"I thought we signed up for the same thing... I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis"
The tattoo on Evanora's ankle, a false token of fealty to an otherworldly God, was a facade masking her wicked soul. Her reign over the Land of AM was an icy plague of despair. The people of Munchkinland held hope though, as it was foretold a man would come with a magic wand and turn Evanora away allowing the Munchkins to Escape her terror and return AM to a place of joy.
When the strange man entered their land the Munchkins were delighted. Surely this man could steal Evanora's wand and defeat her.
Ryan was at first delighted that these strange people were so happy to see him though confused as to why they were called Munchkins, they seemed no smaller than he stood. They spoke of an evil witch who had reigned over them. They wished him to defeat her. He knew he could charm the panties off most women in their 40's so he deemed this easily accomplished. Perhaps later he could meet Glenda the Blond Hottie from the North, he definitely wanted to "do" her in her floating bubble!
Ryan sought Evanora along the Yellow Brick Road. As fate would have it she found him. She arose from a puff of smoke. Evanora had heard of the Great and Powerful Wizard who found his way into her land. She would stop him, no man was her equal.
All cowered in her presence. The Munchkins exclaimed "powerful wizard, steal her wand and defeat her." Ryan could not grab the wand from Evanora. She laughed at this false wizard. Ryan thought himself doomed?
Evanora exclaimed "now my pretty; let's see what's under those fancy britches!" She flipped her wand and Ryan's pants fell down. All gasped.
Rachel Weisz can be my witch any day!
"Oh my," Evanora exclaimed, "a Munchkin you aren't." Perhaps I WILL have need of you! This was Ryan's chance; he might be incinerated by Evanora's fire but at least he might leave this world a happy man!" Evanora was quite HOT!
With sly confidence Ryan walked to Evanora and picked her up. All gasped as he carried her to the house draped in Munchkinberry vines. Ryan knelt down flipping up Evanora's dress and quickly slide her black tong down her lithe legs. Her alabaster skin was frigid to touch. Ryan was undaunted. He placed his tongue firmly into her. Her back arched and she moaned in a warming bliss.
Ryan twisted her around against the Munchkinberry vines. Ryan entered her from behind and quickly pumped briskly. Those icy cold cheeks were now on fire. He grabbed her ass as their loins collided. Evanora screamed "yes pump me with that long hot wand of yours!" The last final powerful thrust of Ryan's magical wand lifted Evanora off the ground and onto the window-seal of the tiny hut. She sighed in blissful relief.
Ryan sighed, "did I defeat her?" The Munchkin Mayor said, "you did, you defeated her frigged chill by warming her soul. Don't you realize the magic was with you all the time; it was in your magic wand."
Ryan smiled "I may not be in DC anymore, but I sure could get used to taggin' that ass from now on (as he looked at Evanora's pert round cheeks)!"
And so all sang a joyous song!
Ding Dong the Witch is *ucked! Which old witch? The Wicked Witch
Ding Dong the wicked Witch is *ucked
Wake up - she'll give you head, rub your dick, stroke your balls
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is *ucked. She's gone where the all the hot MILF's go,
Down, down, she went down on him. Yo-ho, let's lick her clit and see how loud she screams!
Ding Dong the merry 'hoe, bang her high, bang her low
Let them know
Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is *ucked.......!
Payment for the liner notes
Liner Notes: I was once joking with a fellow blogger that these FFF's would make for a good Rorschach test. I know what my test would say! Anyway, I've always just written about the first thing that pops into my mind when I see the picture - that's what makes it fun for me. I saw Oz the Great and Powerful last weekend with my girls and as soon as I saw the picture for today's FFF I immediately thought of the scene in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy's house lands on the Wicked Witch of the East when she first lands in Munchkinland. I know I'm warped or just never grew up but I guess that's my underlying thought disorder found in the psychological interpretation of my Rorschach FFF test! :)
"We're rascals and scoundrels, we're villains and knaves
drink up me 'earties, you ho!"
I've talked about writing sports for my high school and college newspapers before. I do love to write. It's my one regret in life that I did not give greater consideration to Journalism as a major in college. But then again how many famous Journalist do you know from Ivy Tech!
As I've said the blog has re-awakened a joy of writing. Of course I dare not delve into sports, I'd bore you with analysis and number crunching. And so the happy medium and what has become probably my most joyous writing exercise is writing about my vacation travels and more precisely my adventures to the Mouse Kingdom. I think in my next life I'll become a "real estate (or travel) novelist!"
So as I like to say "second star to the right and straight on 'til morning!" Let's talk about surviving Disney!
A Disney trip can be exhausting on the heart, soul, and wallet. Here are some simple ways to conserve your energy and net worth.
Fun and Enjoyable Food
* Let's face it, given the cramped space (no, Disney rooms are not roomy) and the presence of kids, sex and Disney usually don't mix. So if you are not going to "get any" during your stay at Disney I'd suggest getting the next best thing to sex and that is a Dole Whip Float at Adventureland in the Magic Kingdom. At a penny under $5 it's cheaper than a hooker, you don't have to worry about crabs, and it is orgasmic on a hot Orlando day! This non-dairy Pineapple dessert paired with Pineapple Juice is the perfect mid-afternoon snack to perk up your energy and get that second wind. It is only served in Disney World and at the Dole Plantation in Hawaii so it is truly unique. And if that doesn't fill you up walk around the corner to Frontierland and pair it with one of those Churros off the portable concessions wagon!
* Now that Dole Whip is very light and refreshing so it will leave a lot of room for the Grandaddy of them all - the Kitchen Sink (when you get back to Disney's Beach club). The Kitchen Sink, priced at $26.99, includes the following nutricious food pyramid items: 8 scoops of ice cream, 1 banana, 1 Cinnamon spice cupcake, 1 angle food cupcake, 1 brownie, 1 Milky Way bar, 4 Oreos, every topping, and an entire can of whipped topping! OMG!
