Little Ghost, Little Ghost One I'm Scared of the Most

"Can you scare me up a little bit of love..."



A cautionary tale!

More Halloween Food!

A little secret about my blog, I tend to work off a syllabus. Yes, I am in fact an (E/I)NTJ (Myers-Briggs that is). So I will plan my posts at least two months out. I know you are saying "Ryan, your blog seems completely random I can't figure out what the hell is going on?" And of course you would be right but you are running right into my consistency or as I like to refer to it "organized chaos." :)

Trust me, even on weeks when I do a "seat of the pants" TMI or FFF, I probably planned to do one that week because I didn't have something else to write about. Most of the times I'm just not a "seat of the pants" guy.

So in my (organized chaotic) mind I had not envisioned a Halloween post this year for some reason. But then I saw that movie ParaNorman and loved it. The song at the end of the movie is "Little Ghost" by Jack White and the White Stripes. I liked the song so much that for the first time I decided I had to configure a post around it. So here it is. Consider this kind of like that Kenny Rogers' song "The Gambler." People liked the lyrics so much they decided to write a movie around it. Of course it was a "made for television" movie which means it was super-sucky. So I guess it makes sense that I would write a super-sucky "made for Ryan's blog" post out of those "Little Ghost" lyrics! :)

By the way I like Jack White for a number of reasons, he was the mandolin player in that Cold Mountain movie a few years ago. I wrote a post about that once.

But I guess I better get on with my recipe for today. So since it's Halloween this week let's go with....

Ryan's Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cookies
Recipe adapted from Cook's Illustrated (2004) and tasteofhome.com as well as personal endeavours!  :)

*     1 Egg
*     3/4 Cup of Sugar
*     3/4 Cup of Brown Sugar
*     1 Cup (2 sticks) Unsalted (softened) butter
*     1 Tbs of Heavy Cream
*     2 Cups of All Purpose Flour
*     1 Cup of Quick Oats
*     1 Cup of Canned Pumpkin
*     1 Cup of Chocolate Chips
*     1 tsp of Pure Vanilla Extract
*     1 tsp of Salt
*     1 tsp of Baking Soda
*     1 tsp of Ground Cinnamon

Directions:
*     In mixing bowl, mix cream, butter, sugar (brown and white), and salt on medium speed until light and fluffy (3 to 4 minutes).  Beat in egg and vanilla until fully combined.
*     Add flour, oats, baking soda, and cinnamon and stir into mixture in bowl.  Stir until completely combined.
*     Stir pumpkin into mixture in bowl until completely combined.
*     Fold chocolate chips into cookie dough.
*     Sprinkle flour onto kitchen counter-space.  Roll cookie dough gently onto floured counter.
*     Cut pumpkin shapes out of dough.  Can do this after cookies just out of oven as well.
*     Place cookies onto greased baking sheet.  Bake at 350 degrees for 12 to 13 minutes.

So this years Halloween trick (on me) is another "famous" ENTJ. And you know I saw a videotape of myself delivering a presentation about a month ago and DAMN if I didn't cringe when I realized I sound just like him! Hey, but I think I'm funnier, and no I don't think I created the blogoshere! :)

Now here is that Jack White song...

Tried to Hold You with all My Might

A Story of Old Friends and Lovers

I think I have mentioned in this blog that I was a late bloomer.  I didn't have my first sexual experience until my freshman year of college and then it would be about two more years until my second.  I acually grew about 2-3 inches during my early years of college so really I just hadn't filled out yet so to speak.  But somewhere in my junior year I resolved to put myself out there, forcing myself to be more of that Alpha everyone seems to talk about around here.  For me it was really just about not being shy and finding out girls like to talk and to flirt.  By the time I was a senior in college most of my friends were actually girls and that would be a trend I would continue up to today.

I met HER in my senior year of college.  Over the next three years of my life (including Grad School) we would be casual friends with an enjoyable flirtation.  But upon graduation she led me to a new state and a new life.  Once in this new town our relationship turned to a passion that consummed me.  She became all that I ever wanted, she drove me, sustained me, and led me to heights I didn't think possible.  I barely had a life beyond her in those days.  Her thirst for me was unquenchable and mine for her.

Sure, I met others.  I met Shannon in that town.  For a time Shannon grabbed my attention.  SHE allowed me to throw my fancy and attention to Shannon as she was not the type to settle down.  Perhaps it even amused her to see me happy with another.  But eventually she came calling and led me to another town.  Shannon came with me, she was OK with that, but she would not leave me and in fact led and drove my ambitions for her even more.  Each step with her was the next step to our ultimate goal together; the course we had charted together, the end of our journey or rather the place she was destined to take my soul.

Two more times she would lead me down her path to a new place, both times at Shannon's objection.  But I could not yield to her.

She finally led me to a place Shannon almost refused to go.  She tolerated Shannon but surely would have been happy for Shannon to leave me.  But Shannon did come once again.  For a time Shannon finally eclipsed her and we started a family.  I slowly began to distance myself from her.

She did not approve.  Like a jealous lover she left me, bitterly forsaking me and attempting to take my soul with her.  In her wake I fell to depths of shame and dispair I could barely conceive.  She left me broken and nearly beaten.

In my sadness I left that final place she led me and found my way back east.  Shannon did come with me one final time but the battle with HER had left Shannon's love for me broken beyond repair.  I found work back east and found a comfortable home where Shannon and I were seperately happy with our girls yet distant from each other.  For several years I was content to work an honest day and be the best dad I could be and tried to be the husband I never was.  I finally had balance now that she was not in my life to tempt me with the excesses of my youth.

