Monday, February 20, 2012

Young Girl Get Out of My Mind

So last week I mentioned that Sandee was apparently a 26 year old nurse from a town nearby with a fetish for 40-something guys but needed a 40-something guy with a bit more humor than her current 40-something spouse.  Wow, I couldn't have described myself any better!  But now, how to meet?  Weekdays were looking tough for her so I needed to be creative.  Apparently her husband was some type of ER doctor that often worked long weekend shifts (and had a bear of a temper).  I also got the feeling that even though she was very flirty on e-mail she was potentially an e-mail queen and in fact somewhat shy.  And it was entirely possible that this was a gag or a trap by someone.

So what is a good first date to suggest.  Blow job behind Wal-mart on a Friday night?

Nah, that would push her away and just on the chance that her birth-year was not 1987 but more like 1997 that type of date could lead to another date with a judge.

No, Ryan was going to go conservative here.  The next Sunday I had to work all afternoon.  I really only needed to be in the office by about noon but I could push that to about 10 am for purposes of a story for Shannon.  And so that would create about an hour window to play some tennis near to where I work.  Sandee and I had discussed playing tennis and that seemed like a good way to get to a face to face encounter in non-threatening way.

It worked!  She agreed and better yet I got a phone number!

Btw, an aside because I am proud.  As we were making plans of course I was throwing out things like "are you a Russian mail order bride?" And "are you a blogger looking for stories about desperate 40-something guys?"  I said all this in good humor though because I put a :) after each comment and she seemed to be eating it up.  At some point she mentioned liking French cuisine.  I asked her is she was a Francophile.  I assured her that she need not worry about me that I was not a weirdo but in fact loved animals and was an extreme "petophile!"

OK, I know it's cheesy - but cheesy seemed to be working on this 20-something gal.  Who knew?

But back to the meeting.  We are in late-August and Sandee actually had plans to go sailing on the Chesapeake for that Sunday.  But a hurricane was bearing down on the region and that plan did not look like it would come to fruition.  So plan B for Sandee, as of Friday afternoon, was to meet moi for tennis Sunday morning.  As of Saturday night there had been no changes to the plan.  So Sunday morning I wake up and drive into the office first to do a quick e-mail check.

Unfortunately I was greeted with this:

"(shhhh..whispering) Ryan... Are you awake??
Of course we won't be doing the bay, but
They still want to go to a place called Tysons Corners- it's supposed to be a big mall? so they're picking me up shortly, & we'll go to breakfast then do our day!

So anyways ... Sorry but me no get to meet you today :(
I'm sure you will find PLENTY of other chicks to take my place!"

Damn!  Oh well, so how to spin this into a positive.  Hey, I think I can do that!

So here is my response (I think it's really good):

"OK Sandee,   Do you remember in high school when you disappointed some guy and then he did something to try to make you feel guilty or maybe he asked out your best friend to make you feel jealous.  Yeah, typical immature male passive aggressive behavior.  Certainly as guys grow older they would get rid of that behavior right?    Wrong!   Guys are always guys and they are always immature! 

So here is my passive aggressive behavior to:   1)    Make you feel guilty and 2)    Make you jealous

So after getting over the devastation of not seeing you I decide to dust myself off and start all over again.  So I went over to the gym and just played with myself.  Basketball that is!  Get your mind out of the gutter!   So after playing with myself for about 20 minutes my friend Hank comes over and asks if I want to play a game of 3 on 3.  I said yes and go over to the court with him.   Except he is not just playing basketball he is playing with four 40-something Lesbians (sorry that was not PC).    So your GUILT is that instead of spending time with you I had to take a severe beating from these very rough ladies.  Feel GUILTY now!   So what is the JEALOUSLY?  I was guarding this one lady, Agnetta.  Yeah you guess it - she is Swedish!  I knew immediately from the accent.  Well, it wasn't pleasant - she KICKED my ASS!  Turns out Agnetta is not only Swedish and a fitness instructor - she is also a former professional basketball player.   So instead of getting my ass kicked by you on the tennis court I got my ass kicked by Agnetta the Swedish Pro Basketball pLaya'.   R U JEALOUS!   But I do hope you had fun today!   Perhaps a re-do next Sunday afternoon.   Take Care,   Ryan" 

And what did it get me?

"Geeze Ryan! And to think that all day long, I had visions of you curled up rocking in the fetal position,  sucking your thumb in some corner; because you were so upset I couldn't meet you!! Way to make a girl feel irreplacable!! And there is no way I can compete with lesbians, (too dang straight!) basketball players, (too short!) Swedes with accents, (too American) or 40 year olds. (give me 15) So what do I have to offer you??? Seriously though, I'm gladja had fun! Oh! And I survived JUST FINE without YOU too!! (sticking out my tongue!!)"

Yeah this girls digs me and it did get me that phone call.  Yep, she went on to ask if she could call me some time because she wanted to hear my voice.  So the following afternoon she did.

I know, you're saying giving her your number is stupid but you know guys will do a lot dumb things to meet a pretty girl.

So the next day the phone rings and I get "hey Ryan, this is your pen pal...."  The conversation was actually fairly unspecial just a lot of what's up, do you like your job, do you like the area.  However, later that night I get a note from her.

"You....Have.....A.....Sexy......Voice!  Talk atcha soon!    :)"

But now I would face a major mental conflict as the opportunity of a lifetime approached.  But that of course will need to wait for next week.

Hey, I think I might have the energy for another 4 days in a row of posts - do you think I can do it?  Let's try!

But first I have to take care of some food posts later this week.

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