Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Days in the Sun

"Days in the Sun will return
We must believe as lovers do
that days in the sun
will come shining through...."





My mom passed away unexpectedly five months ago.  She didn't suffer from what I could tell and for that I feel a subtle peace.  Many have said, with consoling words, it was good that way.  I have seen friends who have struggled as their loved ones have passed away slowly and it is a lingering pain for all.  I am glad we did not go through that.  And yet for us there has been the lingering slow denouement of her life.  The final scene is next week when we close on her house.  There is a paradox of relief balanced with the sadness that this is a part of our life that is now concluding.

Preparing for this has been the main aspect of my life these past five months.  I've not seen much of the gym or Sandee; certainly no Ashley Madison (probably a good thing) and very little time to blog.  Rather, each day the words of that song chime in my head as I remember the peace that her home has given me over the past several years.  I move a sleeper sofa and I remember the night we were snowed in and I watched Ella Enchanted with my girls and ate popcorn in front of the TV on that very spot.  I move the grill and remember all the peaceful Sunday afternoons I spent cooking out, sipping on a Yingling, and keeping track of the NASCAR race or perhaps the Redskin's game just inside.

The last five months have had stressful hurdles to move past, the neighborhood memorial where our local friends stopped by to tell us how much they enjoyed her as a neighbor.  It was tough getting the house ready for guests in addition to our own life close by.  We prepared her shrimp creole and in the end had a wonderful time, surprised at how much impact she had had on this community though she only lived her this last decade.  Then there was the memorial back home to plan.  I drove down two days ahead and completed final arrangements.  Again, stress then alleviated by the joy of seeing so many friends.  As we moved past winter the house had to be made ready for sale.  Much cleaning and organizing, a yard sale, moving treasured family items to others and to our home.  Then finding an agent and arriving on price and ultimately negotiating with potential buyers.

Through it all she has seemed alive and certainly a presence in our life.  At first it was the cats who had to be fed and taken care of daily; mail that needed to be gathered.  Often it was the flour we didn't need to buy because she had a bag at her house; oh, we don't need to buy Windex she has plenty.  The neighbor needs sheets for their daughter going to college, she has an extra set we can give them.  The tasks so mundane and yet pleasant that her house and yes she was still in our life in some small way.

When her older cat died it was sad but a relief.  The cat who she fed and then took into her home was very happy every time we came down to visit.  He slowly latched onto my daughter and then one day we were able to get him to our house.  Though we already knew him he is now becoming part of our home.

Her best friend came up to pick up some furniture for her son.  We decided to have a final cookout and dinner at her house.  I remembered during the meal to look around the table and take a mental picture for my mind's photo album.  There was happiness and joy around the table and it was good to savior that last hospitable moment in the house.

I moved much of the last furniture a few days ago.  Funny, it reconnected me with Alecia.  One of the families she helps is moving to a new place and has nothing.  I took over two rooms worth of furniture and a kitchen worth of supplies.  It feels good that a new family will sit on that couch in front of that TV and sleep on that bed and keep their clothes in that dresser.

But as I continue to hear that song I realize the melancholy lyrics and chords amplify the loss I feel of her and in the life that is moving on for all of us, the life that my daughters led partially growing up in that house, the meals we had on those Sunday afternoon and holidays, the peaceful times watching Big State U on that big HD TV.  I miss her and I am anxious at how this event has so clearly defined the line of demarcation to this next phase of our life.  I can't believe both of my daughters will be in high school next year and that we are starting to plan for college.  These are exciting times but also pensive and certainly leave me longing (as the song lyrics say) for easier days gone by.  I can't help feel the lifeline of my family's childhood slowly fading as we clear out the final belongings.

I guess in the end, beyond the pictures and the quilts her lingering presence will be a happy cat purring on a bench in front of the upstairs window.  I think she would be happy with that.






"I can't go back into my childhood, one that my (mother) made secure.  I can feel a change in me.  I'm stronger now, but still not free....."