I know you are saying $26.99 ain't cheap but really for 4 people if you do the math it's less than 4 banana splits. Hint: if you are a guy sit in a booth facing the pool, you can still watch that hot young mommy by the lifeguard stand! I wonder how she is going to explain that "Juicy" tatoo above her ass to her son in 5 years? Btw the Beach Club pool has a sand bottom - very cool!
* There are several wonderful restaurants at Disney, some you can even get out of the door without dropping 3 figures. I've written about the San Angel Inn before and it is wonderful and more affordable than most. There are others such as Boma (Animal Kingdom Lodge), Victoria and Alberts (Grand Floridian), Flying Fish (Boardwalk), Artist Point (Wilderness Lodge) and Le Cellier and Les Chefs du France (Epcot) that are wonderful yet slightly expensive. A fairly affordable treat is the Coral Reef Restaurant in Epcot's the Living Seas. You enjoy a spectacular view of the aquarium, can enjoy some lushious adult beverages, and more importantly spare your wallet some pain by enjoying some light and tasty appetizers for a meal. My favorite is the Crab Tostados which are cool and filling but not too much and have a perfect accent of fresh cilantro grown on site at the Land next door. They have a great appetizer sampler as well and a wonderful Lobster Bisque!
Rest Time for Daddy
* Brian Starron (at the Boardwalk) - You wouldn't think you could say free entertainment and Disney in the same sentence but if you travel to the Boardwalk there is a wonderful collection of vaudeville-style entertainers. Brian Starron is the best. His magic is only matched by his silly humor (who'd uh thunk Ryan liked silly humor). We actually have planned vacations around when he is performing. Check the link above to a YouTube clip. The kids will enjoy it and you can grab a beer at the ESPN club while they are mesmirized!
* The Swiss Family Tree House/Boneyard - If you are like me you are spastic about losing your kids (well really it's Shannon but I'm spastic about not getting her angry at me so I don't want to lose the kids). There are some pretty fun enclosed play areas where you can monitor the entry and exit so you can kind of send the little ones off while you enjoy that Dole Whip across the way. Two great places for the kids to kill a half hour while you recharge are the Swiss Family Tree House (In Magic Kingdom) and the Boneyard (at Animal Kingdom). And after the treehouse go down to Pirates of the Carribean and check out Pirate Anglica - she's a smug little hottie!
* Epcot Street Performers - These guys to the left perform a wonderful street show several times a day in front of Les Chefs du France. If you go around the corner you can get an adult beverage at the House of Wine just before the show! Of course if you spend too much time back there it turns into the House of W(h)ine because your little one is bored and wants that $3,500 crystal Cinderella castle on display! :(
* Port Orleans River Roost Bar- At the end of the day you are probably going to be on a holy quest for a air conditioning, a comfortable seat, and a cold beer. If something interesting is happining in front of you I'm sure that would be great but mostly you just need to decompress. A great place to do just that and actually be entertained is the River Roost Bar in Port Orleans. The guy (see link above) performs most nights and has a great interactive vaudeville type show (somewhat like the Boardwalk but in this case indoors and 20 paces from the bar).
* When watching the fireworks at Magic Kingdom after the parade go over the Tomorrowland. The fireworks originate from Bay Lake so you can actually see them better in front of Space Mountain and there is actual space to plant your ass in a seat and enjoy the show!
The Rides for All to Enjoy
My favorite - Thunder Mountain!
Disney really doesn't have many true thrill rides, Mission Space is the only one that comes to mind. There are a few, like Thunder Mountain and Space Mountain that get your tummy just a bit. Mission Everest may be a little more than the average "little one" may wish to take, mostly because it goes backwards in the dark and the Yeti jumps out at you (which scared the bejesus out of me the first time I rode it).
Pound for pound though my favorite is Big Thunder Mountain at the Magic Kingdom's Frontierland. It's a fairly long ride, usually doesn't have the wait time of Space Mountain, and is a very enjoyable smooth ride with gentle hills and several fun curves. A hot news item, Disney is planning a new coaster, The Seven Dwarf's Mine Train, to replace Snow White's Scary Adventure in Fantasyland for 2014 - it looks like a lot of fun and similar to Thunder Mountain.
If you are needed some AC and shade Mickey's Philharmagic is a must and usually fairly easy to get into. It's 3D so really fun and interactive for kids and adults and the music is pretty good too!
Some Disney Trivia
* Did you know that Johnn Depp patterned the character of Captain Jack Sparrow after Keith Richards, famed Rolling Stones guitarist? Yep, he said Pirates were the rock stars of their day and what better rock star to imulate than Keith!
* Did you know there is an entire tunnel system under each of the theme parks? Yep, all delivery trucks go straight under the ground. All the cast members go there to change, which is why you never see a headless Mickey. The cast members even have their own cafeterias underground.
* On an average day the Magic Kingdom has 45,000 guests.
* Big Brother Mickey is always watching you! Their is a command center under Cinderella's castle where all movements and actions are monitored. If lines get too long - dispatch Donald Duck to get people happy and moving.
* Did you know the first day at Disneyland went awfully! Yep, the day was so hot that ladies high heels sunk into the pavement, invitations to the park were forged thus there was overcrowding, several rides broke down, and there was not enough bathrooms available due to a plumbers strike at the time.
* And finally speaking of potties did you know there were "potty" resources to make you Disney "potty" experience as magical as possible? Yep, there sure are - here it is!
