Saturday, April 26, 2014

For So Many Years I've Wondered Who You Are

or When Ryan Met Shannon

I really thought of just using "When Ryan Met Shannon" as the title today.  It sounded so "When Harry Met Sally!"  But as so often happens I hear a song and then realize that is the title for the post.  So of course on the way to work the other day I heard this song on XM Radio's First Wave and thought hmmm.

OMG, I'd like some of that sister love!
Btw who doesn't like a Swedish super group.  This song, "The Sign" made Ace of Base famous along with two other tracks from their debut album.  An interesting footnote is that Ace of Base is/was comprised of Ulf Ekberg and the three Berggren siblings (two of whom are smoking hot sisters one blond, one red headed; just like I like it).  They are the third most successful band ever from Sweden after Abba and Roxette.  Sure it's pop sugar but it has a catchy beat and who can resist two hot chics like that!  It's like having your blond and eating your red-head too!  My only question is why do those hot Euro girls always surround themselves with those dorky Euro guys!

But another footnote that might be overlooked is that that song, "the Sign," was the #1 hit in the US way back in spring, 1994 when a successful young entrepreneurial go-getter by the name of Ryan met a young, naive, incredibly hot, slightly grunge'ish/industrial techno rave girl named Shannon in a mid-sized mid-Atlantic southern town.

Yeah, back in April, 1994 surely nobody would have seen "the sign."  Two people could have been no more different.  We were like Wynona Ryder and Ben Stiller in Reality Bites.  Except this time dorky Ben wins out over that dirty, grungy, goeted Ethan Hawke-like dude and Wynona ends up running the company.

Looking back I was such a guy.  You see, I was a late bloomer/perverbial "nice guy."  I'm not sure which came first but the bottom line was I didn't get laid much in my early college days.  Something changed in me around 20 and I decided I was too good looking and funny to go around horny without prospects any longer.  I got some courage and later some confidence and sort of took off in my last few years of college.  And you guessed it, I started to become a guy.

Knowing Shannon then and certainly now you would never see her as falling for "a guy" like the guy I was back then.  And back in spring, 1994 I surely was not looking for a relationship; I was too interested in enjoying the fruits of my new found confidence.  But it's just when you ain't looking for "it" that "it" so often happens.  It's probably the fact that you are not looking for "it" that makes you confident, laid back, and thus more yourself.  And then it's all those things together that end up making you all the more attractive and of course making "it" find you just when you are not looking for "it."

Looking back I surely didn't deserve her at the time.  I ended up doing everything possible to screw things up.  I remember she would stop by every day to see me at work.  We always spent a few moments chatting over morning coffee about anything and everything.  But my politeness mixed with nonchalance I believe had her curious and curiosity is always what gets the girl even when you are not trying.  She had her own work related reasons for seeing me but it didn't take long for my best work friend (Greg the hipster nouveau Elvis fan) to say "dang dude she's into you, when you goin' to snang that thang!"  See we were totally guys!

Eventually I decide why not?  So I asked Shannon to join me and the boys for a night of local minor league hockey (wow, what a romantic you say).  Well that was my little "dip the toes in the water" ploy.  If things went well I'd ditch the boys and go elsewhere.  If not?  Well there was always beer and hockey fights!  Ladies, this is what you call guy logic.

Things did go well at the hockey game.  Shannon seemed into me and she was certainly WAY hot.  She was cute at work but now completely dressed to impress, I was in fact - impressed.  Enough impressed to say to the group, "hey we should go check out the **** at **** after the game (note - local band at local club)."  Shannon said "sure."  The guys, on cue of course, said they needed to make it an early night.  This is what's called bro-code, we were such guys.

We had a great time at the bar and in fact closed it down.  I took her home.  Nothing happened that night but we made plans for the next weekend.

That next weekend we made plans to see a band at the ***** *****.  We were going to meet around 9 pm.  Problem is a side bar happened.  The type of side bar that only happens to guys.

Kelly II looked like this Melissa
You see about this time that Shannon was chasing me and I was considering being caught I had been contemplating chasing Kelly II.  You see Kelly II was this hot girl from my company's office the next town over.  She was friends with my college friend, Meredith, who I had gotten a job for at this office (I'm telling you Ryan is a great friend to have).  I still liked Meredith but Kelly II had really nice tits and I was pretty sure she was into me.  Now you are probably asking, "why call her Kelly II Ryan?"  See that's because there was a new girl in my office, who I referred affectionately to as Kelly I (because you know there were two Kelly's I knew).  Kelly I had even better tits and about the most awesome ass I'd ever seen.  Btw, both Kelly's were blond, were the proverbial flirty sorority chics, and had just graduated from college; Kelly 2 from ACC Football State U and Kelly I from Carolina Party School State U.  Kelly I was married (her college sweetie) to a very handsome guy who had exactly ZERO personality.  The old boss had asked Ryan, the young gun, to help train Kelly I, an assignment I most certainly desired to complete earnestly.  Kelly I and I had a habit of working into the early evening and sometimes I gave her a ride home.  Her husband worked late and I'd keep her company because I was a gentleman.  We got to be very good friends.  I'd love to say we got to be "those" type of friends but that didn't quite happen.  Unfortunately back in 1994 I'd yet to discover the joys of having sex with married women.  Anyway, both Kelly I and Kelly II were both
hot, kind of like dueling Melissa Joan Harts.  But I'm digressing now, but again you see - total guy!

