I Hate These Blurred Lines

If You Can't Read from the Same Page.....

I washed down a bite of Caribbean Shrimp with the last swallow of my second Balashi.

I leaned back in my rattan chair and watched Shannon enjoying her White Sangria, hair blowing softly in the wind with golden locks highlighted in the foreground of a drenching light from the setting sun.  It seemed Hemingway'esque to me I fancied, slightly perking up from a brooding mood.  Yes in this atmosphere I did fancy myself a Hemingway man stoic, quiet, cerebral contemplating the scene and perhaps life over his drink. Shannon, across from me, the evocative, powerful, and charming female who needs to be in the company of adoring men yet holds them at arms length while simultaneously needing that admiration. I watched as Shannon gazed across the landscape breathing in deeply at the same moment.  I could tell she wanted to take in the tapestry of it all and I knew it delighted her that she was perhaps the protagonist in that tapestry, though I suspect she was more enchanted by her environment than her deuteragonist sitting across the table. In the background a hip band pumped out the thick beat of a song that suddenly held a theme that captured the moment for me.

"Everybody get up, everybody get up

Hey, hey, hey.... hey, hey, hey..."

That's that song, I think; the one that's sort of controversial.  Of course Shannon knows it, she knows everything but why do my girls know it.  Oh well, I'm the last to know anything.  That band sounds good, we should check them out after dinner, I thought to myself.

Several thousands of miles away another beautiful blond held my thoughts as well.  I pondered on how this scene would be different if she were here instead of current company.  Would my scene be like this latter day Sun Also Rises scene or perhaps something as vibrant but not so brooding.  If she were here I bet she would want to dance and I bet she could get me out there.  I'm no good at dancing but I bet she wouldn't mind, she would make it fun.  I can be stupid with her and not worry about being stupid.  But it's Shannon who earns the points for these trips.  If I were with her ..... well, this would have to be Ocean City not here.  You know what, I'd rather be in Ocean City with her than here.  Are you crazy Ryan, this place is awesome.  How many people liked your Facebook status earlier today and wished they were here.  My thoughts spun around, blurred amid the music and ocean smells.

"Are we ready for dessert?"  The waitress asked?

The band was on a break so we ordered Flan for Shannon and I, a Brownie Sundae for the girls.  We gobbled down dessert and happily discussed if this was as good as the Flan at the San Angel Inn or our favorite restaurant back home.  The answer, yes.  It had a different, almost cake like texture; it was homemade, I knew, not "convenience."  The girls laughed, "you guys can't just enjoy your food, you always have to analyze."  They know us, we laughed too.

Yes, this is our family; this is who I am when I'm with them and I can be happy here.  Who wouldn't be happy here.  What man wouldn't want to be in this atmosphere with this women and these two beautiful daughters.  How can dissatisfaction blur the happiness one should have?

"Maybe I'm going deaf,

maybe I'm going blind,

maybe I'm out of my mind...."

But then again, the other week holding her next to the river felt so right.  I consciously thought to myself then that she is my women, the woman that feels so right, that moves in tandem with me.  These concentric circles blur it all.

The band picked up again.  They were a three piece band bass, guitar, and drums with a computer playing synth. Yeah they were a local band but the type of band that after that fourth Balashi or frothy boat drink you stumble up to them and boldly state "you guys need to get signed, do you have a CD?"  The lead singer was uber cool with a Tommy Bahama shirt, shorts, sandals, sunglasses, and a very chic looking Cuban Fedora.  He was dark, I guess not appropriate here to say African American as here the blurred lines of nationality and ethnicity are uncertain.  He had a great voice and stage personality and the crowd immediately melted back into the vibe his thick bass lines created.  In another life he could certainly be as good as some of the singers I hear on XM Radio but now, between sips of my drink, I wondered how much was he a small island Caribbean version of Bootsy Collins or how much the Wedding Singer.  Four Balashi's will start to give you blurred lines but right now it didn't matter, he was the Caribbean Bootsy in this moment and he had the crowd moving!

I'm the analyst and watcher though, I don't ever let myself get that way.  But I enjoyed watching the people and enjoyed how this band could segue from KC and the Sunshine Band to "Call Me Maybe" and then back to that modern funk.  A good bar band can do that. Yes, the lead singer did have a great personality and I appreciated how he was working the crowd.  I wish this could go on all night, for a moment I'm happy right here right now just being.