But like the seasons things change and life sometimes comes full circle.  The distance from Shannon became too much of a burden and I sought and found others.  I found a delightful person, Sandee, who made me so very happy.  But happy things can sometimes fade and as my relationship with Sandee began to plateau SHE found me again.

It was so funny, I had not been looking for her even as I had been looking for others from my past.  She didn't reveal herself immediately.  At first she came to me as a small diversion, a project to help out on so to speak.  But that little project went oh so well, we realized each other and realized how happy we were to see each other.  There was no anger between us for our time appart.  In fact I felt immediate contentment within her presence.  Standing right in front of me it was as if she never left.  We could only smile and say "hello dear friend."

There was no doubt of course, we would be together again.  I can't help but submit to her, I never could.  She is the lady that I could never say no to and I was so glad she came back into my life this summer.  God help me that I may yield to her in a way that burns enduringly and that does not consume us both.  Perhaps with age has come wisdom and our love will be of respect, support, and caring and we can live with one another and not hurt those around us this time.

Yes, as summer came into full swing I was happy to be back with my lover from years gone by.

My career.

Perhaps more to come but then again who really want to hear about old lovers!

And from the Hoodoo Gurus:

It Was Over Before it Begun

You know Facebook has gotten big when a teen heartthrob is writing a song about it.  It's funny, in my day the worst thing you could do to your boyfriend or girlfriend was to cheat on them.  I guess now the worst thing you can do is "unfriend" them.  Yeesh, even writing that seems overly mean and passive aggressive.  Now that I think about it, that is pretty bad.  I mean often we don't even "unfriend" one another when we get divorced.  I fear for this generation!   :)

In my last Sandee post I hinted at reaching out to some old flames.  Sandee said she cared about me very much but just couldn't do the "affair thing."  I thought it was better to let her go a bit for now.  We could remain friends and I could take a peak back at Ashley Madison.  After all, I needed more blog material.  Thankfully it was summer and I was going to put the blog on cruise control and do some re-posts and some stories of loves gone by.  This would allow for some catching up on generating blogable material, I just needed to put myself into a "target rich environment" (sorry I'm pumped up from the debate last night)!

As for my "old flames" blog posts, I had settled in on seven girls from my past that I would do five posts about.  I thought it would be fun.  For me it turned out to be a blast going back over those great stories.  Of the 8 girls I had/would write about (including Chelle) I was Facebook friends with three and knew the whereabouts of two others.  I am always very curious so as I was thinking about these posts I couldn't help searching for the other ladies of my past on Facebook.

And that is how I found Tish.  Her page was locked so "non-friends" could not see her information so I just went ahead and sent her a FB friend request and a brief hello note.  About two days later I got a note back from her accepting the request and a very nice note thanking me for contacting her and expressing gladness at hearing from me.  After reading her note I, of course, checked out her profile to see if she is still HOT.  She is!  I clicked on the "about" button to see where she is now, assuming she had relocated back to NJ.  I see married, works at bank, lives in ....... (DAMN); she lives in ***********, **!  That's just 20 minutes up the road from me.  I drive through there all the time!

Over the next two weeks we exchanged several notes.  She mentioned that time had been good to me and that I was still very handsome.  She said I had a beautiful family.  I was feeling the vibe!


Of course during this time I didn't just try for options on Facebook.  Actually I didn't even consider Facebook options, Tish just seemed to have fallen on my lap (hopefully).  Yes, I finally did re-open Ashely Madison "with intent" to find and communicate with new ladies.

While I was in general again disappointed in what I found I did find one delightful looking nurse (apparently) and found another lady who just seemed to evoke a familiar feeling.

VANurse4U was actually outside of my normal zip code range (about a two hour drive) but she said she traveled to the DC area often.  I actually had really narrowed my range to yield ladies that would probably be on the periphery of my abilities.  To be honest I wanted a challenge and I was down to 175# and had just completed a biathlon so I was pretty cocky now.  I had done AM and the blog thing a long time now and I wanted to see how attractive I could be!

I put a lot of thought into Mrs. NSG.  I even googled NSG and found it was an acronym for Nuclear Suppliers Group.  That was my hook because she said she was successful and looking for someone smart.  I told her among other things that

"I checked out your website NSG, you are obviously smart since you are in nuclear physics.  I have an MBA from (Big State U) which makes me smart unless you are a fan of (U of State).

I added something new (my AM profile has always had a photo of me with the Lego Land Orlando  dragon in my background).  It has gotten several comments over the years.

"The dragon in my picture represents my powerful aura.  I say that because you said you like confidence.  Oh wait, that is actually the picture of me outside of Lego Land in Disney.  Well you said you like humor as well, and you know I'm a world traveler now!  :)"

Anyway, it seemed to work as I got this back along with a key to her private showcase.

Wonderful pictures :) thanks for sharing them.

I'm a healthcare risk management and cost containment consultant. "NSG" = nursing. Far more exciting than anything nuclear, right?

Would like to respond further but it's a busy time of day around here. I have a couple hours of catch-up from my work week, as well....but I look forward to learning more about you.