Kelly I looked like this Melissa
Anyway, the side bar that happened is that Kelly I asked me to go to one of those "Friday After 5" things after work.  This didn't seem to be a problem, I wasn't going to see Shannon until 9 pm.  I'd hang with Kelly I at the big outdoor party (which btw Hooty and the Blowfish were playing at, this before they became Jock Rock celebs).  Kelly I and I had a great time.  It was now about 7 pm and Kelly I wanted to go to dinner.  How could I say no.  So we sat down to dinner at a place close by.  The place was (as my granddad would say) "slow as smoke off a turd."  See guy talk!

Long story short - I didn't leave the restaurant until about 9:05 pm and it was about a 20 minute drive to the bar where I was supposed to meet Shannon.  Geez, guys get into the most trouble when all we want to do is get laid!

Actually, give me credit for being considerate.  I had called my roommate Joey around 8:55 realizing my predicament and had asked him to go to the bar where I was supposed to meet Shannon and cover for me for a few minutes.  He was on the couch drinking beer and watching the Rangers and wouldn't budge!  It's a real shame when a guy won't cover for another guy isn't it!

Which by the way, Joey, it's been 20 years but FU!  Hey, I really shouldn't say that, Joe is a great guy despite his Jersey mullet.  He was so Jersey, I remember spending about an hour one night trying to explain the meaning to him of the saying "as a crow flies."  Ladies, these are the types of intellectual conversations guys have when we are not chasing women.

Anyway, I rushed to the bar!

When I got to the bar it was so crowded I couldn't get in.  I waited for about 30 minutes, the line didn't move.  Somewhere in there was the girl I was supposed to have sex with later tonight and I couldn't get to her.  See, this is how guys think.

I hung out at a bar across the street which was a combination sleezy bar/laundromat; pathetic, I know.  I watched to see if she left or if I could get in.  The line never moved, nobody was leaving.  In desperation I called her at home.  I know you millennials out there are saying "why didn't you just text her dipshit!"  Well, my young friends if you can believe it Al Gore hadn't invented the internet yet and mobile phones were things only Gordon Gekko had and we certainly hadn't heard of a smart phone.  Luckily, I caught Shannon at home.  She had left a long time ago when I didn't show.  She seemed like she appreciated the phone call but I was sure I had screwed up.  No guy deserves any good will after that you know!

To add insult to injury I had to work the next day (Saturday).  I was miserable, not only hung over but suffering from lack of sex that was oh so close and yet, sadly now, so far away.

I'll let slide this time, you'll pay later!
And yet to my utter amazement about mid-day as I was wandering aimlessly about the store, the front door swung open and an angel walked through.  It was like one of those scenes in Forest Gump when Jenny walks in.  It was Shannon and she had that devilish smile on her face that now gripped me and would end up gripping me for many years.  I didn't deserve this but here she was.  Apparently she was there to give me some grief about the previous night but I knew it was code for "you screwed up buddy but you're lucky, I like you.  You have one more chance, you better make it count!"

Well, when you phrase thoughts like that a guy understands.  The next weekend we took a day trip up to the mountains for a hike and a nice dinner at a country inn. It was a gorgeous day and Shannon enjoyed it and the ride in my fancy sports car with the good sound system and sun roof.  I had her now.  When we got back to her place I remember we watched the Stand.  For the next few nights our new habit would be to watch the Stand and then have sex.  The first night it was getting to know you sex.  By the time Trash Man blew up Las Vegas I was lifting her onto the kitchen counter and screwing her as hard as I could with her legs wrapped around me.  I remember as I grabbed her ass I knocked over a wine glass and cut myself.  I didn't care I was so into it.  I remember after I had blood running down my arm and it was on her back.  It just made us hornier and we had sex again on the couch after she patched me up a bit (which was also hot).

She had red hair back then
A few weeks later I took her to the beach.  Back then she was still the naive girl impressed that a guy had a credit limit large enough to front an Ocean View room and dinner to boot.  I had never had so much sex and looking back never as much sense probably.

Looking back it's so hard to imagine that such a typical guy could have won the interest of such a brainy, cerebral, girl.  And now looking back it's even harder to imagine that the smart, savy, world traveling women that girl became has decided to keep that same guy around for so many years.

Oh well, 20 years later and I don't think either of us have really seen the sign!  But here we are nonetheless.   :)


Advizor54 said...

Wow, I think you just put my whole college years to shame. Sounds great!

Advizor54 said...

OK, so that was incredibly shallow. So I'll say something more. When I was in college I dated a girl from my high school, a smoking hot cheerleader who never knew me before we graduated. She might have recognized me because it was a small school, but that's about it.

the point is that we met at a time when I was good at my job (tutor in computer training) and met her at the library. I was there just to help, really, and we spend many hours in the library being friends before moving things on.

in College the barriers were down. She wan't the"It" girl, I had figured out who I was and that women were NOT the enemy. And so I got the girl. the really really hot college girl.

Sometimes it works out to be the nice guy.