But even the analyst gets caught up in the moment.  If I just put my arm gently around Shannon's hips, maybe it would lead to a slow movement together, maybe a connection.

But if she were here, she would be all over me.  Whenever I'm with her, her hands go to me as if I'm a magnet, as if we were meant to be connected, as if I'm a soothing cool stream she yearns to wash over her.  My thoughts are blurred, I'm looking at Shannon but I'm seeing her.  But Shannon is just as pretty, maybe prettier.  If only she could like me like she does this would all be solved, clean, no blurred lines.

Long term affairs generate blurred lines.  When you've been with someone for over two years you develop habits and tendencies.  You try to hide them in your normal life but vacation takes you out of the norm.  You start reaching for those comfortable tendencies you enjoy with your affair partner.  In the comfort and relaxation of your vacation you want to go to that happy place you enjoy with THAT person.  But you are with your wife who doesn't see in you as the person you are with THAT person. You want to be who you are with her but you can't, that's not who you are in this world.  The lines are blurred and navigation is difficult and tumultuous.

The band played their final song but was pulled back onstage for an encore, yes this crowd didn't want to see them go either and the singer did not disappoint.  Two notes into their encore and I knew the crowd would be going crazy - Funkadelic!  If there was a roof the crowd would soon be tearing it down.  Yeah, this is a good bar band and they know just what they are doing, this is the song they were meant to sing; the one everybody has been waiting for even if they didn't know it until just now.  "We need the funk, gotta have the funk..."  The band "turn(ed) this mutha out!"  Everybody was in blurred ecstasy whipped into a crescendo by the end!

God if I was with her it would be so perfect.  We would slowly walk down the beach back toward the hotel. There would be play, pushing one another into the surf, kissing, teasing.  And then, once in the room, we would totally have animal sex.  She would pull me into her as if she couldn't get me close enough.

"What do they make dreams for,

when you got them jeans on,

what do we need steam for,

you the hottest bitch in this place

I feel so lucky...."

But now I can look forward to polite conversation and the NBA playoffs on the tube before rolling over to sleep.

Other's were walking back to the hotels as well.  Drunk packs of millineals heading back to the hotel bar for another and perhaps final round of blurred merriment, loving couples who's bodies melted into one another blurred by the shadows of the moon, and I, looking up at the stars and out towards points of light in the water wondering if the people underneath those blurred lights floating on the ocean were happy or lonely.  So many blurred lines about.

My only question was which of my lines were blurred?  Is this environment here with my family my reality.  Is the crisp detail of my life what is meant to be.  Or is the crisp feeling of belonging I feel when I'm with her what's real.

I don't know what the answer is I just hope one day I wake up and my thoughts are clear, not blurred. Maybe one day.

And yes as one great stoic character said, "isn't it pretty to this so."

Everybody get up
Everybody get up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

[Verse 1: Robin Thicke]
If you can't hear what I'm trying to say
If you can't read from the same page
Maybe I'm going deaf,
Maybe I'm going blind
Maybe I'm out of my mind
[Pharrell:] Everybody get up

[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke]
OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey
You don't need no papers
Hey, hey, hey
That man is not your maker

[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
[Pharrell:] Everybody get up

[Verse 2: Robin Thicke]
What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest bitch in this place
I feel so lucky
Hey, hey, hey
You wanna hug me
Hey, hey, hey
What rhymes with hug me?
Hey, hey, hey

[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke]
OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal, baby it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey
You don't need no papers
Hey, hey, hey
That man is not your maker
Hey, hey, hey

[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
[Pharrell:] Everybody get up
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it
I hate them lines
I know you want it
I hate them lines
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

[Verse 3: T.I.]
One thing I ask of you
Let me be the one you back that ass to
Go, from Malibu, to Paris, boo
Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain't bad as you
So hit me up when you pass through
I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two
Swag on, even when you dress casual
I mean it's almost unbearable
In a hundred years not dare, would I
Pull a Pharside let you pass me by
Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you
He don't smack that ass and pull your hair like that
So I just watch and wait for you to salute
But you didn't pick
Not many women can refuse this pimpin'
I'm a nice guy, but don't get it if you get with me

[Bridge: Robin Thicke]
Shake the vibe, get down, get up
Do it like it hurt, like it hurt
What you don't like work?