Now go out and plunder some Booty me hardies! of course this is more my speed.. and yes "I (do) go for younger women!" :)
I'm bad at closure and I am a natural born conciliator. That tends to make me look like a beta but I'm not. I just like people to walk away from knowing me with a positive feeling. I think more than Alpha/Beta it's the client services training that has been ingrained into me. In spite of finding more balance in my life in the past decade, as Shannon would say I am often still in "work mode" even when I'm not working and I apply that "work mode" to a lot of things I do in life.
As I approached the holidays tension between Shannon and I was reaching a fevered pitch. I broached the subject of me leaving again. I had a plan for an inexpensive place to live where financially we would not have to make many sacrifices which really translated to "the girls" would not have to sacrifice for our sins. This time Shannon hedged a bit; she didn't push back. I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. Perhaps a vision of Sandee and I together 6 months hence was possible.
A few nights later Shannon and I had another fight. We had planned a ski trip out west. I thought the money would be misspent, we could ski locally for much less and after all is this really what we should be doing right now. Shannon insisted she was going and I could just stay home. This was a further testament that we should split. Nothing says I care for you like saying "if you don't want to go then don't, see you later." As heart wrenching as this was, a light at the end of the tunnel was emerging or so it seemed.
It was tough to spend time with Sandee now though because it was the holidays. Also, I am ever the corporate person "promise less and deliver more," so I dared not tell her of how close I was to the brink with Shannon. I did not want to give her false hope, knowing how close she was to the brink with her husband. It would have been so easy to look into her eyes and say "come away with me." In my gut I felt a word from me would yield an outpouring of feelings from her. I was sure she was holding back waiting for me. But I cared too much for her and I'm just not the kind of guy that will say anything to get a woman to have kinky sex with him. It's odd to say but sex is not that important to me to have to mislead a woman for it. Maybe that makes me a good guy or maybe just a Prima Donna.
A few days later Shannon and I had another discussion. This time there was not an argument. Shannon said she did not want a divorce and she did not want me to leave. She wanted me on the ski trip not just as a partner but because she wanted me there. We talked of our failings and she admitted to her's. This seemed heartfelt though as always as I came away from it feeling like a constituent after meeting their congressman, a lot of kind words but nothing concrete. How often had I read a word, a smile, or a slight touch as an opening for a better marriage just to find that it was a token carrot to keep me following. This did not feel real but I wanted it to be so. Even after all these years I found myself cheering for Shannon and I to succeed. Yes, I look at other women but how ironic was it that often when I was with those other Ashley Madison women I really wished I was with Shannon (isn't it supposed to work the other way in this cheating lifestyle). To say I was confused would would be an understatement.
We did go on the trip. I planned a whole post about it but never got around to writing it. I had a catchy silly theme about landing on the plant Caucasian, as I've never been to a more Lilly-white place than this quaint ski resort high in the mountains.
We did have fun, it is always fun with the girls. Shannon is the master of keeping me close but not too close; feeling like we are making progress when we are really just treading water. I really don't know why she wants it this way other than I know she is scared as well about what follows divorce. I also know that she had difficult relationships in her formative years and that has created in her a need to build walls to the outside world, keeping people out and protecting her emotions. She is so diligent at preserving her toughness that she feels the need to hurt before being hurt. She is ever the inevitable paradox striking out and inflicting damage before being damaged and then feeling entitled to her outrage when the inevitable response is the churlishness that she originally expected.
The new year brought many new fights and challenges between Shannon and I. I was like a ping pong. One day I felt good about where I was with Shannon the next I was ready to run away from it all. One morning we actually cuddled in bed, more touching than we had done in many years. But the wall was always there and I knew I was not welcome beyond a certain point of cordiality. I could tell she was making an effort to be close but the simple fact that it required an effort was disturbing. Pheromones were not at work here, in fact gravity was pulling us apart despite our best efforts. I didn't want someone to have to be intentional about emotions with me! I wanted someone to feel pulled by emotions toward me and I wanted to feel that same way towards someone.
I was sure that someone was Sandee because every time I was with Sandee it felt so right. I knew I was at a crossroads. There was a path for me and Sandee if I chose to take it and I saw it as a much happier path. That path lead to companionship and caring; excitement and fun and yes that deep love of someone who daily breaths a sigh of relief that they were lucky enough to find you and be with you. And of course I felt like I would be truly lucky to be with someone as sweet, fun-loving, caring, and let's face it as gorgeous as Sandee.
But ever the conciliator I still could not pull the trigger on my marriage. As February faded the next vacation trip faced us. Again I said I did not want to go. Again I said we should be saving rather than spending. Again, Shannon said "OK, if you want to save money then don't go (meaning she would take the girls and I would stay behind)." Again I called her bluff and said OK. And once again she said after all she did want me to go. The week before our vacation Shannon was on a business trip and was in a car accident. I was very worried for her. I wished I could be the protector for her but I was far away and could not help. She persevered and got back home, I marvel at her toughness. I think the fact that I did show such concern moved her but unfortunately not by much.
So like Shannon
I remember in the movie "Up in the Air" the character Alex says something prophetic to the young protege. She says don't make more than your husband. I know that sounds so misogynistic and old fashioned but in the days following Shannon's accident I did feel helpless. She was the 6 figure spouse travelling and earning points and mileage out on the road. Sure I have a great job as well, a job many would consider very successful but in the end at this point would Shannon ever think herself lucky to have ended up with Ryan?
I guess that is the big question now after all the stories and all the adventures. What path is the lucky path, the path that leads to happiness and perhaps more important to relief and tranquility.
As I stand here I have to say I am as open to suggestion as I was the first day I signed onto Ashley Madison. But at least I'm caught up in my story and if this feels like a cliffhanger it is. The only difference is that this time I don't know the ending. Hopefully I'll find it soon.
