1. If your lover was turned on by forced feminization would you participate (giving or receiving)?
*forced feminization is the practice of enforcing activities on a male, which are typically associated with women, to make him submissive. For example: wearing lingerie, heels, make-up.
Does drinking Pinot count? In my old age I have started to enjoy ballet and musical theatre but that is about as far as I go. I am a left of center dude but the emphasis is on dude. I don't have any desire to walk around looking like a woman or wearing uncomfortable clothing, though I sure like looking at women and being with women! I will say that in high school Journalism class we had a project to create commercials and my group was developing a line of "male cosmetics" (e.g. 80's hair metal type stuff). When we shot the commercial I was the preppie guy. It actually was pretty fun and Shannon was in my group. Not my wife, the other Shannon. As for the other stuff I did swim competitively so I did develop a liking for extremely tight clothing but a speedo is not women's lingerie. Speaking of swim wear, did you realize that if you are a woman you have to pay for a bottom and a top when you buy a two piece swim suit? Yeah, I was paying for a bikini for my daughter and found out about that little fraud, as if I was going to hold the line on one piece or the other with my daughter! The things you learn when you raise girls. So I guess I'm pretty boring - sorry. But I just a regular guy as the blog says!
But in all seriousness I'm not into roll play, I'm into being me and the person I'm with being them and if that works then that's the best for all.
2. When you have sexual dreams or fantasies that are aggressive or cruel, does it worry you?
Yes, but I'm from the South; I'm never cruel just kind. It just seems a tad discourteous to spank someone and then stick your finger in their bum and call them a nasty name. Think of me as John Edwards, a little devious and deviant but always with a kind smile on my face!
3. Tell us your hottest, sexiest fantasy, right now, in 100 words or less. This is the fantasy about your desires that you probably never share, maybe they even go against your morals or are societal taboos.
I have never really had physical fantasies, rather place fantasies. For example sex along a mountain stream or in a sail boat. Sort of like green eggs and ham: "I would screw her in a boat, with a goat, in the rain, or on a train." Wait, train sound pretty sexy but with a goat? I'm not that trailer court! So I go to conferences and at a lot of these conferences there is always a vendor showcase. At my little conference MTV usually has a table and there is always a demo-table for one of those restaurant order apps. These groups always have the hottest girls to attract us stupid middle aged guys. These girls know how to flirt and get us interested in their product. So I have a fantasy that one of these girls asks me up to share a bottle of Pinot and a hot tub and you know what follows. The only problem is that if anything like that actually happened she would whisper sweetly into my ear "let's go upstairs and watch some Netflix and chill," to which I would say "cool, I need to catch up on Stranger Things." Yeah I would probably fail at that intra-generational fantasy!
Ryan and Wonder Woman!
4. Which super hero would you like to have sex with? Why? a. Aquaman b. Superman c. Wonder Woman d. She-Ra
Easy one, I still fantasize about Wonder Woman; I mean Lynda Carter! She is just so good and true and could lasso me and make me tell the truth. Hey does that qualify as a form of kinky BDSM!?
5. Do you think the lure to live out sexual fantasies or have sex frequently is amplified by technology? Briefly explain.
Ryan and Kate getting a latte
I guess to the extent that we see a video or a post that gives us that inner twinge of a yearning, the answer is yes. I was watching the Talented Mr. Ripley just the other day and remembered how much I've always fantasize about Kate Blanchette! She is so nerdy sexy and I'd love to be her little Frodo and show her a little Elfin magic!
Bonus: Describe your fantasy life in three (3) words.
I can do it in 2 - Stephen Colbert
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!
"Sail on by. Your time has come to shine all your dreams are on their way. See how they shine. Oh, if you need a friend I'm sailing right behind."
Bridge Over Troubled Water was released in January, 1970 and became, perhaps, Simon & Garfunkel's most consequential song. If imitation is the greatest form of flattery then the song is substantial in that it was later covered by Aretha Franklin and Elvis Presley (who both offer a more gospel perspective on the song). The song is beautifully written, beautifully sung, and beautifully produced, being influenced by and pulling from elements of the Phil Specter Wall of Sound Wrecking Crew. The soft piano at the entrance and through the first two verses that ultimately bleeds into the dramatic orchestral bridge give peace, joy, or solace to whichever mood the listener is in. That bridge leads to one of the more apparently introspective third verses in popular music and one of the more pressing questions, "who is Silver Girl?"
Originally Paul Simon intended the song to be two verses. Simon's producer convinced him he needed a third verse to support that big histrionic sound at the end. Simon then quickly penned a third verse in the studio somewhat on the fly. Apparently the Silver Girl reference was a simple mischievous jibe at Simon's then wife, Peggy Harper. Harper had been recently perplexed by premature grey hairs. Simon had playfully created the nickname "Silver Girl" for her. That third verse became his simple hope for her happiness. And thus a simple, off the cuff, playful reference ends up being the frame to a more meaningful purpose.
That song was a central focus of an award ceremony I recently attended at my daughter's school. The recipient of the school's annual alumni service award cited that song as a passage that had given their family solace in times of personal crisis. She was quite eloquent in describing her love of the school and how the school and the familial relationships she had developed with faculty, alumni, students, and other parents had truly been a Bridge of Over Troubled Water many times in her life and thus the song was emblematic of those feelings of connection.
As I listened her wonderful speech I reflected on my life. As I often do I reflected on choices I have made and what they represent to me. And of course how I could make meaning of them on this blog.
Recently a freelance writer contacted me and I did a brief interview for a piece she may write on Ashley Madison. I'm not sure if she will use any of my feedback. She asked the typical questions: does your wife know? what would she think if she found out? why did I first go onto the website? what attracted me? what still attracts me? I'm not sure I gave her good answers but it did give me pause for reflection.
Over the past fourteen years a wonderful historic river has been ubiquitous in the background of my life. I see it from my office. I run across it and along it on afternoon runs. I hike along its banks on the weekend. I've kayaked along it many times with my wonderful friend Sandee on lazy sunny spring afternoons. Running along the river is the C&O canal a 180 mile trail from Cumberland, MD to Georgetown in DC. The C&O is a serene bypass or perhaps a frontage road to the river just slightly to the north and below those highway bridges above the river. There are many historic and beautiful bridges that ford the river for travelers. While the river is mostly tranquil, rarely troubled, those bridges take travelers past the river and onward to where they are destined. And for those not so much in a hurry and in need of a detour, the canal is truly a calming third place escape from those troubled waters of life or towards one's "dreams along the way."
Life does have many troubled waters and, as with that eloquent speaker I so enjoyed Saturday night, the communities we make help us ford those waters. In my life my daughters are my bridge, my work is my bridge, the school community I have come to love and enjoy serving are my bridge. I take pride in knowing I matter in my community, that people consider what I have to say relevant. I enjoy working in my yard and seeing balance and beauty along the flower beds rimming our house. I love that so many birds and sometimes woodland critters find food and shelter in and around our deck and porch. The fact that our family "matters" is a bridge over troubled water for me.
Ashley Madison has been an aspect of my life for several years now. For some it may be a bridge over troubled water or simply a bridge away from a troubled life. For me it was a silly chance encounter and one I did not anticipate. It was proverbially an off the cuff off ramp from an, at the time, tumultuous life. It has been a third place, a third verse, a detour, and a canal running along side yet never really crossing the river of my life. It is not a Bridge Over Troubled Water, much more valuable things are that for me. But the people I've met on AM and on the blogosphere have been a sunny day along the river, a pleasant detour, a convenient frontage road that has allowed me to drift off the highway for a few moments.
I hope I have been that for others.
"Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind...."