Friday, June 14, 2013

FFF - Bewildered

Don't sit there looking bewildered get your butt over to Advizor's Blog and starting doing some FFF'ing!
My building is crazy!  There's the old Jewish couple that yell at each other every morning from 7 - 8 am, the artist upstairs with her unending chain of dirbag boyfriends, the bartender above me that nails different MILFs each Friday night after Happy Hour, and of course me; the one person who works 9 to 5 with aspirations of climbing tax brackets.  Heck, the only outwardly normal people in this environment are Freddy and Blake, the 50-something gay couple that run the jewelry store on the corner.  They're like the Ozzy and Harriet of the building.
But God-love 'em they threw that wonderful Bastille Day party where I finally met Jake.  Jake lived across the hall and I'd been eyeballing him for several months.  He was very quiet, just walked out with his bike every morning around 8 am.  That night, at the party, was the first time I really ever spoke to him.
After my second Chardonnay I was feeling pretty frisky and those Abs under Jake's tee shirt were looking a whole lot tastier than Freddy and Blake's cheese pairings and radicchio tacos.  Once Jake started talking about his bikes I just batted my eye lashes a few times and flashed my baby blues at him and said "I'd love to see your Schwinn!"
Once inside Jake's apartment I was pretty disgusted by what a bike repair shop/single guy's apartment looks like.  But hey, it didn't distract me from what Jake's 50 mile a day biker ass looked like.  I decided to skip the apartment tour and get right to a "tour de Jake."  Jake mounted me like a fine rider taking Courchevel.
The next morning Jake was such a gentleman.  He said he wanted to fix breakfast for me.  Unfortunately I noticed the night before that cuisine du Jake along with a month of coffee grounds were on the floor of that kitchen.  I told Jake, "honey you are sexy and that is so sweet but there is no way in hell these pedicured feet are walking across that kitchen floor; but I have an idea."  I stepped into a pair of slipper I assumed were his (it's so sexy wearing a guy's apparel the next morning) and headed right over to my apartment where sanitation is a core value.  I came back with a handful of swiffer pads and, buck naked, immediately brought Jake's breakfast nook up to community health standards.  Hey, Jake is a major hottie but a girl has to maintain standards.

Blake and Freddy
Walking down the hall naked you ask?  Hey this is New York, the Jewish couple was walking out the door amid their morning rant.  Freddy and Blake took one look and then swifly turned away muttering "passed on the Queso last night but I see she didn't pass on the cream puff!"

Author's Note:  damn Ad where did you find that picture! That may well be the most perfect ass I've ever seen.  You know my criterion for the perfect ass is if you can see just a little sunshine below the break in the ass cheeks and the upper thighs.  That little ray of sunshine says everything curves just right!  I know, I know I tend to notice the odd things but I appreciate an attention to detail!  :)


Word said...

You know, I should have known you'd have an earthy post like this. :) I enjoyed your take on this. :)

cammies on the floor said...

Sounds just like you, and I enjoyed every word of it. Although I find a girl who cleans a guy's kitchen after just one night a little far fetched. Love the last saying.

Same sassy girl said...

You describe the characters so clearly - I know those people! Great take. It's so fun FFFing with you!

Ryan Beaumont said...

@ Word - thanks, I think!? I guess I am a bit faux earthy. I like my outdoors but as with my girl here I like it to be clean!

@ Cammies - I am sure you are right but here it has more to do with the fact that she wants breakfast but ain't going to lower her standards. Think of her as taking the bull by the horns. Or maybe I'm just finishing for a reason for a naked girl to be holding swiffer mop pads!

@ Sassy - You know these people and you have not introduced me to the artistic girl upstairs! Sheesh! I make a great dirbag boyfriend! :)