[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke]
Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica
It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh
No more pretending
Hey, hey, hey
Cause now you winning
Hey, hey, hey
Here's our beginning

[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
I always wanted a good girl
(Pharrell: Everybody get up)
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
(Pharrell: Everybody get up)
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

[Outro: Pharrell]
Everybody get up
Everybody get up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

Myrtle Beach Days, We'll Have Some Fun in the Waves

Ryan's Best of Myrtle Beach
and Duet with Victoria Jaynes

One of my favorite topics on this blog over the years has been discussing travel, food, and vacations. That has often taken the form of "how to's" and recommendations related to Disney vacations.  I'm not doing that today because I've not been to Disney in the last few months.  However, I'd like to talk about a place I'll be returning to in a month that has been a big part of my life over the years.  The other thing that make's today's post so fun is that the other thing I love doing are co-posts and today I'm joined by my friend Victoria Jaynes who is dipping her toes into the ocean of blogging so to speak.  Victoria is also an expert in all things Carolina!

Ryan's Take:  When you grow up in my part of the country going to Myrtle Beach is a right of passage for high school seniors.  Back then it was a right of my passage and it continues to be a right of yearly family passage now.

So with that in mind I'd like to share with you some of my Myrtle Beach favorites which, because it's me, means out of the way, off the beaten path, and perhaps a little against the grain and most certainly not particularly expensive or during the dinner rush!

Victoria's Take:   I've been chatting with Mr. Beaumont ever since I first contemplated joining AM almost two years ago, when I discovered his blog and spent way too long reading it almost in its entirety, because he seriously makes me laugh. So when he asked me to give my local girls perspective on navigating Myrtle Beach I was pretty excited, and more than happy to comply… except he’d pretty much covered all of the places I was going to suggest.

These days my family, with the exception of the teenagers who still like to cruise the strip, steers clear of Myrtle Beach in favor of the more family friendly Garden City/ Murrells Inlet area. What a lot of people don’t realize is that what makes it so amazing is that houses on the Inlet side are far superior to the houses on the beach because you've really got the best of both worlds going on here. 

Your backyard looks like this!

You can bring along your boat or jet skis, you go fishing right in your backyard and at night, you can sit out on your very own dock and stargaze with a cocktail, then go back out with your coffee the next morning and watch the blue heron catch fish in low tide. Pretty awesome stuff! And hey! If you’re lucky enough to have your guy or girl there along with you, you can totally make out or whatever in private at night too. ;) And here’s a fun fact, during low tide, you can go out in the marsh and if you’ve got a good eye, you can still find bullets from P52 Mustang scraping runs during WW2. Pretty cool, right?

Then, when you’re ready to hit the beach you can grab your cooler and a towel, and go out your front door and you’ve got a view like this:

The beach is just a couple of dodged golf carts away! And, by the way, if you want the true Carolina experience you’ll have boiled peanuts, and pimento cheese sandwiches packed in that cooler along with the beverages of your choice (hey Victoria don't forget to wash that down with Cheer Wine!).  

Useless Ryan Info:

Myrtle Beach is part of what's known as the Grand Strand, a 60+ mile stretch of wide beaches from Little River to Georgetown on the coast of South Carolina and haven and spiritual destination to the masses of America's Mid and South East Atlantic middle class (hint - it ain't the Hamptons).  Myrtle Beach is home to wonderful beaches, great restaurants, golf, and is the birthplace of "shagging."   And for you Brits out there that doesn't mean us Yanks first learned to screw on the beaches of South Carolina, "shagging" here is a dance.

Because Myrtle Beach has a north-south orientation with only one main artery traversing the beach, it is home to some pretty miserable traffic though, particularly at supper time (that's dinner if you don't live in the south)!  So I always plan my days there with a quote from a famous Civil War general who said "get there fustest with mostest." Yeah, his grammar was about as good as mine but he meant get where you need to go early and beat those dang Yankees to the wing bar happy hour.

But with that in mind let's look at a typical Ryan day at the beach!

Food!