PS- my dad is a very proud alum of Big State U :)

Of course I immediately looked at her pics - DAMN!  She was hot.  She had a couple of bikini clad pics, some yoga looking pics and overall she was just gorgeous, a bit like that Courtney Thorne Smith from Melrose Place (although at 42 I guess more like According to Jim, although I don't really watch that).  Of course I'm a little off the beaten path, I actually was intrigued by the photos of her kayaking on a gorgeous lake.  Hot and outdoorsy, just my type.  I just needed to navigate that smart and successful angle; I don't seem to navigate it so well with Shannon!  Anyway,  I was definitely going to put some thought into my next note to her.  And put some thought into those pictures - smokin'!


But as I said above I had also found a lady that looked oh so familiar.  Yes I remembered the profile name immediately and her likes,

     "you know exhilarating, insuperable, passionate feeling.... THE look and THE desire.... the journey makes the destination.....

Yes, it was Alecia!  Just like the mongoose who can't stay away from that cobra I had to write to her.


So you are saying, "damn Ryan I thought you were talking about Vision Quests and taking stock of your soul the other day and now you are chasing every woman in the Quad-State area, what-up dude!"

Well, reality often is the medicine to cure you....

Normally I would stretch this post out to at least 3 or more or maybe even a month; certainly a week.  I'll apologize now for such a long post today.  But I've got other things I want to move onto these next few weeks including the mistress that ended up winning my love this summer.

So to conclude:

Tish - We flirted on Facebook for a few weeks.  Of course you never really know if it's a flirtation or just politeness.  I sent out a broad invitation to stop by if she was in town and mentioned I'll let her know if I was in her town.  But as often happens on Facebook you reconnect with old friends, write several times, and then you/they just fade away to old memories.  I see the pictures she shares now and she seems to have a very happy life.  At least I know where to find her if I get the inclination.  She is probably still mad I used to schedule her for the hardest sections!   :)

The Nurse - After such a promising reply I eagerly started my reply to her reply on Monday (yes I decided to play the waiting game - didn't want to appear like AM was all I had to do over the weekend).  But when I clicked to take another look at her hot pictures I got the worst notice you can get on Ashley Madison "profile not found."  DRAT!  I guess the weekend gave her cold feet to the Ryan experience!  :)

Alicia - I did write to Alecia and was very clever if I do say so myself.  Among other things I said

"you had me several years ago when I was still naive; well you said we made such a pretty pair...." 

Well that is actually a quote from that Carly Simon song "You're So Vain," but Alecia really likes Carly Simon.  And don't you get it, she was my first AM experience so I was so naive and of course we did make a pretty pair.  So I continued on to say that she seemed so familiar and that her thoughts were seductive and I could not yield and had to reach out yada, yada.  I think I did mention that she reminded me of someone from my past that was so alluring and tempting that I just couldn't pass on writing to her (now).  Of course, insinuating that she was in fact the "she" from my past.  I don't know I think I got lost in the layers as well but it all sounded pretty good as I hit the send key!

This time I did not send a key to my private showcase.  I thought I would let my words be the draw for once.  It worked or at least so I thought.  The next day I had a request from her for my private showcase.  So send my pics I did and waited for Alecia's response.  And waited, and waited, and....

As she is/was wont to do, I never heard back from her.  As I was writing this post I went back to my lists and saw that this and one of her other profiles are not currently active.  I know she is on Facebook, but this mongoose is only willing to go so far down that snake hole!

Maybe quoting from "You're so Vain" sent the wrong message, "Chicken Soup with Rice" perhaps would have been better I think!  :)

So on this Adventure Ryan was 0-3.  But that was OK because just as I was rediscovering the depths of Ashley Madison dispair another old mistress came back into my life.  And that story will have to wait for another day (or Thursday)!   :)

I'm Just Mad about Saffron

"I'm just mad about saffron?"

You must really be wondering if I'm a total fruitcake.  But really those are words to that Donovan song "They Call me Mello Yellow."  I heard that song the other day and decided it's been awhile since I did a food post and it would go quite nicely as a lyric title for this dish I recently made.

BTW, for you ladies out there it is rumored (based on wiki as always) that this song, "Mello Yellow," may be about vibrators ("electrical banana").

Oh, and to follow up on my post from Monday about Shannon and style.  Last night I was driving home with my daughter and she wanted to play a song for me on her IPod.  Apperently she is now into Girls Generation, a nine-member all girl South Korean pop group.  Apparently Korean pop is the big thing now ever sense Katie Perry tweeted about Gangnam Style about 2 months ago.  At least that is what Shannon says citing an article she read in the New Yorker.  Anyway, my girls have had the neighborhood in Gangnam Style for over a month now.  But what do I know, I'm quoting lyrics from a burnt out 60's Folk singer!  Too bad Shannon's Oppa has no Gangnam Style!    :)

Anyway, this dish below would be a great side item or even a center of the plate entree if you are one of those vegetarian types.  For me, I'd prefer this along side of some nice Flank Steak that I marinated in Italian dressing and Peperoncini over-night and then threw on the grill.

Let's call it Ryan's Eggplant Casserole Surprise with Saffron Rice!

As always my intent is to do it with ease!

