Friday, January 4, 2013

FFF - Invitation

Check Out FFF This week on Advizor's Blog!

"If I get one more 'manditory invitation' I'll scream," she thought to herself.  How many times must one "meet and greet" to stay "relivant" and "in the public eye."

"Screw it," she said to herself.  "All I want to do tonight is lounge around my room in my undies and please myself with the the person I hold dearest!"  Me!

If my "management team" won't let me do that in private I guess I'll just give those Paparazzi a thrill!  I don't even want a piece of the "straight to DVD" sex video on the back end - they can have it.

And so the headline the next day on TMZ was:

"Starlet a Real Crowd Pleaser as She Pleases Herself"

And on OMG: "Finger me this Batman, someone forgot to tell LL 'don't wear a see through black chemise after Labor Day in public!'"

And finally the National Enquirer had this to say:
"I hope she washed those hands after touching that bearded dragon!"

As I so often do I am going to cheat this week.  I was on vacation and was unable to get an FFF up last week.  But a story hit me immediately when I saw Advizor's picture.  So on a very long plane ride (which I may tell you about later) I mentally wrote this tale.
Sorry to be late Advizor but I guess better late than never.  Although I think the lady in this picture might have preferred never!  And since I am cheating I may as well up the anti by making my late entry a shameless copy of an old favorite.  Take a look at the original (and far better version) here.  But anyway, in the immortal words of that baseball great Ernie Banks "let's play two!"  Here goes....
FFF - Chained!
I had borne a lifetime of disappointment as Fortunata's unfortunate friend and confidant.  But as she embarked on her latest insult I vowed revenge.  My family's motto states "Nemo me impune lacessit!"  On my family's honor Fortunata's wrongs would be redressed with the chains of my retribution. 
Yes, that which Fortunata had so often deprived me of was in fact her weakness.  With a feeling of smug impunity she often looked upon the men she enjoyed like a fine Amontillado; something to savor for a moment and then spit out when needs had been fulfilled.  But she had drank of my Amontillado once too often.  And so on one Carnival's Eve I set upon my plan to right those wrongs that had been set upon me by that vixen who so often drank too much of her own self importance.
"Fortunata!  Fortunata!"  I called to her.  "I am so well met by you this fine evening.  How dazzeling you look for Carnival.  Oh my dear I must tell you of my latest folly.  The dear Luchesi has asked me to join him on a holiday.  I think he is quite the catch.  I must introduce you to him so that you can let me know if he is worth the effort.  You are so well known of these matters.  With men I am so easily taken as my experience is so slight.  I would so easily take a Blacksmith for a Baron and be none the wiser.  Please my dear Fortunata let me take you to my Luchesi and you will know if my tender thoughts are well found."
"Luchesi?" Fortunato replied.  "I do hope you are referring to the Luchesi of Cortina and not of Corsica.  Oh my dear Montressa you are so lucky to know me.  Without me you would run off with a man that is no better than a cheap Sherry and assume he was the Amantillado you wished for."
"Come, let us go to this Luchesi.  Where are you keeping him to yourself my dearest friend?"  Fortunata said with a wry smile that told of her inevitable misdeeds most certainly already fermenting in her plagued mind.
Had she known of the sweet icy fermentation I had envisioned for her she would not have been so well engaged.

So I motioned her to follow me.  I told her Luchesi and I were going to share a glass of Amontillado he had newly found in Genoa and had brought to me as a gift to the voyage he now proposed.

We walked down passages to the depths of the castle and toward the cellars.  Fortunata asked me to describe my Luchesi so she would not be startled should he not be he who I thought.

I told her that he had long jet black hair and the warmest of olive eyes and skin warmed and weathered by the slopes.  I told her of his beautiful voice that always held the most elegant and newest poetry to his tongue. 
Fortunata quickly retorted, "Oh my dear Montressa I fear I know this Luchesi.  He is not the man you think he is.  He is indeed a knave of the worst order.  What is worse is I hear that he enjoys delivering his foul lust to his unfortunate ladies in the form of a Spanish inquisition!  Too often a fair maid has found herself bound and naked to the receiving end of his angry tempestuous whip.  Once shamed and beaten she is then his toy with which to play and too often discarded as he searches for his next prey."

"Whatever do you mean my dear Forunata?  You are so good and true to me."

Fortunata replied, "My sweet Montressa what you do not know is that your evil Baron enjoys chaining his prey and feasting on their innocents."

"Oh Fortnata how did I get myself into this and how can I avoid being his prey."

With an endearing firmness that belied her true nature Fortunata stated "My dear I must help, I insist.  I will go to your vault and prepare myself in the manner of his wishes.  Go to your Luchesi and tell him that I wish to have a word with him in private before I bless your union.  When he arrives and sees me prepared for his debauchery he will not be able to withhold his sins.  You must be near in order to watch his treachery and then you will know that he is not the one for you.  In this way we will catch him in his misdeeds and set you free."