Ryan's Take:

Morning - wake up 7'ish and stretch those legs with a nice walk and then shower.  Come back and roust the girls up for breakfast.  The first thing to learn about Myrtle Beach is that breakfast is the best meal of the day at the beach. While Myrtle has some nice restaurants I can't say any are really "haute cuisine," so go for kitschy casual to get the best value.  Some of the best places to visit are best visited in the morning and you better do so early because the golfers and ill behaved families from Charlotte descend by 9 am.

Some of our favorites are:

Dino's (North Myrtle) - Great pancakes!  Also all your breakfast egg platters, etc.  Decent coffee, quick service, low cost, easy in and out - all Ryan favs!

Boulineau's (Little River) - If you prefer ultra quick service, cheap, and a la carte and you need some sun tan oil, a six pack, a beach paddle game, batteries, the wife needs (well you know) and Motrin for your hang-over you can get it all here.  It's mostly a grocery/hardware/gift store but they have great biscuits and grits too!  It's like the Gay Dolphin on steroids (we'll talk about the Gay Dolphin later).

the Sea Captain's House (Myrtle) - Of all the breakfast places listed this is my least favorite.  It's mostly buffet which I detest (I always order off the menu).  But it has a great view of the beach and nothing is more relaxing than drinking my morning coffee and watching the tits,  I mean waves along the beach.

Now that you're done with breakfast I suggest getting out to the beach early.  If you are there by 10 am you can get your day in before you melt or burn to a crisp.  You also get first dibs on umbrellas and chairs, which is important if you want to strategically locate for best MILF viewing.  Honestly though, as much as I enjoy the beach I always feel like I'm just trying to get it out of the way.  By 1 pm I'm ready to pack it in, rinse the sand out of my balls, and head for lunch.

This picture is for you Kat!

Did someone say lunch?  OK here are some great places.

Peaches (Downtown) - I hate downtown Myrtle Beach.  Loved it as a teen but now that I'm adult I hate it for all those *od-Damned teenagers! But going to Peaches for a hot dog is a must each trip to the beach at some point.  And of course while there you can stop by and see the Gay Dolphin.  And by Gay Dolphin I don't mean Dolphins have evolved into being advocates for marriage equality, it just means happy.  Also if you are down there you can stop by the Bowery and curse Burroughs and Chapin for tearing down the Pavilion! Bastards!

For a much better lunch travel inland to Conway and eat at the Trestle.  They have awesome soup, sandwiches, the best sweat tea (next to Chick-fil-A) in the world, and have a wonderful bakery as well two doors down.  Walk that meal off along the Waccamaw River, a gorgeous route along the river with Southern genteel charm.

After lunch it's back home for a quick dip in the pool and then on to nap time from about 2:30 to 3:45 for Ryan.

Keeping General Forest's quote above in mind get out for dinner early (5:30 pm at the latest).  Traffic on Rt - 17 will be a bitch by 6 pm (btw when going north and south always think about going inland and using Rt 31 to get where you need to go).

OK so dinner if you are into Macaroni Grille, Chili's etc stay in Myrtle Beach.  If you want any pizzaz go north or south and stay away from "Restaurant Row," home to overpriced seafood buffets picked over by little booger eaters from Raleigh.  My favorite place is north in Little River.

Crab Catchers (Little River) - Make sure you bring your appetite for all-you-can-eat crabs, hush puppies, slaw, etc.  And get there early if you want to eat on the deck and watch the fishing boats come in.  This place gets packed quick.  It's not fancy but it's good!

At the other end of the Grand Strand is Frank's in Pawley's Island.  This is where you might actually get some real and elegant Carolina Low-Country cuisine and fresh caught seafood.  A Ryan-style favorite would be the pan-fried Shrimp and Grouper with Tomatoes and Scallions over Grits - YUM!  They also have some great small plates if you a cross training for a marathon or something stupid like that (this is vacation after all).

You're in my head Victoria!

Victoria's Take:  When dinner time comes around here you can pick up some local shrimp, crab, and spicy onion sausage and make a pot of low country boil, or what we call Frogmore Stew which in my opinion no beach trip should be without.

Seriously, it’s amazing and ridiculously easy. The best part is that to serve it, you just dump it onto the middle of a table covered in newspaper, and pass around crusty bread, butter and beer. What could be better?

But, if that’s too much to ask you can always head across the inlet on your boat to one of the many truly amazing seafood restaurants along the Marshwalk.