Ingredients:

*     2 Eggplants
*     1.5 Cups of Heavy Cream
*     1 Cup of Shredded Mozzarella Cheese
*     1 Cup of Shredded Parmesan Cheese
*     1 Cup of Shredded Asiago Cheese
*     1 Cup of Diced Roma Tomatoes
*     2 Tbs Minced Garlic
*     2 Tbs Chopped Fresh Basil
*     Salt and Pepper

The Casserole:

*     Peel and slice the Eggplant into thin pieces (less than 1/4" thick)
*     Layer in shingles half of the eggplant into a baking pan
*     Pour half of heavy cream over the eggplant
*     Sprinkle half of each cheese (Mozzarella, Parmesan, and Asiago) over eggplant
*     Sprinkle 1 Tbs of minced garlic over eggplant
*     Sprinkle half of diced tomatoes over eggplant
*     Sprinkle half of fresh basil over eggplant
*     Salt and pepper to taste
*     Place the remaining eggplant in a layer over the first
*     Repeat process of pouring heavy cream and sprinkling cheese, tomatoes and spices over eggplant
*     Bake at 400 for about 30 minutes or until cheese and cream thickens, browns, and bubbles

The Rice:

*     Bring about 2.25 cups of water to boil and slowly wisk in 1 cup of Basmati Rice.  Reduce heat to a simmer.  Add about 1 Tbs of Citrus infused salt and a tsp of black pepper.  As the rice is almost finished add 1 Tbs of butter and a pinch of Saffron.  Remember to be judicious with the saffron as you may have to take out a second mortgage on your house for a second pinch of Saffron (it can be real 'spensive).


"oh so yellow, oh so mellow"


Hey, that little shuffle Psy does in the Gangnam style video kind of looks like the steps I do when I grab a hot casserole dish by mistake!   :)

I Only Know They Want Me

They are so like us!

As I was thinking about this intro I was reminded how much Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd remind me of us (Shannon and I) in that movie Knocked Up.  I think they are in another movie together as a couple.  Shannon is just like Mann's character, hot but very bitchy.  And of course I am just like Rudd's character just trying to be stupid enough to be left alone!  I think I need to do a post about that thought some day.


One of the things that is so dad-gummed attractive about Shannon though, beyond the fact that she is gorgeous, is her sense of style.  She is always wearing the right thing, eating the right thing, using the "in" cosmetics or hand creams, and she has great taste in music.  Whatever she is doing it's gonna be the same thing the "in" people are doing in Vanity Fair or the New Yorker or any of the other places she finds out about lifestyle.  Of course that means our styles clash as I get my fashion and style from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour!  It helps, though, that she and I both work in industries that keep us connected to the younger generations and of course now our girls keep us in the loop on new music.

As I've indicated before Shannon has always had a sweet tooth for good music.  She is in fact a great musician in her own right with a great voice and still can tap out beautiful notes of Debussy on the piano.  One of her favorites has always been Perry Ferrell whether it was with Jane's Addiction (hence lyric title above) or Porno for Pyros.  I think Ferrell along with Nine Inch Nails were her favorites in college after going through the Duran Duran and later Depeche Mode fazes in high school.  But today she is still really into music. I know we were in San Francisco a few years ago and she came back listening to Foster the People a full year before they broke on the east coast.  I remember hearing that song Go Outside on her IPod long before hearing it on XM radio.  That Shannon, she is so gorgeous, so stylish, so cool; I guess that is why everyone falls in love with her.  It's just so bad that, as I think I said in a post once (jesus this blog is getting long, it's damn near impossible to find these things anymore), she is "fool's gold."  Another less PC term would be biyatch but my momma taught me never to use words like that!    :)

Anyway that's just ramblings, today is my final episode of ......

Shannon's Story - The Prequel, Part III

As always if you are new to this blog part I of Shannon's story (my wife) is (here). These are posts written by me with my best attempt of writing about our life through her voice. Except today is not part of our life together, it is my best attempt to show you a little about her life before me. You'll just have to trust that I've learned enough about her through our conversations over the years.  Part I of this prequel story (her high school years) is here.

Shannon speaking......

My relationship with Anders slowly fizzled through my junior year of college as we lived in seperate towns now.  By the end of the year I really didn't care.  He was going nowhere fast and I was far to busy to worry about it.  I was doing well in school, had a job at a Chili's, and was very active in school organizations.  Those last two years of college flew by.  During my senior year the only thing I could think about was a next step toward graduate school.  I applied and got accepted to a very prestigious university.  But money was going to be an issue and I didn't want to go back to my dad to bail me out once again.  I decided to work a little and save until I could pay my own way.

Graduation was a bit of a reality check.  The past two years had been very successful but with a degree in Liberal Arts the corporate world was not exactly beating a path to my door.  But I did have my job at Chili's and after a few months I got a receptionist job at a local publishing company.  Not exactly what I wanted but it was a start and all was really good just then.  I was making money, had free time, and most of my friends were still around in school.

What was also enjoyable about this time is that I didn't have a boyfriend.  Since I was a sophomore in high school I had always had one but now I enjoyed my independence and felt no need to give it to someone else.  But toward the end of my senior year I met Troy.

In some ways Troy was a big departure from the guys I had dated before.  Troy had played football in college for two years before getting injured.  I can't quite describe what he was like.  At times he was such a dumb jock and I soon found he drank and smoked way to much (and by smoked I mean illegal substances).  I should have hated him.  But again much of the time when it was just he and I he was very smart and sweet.  He was also very funny.  I guess mostly I liked him because he adored me and I think perhaps I needed that at the time.  I guess part of why it is so hard to pin him down is that I don't think he knew exactly who he was.  At times he was the jock, at times he could be that brooding intellectual writer, but more often than not he was simply a slacker.  But part of me enjoyed the fact that I was not trailing behind the "music guy" to some show, I was taking the reins.

I hate to say it but as time went on Troy just irritated me.  But I was not in school and spending time didn't cost me anything (at least philosophically as it really did cost me most of the time as I was working and he was not).