It's FFF Day! Go check out Advizor's blog for all the hot stories!
Christ, what have I done; I thought to myself. But then I saw her silently dressing in the morning sun and couldn't feel regret. This can't be right? But it sure felt as good as it always did.
Seeing Jules again brought back so many memories. She was the one that got away but oh the memories she left behind. We were an energy that burned brighter together. I remember rafting on the Gauley and then pulling over and having passionate sex aside the rapids. I remember college ski nights at Snowshoe and the feel of her naked body in front of a roaring fire. But like most people with too much energy we burned each other out. I had not spoken to her in years.
I was at first shocked when I saw her last night at the party, soon glad, and then inevitably motivated to be with her. We waited at first almost stalking each other from across the room, knowing it would be a bad idea to speak, knowing it would lead to an inevitably wrong and perhaps regrettable decision. But eventually as the crowd thinned we finally found one another. The funny thing is a friend introduced us, we feigned ignorance.
An hour and three Sex on the Beach shooters later we were in a taxi to the hotel where apparently we were both staying. "A night-cap perhaps?" I said. "Sure, for old times sake," she replied.
But once she was inside my domain I could not help gravity pulling us together and she did not yield.
It was once again like it was before. Our bodies thirsted for one another and we moved together again as we did on the river in the canoe and aside the river in the throes of passion.
I don't even remember how the night ended. I know there was a mad wrestling match to get clothes off and quick rapid sex in bed. That was followed by a long and luxurious shower with that night cap we were supposed to be having. After that we collapsed in bed. I moved into her as we held each other tight. I guess we just fell asleep at some point in mid-sex.
And now as we get dressed I have to think, does this mean anything? Has the world changed?
After pulling on her skirt Jules turned to me and said. "Hey, you know you and Kim really do make a great pair. I'm really glad I got you two together. But hey, I'm glad I got to see you one more time before, you know, you're off the market."
"Oh wow, look at the time," I said out loud. "I need to meet Dave in an hour and then it's onto the chapel. Damn, I hope he has the ring; Kim will be pissed if I lost it."
OK, I count 479 and I think that is a prime number. It's not an even number so not divisable by 2 and 4+7+9 = 20 which is not divisable by 3, and it doesn't end in 0 or 5 so not divisable by 5. :)
I really enjoy using lyrics for my blog post titles. It helps me revisit some old song favorites, keep up on current song titles, and occasionally turn up something I had not heard before. Sometimes in the pursuit of finding song lyrics to match the events I write about I get caught up and really affected by a certain song. I believe this particular song grasped me more deeply than any other I have used. I hear this song occasionally on XM Radio - First Wave and I love it. I decided it fit the 5 part story I wanted to tell about Labor Day weekend, 2011; a rather lost weekend. As I started writing I did my obligatory wiki-search on facts about the song. I was taken by the concept of the song, an ode to waiting for a woman. I also enjoyed reading about the influences on the song. It seemed that the deeper I dug the more fascinating the song became. I also came across some interesting covers of the song. The original song has somewhat of a spooky, dream-like feel. The version by the Damned is very histrionic and grandiose. I also came across a Tejano version which I think I ended up liking the best. I don't know, I guess in the end this felt like I was writing for Rolling Stone or something. And of course this was the culmination of an interesting albeit frustrating weekend.
Looking back this should have been the end of my Sandee story. But I am glad it was only the beginning.
Ryan's Repeats
from March 5th, 2012
Or Day Four
My last 5 Sandee post lyric titles, including today, have come from one song I hear sometimes on XM radio. I have written often about listening to Richard Blade on XM Radio's First Wave. I love his shows. He often plays a song by the Damned called "Alone Again Or." It's actually a cover; the song was originally recorded by a group called Love in 1967. The writer was inspired by a memory of waiting for a lady and a melody in Prokofiev's Lieutenant Kije Suite. I'm not sure if I'm hearing it but that is what wiki says and I want to sound smart so I'll go with it! Btw, Prokofiev also wrote music for Peter and the Wolf and the ballet to Romeo and Juliet. But back to "Alone Again Or," I love the histrionic feel, the elegant lyrics, and the mariachi band horns. The original recording by Love is wonderful but the Damned just seem to add something extra and their video is like a Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western collided with the Road Warrior (please take a look below). Calexico does a pretty awesome version as well! As an aside Love often performed at the famous Whiskey Au Go Go on the LA Strip in the 60's. Love and Vanilla Fudge were two of the bands that a certain aspiring artist listened to as he was forming his own group that would later become the house band at the Whiskey. That group went by the name the Doors.
OK so that's my Rolling Stone Op/Ed piece for the day. So again, all my lyric titles this week have come from that song as I waited for Sandee all weekend! As I woke up on Monday I knew it was my last chance for the weekend; forth and long. But I still had hope, I was going to go wherever I needed to make it easy on Sandee. I texted her around 9:30 am and she said she could meet around 11 am, "grumpy" was still at the hospital. I texted her again as I got ready to leave and she responded "can we push back to noon? Running a bit behind. Sorry!" I decided that I would go ahead and drive down to the coffee shop regardless. Something told me that if I kept texting this would get pushed back and pushed back. I hoped that if I was really there that she would commit to meeting me. So I got to the shop about 5 minutes early and took up a position on a bench across from the cafe and began to read (psst, I don't really read but I thought it would be a good first image for Sandee to see). Btw, this little area is wonderful, a tree lined pedestrian mall with boutique shops et al. Noon came and went. At 12:15 I texted her and let her know I was there. A few minutes later she texted back "grumpy just got home, trying to get away - give me 15 mins." So I kept reading. About 12:45 I texted her again politely "how's it going?" She replied "grumpy invited friends over for lunch, got to get something ready, how late can you stay?" I told her she had me all day if needed. Perhaps that was too nice but it was Hail Mary time now. "Give me to 2 pm and I'll be over," she said. So I walked around town, read a bit more, looked at some shops, changed cell phone screen 6 times, etc, etc. At 2:15 pm I texted her "are you able to come out today?" About 15 minutes later she replied "I'm so sorry, grumpy is drunk now and won't let me leave; he yelled at me in front of his friends and called me a child. I told him I was leaving and he locked me in the bathroom. I don't know what to say. I need time to think about all of this. Do you hate me?" Hmmm, do you really want an answer to that question? Sometimes things are better left unsaid. As I started to drive home I was PISSED! And just in case you have not been able to tell from my blog I am fairly even tempered. Which is great in life as I live with someone who is prone to throwing blunt objects when angered! But I held off on any retribution for now. By the time I got home I had calmed down. I decided to wait on a response to Sandee for now. The next morning I typed out this:
Hey Sandee,
So I have to say yes after two hours I was a bit aggravated. :( So there is the extent of my temper! Many people would say I'm very even tempered, others would say gullible - not sure what fits here.