"Oh my dear Fortunata, how do I deserve you.  You are too good to me."

"Montressa it is for you that I do this.  I will bear his whip if it is you that I save.  You are lucky to have me."

And so I was ready to spring my trap.  For I did know of this Luchesi as his reputation did introduce him on most occasions.  I did in fact know that he was much like that Marquis de Sade that much had been written.  I also knew that he was one of the few men in Torino that my Fortunata had not tasted of.  The thought of me taking a holiday with a man she could not have would be too much for her.  The thought of this knave Luchesi was the perfect trap.

Fortunata and I found our way to the cellars and to the fine cask of Amantillado.  Before I sprung my trap she and I enjoyed a dram of that sweet elixir.  As we waited for Luchesi we were quickly warmed by the sweet liquid.  And as I witnessed Fortnata's giddiness rising as her drink was melting down her throat I started to close the trap.

"Where-ever has my Luchesi gone to, he said he would be here by the hour of 9."  I exclaimed in disgust.

Fortunata replied "Yes, this must be that Luchesi of Corsica; only a fiend would leave you in this dark place my good Montressa."

"Fortunata I will go find him and send him to you; I will not make you seek him out nor suffer the indignity of his error.  Continue to enjoy my Amontillado and I'll away to seek him and return him to your favor with haste."

Fortunata nodded an approval and motioned my leaving with a flip of the hand.  I knew she was enjoying the Amontillado and my need of her.  And of course I knew she looked forward to an encounter with Luchesi should he arrive.

I left to find Luchesi.  He was not hard to find.  He was in the wardrobe of my room.  Surprisingly he fit me well.  His dark cape, hat, and scabbard soon hid the distinction of the wearer.  I moved quickly through the party.  Most ignored me but some bid their fond salutations to their friend Luchesi who seemed a bit slighter in stature this evening.  But all went back to their conversations without another thought of any difference in Luchesi.

So costumed I made my way back to the celler and back to Fortunata.

Once arrived I addressed Fortunata in a different tone.

"Ah, I had hoped it would be you, the fair Fortunata!  I have sent that dolt Montressa away and now I will have the fairest beauty in these lands.  How I have wished to taste something more sweet than the finest Amontillado and now I see her here before me.  I will have you and you will know the pleasure I give."

Fortunata replied "My dear Luchesi it is you.  I know of your knavery and I fear it not!  The only answer to fine wine is a finer stock well met for a second course.  It is inevitable that we meet and enjoy one another.  You will not soon fine an Amontillado that will be my equal."

"Will you take my chains" (I asked in my new voice of Luchesi).

Fortunata nodded yes.

Full of the Amontillado she had imbibed she took no notice of the dark, yet slight stranger who now disrobed her and placed shackles at her feet.  She only knew that what she took for the Luchesi in front of her was a taste she had not held about her tounge and that she must have that taste now.

Once shakeled I stepped back from her.  Observing her fine figure I could see why so many men had fallen to her charms.  Yes I could well imagine how a knave such as Luchesi might well wish to tap her fine buttocks with the whip or better yet plunge himself into those beautiful soft pillows and dive into her silky loins and lay chest upon pleasing breasts and drink of her kiss as her long dark hair cascaded over sweaty shoulders pumping hard and warmed at pleasurous activity.

For a moment I did want to take up Luchesi's craft upon her and take enjoyment so.  But I shook myself back to my mission.

I said "Now my dear Fortunata I must away to gain the favor of my instuments of pain that will bring you the pleasure this Amontillado scarcely can yield.  I will be back promplty and then you will know of me the way none other has."

But of course this was not Luchesi it was me, Montressa. 
As I removed my costume and locked the gate behind me I heard her screams.
"For the love of God Montressa!  My dearest friend do not leave me to wither with these bones.  All my life I have lived to be your well met confidant.  How do you come to this deed given to one who loves you so dearly!"
"For one who loves me so dearly, indeed" I thought to myself as I closed the gate behind me leaving my labors.  My heart was sick as I walked away.  Many still remember her beauty and wonder where she went.  But for this past half century no man has fallen pry to her samplings.
May she rest in peace.


Advizor54 said...

WOW! What a wonderful piece. I found myself speaking in Shakespearean rhyme to a chat friend as i was reading this. powerful stuff.

And I loved your take on "Invitation." You are NEVER too late for quality work such as your fair Gentleman.

Anonymous said...

Both pieces are great! Love the idea of being snarky to both the camera clicking crowd and publicity people. :)

Same sassy girl said...

Whoa! Double goodness! Happy FFF!

Ms. B said...

Loved this, I have to come back and read more, more often! Happy New Year!