But as I have often experienced life dictates your moves.  After about 6 months on the job I was laid off at the publishing company.  I was distraught.  I had just graduated with a 3.6 and I was already out of a job.  Troy and I went to the beach the following weekend just to get away.  I thought it would cheer me up.  As we sat in one of Troy's friend's apartment (Troy was from the beach) he laughed at my plight.  His laughter was not so much mean-sprited as it was clueless.  He said "I've been fired plenty of times, who wants to work anyway."

I guess that was his plagued way at trying to cheer me up.  But it really hit home for me.  This guy doesn't get it.  I have dreams and they don't include sitting around smoking all my tip money from Chili's all day.  By the time we got back I had had it and resolved to change my direction and change to a path away from him.  I mean really, I was not put on this earth to support a dead-beat guy who's only ambition is to get a six pack and a bag of pot and maybe hit the bars later.  But for now, I let him hang around; I really didn't have any better guy alternatives at the time and he was still occasionally funny.  I had my girl friends from school as well.  I have to admit one night, after too much red wine, we all had a philosophical discussion about the merits of converting to lesbianism.  It seemed plausible at the time if my luck with guys didn't turn around!

The next week I found an ad for another receptionist type job.  I interviewed and got the job.  The people there were really nice (in fact I still consider the lady that hired me a true mentor).  This was a big company and this particular location for this company was supposedly a "marquee" account; a place where they trained managers that were supposed to be "high achievers" and would some day move on to running their own accounts.  That didn't really make an impression on me at first as I really just needed a paycheck.

What did impress me though after a few weeks of working there was one particular manager.  He was a bit goofy and distant.  But people seemed to think that of all the manager's at this account he was the one most likely to succeed.  I found myself finding reasons to interact with him.  I would go get coffee when and where he got coffee and would find ways to engage him in conversation.  He seemed so different.  He was always kind and considerate and would always be talkative with me but he never seemed to hit on me like most guys would.  I thought I was

sending out a vibe but he was a completely different vibe.  Again, he was nice but always a bit detached as if he was always "on stage" or "in work mode."  He was a professional, he had a career; I was not sure he would be interested in someone like me.  He had both feet in the corporate world and I still had a toe in the grunge world of Troy and my college friends.  The funny thing is that one of my friends, Staci, knew this guy (the manager) and he had made a half-way attempt at asking her out once.  That never came together but she said he was cute and nice.

Anyway, his name was Ryan and in spite of his goofiness I thought he was kind of cute.


to be continued (maybe)......

We Think We Have the Answers

Some Things Ain't Ever Gonna Change (change)


"My name's (Ryan), (Ryan Beaumont). Last week I turned 18 (45). I wasn't ready for it. I haven't done anything yet. So I made this deal with myself. This is the year I make my mark........"

psst.... he didn't really have a birthday, it's just dramatic affect!  :)

"But all I ever settled for is that we're born to live and then to die, and... we got to do it alone, each in his own way. And I guess that's why we got to love those people who deserve it like there's no tomorrow. 'Cause when you get right down to it - there isn't."

Vision Quest - A solitary vigil by an adolescent American Indian boy to seek spiritual power and learn through the a vision the identity of his unusual animal or bird guardian spirit.

psst.... he actually is 1/128 indian so he decided he could go on a vision quest....  :)

In my last Sandee post I revealed that after coming back from a family vacation she decided that she was not someone that was up to the affair game.  I have to admit I was pretty upset.  I had invested several months in this relationship and really did care about her.  She made me happy and now that was potentially gone.

But playing Devil's Advocate is always one of my strong suits and so I played that with myself (that didn't come out right).  OK, I looked inward and saw that while I had been kind and sweet and a good friend I knew Sandee was not someone looking for a sex buddy.  In my wisdom I had not made any promises because I didn't want to set unreasonable expectations.  But in not promising anything I gave Sandee no foothold, no reason to believe that we would be anything other than a weekly get together for a walk, kanoeing, wine tasting, or a hotel encounter.

Now I kind of felt like some middle-aged remake of Vision Quest or Say Anything.  As I sat there contemplating my next action I did get the sense that this was a seminal moment.  It was so easy to move on with Alecia, Sandra, and Keeley.  At this moment a part of me wanted to move on from Sandee, this was starting to become exhausting.  But who would I be if I moved on now.  Sure I pride myself on being considerate but in the end would I just be the guy that constantly looks for the next encounter?  Did I want to be "that" guy?

Of course life will always lead you down a certain path if you don't make definitive choices.  My path and solace right then was blogging.  I had decided to do something called Retro-Summer and I had been having a lot of fun thinking about the girls from my past that I might write about.

So I took a deep breath and wrote this to Sandee.

Hey Sandee,

I think that is the most you have ever written. Thanks, it really lets me know where you are.

I think all along I have known that a relationship with you could never just be casual. That is not who you are and since I like who you are I can't expect to make you want it to just be casual.

I think what I have stressed over is if I need to go ahead and make a change in my life to create a space for you. If I have any regrets it's that I have not tried to do that. I am not someone who says things carelessly. I don't promise what I can't deliver and that is why you have not heard any promises from me. I don't want to say I have certain feelings for you and then not live up to that commitment. That being said I do care for you deeply.

I don't think badly about you at all, we are all just trying to cope the best way possible. And you did not put my life in danger; I'm an awesome swimmer!