But I'm also one to look on the bright side and now I know every inch of your fair city!
My main concern is you! Are you OK? I really hope I didn't cause friction at home for you. Please tell me about it, I can be sympathetic ears/eyes for you.
Regardless of what happens I would like to meet you. It doesn't have to go anywhere but I would like to reconcile the reality of Sandee with the images I see in your e-mails :) I bet the reality of you is even better than what I have read!
Take Care,
R
I felt bad when Sandee responded later in the day with this:
"Dear Ryan~
It breaks my heart to hear you say you might have been gullible today. I have hurt you, and I don't know what to do."
She went on the talk about how mean her husband was, how he treated her like a child, how all the other guys on AM were weird (and I was the only one she clicked with), etc. She said she felt men had more freedom and wished she could leave on a moments notice to meet a "handsome stranger (you)!"
So we were still at square one; e-mailing a very intriguing person that was probably trouble but who just seemed like they would be worth it if I continued to endeavor. Or so my gut told me.
Where is pragmatism when I need it! And Kat here is your que to say "I told you so!" But then again, do you really think I would spend so much time on talking about a complete washout? Oh well, the Silver Lining to this tale is that the fam got back in town around dinner and I had "my girls" back which made me happy, I did miss them very much!
So Kat has agreed to carry the torch forward another month. And what a great topic. As soon as I heard it I thought it was right up my alley. Of course the problem is I've never had sex with a famous athlete.
Oh no Ryan does that mean you are going to make up some stupid story like you did last November when you'd never screwed a politician?
No, Shannon was a cheerleader and I've dated other cheerleaders. They are athletes, right?
Well you can't bet on cheerleading so I'm not sure if cheerleading is a skill, art, talent or sport. Regardless I just like to watch them.
Of course when I really got to thinking about it I realized that if I wanted to talk about sex with the greatest athlete I've ever known then I would have to tackle a subject I've never written about and frankly am a little scared off, seeing as how I'm a bit of a prude. What is that you say? That would be the act of self-love. You see if I'm talking about having sex with the greatest athlete I've ever know I'd have to talk about, you know - ME! I'm sorry, that was REALLY, really bad you should stop reading! But I still can swim 50 meters in under 30 seconds and keep an 8 minute/mile pace over a 5K. :)
Spike me baby!
OK so my point is this and I'll digress first as I always do. See I've played basketball with one of the greatest Defensive Linemen of all time, I've played golf with a guy that played QB in the NFL for over 10 years. One thing that always amazes me about seeing great athletes up close is how athletic they really are. Most of the time a great athlete, in a given sport, can pick up other sports rather easily because, you know, they are great athletes for Christ sake!
I rather think that translates to sex. I know, I know just because you are super fit doesn't mean you know how to screw and how to suck dick. But I think that flexibility, agility, endurance, etc. all add up to the ability to excel if you do have that determination to be great at your skill which in this case would be sex!
So where am I going with this. Well first let's get the old fantasy component out of the way. I like athletic women who are not too Butch. From my experience volleyball players have great asses, are often pretty, are great athletes, and not overly muscular. Add that up and you get Gabrielle Reece, one of my all time fantasy ladies. She also has Shannon's nose. Yes, a bit imperfect but you know imperfection can be really sexy! And of course I'll leave you with the image of my swim suit model/tri-athlete that I chased for about 2 months on Ashley Madison and then e-mail. Although in the end she turned out to be Sandee! :)
But speaking of volleyball players and former athletes who know how to screw, I do have two encounters from my Ashley Madison experiences to share with you.
Alecia played volleyball in high school and she was definitely a great athlete in bed. Sometimes when I'm nervous I have trouble finishing up. I don't have trouble getting up, just finishing up. The two times we had sex were real marathon encounters involving about 2 hours of on-again/off-again sex from multiple positions. She was very much in shape and it felt great to feel our bodies melt in sweat together. Her ass was just so nice and I remember she had this very sexy freckle as well as a tattoo (tattoo on back just below belt line, freckle on right cheek. Anyway that flexibility and ability to go at it for an extended period of time was exhilarating. Oh and I can still hear her sigh "you're hitting all the right places" as my tongue was lodged between her legs!
But as for athleticism Alecia was tall, sexy, and sleek but paled in comparison (overall) to Keeley. Keeley also played volleyball but also at the college level. I would define Keeley as "big-boned" but not over-weight. She had long legs with great muscle tone. She was very curvy but her curves were just right with respect to width, height, and depth. I liked her perfect muscle tone along her arms and shoulders. That balance made clothes hang well off of her and of course made her look so good when they were falling off of her. I also loved the fact that she was a natural red-head which made the contrast of her thin line of pubic hair all the more arousing against her pale porcelain skin.