They have the most bizarre names, but in my opinion, it’s also some of the best seafood in the area. And there is plenty of night life too.

And then later, when you’re looking for some late night fare to absorb some of the alcohol I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Sam’s Corner, which has surprisingly decent food, although let’s face it, everything tastes amazing at 2am after you’ve been out drinking all night, doesn't it?!

Ryan's Extracurricular Activities:

So it's about 7 pm and you've already had dinner, what now?

If you are in Myrtle Beach you must play putt-putt.  The best place is Mount Atlanticus.  Awesome views of the beach on the last hole and a fun theme.  Great music too!  True story, whilst playing golf Shannon says to Ryan - "I like the music here."  Ryan "oh yeah that Lieutenant Kije by Prokofiev; he also wrote Peter and the Wolf." Shannon "cool, how do you know that?"  Ryan "uh er, I don't know, I just like it; I think I played it in high school once." (Ha, I used that music on the blog once, that's why I knew it but what a dumb time to try to be smart).

Actually do Mt Atlanticus one day when you are not going to the beach, you'll never get on the course at 7 pm.

What you need to do at night is go to Family Kingdom.  There is no admissions charge and you can just buy the kiddies a very reasonably priced all day wrist band and let them loose (within reason, make sure they don't run into Kenny *ucking Powers or any other pack of degenerate rednecks from Shelby or Greenville).  Hint, try to hook up with some stranger with a SC driver's license and get them to buy you discount "local's" tickets!

Another great non-beach day trip is Brook Green Garden's.  Now let me preface this, it sucks (if you are like me)!  But if your lady is into pretty flowers and naked statues of satyrs with a bulging penis then this might make her happy and even better horny for later on that night.  Go ahead and take her, you'll wish you were on the golf course while you are there but hopefully you will get paid back later.

And guys speaking of golf, don't go anywhere too near Myrtle as they mostly suck.  But there are some really nice one's close by - my fav is probably Aberdeen in Longs, SC.

Victoria's Parting Wisdom!:  Anyway, that’s the Carolina coast from this girl’s point of view. Whatever you do, don’t forget that beach sex is highly over rated!! I’m just saying!   :)

Ryan's Final Thoughts:  Victoria I'm with you there babe!  Sex on the beach is great looking in pornos but in reality when sand meets the sweaty/sticky by product of human intercourse there is a lot of messy abrasive outcomes.  My recommendation is to use beach time for foreplay.  A little light kissing mixed with some nice sun tan oil massages is the perfect precursor to a nice warm after-beach shower with your preferred partner.  Follow that with an after shower aloe massage and then enjoy some wonderful air conditioned sex in the condo overlooking the Inner-Coastal waterway or ocean or who cares you're screwing keep focused on each other!

So there you have it.  Ryan's (and Victoria's) Myrtle Beach!  This was a true joy, like Anthony Bourdain meets East Bound and Down!

More phallic images for you ladies

Hey and one other thing to remember.  When you are going to or coming back from Myrtle Beach make sure you stop at a Smithfield BBQ along I-95.  Preferably the actual original one in Smithfield but if you don't want to invest the 20 minutes to drive off the highway there are a few franchises along the highway.  Go platter with that special Carolina-style BBQ, hushpuppies, and the world's best potato salad.  Great sweet tea here as well and finish it off with a cup of Banana Pudding that is almost as good as bad sex!

FFF - Bridal Woes

Hey FFF is Back at Ad Court

Hurry on over and join in!

"Not now mom!"  I said hanging up the phone.  She always had a way of calling me at the most inconvenient time.

And then I realized she was calling to hear the good news, so she supposed.  Dear God H you ass hole!  How could you!  Not only did you plan this stupid *hit you had to go and tell my mom.  Of course this has been her dream all along but you should know it's not mine.  And sure all the girls in my high school would have wanted this type of romance but I'm not that type of girl.

Now I'm just sitting here, head in hands, wondering how you could be the best *uck ever.  How could you be there when I need and want you and off signing clients when I don't.  You made yourself into just the guy I crave enough never to lose interest.

I thought tonight was just another one of your silly games.  I've enjoyed being your French Maid or little school girl.  I even enjoyed going to that crazy costume party down in Newport Beach as John and Yoko and then having sex on the beach.  You always seemed to kick sex up into another gear when we played dress up.  Oh geez, speaking of kicking it into another gear; wow that night I was your upscale biker *itch and you screwed me up against your classy Beezer*.  Too much - and so much fun.