Hey I can't write this type of note without a YouTube clip. This is one of my favorite songs performed by a group I used to see in college (I think they are from Chapel Hill).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_cmAsPbYGo

I am sure I'll have more thoughts later, this is the best I can do for now. I do want you to see you here and there if you wish.  Perhaps in our 60's when we retire we can reignite the flame! Or sooner if fate chooses, who knows.

But again, thanks for taking the time to put down your thoughts.

Take Care, R

Sandee's response was this.....

Aw Ryan ... you are always so sweet and considerate.

BTW: I don't think any female can ever do the "casual thing". We're just not wired to compartmentalize like you dudes, so play nice with your next lucky date! (I'm only teasing. I know you're always the perfect gentleman :)

So.... Call me when your 60?? :)

Sandee


Oh well, maybe I should be more like Lloyd Dobbler and prescribe to his adage:

"You probably got it all figured out, Corey. If you start out depressed everything's kind of a pleasant surprise."


Of course I kept blogging.  In fact in blogging I started thinking about some of those old flames.  Of the girls I would write about over the summer I was actually Facebook friends with 3 and knew the whereabouts of two others.  This got me to thinking about the other girls and where they were and what they might be doing.  Curiosity always gets to Ryan so I looked them up on Facebook.

Oh, and the next day I took a peak at Ashley Madison.  Other things were starting to move fast in my life as well.

And so it was that over those mid-summer weeks I got reconnected with some old flames from my past and life took some new paths or did it really just come full circle?

I guess that is what a Vision Quest is all about, right?  I wonder which animal I'll be?   :)

Up on Cripple Creek, She Sends Me

Kat's Blog Chain

Hot Sex with Spouse

At Cripple Creek with Shannon

Shannon and I were not actually in/on/at Cripple Creek on this occasion but we were in the water and we almost got into hot water so the lyrics to this song by the Band seem to fit.

I may have mentioned in one of my Shannon posts that I moved just prior to getting married to a small town in the deep south.  In those months that we were engaged and doing the long-distance romance thing we would try to meet in the middle or Shannon would fly down about every other weekend.  Each meeting was wonderful because we were both pretty horny so it would be a weekend sex-fest.



sort of like this

On one particular weekend that Shannon traveled down to see me I decided that we should go for a walk around this particular lake in the area.  I guess it was actually a damned up creek as it looked like a lake but everyone referred to it as ****** Creek.  We can stick with Cripple Creek for today though.  Shannon as always was gorgeous.  This was back in her Auburn hair days and she wore this short and tight plaid skirt.  It kind of said down home casual but highly *uckable!  I always loved that dress!  She had a bikini on underneath just in case we decide to swim.

So we drove out to Cripple Creek for a walk and a possible swim.  We walked about half way around and came to a boardwalk that went out onto the creek/lake.  At the end I just stood with my arms around Shannon, she leaning back against my chest and we breathed in the warm summer air on the late afternoon in July.  The smell of her hair as if shimmered past my nose was hypnotic.  I longed to bury myself into her soft body and lovely smell.  I rotated around and began kissing her.  This was a remote area and nobody was around.  It was getting late and this space was ours.  I moved my hands under her dress to her soft behind and moved inside.

She protested as I moved inside of her panties.  She said "someone might see us."

I told her "I didn't care" with what I am sure was a slight smile.

She said "I don't want to get you in trouble."  Did I mention this was a very small town where everybody knew everything about everybody?  She was probably right, me getting caught fornicating in public would probably not be a good thing and would be the news of the town the next day.

I told her, "why don't we go behind a bush," I really wanted to be behind her with her gorgeous body spread out before me.  She said no.  Shannon can be a wildcat in a nice $250+/night hotel room but out in nature not so much.

We walked back to the parking lot but passed in front of the beach and swimming area.  It was getting close to dusk now and nobody was in sight.  I took off my shirt and shoes and walked in.  I looked back and motioned for Shannon to come in.  Reluctantly she shimmied out of her dress revealing her skimpy bikini and walked in to meet me.

We waded in about chest deep, near the buoys.  Once there I pulled her close and kissed her.  I reached down under water to pull her legs around my waist.  She latched onto me.  We kissed deeply, her hands clutching the back of my head tightly nails slightly into my scalp.  The feel of her tight almost desperate hold was driving me crazy.   I pulled her waist close to mine.  She slowly started grinding against me.  I knew then that she wanted sex but had been apprehensive.  I moved my hand inside her bikini bottom.  She sighed as my fingers probed the outside of her.  I slowly moved her bikini bottom down.  Shannon did not protest this time but simply said "can you do this quickly" and I did not hesitate.

I pulled her bikini bottom off and shoved my trunks down.  Shannon quickly moved her legs around me again.  Even in the water I could feel how wet she was.  I easily moved into her and she grinded against me gently but firmly there in the water.  We smiled at each other and she said "does that feel better?"  I nodded in appreciation.

It did not take long for us to cum.  We both bit our lips a little to suppress the sound but for both of us it was exhilarating. 

But as I was enjoying the moment I saw a car move to the crest of the hill where the parking lot was located.  Then lights flashed.  A speaker crackled "the beach is closed, leave the premises immediately!"

OK, ok we're done we'll leave I thought to myself.  I reached down and pulled up my trunks and reached into the pocket where I had put Shannon's bikini bottom.

Gone!  *hit!  OMG, what now!

Luckily, I had left a towel on the beach.  I quickly swam then walked to the towel and brought it back to Shannon.  She gingerly put the towel around herself as she walked up out of the water.

The policemen frowned but crisis was avoided.