We only had sex once but it was like an erotic wrestling match. Not violent mind you in an adversarial way but rigorous as it felt like a fight to move against one another as rapidly and briskly as possible. Fucking her from behind in front of the mirror was an orgasm to the visual senses as her athletic body curved in front of me. Her ass bounced perfectly off my hips and her waist felt so good as I held on and pulled her body into mine. Her athleticism, like Alecia included endurance and flexibility but what was so different was her strength. I had never had sex with a woman that was nearly as strong as me and that allowed her to wrap herself around me in ways I had not experienced.
Yes sex with Alecia and Keeley were both wonderful athletic adventures. Sex with Shannon over the years has been wonderful as well. She is more the petite ballerina who can contort her body into erotic positions in front, over, and underneath me. At our best it was no problem for her to wrap her legs around my neck as I pumped myself into her.
Sandee is pretty athletic too. She played volleyball and softball in high school and has that perfect balance of being feminine but a "Tom-boy" as well. In good weather we often canoe on the river. She too has powerful legs and arms but still retains feminine contours.
Wow! Alecia, Keeley, Shannon, and Sandee what a great Final Four that is. It makes me think of predicting a real Final Four. You know I tried to get Kat to move this post back to after Selection Sunday so I could more accurately predict my Final Four but she insisted on routine.
So I'll kind of have to do this bare-back so to speak without the protection of a Bracket. With that in mind here is my Final Four.
Duke - I hate to see this and I wouldn't have predicted this a week ago. But it looks like Ryan Kelly take the Dukies to a new level.
Indiana- I always like to pick the best team from the best conference. That is IU, Big 10 is very tough this year. Oops, IU choked to Ohio State with the conference championship on the line; maybe I should go with the ' Zags!
Kansas - Other than a bad 3 game stretch they have been close to perfect. I like the experience and the coaching.
Louisville - I like there experience and I think they are the best team from the second best conference the Big East.
I think I'll still take Indiana in the Championship! Duke will probably win but who wants to pull for the Dukies! :(
And here is that One Shining Moment I love to hear every March! So go out and have some March Madness now.
We survived the snow! Or as we've been referring to it around here the "Snowquestration!"
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away there was a blogger who just wanted to blog for himself, perhaps emulate some of the blogs he followed, and share some of his histories and reflections of his experiences. As with all things he changed over time. He tried to be funny at times, laugh at himself, and perhaps become a bit of a commentator over silly aspects of life and society. But it's fun to look back and remember when he was new at this and actually trying to be serious. Occasionally, I think, he did have some interesting and worthy introspection. Although if you read to the end, at the end he still always seemed to want to laugh at himself in the end. The end. :)
Ryan's Repeat
from March 30th, 2011.... Or “What’s the Takeaway”
I heard this U2 song on the way to work yesterday and it stayed with me throughout the day.A better title from the song for today’s post would be “there’s no going back, through hands of steel…”But that might not have been so recognizable so I’ll just go with the above.
The other week I had a meeting with several of my counterparts at work with our VP of Finance to go over budgeting and some "strategery" (just wanted to throw in a “W” word just to show how smart I am).At the end as we were wrapping up the VP said to us “so what are the takeaways.”I have heard that before but not in awhile and it got me to thinking, not just about our “strategery” session, but life in general.Isn’t it good to go through our experiences and assess “what’s the takeaway?”As I said earlier in the week I have an anniversary of sorts on Saturday, April 2nd(see here if you want more info).Yes, that is the day I heard about Ashley Madison and thus began this adventure I am now on and describing for you here.So with that in mind perhaps it is a good time to look back and see “what are my takeaways” from this experience.Although since I have only gotten to about last August in my blog I won’t do any spoilers today.
After several initial failures I studied several AM consumer reports.One guy mentioned that he had some success but one outgrowth was that he had started to work out to get himself in physical shape.I had begun working out consistently about 4 months prior to registering with AM but this gave me a goal to work toward.After having some success I became driven to get in even better shape.I did a physical assessment a few weeks ago and I am in all excellent to very good categories for my age.In fact I participated in an intramural swim meet 2 weeks ago and whipped some college age boys (and I had not swum competitively since I was in college).
Soon after reading the blog Ashley and Me I knew I wanted to put my tale on paper so to speak.I loved writing in college and had thoughts of being a sportswriter but didn’t.I have loved writing this blog and have enjoyed the feedback.In fact now I find myself wanting to go in different directions with completely different storylines.Maybe even try my hand at a book.
If you’ve read this blog you can see I suffer from “nice guy syndrome.”I am glad to say that I have not forsaken being a nice guy but by having the ability to be a new person to others I have been able to be more daring without seeing the skepticism in the eyes of a familiar face.You bring no baggage to AM and the blogosphere; you are not pre-judged based on past behavior, so you are free to re-invent yourself in the manner you wish.
I have really enjoyed meeting and corresponding with fellow bloggers!In fact, and this might be a bit of a spoiler, I rarely venture onto AM anymore.Blogging is way more fun and self-actualizing for me now.And not that this is anything crazy just realizing people are going through the same issues and feelings.One fellow blogger and I just e-mail back and forth occasionally and talk college basketball and NASCAR (go figure)!
Oh and I tend to be a bit tight assed and prudish.Out here on the blogoshere I can open up.In fact I have had a virtual potty dialogue with another blogger, that is very atypical of me (don’t worry; it’s really not gross at all – just me being an assJ).But I’m glad to NOT be so tight assed! France, I'm failing at my own advise here!