But mom once said "a leopard doesn't change it's spots."  I always took that to mean ass holes will be ass holes.  I didn't realize that nice guys will eventually show their spots and try to be nice guys even when they are with "not"-nice girls.

Yeah, when you said dress as bride and groom and meet at the Ritz I did think it was another silly game.  And then you had to go and ask that stupid question that ruins everything.

You know this is not what I want.  So now I have to decide between you and freedom.  Why can't I just have your dick and eat it too and stay happy and single as well!

*uck you H!


More vintage hot chics on Euro motorcycle pictures:

*    Note - a Beezer is a "colloquial" term for a British made BSR motorcycle where BSR stands for British Sterling Revolver.  I've never owned a Beezer but I heard the name many years ago when reading Hell's Angels.  The author, Hunter S. Thompson, rode one with the Angels back in the 60's.

But I Came Out Lookin' Just the Same

"couln't quote you no Dickens, Shelly, or Keats

'cause it's all been said before

make the best out of the bad, just laugh it off

you didn't have to come here anyway.

So remember, every picture tells a story, don't it."

This weekend I'm off for what should be a wonderful and in my opinion much earned vacation.  My wife's travels provide her many perks such as free airline miles, car rentals, and hotel nights.  She travels a lot and so those perks can accrue to a pretty nice level. Mix that with the little bit I can throw in and our dual incomes can afford some nice trips.  While the perks stay fairly consistent year to year they were at this level four years ago when we decided to go to the island we will fly to this weekend.  Four years ago I had given up on things, I was just tagging along.  I know you are thinking, "weren't you guys going to some romantic island?" We were but our girls were along as well so while in a Caribbean paradise it was all family time. Two nights before we left I watched CNN in bed and listened to an interview about a strange website. The next day I googled that website and learned more about it and signed on.  That impulse started a lifestyle.  That lifestyle changed me immeasurably.

Signing onto that website seemed significant in and of itself.  The outcomes and adventures of the relationships developed from that association have been rich and in retrospect very rewarding.  But as I sit here typing I feel that website was just a gateway, the first step towards change.  The real change was the blog.  Soon after starting this adventurous journey on that odd website I realized I wanted to tell my story just like those other bloggers I had now found.  The telling of the story enriched the experience.  Telling made me better at the website game.  Becoming better at the website game made for better stories.  Better stories made for better blogging and so on and so on.

And so I went forward as months went on to years.  The people I met through the website and even moreso through the blog began to shape me.  I changed or rather began to evolve.  I like to think it gave me some of that swagger back that I'd lost a few years before.  Or maybe it just gave me a reason to go to the gym. Funny thing, while I was at that gym I formed some relationships that really helped move my career forward in a big way.  A way that is just now coming to fruition. But we are talking about work now and that was supposed to be in my past that was of no fun.  

But my dad did say "son you better see the world..."  And that I did or at least seemed to do as I cruised that world wide web and blogosphere.

Unfortunately he also said "don't lose your head to a women that'll spend your bread.."  That I don't think I learned.

Each adventure was a new path but then one day you realize you've searched along so many paths they all seem to be the same and ultimately have the same terminus.  And of course then you realize that you are just telling the same story over and over again.

Now I've got my new job which really seems like a return to the old me.  And we are heading back to that Caribbean island we visited four years ago.

Yeah, I started to call this post "the More Things Change the More They Stay the Same."  I wanted something evocative.  But who wants to use lyrics from a hair metal band called Cinderella to be evocative.

Not I!  So as I think about this weekend I find myself saying...

"Every picture tells a story, don't it, don't it, every picture tells a story baby...."

Yes, Rod tells a pretty good story!

Ryan's Repeat - Looking for Mr. Goodmatch

Or You're Riding High in April, Shot Down in May.....

That's life!

Actually life is pretty good for me just now.  In fact perhaps too good.  I'm transitioning into a new role at work and that has left little time for other life endeavors.  So in that regard while the blog was riding high in April, with my 400th post, it is now a week into May and I feel shot down with nothing much to really say, blog-wise.  But don't feel bad for me I've gotten what I've been working towards for 20+ years, perhaps more.  I remember way back in the 90's I'd say proudly to anyone who'd listen (mostly Shannon) "I'll be a **** by the time I'm 35."  If you've read my blog (the Shannon stories) you'll know I fell a bit short of that some 10 years ago.  I came to this little hamlet outside of DC with my tail between my legs.  But slowly I worked hard and now I'm moving into a position I scarcely could conceive of back in those boastful 90's days.

