Chapter 3 - You Look at the World with a Smiling Eye and Laugh at the Devil as His Train Goes By
Sandra was completely different from Alecia and completely different than Shannon. Well maybe not completely different as she was very pretty as were Shannon and Alecia. Sandra also thought Ryan was a very handsome young husband as did Alecia.
Sandra was older than Ryan by several years and that actually made Ryan feel very special and even more handsome and dapper. It was not difficult being around Sandra either. She did not ask difficult questions of Ryan. She just talked about her dogs and her poor hapless husband. She referred to herself as a "golf widow." But at all times she adored being with Ryan. She made Ryan feel so special. She gave him gifts and talked about the places she wanted to take Ryan.
Before girls liked Ryan because he had money and was going places. This was the first time a woman had already been to all those places and just liked Ryan because he was a handsome husband. In fact at times he felt like one of those "kept" husbands he had heard about. Ryan was not a "sugar daddy" to Sandra, could Sandra actually be a "sugar momma" to Ryan? So strange these new words Ryan was now learning, MILF, DILF, FWB, NSA - couldn't people just say what they mean anymore?
But while Ryan was learning how to feel he still was a little bit full of himself. As time went on he grew tired of hearing about Sandra's dogs. He also thought how fun it was to be wanted by so many of these lost lonely wives in that Ashley Madison world. He thought that it wouldn't hurt if he took just a peak.
And that is when he found Keeley. Keeley was very like Ryan. She was lost to her husband as well. Keeley reminded Ryan of his Shannon but Keeley was more kind and thought Ryan handsome in a way Shannon did not anymore.
Ryan liked Keeley very much. What Ryan was finding out was that he enjoyed being needed and Keeley needed someone like Ryan.
But Keeley had a young one at home as did Ryan and that young one became ill. Ryan understood Keeley's hurt and concern now for his Shannon was also ill or at least so she thought and Ryan was very concerned for her as well.
Ryan then asked Keeley if she wished to turn away and go back to her home. Ryan would return to his home as well.
This felt odd. This felt like feeling. But it hurt. How could feeling hurt be good. And yet it did. Maybe being good did hurt but maybe being good felt even better. So Ryan and Keeley went their separate ways.
But of course Ryan really was not all that good because he still had his Sandra. Actually, he felt better about turning away from Keeley because he felt guilt regarding Sandra. She had been so good to him, how could he be such a bad person.
That Christmas Sandra gave Ryan a gift of a little trinket with the logo of the team Ryan hated the most. Sandra had gotten confused. Ryan had talked about his favorite and least favorite teams and Sandra got them mixed up. Ryan could not bear to tell Sandra the truth because as he realized "it was the thought that counts." "Wait, if it's the thought that counts I must be feeling," he thought to himself. Ryan gave Sandra a bottle of wine and she was delighted because she appreciated his thought. This was different for Ryan, Shannon only cared about the thought when it was attached to a $300 spa package, a ski vacation, or a sparkly trinket. This "thought that counts" business all felt very good.
But there it was again feeling bad or good meant feeling. Feeling, feeling, feeling that is all he felt now. How could this be.
A long winter went by and Ryan was simply glad to spend time with Sandra.
But in time that same feeling of jumpyness got to Ryan. Additionally, Sandra started feeling bad as well, perhaps she should settle down she thought. Her husband was actually a very good man save the fact that he played too much golf and perhaps ate a bit too much ice cream. Also, her daughter needed her very much as well because Sandra's daughter was married to man that was not very good at all. All this sat on Sandra's mind. Ryan listened and felt concerned. While Sandra appreciated the feeling and the thought of course feelings sometimes are just that feelings and don't mean results. Sandra needed to make things better for her family and Ryan sensed that his time with her may be at an end.
One day Ryan decided not to write or call Sandra. The next day Sandra decided not to write or call Ryan. The following day Ryan decided not to call or write Sandra and the next Sandra decided the same.
This went on for several weeks. And then Ryan realized he had moved on and Sandra was now in his past. He didn't feel bad at all though, it seemed this was the way things went in Ashley Madison world. He had fond memories of Sandra and he suspected she had fond memories as well but sometimes in life things just move on in spite of feelings.
"Perhaps I should use the new feelings I feel and try to mend fences with Shannon," he asked himself.
Then again it had been a long time since he had looked into the that world of Ashley Madison. Perhaps he would take a peak now.
And so on a warm August day he did and he came across an odd little person called Sandee.
to be continued.......