Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Maybe I'm the One Who is the Schizophrenic Psycho

from the Lorax

Hey Sandee come look at this!
"When a guy does something stupid once it's because he's a guy.  If he does the same stupid thing a second time it's because he's doing it for a girl."

the Onceler

So is Sandee a 20-something nurse from a town just 30 minutes down the road or is she some type of model or is she just someone screwing with me?

Apparently I have no idea of who I have been writing over the past month.  I guess I should have been spooked.  But honestly this was just too interesting.  The fascinating thing is that I do believe that Sandee was an e-mail queen who had no intention of ever meeting someone through Ashley Madison.  However, she ran into a guy that was just so curious about the concept of trying to find an elusive e-mail queen because it would be fun to blog about.  That probably makes me some kind of creep but it is what it is.  More likely it was just an odd paradox and I love a good paradox!

I guess this was some type of tripped out "You've Got (Ashley Madison) Mail!"  :)

I actually used that line with Sandee and she thought it was funny!

So here is what I wrote to her upon discovering her pictures on the triathlete blog:

"Dear Sandee,

So I have a very important question for you and please tell me everything you can or at least are comfortable with.  I assure you I am a very regular nice guy who never gets angry at a sweet girl.

What am I getting at?  Well I was gawking at your Utah pics and just got a hunch when I saw the title Sundance lifestyle.  So I googled Sundance lifestyle image.  And low and behold there you were on a website for a photography studio.  Then I see that you must have a twin named ***** because that is the name listed on the pictures.  And then, wow this ***** girl has a blog and has been stealing all of your pictures!  

Oh well, I do want to say I have really been enjoying corresponding with you so this is not an angry note by any means.  I am an adult and choose what I do so I don't question the motives of others.  But I do find myself even more intrigued by who you are.

I'm not really worried about being mislead in any way.  In fact I'm not sure I would really even say I feel mislead because what I enjoy are your words - you are really fun!  But I do want to make sure I am not doing something I may regret or perhaps more importantly cause someone else to have regrets down the road.

So really I just want to make sure I know what I'm doing.  I do have a family and a life so I want to make sure I don't do anything inappropriate. 

But I would really like to get at least a partial story or as much as you feel comfortable.  I promise not to be angry, at least not at you!  I reserve the right to be angry at myself depending on the outcome.

Again, I make no judgement of you, I know from your writing that you are an interesting, witty, and intelligent person who really captivates me through simple words.  Certainly anyone can easily judge me the bad person for signing up for Ashley Madison.  

Sincerely, R"

And her reply:

"Dearest Ryan, I ASSURE you that I am COMPLETELY harmless! (and as we know, my word is golden! :). No. That wasn't an appropriate joke, I'm sorry. You are very clever, I wish you could come and work for me! This "study" ends here and now, tonight, so as to avoid making you any more uncomfortable.  If you're worried you've crossed into an underage issue, lol... No worries . :) I am a 43 yr old woman. :) it's true. I'm really going to miss you though. I have grown quite fond of your chats. 

Ps... I absolutely do not expect forgiveness here, but from the BOTTOM of my heart.... I am sorry :( So.... How do I get my penny now, since I gave you my thoughts??? :). Awwww. I'm going to miss you..."

Hmmm...., now how could I walk away from that?

So where to go from here, blow this thing off?  Well I didn't, over the weekend we exchanged more Will Ferrell videos, I told her she was projecting her affection for President Bush (yes, she is a Repub) onto me because of my intelligence and wit (sarcasm here, I'm left of center as I have said), we talked about Halloween (it was coming up in about 2 weeks), and life in general.

And then she said the next thing that should have sent me running for the hills!  Apparently she was not in fact from that city just 30 minutes away she apparently lived......


Oh well, too late now.  In for a dime, in for a dollar I always say.  So we made plans for lunch on Wednesday.

So who's takin' bets on if she shows!!!   :)

Or maybe I'm just like that Puddle of Mud song, a Schizophrenic Psycho!


Gertie said...

Ryan, this Sandra Dee is CRAZY...She lives in your town. Will she be your wife? Will she be your neighbor? Will she be someone you know?

More importantly what does she look like since she isn't the hot 20something blonde from the photos.

Ryan Beaumont said...

@ Gertie - Let's see what I find? I promise that Monday's post will finally have some resolution!

Kat said...

*That* big lie would have ended it all for me. You deserve better. You really do.

Elle said...

Ryan you totally want to get caught! Playing with fire is fun, and if you're a masochist getting burned is the best part.