Good luck had just stung me
To the race track I did go
She bet on one horse to win
And I bet on another to show
The odds were in my favor
I had 'em five to one
When that nag to win came around the track
Sure enough we had won

Where Have all the (Bloggers) Gone, Long Time Passing

We were doing a training class for our associates last week.  The training was on safety and we were watching a video.  The video discussed fire safety and went over the old "stop, drop, and roll" strategy for what to do when you catch on fire.  Good advice although I think my first respond if I caught on fire would be to yell "oh *hit!" before remembering the preferred strategy.

It got me to thinking.  Sure I was thinking how many times I almost self-immolated on my deck as I was lighting the grill but really it got me to thinking about blogging.

I have been doing this for almost 2 years now and reading blogs of this genre for about 6 months ahead of that.  At the risk of alienating my many blogging friends, there are 6 blogs that really stick out in my mind over this time.  For me they are my "stop, drop, and (read)" blogs.  These are the blogs that as soon as I saw a new post I would drop what I was doing (if at all possible) and read ASAP.

Sadly of those six only one remains, Prowling with Kat.  One of my "stop, drop, and (read)" blogs just announced it's denouement (and yes I googled that word).  Sex and the Shitty was always one of my favorites.  I think the best thing I can say about Elle is that she made me laugh.  In a tough world that is a pretty good thing to do.  I always enjoyed reading about Elle's quirky and unconventional experiences and takes on life all set to her wacky and hilarious cartoon images.  I still laugh at her cartoon image of running into the office in great need of peeing (after drinking too much coffee).  And my goodness what a wonderful singing voice.  Elle, I would almost consider treating you like crap just to get a wicked cool song like that written about myself (just kidding)!

Anyway, here's to you Elle!

And here's to my other "stop, drop, and (read)" blogs present and past. 

Sex and the Shitty by Elle
Prowling with Kat by Kat
Ashley and Me by Riff Dog
Errant Wife by Kimberly
Anatomies of a Marriage by Mrs. I
Holly in Wonderland by Holly



But if you are looking for something to read here are a few good ones:

Same Sassy Girl
Just a Pocket Full of Sexy Sunshine
My Secret Life (includes a great forum)
Marriage in the Bedroom (Ponyboy let's us know true love is still out there)



Where Have all the Bloggers Gone?

Where have all the bloggers gone?
Long posts passing
Where have all the bloggers gone?
Many posts ago
Where have all the bloggers gone?
Riff picked up too many girls
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the bloggers gone?
Long posts passing
Where have all the bloggers gone?
Many posts ago
Where have all the  bloggers gone?
Elle's to busy cleanin' puppy poo
And Holly hit the road too
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the young bloggers gone?
Long posts passing
Where have all the young bloggers gone?
Many posts ago
Where have all the young bloggers gone?
Mrs I's gone for poetry now (I suppose)
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the sex bloggers gone?
Long posts passing
Where have all the sex bloggers gone?
Many posts ago
Where have all the sex bloggers gone?
Kim's gone to polyamory
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Please don't go my blogging friend!
More posts passing?
Please don't go my blogging friend!
Many posts yet to come
Please don't go my blogging friend!
Kat you better not go!
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

TMI Tuesday - You Wear it Well

Hey I love that old Rod Stewart song - "I had nothing to do on this (rainy morning) but to settle down and write you a (post).  I've been meaning to phone you but from (DC suburbs) hell it's been a very long time.  You wear it well a little old fashioned but that's all right!"

I really wasn't planning on posting today but I guess I have to respond to this.

1. What is your most favourite thing to wear that you have in your closet at the moment?  I wear a tie to work so in my spare time I do like to go casual.  I'm a cargo shorts, sandals, and polo shirt kind of guy in summer.  In the winter I do like sweaters and I am a fall (color scheme).  My guilty pleasure is that I do like sweater vests but I'm told they are out of style.  I also get a fair amount of clothing "swag" in my job so I pride myself on wearing a lot of stuff I don't pay for.

2. What is the one item of clothing that you have seen on one of your friends / workmates that you would steal for yourself if you had the chance?  I hate to sound cocky but I do dress better than most of the people I work with.  Hey, how do you think I have had good success on Ashley Madison; I do believe clothes make the man.  However, I do like the coaches "swag" look.  I have some authentic coaches clothing gear, etc but I could always use more.  I have an odd wish that I would look better in a baseball cap.  I don't think my head is properly shaped for one and I never really look good in cap but I wish I did.

3. What is the one thing that your partner wears that never fails to turn you on. Why does it turn you on so much?  Shannon looks pretty damn good in anything.  She travels around the house mostly in those tight yoga pants and she has a great body for it.  Sandee, wow she rocks those low cut shirts; she definitely has the figure for it.

4. What is the one thing you wear when you want to attract the attention of your partner or others?  I definitely think women like men who dress well and I don't think men should stray too far from the conventional.  But it is good to add just a bit of an edge.  I have a Chambray colored dress shirt that seems to be attractive to women when I wear it.  I like to wear it with dark Khaki pants.

5. When you want to feel sexy what do you wear and why?  Definitely a suit and a tie.  I love hanging out at the gym and wearing sloppy clothes at home but my best look has always been a bit corporate and preppy.

Add caption

6. If you had unlimited funds but could only shop for one type of clothing (shoes, lingerie, fetish etc) what would it be?  Honestly, I don't really care for expensive clothes.  I like Banana Republic which is a bit pricey but sensible.  I love the outdoors and love that outdoor look.  I remember seeing that Brad Pitt movie Seven Years in Tibet and thinking that is the look for me.  I have a sweater just like the one he has on to the left.

