produced two albums but they were awesome.  They were a wonderful blend of 70's power rock blended with 80's synth and productions sensibilities.  They did evoke images of that 80's wonderment of teen angst amid the backdrop of those odd times just before the world turned 'round with the Berlin Wall, the internet, and cable news.  The challenges before seem so tame now, but at the time they were enormous and the Firm helped to articulate.

The words above are from the song "Satisfaction Guaranteed" but as we know satisfaction is never guaranteed is it?

Shannon was my "it" girl in high school.  No, not that Shannon; this Shannon.  I wrote about her once before.

I think the fact that I have always had a penchant for infatuation led to my lack of luck with girls in high school.  The real foolish part was my lack of luck was not from lack of opportunity it was from a ridiculous sense of determination towards a particular individual who had my attention at that time.  I think now we call it "creeper," I prefer to call it loyalty!  :)

I guess even today I have a problem with getting attached to someone and not being able to see the forest from the trees.  It's probably why I have stuck with my current Shannon well past the point any normal person would.  HS Shannon was not necessarily the prettiest and certainly not the most popular.  Well she was very pretty but not what you would call "traditionally" hot or even sexy.  She was thin, demure, and somewhat diminutive (though more thin than short as she is of average height).  She perhaps looked a little like that brunette singer from Banarama.  Like those Banarama singers your eyes tended to first focus on the blondes but the more you looked at the brunette (Keren Woodward) the more you realized how gorgeous she was and how much she was the most attractive in the group.

Shannon was always sort of adjacent to my friend groups.  I always had a feeling she liked me through middle and early high school.  I never acted on anything until one day early in my senior year I realized she was beautiful.  I remember slow dancing with her at the firm after game "hop" in high school.  She smelled so good and her body felt perfect.  I talked with her most of the night and the vibes felt good.  I was pretty sure I would ask her out very soon.  We had a few classes together and we often talked, she was very easy to talk too.  However, once I started to "like" it seemed more difficult and forced.  It was me not her!

As has always been my penchant I hesitated.  That hesitancy cost me.  A buddy of mine asked her out.  He was a real "it" guy; blonde/blue eyed, in a band, great personality.....  It was pretty much over, they dated for the better part of the year.

Did I tell you Shannon had about four friends all of whom were perfectly attractive by any normal person's standards and all of whom were purported to be interested in me (but reliable high school sources).  Late in the year things between Shannon and her beau were getting diced, I had hopes.  At each party I went to in spite of knowing there were possibilities I held onto the hope that Shannon one day would be my girl.

Friend 1, Anita (one of Shannon's friends) was supposedly interested in me.  At a mid-winter party I talked to her throughout the evening.  She is very nice (and brilliant btw, has become VERY successful in life).  I didn't make a move; she got drunk and was making out with another guy by the end of the night.  Strike one for Ryan.  But I was still saving myself for Shannon.

Friend 2, Lucy is one of the sweetest people I've ever know.  We remained friends through college as we both went to Big State U, hung out at the same frats, and are still friends on Facebook.  Lucy has beautiful eyes and has always been so easy to talk too; perpetually happy and good natured.  Personality-wise I could not have been with a more perfect person.  But every time I was with Lucy, Shannon was close by.  And for that I could never get my mind off Shannon.

Friend 4, Evie is gorgeous by today's global standards.  I think she was of Iranian heritage with cafe au lait skin but with firey red hair.  She was tall and had a great figure.  If I met her today I would not shun temptation.  But my high school self did not quit know what to feel, failing to traditionalism.  I never pressed though those same purported high school sources said she was interested in me.

Did I tell you all these girls were all in the "smart classes" and have all since become very successful?

Friend 5, Marcie was probably the most interested in me.  I remember senior week at the beach walking with her along the beach at night and talking to her for probably hours.  Stupid me didn't make a move; I was thinking about Shannon back in the room on the other side of the Dunes.  I did make out with Marcie later at a party.  But to her credit I think she figured out that I was settling and just wanted any action I could get.  She made an opportune exit and nothing really happened beyond that.

That same night I walked on the beach with Marcie our big party ended up "partying" beyond daybreak.  I woke up in the car back in front of our hotel.  I remembered very little beyond that walk and talk with Marcie.  My friends told me that later that night Shannon and I connected and we had sex.  At least four of my friends corroborated the story.  I really didn't know what to think.  I was suspicious but I was anxious to be in Shannon's presence to assess the validity of the story.  Of course I soon found out it was B/S, my friends were playing a joke.

I know it's awful; I deserved so much better.  Then again I once was part of a team of pranksters who handcuffed my drunk friend and painted lipstick all over his face and then dumped him in his yard.  No, I deserved the prank as much as the next idiot friend from our group.

Shannon and I never did have sex, we never even kissed.   I continued to see her over the next summer and into college. Once a friend of mine and I stopped by an intimate "parent-away-for-the-weekend-party" at Marcie's house where Shannon and Friends 1-5 were present.  It was a gold mine!  Two guys, five girls how can you not get laid!  I found a way not too because I was there for Shannon.  She knew it and all her friends knew it.

Well, I'm not sure what the moral of this story is other than it's the end of the month and I need a post.  Perhaps it's that persistence may pay in a broad sense but rarely for a specific instance.  As much as I always like to say persistence and tenacity eats efficiency for lunch I'd say flexibility eats persistence for dinner when it comes to women.

I guess that's my story for the day and I'm sticking with it.

Now here is some great '80s music, enjoy!  And now I'm wondering if I take Shannon to Depeche Mode at Verizon Center will she think I'm the best!   :)




No comments: