Friday, January 10, 2014

FFF - Crystal Balls

It's a New Year and a New Place to FFF
So if you can spell or even if you c'ain't
 click over and join
your blog it won't taint!

Oh and Happy FFF'n New Year!

Wow, 2,000 characters; where have I seen that figure before.  It seems like Ashley Madison is a universe built on a bi-mille-omial foundation, you have to accomplish everything in 2,000 characters whether it's a note to a lady or letting your potential partners know your interests, your intimate desires, or your perfect match.

So when I saw the word budget and paired it with the photo I immediately saw this as an AM profile pic.  The only task then is to determine who this lady is and how her AM profile would read.  Oh, and of course to write out "what (she) is looking for" in those 2,000 characters.  So lets meet:

Lady Leota
"Your Fairy Sex-Mistress"

Location:     Point of Rocks, MD
Height:     5'7" (   cm)
Weight:     140 lbs (  kg) - Shapely Toned
Languages Spoken:     English, Elvish, Spirit Incantations
My Limits Are:     Not of this World
Status:      Attached Female Seeking Wandering Spirits
Gender:     Female
Ethnicity:     Ephemeral
Smoking Habits:     Only from my wand

What I am Looking for:

Oh spirit world who cares about these checks at all
for it's what's in a man's soul that makes this a ball

As I gaze into this Crystal Ball and scry
I only ask the spirits for a clean cut professional guy with whom to lie.              

Of course I need clean and disease free                                     
but please let kinky include something other than pee                                  

And when did good hygiene become an option to select
No matter his sex drive smelly will be seen with regret                                

Who in the world would check Cottage Country and think
that I would agree to screw him amid his stuffed mink                                

I'll take him dominate, romantic, and disliking routine 
But adult swing clubs and erotic tickling still ain't my scene                        

My lord if you think I want a father to *uck
You better look like that dude in the Thornbirds, good luck

Could he even be a bad boy next door let's hope                                
I know that sounds wishy washy but it's my pussy so cope                        

Oh now crystal ball so I don't turn to dust
Let him be stylish and classy and dear gods discretion's a must                                  

Muscular and fit? Casual Jeans?  It would be so nice if he were a steal
But OMG he's got to be tall and his hair must be real                                  

Politics, cooking, theatre, and opera, that's not why we're here in this strange AM land
So let's hope you've checked oral and are good with your hands  

And now let's stop talking about checks and start talking about you
Let's see if you can write as if you have a clue

Let's not hear about how your wife is a shrew
Just remember she did in fact pick you

A selfie is nice if it shows you have class
But holding your junk before a mirror just says you're an ass

Because let's face it if all I want is 9 inches of stout flesh my hubby still has his
My trouble is he put into our nanny Miss Liz

Oops I broke my own rule with that last nasty line
But let's face it a lady can break rules when she has tits such as mine
so let's just see you in a coat and tie, my imagination's just fine    

OK so there are my 2,000 characters to give you a clue
let's see how you read and write and then we might screw

But let's first understand there must be chemistry between me and you
So I want to know who you are but do make it true

For I don't wish to be quite the shrew
But don't say your Brad Pitt and then be Mr. Magoo

Yes sex and lust I look for, it's a must
Over me I sure expect you to fuss

For when you see me a bed you'll wish to seek
But first relax and over a glass of wine let us speak
My prediction:  A lot of meaningless posts connected slightly to borrowed musical phrases, a lot of indecision, arguments with Shannon, wishing I was on the water with Sandee, and in the end writing about it all.


Max said...

Hilarious! I love it. I'm going to pronounce this the FFF post of the day, even though there are many I haven't read yet.

Happy FFF!

Simplicity said...

THIS IS PURE GENIUS!!! I echo Max and declare it FFF post of the week!

Tom said...

This is awesome! You definitely have my vote. :)

Word said...

ROFLOL! Great post!

Sillyone said...

Casting mine as well, brilliant take.

Same sassy girl said...

Wow! You get my vote as well. I wish I had a nickel for every AM buzzword you included. Great take! So fun FFFing with you!