Bonus: Tell us about your favourite scenario, real or fantasy, that involves some kind of clothing or fetish wear.  I like clothes but most of my fantasies don't involve clothes!  :)

————-

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Your Sky All Hung with Jewels

Shannon's Story - The Prequel, Part II

As always if you are new to this blog part I of Shannon's story (my wife) is (here). These are posts written by me with my best attempt of writing about our life through her voice. Except today is not part of our life together, it is my best attempt to show you a little about her life before me. You'll just have to trust that I've learned enough about her through our conversations over the years.  Part I of this prequel story (her high school years) is here.

Shannon speaking......

Sometimes the chubby guy is worth it

I was talking to my daughters the other day about boys.  They were telling me who they thought was the cutest boy in their school.  I was not sure who these boys were but I gathered that they were the most popular boys in their respective classes.  I asked my eldest daughter "what about Sam (from her class who I think is very cute with his long blond hair)?"  My daughter turned her nose up at the thought of Sam.  I then began to tell them about boys and how sometimes the most popular boy and the cutest boy is not always the most fun boy to spend time with.  Before I knew it I was telling them about Anders, the boy that occupied the majority of my early college years.

As I told my daughter, Anders was not the best looking guy in my classes at State U.  He was in fact a bit chubby.  But everyone liked him, he was very funny.  He was also an incredible musician.  I simply enjoyed spending time with him and was never thinking about anything else when I was with him.  As time went on his humor and musical artistry was more seductive and his love handles became cute. 

Anders seemed to meet that fine line between Rance and Blake.  Anders was a musician but way beyond anything Rance would ever achieve.  Anders was in a band and by our second year of college was starting to become the "it" band at bars around State U.  Like Rance, Anders was exciting to be around he.  He took me places I never dreamed of going before.  Once, when Lalapalooza was coming through town Anders was actually able to get backstage and we partied with one of the big name bands performing.  Unlike Rance though it never went to Anders' head and he was always kind and funny.  Anders had all the calm confidence and sweetness of Blake yet remained exciting.  This seemed like the intoxicating attraction I had been looking for.

Unfortunately all the excitement did not mix well with grades.  By the end of our second years of college we were both teetering on the edge of a 2.0 GPA.  Neither of us was enjoying State U.

That summer, against the immense anger of my father I went to Anders' home town to live and work.  I got a job waitressing and lived in a dingy apartment with the girlfriend of one of Anders' bandmates.  At first it was very exciting.  Anders' hometown had a better music scene than State U and we began planning a permanent move there.  I would attend a school in that town.  Anders' band would make that town their base of operation.  Anders no longer had his eye on college, he had his eyes on touring and demo tapes.

As summer went on though reality started creeping in.  Going to work every day was not all that it was cracked up to be.  Often it was tough because the band and their groupies tended to hang out at our apartment.  Few of them had jobs so they were drinking, smoking (any and all things), and listening to loud music late into the night.  Back at State U this type of life was fun Friday and Saturday night but now all I wanted on a Tuesday night was a good night of sleep.  I quickly became aggravated.

By mid-summer it was clear Anders would not be returning to State U or any other college for that matter.  While that was not a concern in and of itself what became a concern was the lack of direction.  The touring thing was not taking off like it was supposed to be.  Getting a demo tape was dragging.  What remained was the lifestyle without the style.

In late July the fulcrum that finally broke was my roommate.  She got into a fight with her boyfriend, spent too much money on drugs, was too long without a job, or any of a number of excuses but the bottom line was she walked out and left me with full rent and utilities that I could not handle.  Anders was sorry and listened but I quickly found out kindness does not pay the bills.

I had to go back to my dad with my tail between my legs to get help.  He traveled down to that Southern Metropolis and negotiated and paid to break my lease.

It was a turning point in my life.  I was so angry with my dad when he objected that I move to Anders' hometown.  I was angry that he would not even consider me transferring to the school I wanted to attend in that town.  But I learned who a real man is when I saw him drive down and bail out a daughter who had not been so very kind and do so without one "I told you so."

My dad put a lot of faith in me on that day and I resolved to show him I was worth it.

I didn't go back to State U but I didn't stay in that Southern Metropolis either.  Anders and I never really broke up, I just went back home and enrolled at the University close by and he continued to pursue his goals, swerving as they were.

The funny thing is that Anders ended up a year later in the town I was now in.  He started a new band and was quite slimmed down.  Soon his band was the hottest thing in that town and as the lead he was the hottest guy in town among the "grunge crowd," perhaps a Southern version of Chris Cornell.

By transferring to a new school I had a clean slate on my GPA.  By the end of the year I had a 4.0 and was managing a gallery on campus.  Upon graduating I was easily accepted to a Master's program in my field.  Unfortunately I didn't have the money at the time.  I could have gone to my dad again and he probably would have paid.  But I wanted to pay my own way now.  I would work for a year, perhaps two, save, and pay my own way.

Yes, I saw Anders often over those years.  We remained friends.  He actually ended up moving west and wound up in a band that actually achieved some notoriety.  I have to admit I have "google" him occasionally to see where he is and what he is doing.  At times it seems like it would have been a fun journey to have been with him.  But my journey has been of my making so I never end up with regrets as I close that google window on him.

Boys, they really are like a box of chocolates; you never know what you are going to get until you open one up.  I sure hope my daughters find one with just the right sweetness.