Monday, January 21, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - But a Paper Smile Only Lasts a While Then it Fades Away

My intention in doing these repeats is not necessarily to regurgitate my most popular or even favorite posts.  What I hope to do is basically procrastinate and avoid having to write as much by writing a few liner notes to some old posts that have some unique meaning to me as I look back upon this blog.

This was a sad post (below) and not particularly exciting on the surface.  But in hindsight I began something I quickly found I enjoyed and that was writing a little bit about music or sports and making some connection to the things I was going through in my AM Adventures.  As I would later write, I didn't have another blog nor did I intend to start one so this was my chance to catch all my thoughts into one venue and a way to return to that sportswriter I was back in college.

I guess first though this post illustrates the stark reality of Ashley Madison.  That reality is that things are not going to go according to plan.  On paper Alecia was perfect.  She had no intention of getting a divorce but she liked sex and she didn't like having sex with her husband.  That left her with one option and that was an affair.  She had also had a previous affair so she was not all squirly about anything.  Oh, and she was very attractive and oh so cool!  In retrospect the problem was that I had never had an affair at this point and I think that scared her.  So even though I am pretty sure she liked me and I certainly put no pressure on her, she bailed out before things got complicated.  That is what happens out here and I guess that is the lesson for today.  Be prepared to be disappointed.  But in disappointment you learn!

On another note today is a holiday celebrating the life of a truly great American (who happened to have some faults btw which included his own affairs).  But back in 2011 I chose the lyrics from The Crystal Chandelier because I thought it reflected what had transpired between Alecia and I and it also celebrated the spirt of MLK Day which is breaking down barriers.  The singer of that song is Charley Pride from the Delta town of Sledge, MS.  Most of you probably have no clue who he is.  But to someone who had a lot of growing up experiences in the deep south in the 70's he is an important figure.

I have to admit growing up in the south I heard many of my relatives say plenty of disparaging racial epithets over the years.  I think that is one reason why my dad bailed on the deep south after college; he wanted to leave that thinking behind.  But I'll tell you in spite of those words those southern ladies sure did love that silky smooth voice of Charley Pride.  And I'll bet more than one of those southern belles secretly thought about having that handsome African American man in their bed.  So along with reading this re-peat, listen to some of those Charley Pride songs and know how a charming, sweet-singing, handsome, African American man helped a lot with progress along the way.

And remember also "you've got to kiss an angle good mornin' and love 'er like the devil when you get back home...."

Ryan's Repeats:

from January 17th, 2011.....
Today is a holiday celebrating the life of one of America’s most inspirational leaders. With that in mind and because of the next phase of my story I chose this lyric from a Charley Pride song Chrystal Chandeliers. Charley Pride is one of my classic country favorites and had many hits including “Kiss an Angle Goodmornin’” and “Is Anybody Going to San Antone.’” He is not as well known now as other artists of his era such as Johnny Cash or Glenn Campbell but he was a true pioneer. Along with Ray Charles he was the rare African American that scored on country charts in the 60’s and 70’s. Additionally, his style helped create the “Countrypolitan” sound of the late 60’s (sometimes know as the Bakersfield or Outlaw country sound) that brought Nashville to a mainstream audiences. As a child of the south I know he broke down barriers. There is a famous quote from an Alabama football coach about the barriers Sam Cunningham broke when his USC team beat the Crimson Tide in Birmingham in the early 1970’s. I recently read a book about the game and its impact.

By being such a mainstream musical success Charley Pride broke down as many barriers.

OK so sorry for the music/sports/political history lesson of the day but as I said before, it’s my blog. As you can tell about the only things I am interested in are sex, sports, food, and music. Hey wait, that just makes me like 90% of all American males J Anyway I like that song and the lyrics seem to fit here. So I will move on. But sense I did speak about Ray Charles doesn’t “I Can’t Stop Loving You” just rip your heart out.

If you have been reading the previous blog entries you would know that communication did not appear to be one of Alecia’s fortes, or at least not so with me. Although to be fair she really owed me nothing.

Simply put I never heard from her again. What was exasperating was that through the month+ that we had communicated and between the five times we had met there had been gaps where I could not reach her so over the following weeks I was unsure if she had moved on, was scared, was busy??? I certainly did not want to be a stalker, I just generally wanted to continue seeing her or at least know it was over and perhaps why, I can be bad with closure. About a month after I last saw her I sent this final message:

Hey Alecia,

I wanted to reach out to you again. I really enjoyed the time we spent together. You are a neat, cool person and a joy to spend time with! I would like to keep in touch even if as friends.

I have to admit I stopped by your profile a few times and noticed that you must still be searching for that right person and had perhaps met others. I was still hoping I might be that right person at some time. And remember, like your one friend’s husband, I can be a glutton for punishment and keep on smiling!

I probably did something to chase you away or disappoint you (I am prone to being obtuse). I have thought about it a lot and certainly I should have walked you to the car the last time we met and I know I made a comment in jest about working out at the gym at the hotel to make the visit worthwhile which was insensitive. You, of course, are beyond value!

Again, please write back. I can be bad with closure so “buzz off” would be a good response if that is your thought. Of course, “stop by some time” would be a welcomed response as well! I would love to talk about our summers.

Take Care, Ryan

I really meant the “buzz off” phrase. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, part of my AM experiment was to see if I really was a jerk. I figured if someone else could validate Shannon’s opinion of me perhaps she was right and I needed to change even more.

This was actually worse, I could infer that I had done something wrong but maybe she had gotten what she wanted and moved on or maybe I just wasn’t for her. But I had nothing concrete, just silence.

I guess the upside was that as we entered late June the family was set for several trips including the beach, July 4th, a wedding, and a big trip to the West Coast. I would have some things to keep my mind busy and occupied. But still after being on top of the world it hit hard to feel that I was back to where I started.

Looking at it from Alecia’s viewpoint it probably was better just to make a clean cut. I am a typical guy so I am sure if she tried to be polite and cut it off slowly it would have been just as disappointing and I probably would have tried to keep it going by offering up the old “let’s be friends” route.

Oh well, c’est la vie! As Scarlett O’Hara says “tomorrow is another day.”

1 comment:

Red Shoes said...

You have much in this post.

Re: Alecia, women... people... are fickle. It seems that with the virtual world now, that contacts are broken off just as easily as they are instigated.

We/They just simply decide to not reply to emails, text messages, etc...

Of course, someone ends up wondering just what the fuck happened... *shrugs*

Ashley Madison doesn't seem like a place where one would go for a long-term 'relationship'...

Maybe 'long term' is defined as 'until the next more interesting person comes along.'

Charlie Pride... my Mom was a huge Charlie Pride fan. What was that one big hit he had? 'Kiss An Angel Good Morning?'

I have memories of Mom working in her house and singing that song. From time to time, Charlie would be on 'The Dean Martin Show,' or on 'The Tonight Show' with Johnny Carson.

I'm of the opinion that there is as much bias and racial... I don't want to use the word, 'hate,' but I'm not sure. Last night, I was talking to a friend that teaches 6th grade in Charleston, SC, and she was telling me how ugly and mean her black students are to her.


I am not a very hopeful person about the direction of our Country right now. I thought I was bitter and jaded after the Bush years... HA!

I trust all is well with you!