Thursday, June 23, 2011

I’m Mad as Hell and I’m not Going to Take it Anymore!

Today I substitute a movie quote in place of lyrics for a change.  And also since I have your attention I will try to explain my insanity.

No, this won’t be a tea party rant; I believe I’ve told you I’m a left of center kind of guy.  But perhaps you are thinking now that I am a latter day de Tocqueville and will discuss the current state of Democracy in America (btw he co-wrote that historic treatise with a guy named Gustave de Beaumont).  Or perhaps I could give you an analysis of how current tea-partiers and right-wingers misinterpret their desired interpretation of the Jeffersonian ideals of Democracy, failing to understand the reality of Jefferson’s desired intents of a Utopian world created around the hope of academic learning.  Hmmm…, wouldn’t that be wonderful if I was into that kind of thoughtyness.  But, I’m the type of guy who creates fake female accounts on Ashley Madison for research on better ways to pick up women; I’m the guy that imagines Riff Dog in a spoofed “A Few Good Men” courtroom scene and who makes up lyrics to 80’s songs to try to hit on female bloggers.  So really, don’t you think I am way too shallow for anything academic?

No, I’m pissed off for two very important reasons.  First, these two old guys were on my favorite stair masters Monday night.  These are the ones where I can surveille the entire gym while appearing to innocently watch the news on the big screen TVs.  I have the ability to watch the hot fitness instructor who tends to play racquetball in the afternoon, I can see the gym where they sometimes do step aerobics, and best of all I can see the stretching room where the cheerleaders do those awesome ab exercises with that weird big plastic ball (you know the one where they roll over the ball back and forth – god, so HOT, yes I’m fanaticizing that its my big balls).  Yeah right, all this lost because these two old guys want to work out and watch FOX news of all things.  Jeez!

And then, when I do get to my machine, horror of horrors its Glenn Beck time.  OMG, its bad enough I missed the booty call in the stretching room, now I have to sweat off 700 calories in the next 30 minutes while watching that pasty-faced goober!  It’s enough to drive a man crazy and that is where I was last night!  Now tell me again Glenn, how we can conclude based on your analysis that President Obama is in cahoots with Chairman Mao and the aliens from planet Tralfamadore to take over the global banking system? 

Oh wait, this is a sex blog – so where’s the sex.  Yeah right.  Well the quote above is from the 1975 movie Network.  The quote was made by Peter Finch’s character in the movie who was a network anchor that had been recently fired for poor ratings.  Funny how fiction has become reality, now that we have news organizations that center their analysis on what sells!  Anyway, the movie also stars Faye Dunaway (who kind of reminds me of Sandra) and who I love to see in that nude scene in Bonny and Clyde (another favorite of mine).

w/those legs who cares what's said!
And while I’m on the subject of FOX and getting rid of anchors, if you have to talk about all that crap can’t you kick Hannity off too and just keep to those hot anchors like Megyn Kelly, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Julie Banderes, and Laurie Dhue (my personal favorite).  At least I could just tune out and enjoy those long legs and full lips!  I even have a secret fantasy about Kate Obenshain; she’s soooo close to me yet so far away (I’ll let you draw the conclusions).

Well, I guess I should say last night was better.  I had a real treat as the gym's TV was set to AMC and Conan was on.  What a joy to see Sandahl Bergman's tight ass and beautifully shaped abs!  And I love the fight scene when Ahhhhnold takes down Thulsa Doom's hinchmen, I think they were played by Lemmy from Motorhead and one of the guys from Iron Maiden or maybe Ronnie James Dio.

Anyway, these were just a few of the things I have been thinking about.  Hey don’t look at me; you’re the one reading a blog about the thoughts and adventures of a regular guy!  You ought to know there is some weird and worthless crap going on in the mind of any given male!  Surely you don’t think we just sit around thinking about mowing the lawn and what’s for dinner.


France said...

I love big balls. :)

Riff Dog said...

Funny stuff. And yeah, I know just what you mean about the "perfect view machines." If gyms were smart, they'd charge a premium to get to use the "VIP Stairmasters." Heck, I'd pay the extra 5 bucks a month.

Rosie said...

I have one of those Big Balls. It sits in the corner of my living room and is a color to accent my decor. LOL Actually I do know how to use it, but rather like the ones at my workout place since for some reason they smell like chocolate. For a woman, that's heaven.