Friday, February 14, 2014

FFF - Read My Lips

It's Valentine's Day, Who are you FFF'ing With?!
Head over to Three Spelling Mistakes and see who else is FFF'ing today

Ah, it's Valentine's Day.  Which means next Monday (February 17th) is Ashley Madison Day!

Ashley Madison statistics say that the day after Mother's Day and the day after Valentine's Day are their biggest days of the year, kind of like Tax Season for an Accountant or Black Friday if you are lucky enough to work at Wally World!  You will often also find that Monday is the biggest day of the week for Ashley Madison.  So much like we just experienced a "storm of the century" yesterday and today think of this coming Monday as sort of a "storm of the century" or a type of celestial convergence of Valentine's Day and a Monday.  Yes guys, take a peak on Monday and I bet you'll find some nice new ladies just looking to repeal their frustrations from a unsatisfying Valentine's Day weekend with an emancipation of erotic adventure with a handsome dude such as you!  And just think they will be stir crazy with cabin fever from all of this snow if you are on the east coast.

So whether you are giving a gift to your wife, sweetie, affair partner, or random hot MILF take care to make sure that present means something to her!  Or else she may be looking for the next handsome prince next week!  And if you are just that other handsome prince waiting for Monday, then "good luck," and read Kat's advice on Mistress gifts!  :)

As for me I'm the observant type and I'm lazy.  It appears from those Vermont Teddy Bear commercials I see everyday in the gym that all I have to do is order a Vermont Teddy Bear and a hot blonde will magically fall into bed with me!  So who wants a Vermont Teddy Bear, my bed awaits!  :)

Sorry, Valentine's Day Ashley Madison Day gets me all worked up.  So back to FFF.

She was just supposed to be my last fling with the 20-something generation.  I surely didn't need her but how can a middle-aged guy say no when a hot young intern hunts him down.

Really it was not just sexual gratification.  The wife had grown so cynical, nothing ever pleased her.  But Cher adored anything I did for her candy, teddy bears, candle-lit dinners, even a few sparkly trinkets.  And my God the sex!  Being on top of her was like time traveling to the late 80's in my college dorm room with that hot cheerleader I used to date; I wonder where she went.  Hey wait, I ended up marrying her!

We met in my car in the back of the parking lot.  Usually that meant something quit good for me.  She said she had something to tell me.  She got in the car and slinked down below me as she had done so often.  She said "read my lips" and then looked down.  Her head rose back up with a tear in her eye.  I have to say I felt a little heart broken as well at that moment as her lovely lips clutched that piece of candy.  "I can't do this anymore" it said.  Her soft brown eyes were so solemn, sad, and simultaneously enchanting.  Part of me in the moment wanted to throw my life away and ask her to stay with me.

But another part of me saw a love affair with an adoring man who would go through life with her.  That man's face was much younger than mine and I knew I must yield to him, image though he was.

I pulled her close to me and hugged her and kissed her.  I told her I understood and said I was glad for what we had shared.  She then got out of the car and left looking back once after I rolled the window down and said "Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie."

I count 330 so I guess that means I owe at least two heart breaks, so here goes.

Shannon - read a little about her here

Stupid me is always chasing the wrong girl.  I chased Shannon for several years and never quite caught her.  This cause was even more imbecilic considering that she had no less than three girls in her click that I knew were interested in me.  Each girl who was interested in me was quite nice looking by any normal male human's rational estimation.  But Shannon was the "it" girl and I just knew I would only be happy with "it."  I guess you really can't say you can have your heart broken by a girl you never really had a relationship with but I learned some hard lessons chasing Shannon.  I personally think we all deserve a good heartbreak because it is only when the heart is broken that we learn how good true love is when we actually find it.  So given how much I learned from making a fool of myself over Shannon I'll call it a heart break and a lesson learned.

Meredith - Doomed to always being a friend, Meredith was another girl I chased for several years and never quit caught.  But I met her a few years after Shannon so I had learned a few things.  I ended up going out with a friend of hers and had a fling with another and I always truly enjoyed the times I spent with her even if only platonic.  But in those late college years no matter who I was with I was always wanting to be with her and those beautiful blue eyes.

Here is a more exciting rendition of that fling.

"Hey Ryan, you said you wrote 330 words and you only gave us 2 heart breaks.  I think you owe us a 1/3 heartbreak!"

Well, you know I'm always about value so here goes a 1/3 heartbreak.

Ashley Madison - Yep this chic will definitely take you for a ride, hump you, dump you, and leave you wondering wtf just happened.  But damn, she'll give you some good *hit to blog about!


Simplicity said...

Awww..everyone is writing break up stories on Valentine's. Good one! Happy Valentine's Day!

Advizor54 said...

There always comes that point when "I just can't do it anymore" crosses her lips, or yours, when the effort is just too much, the stress to high, the payoffs no longer bright enough to make the scales balance. Touching but sad tale my friend. Well done.

Sillyone said...

I like the idea of letting go, recognizing what is best for someone you care about with such dignity. Well written.

Same sassy girl said...

I got emo whiplash from this post! Sad, silly, sexy... wowzers! So fun FFFing wtih you Ryan!