Candor - the state or quality of being frank, open, and sincere in speech or expression.Yes candor can be tough but in a world where so many tweets and blogs are so mean spirited I have found it enlightening and satisfying to hear the caring candor of several people in response to my story.And that gives me great perspective on how I should feel, how I should look at myself, and perhaps even where my path will go from here.
Serenity Now!Just like George Costanza’s dad, the experiences on AM and here on the blog have given me the ability to silently say “serenity now” when things are not quite so good in other life ventures.
Oh and I almost forgot – SEX!That’s been fairly sublime!Thanks Alicia and other ladies in my current and future story!Happy Ashley Madison Anniversary to ME!
Anyone else want to share some take aways or just some "strategery!"
I think my first Duet with Pony worked pretty well. I think everyone seems to agree that guys should tread lightly in the waters of the new Social Media World. Thanks for all the comments on mine and Pony's blog. And Pony, good luck to you in your life endeavors. I say that still hoping you will reconsider your retirement options and stick with us a little longer!
The girl even looks like B
In talking with bloggers I did get some interest in being my next Duet partner. I spoke with several bloggers on themes we might be interested in. It seems like Ms. B won the award for quickest turnaround of a Duet theme. It's funny to think of this as a prize as I suspect winning this prize is kind of like that old Game Show Let's Make a Deal. The contestant, in this case Ms. B, wins the prize but when the curtain is revealed rather than being that hoped for trip to Hawaii what's revealed is a billy-goat chewing on an old carrot with the background of WAH WAH wah........... :(
But thanks for working with me B. Btw, the title up there comes from that Lumineers song - Hey HO. My daughter loves it, I thought it appropriate here. So let's get to work.
It seems like all of us spend a lot of time either on Blogger or other forms of social media. I think there can be a lot of disconnect to our real lives if left unchecked. But could it actually help us in some ways?
What if it actually helped and why are we even talking about all of this?
So today's question is: What counts as cheating in the age of social media? And if it's cheating why is it saving my marriage?
Ryan is full of flattery, most of which I eat up the instant I hear it. Who doesn’t like to be complimented and flattered as often as it comes? I think we all enjoy it and it most definitely makes us feel great about ourselves for however long the high of praise lasts, be it through the hour, day or even the week. We are thrilled at the thought that someone views us better than we probably view ourselves. We can all be self-critical and think about the things we do that make us less of who we wish we were. Or is that just me?!
To answer his question…
What counts as cheating in the age of social media? And if it’s cheating why is it saving my marriage?
Let’s look at the word cheating:
Cheat(Verb)
1.Act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, esp. in a game or examination: "she cheats at cards".
2.Deceive or trick.
I definitely think that if you are doing anything that your partner would consider cheating, then you are cheating; deceiving the person you committed yourself to. If you are doing or saying things you wouldn’t ever want your partner to see or hear, then you are cheating. If you simply think about what you wouldn’t want your partner to do and you are doing that very thing, you know you are cheating. Tricking them into thinking you are honest is only deceiving yourself. Essentially cheating yourself.
That being said…
All the encomium, flattery, accolade, admiration, praise, and compliments that we receive with open arms gives us a high and we end up coming home feeling remarkable about ourselves and it shows in our confidence by puffing out our chests a little more or batting those long lashes a little slower. That confidence we experience begins to ooze sexiness. Who can resist?!
I don’t always feel great about myself, either outwardly or inwardly. Either way when I get down on myself, I lose that confidence that normally shines and that is not attractive to anyone, especially myself. But, in those days that I feel great and I know it, I tend to get the most compliments, looks and appreciation for not just how I put myself together, but the bounce in my step that is commanding attention.
So if I’m basking in the attention of admirers, flirting back in return for hearing the sweet nothings about myself, is it cheating to accept and give that attention? I don’t think so if it’s done with honesty and straightforwardness. If you can accept a compliment and enjoy it without leading someone on or give a genuine compliment in return without accepting an invitation to a sleazy hotel room. Then, no, I don’t think it’s cheating at all.
With all the outlets available to connect to people, past and present, there is a lot of connecting in ways that might not always be acceptable by everyone around us. People think it’s cheating, some people get jealous but everyone is doing it!
A lot of people connect with me through Facebook, Instagram, Blogger, LinkedIn, Pinterest, etc., and even good old fashion email!
When you start to build relationships with other people, that goes beyond what you or your partner knows is right, then you can expect the other person to consider it cheating. If you enjoy the flirting between sexes openly, without any pretenses to anything else, then by all means, enjoy your well-deserved compliments.
I can see why this would help marriages, as Ryan put it. Flirting and enjoying the conversation between the sexes before going home. Feeling magnificent about yourself shows in your demeanor and if you come home exuding that confidence, I have no doubt your partner will see it too and find it overwhelmingly attractive. Who doesn’t like having a partner that you know is coveted by thy neighbor? Knowing what we have is considered quite a prize to others is always a fantastic feeling. Recognizing you have someone worthy that thinks you are worthy, too, is an exceptional and rare thing.
When you take it beyond that “harmless” flirting and complimenting, then you thread dangerous waters. You start to walk the line of flirtation and wanting or expecting more, when you start to ask yourself is this cheating? You know it is no matter how much you try and convince yourself otherwise. You know what you are doing is wrong. Then you can end up with guilt and betrayal that can be found out and once that trust is broken, it’s rarely ever mended together the same, no matter the circumstance that keeps people working on a relationship. You can’t take back things you scar someone with and no matter how much you think they are healing, they may never heal and trust again. So when you think about “until death do us part” you have to think about how much you could be killing the other person, slowly torturing them to death with thoughts of you and another.
Is that something worth the few moments of excitement with someone else you barely know? That is the question we should all ask ourselves when considering what is cheating and what isn’t.