Friday, April 28, 2017

Esto Hay Que Tomarlo Sin Ningun Apuro

Varios Pensamientos, Despacito


Despacito is a beautiful Latin song that has achieved swift worldwide fame thus far in 2017.  It is delicately and deliciously sexual and speaks of that unwavering gravity one feels when you find someone who draws you in passionately.  It reminds me of how I've felt several times in and around Ashley Madison.  Though it has been a hot single for some months in Latin countries it is just now getting major airplay in mainstream US markets.  We were just in Miami and we heard the song, the fam reminded ourselves that they heard this song when it was first out the last time we were in Miami.

It's funny how towns come in and out of your life as do people.  Miami is a town I had just driven through through the first 45 years of my life but over the past three years it has come to be our go to destination for a variety of reasons.  Places like Chicago, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Memphis, and New Orleans have come and gone through my life but now Miami is where we go for the peace of mind that comes from a Puerto Sagua Cuban dish or a slow walk and people watching adventure along Lincoln Road.  I love the warmth of the area and the exquisite blend of cultures.  And OMG the Latin women, do they ever age?!

But I do think of the people and events of my life over the past seven years, was it really spring of 2010 that I signed up for Ashley Madison.  The interesting people that have flowed through my life, it's fun to remember.

Alecia was the first woman I met on Ashley Madison.  We had sex, fantastic sex!  She orgasm-ed multiple times and then I think it went on too long.  I was so nervous that at the point of ecstasy I actually could not finish as it were.  I guess the nervous got me up but couldn't take me back down.  Alecia seemed offended that I did not orgasm.  It caused some conflict.  After two such meetings she vanished and then returned a few years later.  We still talk.  She has a daughter in college and she sometimes asks for advice or simply vents about worries.  I've helped her in her work a few times.  I'm glad we are still in touch.

Sandra was such a joy to meet and to know.  She made me feel so good about myself.  The sex was great!  The other funny thing I remember is how tall she was.  I've always dated the petite girl, usually around maybe 5'4" to 5'6."  Sandra is every bit of 5'10" and was usually in heels, the only time I've ever been out with a women that is taller than me (I'm 6' even).  One thing I love is to get into the shower after sex, Sandra was always happy to oblige.  One time after being in the shower for some time we were ready for more sex.  We stepped out of the shower and I was now behind her in front of the mirror.  I reached around her and pressed my finger into her.  She sighed and instinctively bent forward.  I then moved my dick between her legs to *uck her from behind and in front of the mirror.  It was going to be great.  But then reality set in, her female hips set high on her 5'10" were a considerable strain to penetrate with my male hips on my 6' frame.  On tippy toes I plunged into her.  For a time it was fun but then we laughed and retreated back to the bed to finish.  Thankfully she was the type to laugh with you!

Keeley was a really interesting person, perhaps the most interesting and intriguing for several reasons.  I enjoyed meeting her but that experience taught me that sometimes life just gets in the way and that one way to make sure life doesn't get in the way is to not overdo it.  I think I lost myself in that point but if you read my Keeley stories maybe you'll get it.  I think the main thing on AM is to take it one lady (or gent) at a time.  Volume causes complexity issues that make the whole thing un-fun and fun is why we are doing it in the first place, right!  I think I get it now.

Sandee, wow so many memories and such a lovely person.  I'll always remember the great plunge I took into the Potomac River!  How did she ever tolerate my goofy-ness!  How did any of them.  But God Bless them for doing so, it's been a fun ride!

So I've been on Ash Mad for 7 years, blogged about it for 6+.  This will be my 482 post.  I've almost gotten to 400,000 hits.  There was a time where I averaged over 5,000/month of real hits (not bots).  I've gotten to know a lot of other bloggers and readers as well.  It's been fun, really fun!  But I'm not sure how much more I have to say.  I'd like to get to 500 posts and at my current slow pace it will take me another year.  Given that, I hope to write my last intentional post one year from now.  Beyond that, who knows.  I still get the itch from time to time but for me I have to define boundaries.  I've never gone a month NOT  blogging (at least once) and will continue that until I get to 500 (aspirationally, but then we live in the era of Trump so what do boast mean now anyway).  After that I can excuse myself and move on.

I know I've got 20 credits on my Ash Mad account so I'm already thinking about my last letter post.  I wonder which unlucky lady will get that message!

Shannon and I talk of moving to Florida.  Maybe I can retire and open a Cuban restaurant somewhere and run off with a Latina hotty!  :)