Monday, May 30, 2011

Shit My Dad Says

OMG people, don't you have anything better to do on a Holiday than to read this sorry blog!  :)  This is an autopost, my ass is going to the pool today!

Oh well, sense you are here, this is a hilarious site I found through facebook!

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"He's a politician. It's like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're fucking them."

"Look, we're basically on earth to shit and fuck. So unless your job's to help people shit or fuck, it's not that important, so relax."

"Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit."

"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."

"Don't mess with him...Trust me, you don't fuck with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They're unpredictable."

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."
"Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a fucking parade every time i take a piss."
"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."
“We’re banned from the dog park. Well, I guess it’s okay to hump, and it’s okay to bark, but both at the same time freaks people out."
"I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or fuck it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that."

And the Ultimate Advice for the Ashley Madison Adventurer!
"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."
"Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don't waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down."

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