I know the lines of cheating. It’s not fuzzy or blurred when I look, it’s simple black and white for me. So, when I flirt and take compliments and bask in the warmth of the feeling, I know the lines and I accept them as they are. I am honest of my feelings about it, I know what it is whether I share them with my partner or not. Everything I say and do isn’t something I am forthcoming with when I get home. I don’t need to torture my partner with every encounter I have, but I when I do torture him, I like to use my body not my mouth.
Now onto more…
Ryan’s thoughts are a bit more interesting. I almost couldn’t write anything after reading his thoughts on this subject. But, my opinions are my own, so you can rest assured there is a whole other point of view here. One that some might agree with more, here in the blogging world. Also, I don’t know why I tried to compare my post to Mr. Beaumont’s, I can’t keep up with him anyways! Looking forward to reading how other perceive the very same question.
Ryan's take: First, I have to say to Ms. B, "encomium?" Don't use words I have to google! I thought you were referring to baby poop or something like that. Anyway, I tend to be a pretty pragmatic guy and usually put forth arguments based on compelling empirical evidence or at least some pretty solid best practices. I could spend time talking about how Noel Bitterman has spoken about how Ashley Madison actually helps marriages. But I think I'll just use some intuitive thinking. I may get a cramp doing that because I'm usually just thinking about how well Jeff Gordon does on restrictor tracks. So here's some intuitive thoughtification on why a little extracurricular flirtation on-line can be a good thing, even if you take it all the way to Ashley Madison! :)
Love, Honor, and Obey till Death do You Part. Wow, when you think of it that way there really isn't much wiggle room is there! Or is there?
Love - An intense feeling of affection. I love brownies, it doesn't stop me from loving banana pudding! I know I shouldn't reduce my wife to banana pudding but I don't think you quite realize how much I adore banana pudding!
Honor - Regard with respect. One honors by being the best person you can be, be that as it may.
Obey - Comply with the direction or request. Given that, obey seems to be a bit deeper than just not looking at or flirting with other women.
Food is a big part of my life. I work around it and I enjoy cooking it and eating it. Nutrition is very important to me. I really do eat healthy for the most part. But I still have a bad habit of milk and cookies at night. But that is OK, it is part of balance. Exercise provides me the latitude to enjoy a cookie at night and the cookie at night gives me that little bit a pleasure I need to get through the tough times.
I am a big time sports and political junkie. I study MSNBC, CNN, and yes even Fox nightly. I love to hear from Begala, Gergen, Borger and heck even some of those conservative like Castellanos. But I also like to dabble in a little reality TV just to give the brain a little spa treatment. Well, I really am not into Buckwild or Jersey Shore but NASCAR really is reality TV to us Southern guys!
But again the operative word is balance and doing something that keeps your powder dry so to speak. I think some English dude said that once and it sounded intelligent. I think it means preserving your resources for another day.
Dare I use something as ostentatious as the Powell Doctrine?
Ooops, this chick leads to an insurgency
Well here goes:
* Is it vital to national security?Or rather will it keep you sane?
* Do we have clear attainable objective?Meaning, is it easy to be successful at AM or just flirting?
* Have the risks and cost been fully and frankly analyzed?Need I say more?
* Have all other non-violent policy means been fully exhausted?Meaning, is there anything more I can do on the "honey-do" list to get a blow job?
* Is there a plausible exit strategy to avoid an endless entanglement?Brotha' ain't that the truth!
* Is the action supported by the American people? Well in this case by me, I don't think we should take this to the streets! :)
* Do we have genuine broad international support?Meaning can we find someone.
OK, so that was probably a bit of a stretch.
But what I think I'm trying to say is that we develop a lot over our life. The friends you had in college are in no way the type of friends you have now. So when you think of it that way is it likely that you will be emotionally and physically attracted to the same person in the same way for 50+ years. Yes I know that is a pretty Neanderthal thought. But here is how I reconcile. It's just not logical to think you will be physically and emotionally attracted to your partner in the same way through the entirety of your marriage. You have to evolve. But I think this whole "til death do us part" thing is about sharing core values through our life experience. It means we value ending at where we began, with the same person we loved way back when. The problem is life is a big jungle with a lot of trials and tribulations that test the best of us. I think most of us are like Eve and will taste the forbidden fruit in some way, shape, or form. But remember from Genesis, Adam and Eve lived a pretty long while togetherAFTER they were expelled from paradise and did end up raising a pretty big family.
The other thing is that this whole Facebook, Blogger, or AM thing kind reinforces our confidence. Having someone look at us the way our partner did a long time ago makes us feel good again. From there it can go two ways. It can put you back in the game so to speak with your spouse; give you that boost to reconnect. Or if you find that those doors are truly closed, as they often are, it gives you that pathway to rediscover who you can be. What often happens though is that you find that "the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence," so to speak. Either way I believe it can reinforce the commitment you once had with your partner.
And speaking of that "til death do us part.." If a little extra-curricular helps get you TO the "til death do us part" isn't that really kind of mission critical!
I think I got off topic a little. Bottom line is a little fun flirtation out here on Blogger or on Facebook (or even Ashley Madison) is surely not a bad thing if it makes you feel like the person you really are. And by that I mean if you have come to view yourself as something less than who you were you need to reconnect with yourself first. If you let it help you become who you really are it's good and you will evolve. Let it make you become something you are not and you will likely fail.
But who am I to say, I'm just a guy who writes a dopy blog and rips off music lyrics! :)
The tattoo on Evanora's ankle, a false token of fealty to an otherworldly God, was a facade masking her wicked soul. Her reign over the Land of AM was an icy plague of despair. The people of Munchkinland held hope though, as it was foretold a man would come with a magic wand and turn Evanora away allowing the Munchkins to Escape her terror and return AM to a place of joy.
