Monday, September 24, 2012

I Realized I was Falling Off the Face of Your World

If I'm going to be a Gen X blogger and use music quotes for titles it seems almost required to use a song from the Valley Girl Soundtrack at some point.  Of course I'm "fer sure" not a California Valley Girl however I guess you could consider me a valley boy but around here our tag line would be more like "ya hear" or "howdy ya'll."

"I Melt with You" by Modern English always seems to be the song most associated with that movie but for me this song, "A Million Miles Away," (by the Plimsols) is the best in the movie.  It is the song that is playing in the background during my favorite scene when Nicholas Cage takes his Valley Girl to his favorite Hollyweird club.

Her yoga site
Anyway what the hell does a song from a movie from 1983 have to do with anything I was doing now.  Well that girl, Deborah Foreman, does look a bit like Sandee now that I think about it; Sandee does have that left-coast look even though she is from the Midwest.  Hey did you know Deborah Foreman (the Valley Girl) now teaches yoga? Yeah, you could probably get an appointment with her and see if she can "gag you with a spoon position!"  :)

Well, listening to those lyrics it seems as if the guy is saying he is really into this particular girl but he just can't get his "*hit together" so to speak.  Meaning he's spinning his wheels.  Furthermore, he seems to know that if you can't get his "*hit together" it might mean he'll miss the boat.

For me though things were going great with Sandee as we moved into late May.  As I wrote previously we had consecutive weeks of very enjoyable canoeing trips to our private island.

I had a lot to look forward to as we meandered toward Memorial Day.  Unfortunately as I have written before holidays and affairs don't mix.  I went on my way for Memorial Day toward a blazing hot and over-crowded family park and Sandee went home to visit family.  I was a little nervous.  It seemed every time she went home she came back emboldened to make a big change in her life.  While I wanted her to make the changes that would make her happy the one very real change that was always an option was for her to move home (which would be about 3 hours away).

Right after Memorial Day weekend Sandee came down with a real bad cold that was really more than just a cold but it keep us apart another week+.

We e-mailed and texted over the week to stay in touch.  I was concerned for her.  Toward the end of the week Sandee sent me a note saying that she really needed to talk to me about some thoughts but it was painful to talk.  That didn't sound good.  I told her I could meet her tomorrow if she wanted or she could just send me her thoughts in an e-mail if she preferred.

I guess you have to be careful what you request sometimes.

Ok, Ryan. You said to write down my thoughts, so here they come..  This feels so cheesy
       I think I need to put an end to our secret rendezvous. 
We've had some distance lately, and it's given me time to think about a lot of things. Specifically, I've really gotten away from what I believe in. I don't know how I came to be this person.

My marriage is not exactly fulfilling.  I went down the wrong path, hoping to fill a void that was there. Then You showed up funny, silly and handsome, and made me feel happy and kind of safe, so I was selfish.

You've been wonderful to talk to,  hang out with, and just enjoy feeling relaxed! I  felt like I could call you a friend.  I'm trying to gracefully step out of your life because I care and respect you enough as the genuinely good person that you are.  I think you deserve a little better.

This isn't an easy decision. I will miss hanging out with you more than you know! But my conscience  has been eating away at me. Im just not cut out for this.

Thank you for caring enough to hear me out. Sorry it was so long, and I wish I could verbally have told you this. You deserve more than an email, but I hope I've conveyed some of what I'm feeling in a way that makes sense.

All my best,

Suddenly I felt a Million Miles Away from all that had been so good these past few months.

Oh well, Nicholas Cage has a great line in that Valley Girl bar scene "it's the way we do things that makes the difference."

Unfortunately I was not so such what I should do?


5 comments:

BEth Rathbone said...

Her loss....our gain :-)

WestsideTori said...

Noooo...is it really the end this time? Or will your charms win out in the end? At least it sounds like you had some nice quality time for a few good months.

Ryan Beaumont said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ryan Beaumont said...

BethTory,

Just remember I am very persistent, kind of like gum stuck on your shoe. I would say with respect to this on-going relationship - more to come! :)

Kat said...

This is so sad. :-(

My opinion is that when someone expresses a desire to stop seeing you and focus on their marriage or just being the kind of person they want to be, the kindest and most loving thing to do is to help them on that path and let them go gracefully.