But who wants to read about Ryan and work.  I wasn't that interesting back in the 90's when I was working all the time and I doubt I'll be much more interesting if I return there now.  So it is with that thought that I must again decelerate my blogging.  I'm going to wind down from my current 6 posts/month pace through the summer and through the end of the year.  You'll still hear from me occasionally, I just need more time to have adventures or observations worth reading.  Yes Sandee is still around and we still have the occasional adventure that I must write about soon.

Martha the model

But the other day I did hear that Frank Sinatra song and I'd been thinking about my life right now and also this repeat post and what I could say today.  Martha Stewart has always intrigued me a bit.  I think it's the hope and expectation of her.  She is so beautiful, so classy, so down to Earth in front of the camera, such the perfect partner; at least in her public life.  Privately, obviously, much has been written about her and her difficult nature.  And yet she has transitioned through life, often getting knocked off balance, pulling herself straight, and then moving forward with grace and charm.  She, in fact, reminds me very much of my Shannon.  Shannon in so many ways is that perfect image of the perfect beautiful wife who is smart, classy, stylish, outwardly charming, a great cook, the envy of everyone from her outward image.  Privately though there are dark clouds in that psyche and the promise of that image one observes in public, close though if may be, unfortunately ends up being just beyond one's grasp.

so down to Earth on camera

It felt very comfortable writing this faux reply to Martha's profile on Match.com, as if I knew her and knew just how to write to her.  After all, in a way, I feel I do know her and what drives her and the type of man that might inspire her.  To Martha (at least in jest) I can be that man because this is in fact just a silly blog post about an imagined faux letter - something I do often in this blog.  It would be wonderful to write that letter to my Martha (Shannon) if I could only be that man to her.  My paradox is that while I've become that man here on the blog and on AM to her I am still trapped in the image of the man she knew 10 and 20 years ago.

But as Frank so eloquently put it "that's life....

But don't worry I do agree with Frank when he goes on to say in the song:

That's life (that's life), I tell you I can't deny it

I thought of quitting, baby, but my heart just ain't gonna buy it

And if I didn't think it was worth one single try

I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

Please re-enjoy my response to Martha Stewart's Match.com profile.  And take a look for some geographic hints at the end!  :)

Ryan's Repeat

from May 23rd, 2013......

Over the past few months I've done a lot of reminiscing over past posts from the blog.  I enjoy writing about many things.  But perhaps this DC insider has the most fun when bringing fair and balanced commentary to big events that I am privy to here in this media capital that perhaps you in the field may have missed.  Big time events such as Mexican rent-a-marriages, the adventures of Octomom, or the family endeavors of the Duggars may be looked over.  Oh wait those are not the stories I see on Wolf Blitzer are they.  Well, truth be told, I live out here in the suburbs; home to long commutes, Wegman's, and the culture one gets from Dancing with the Stars and the Turtle Man.  But I do like to bring that DC media elite flavor to the stories I comment about.

My big news today is something I heard about a few weeks ago.

Martha Stewart has entered into the world of on-line dating!

Yes selling her special line of towels at J.C. Penny's, pots and pans at K-Mart, potpourri on Oprah.com, or aroma therapy pillows at Ikea is apparently not what she wants anymore!  She wants to be out here among us riff raff and see what she's been missing.

And I just can't miss this chance.

So here is how I'd approach Martha if she was on Ashley Madison or I was an available 60-something bachelor on Match.com!  This will be tough.  I'm tempted to ask her how she likes Appalachia but I don't think her last trip was not so kind to her.  But from her jail cell she probably did not get a good flavor for this part of the world so I want to bring it to her now.

You know I've been wanting to give y'all a taste of the Ryan Experience so here it is.  I do have a similar concept on the back-burner.  I created a faux Ryan account on AM some time ago and was going to invite my readers to read and wink at it in trade for a special message.  Maybe this will tempt your interest.


Here are some notes from Martha's profile:

“So while I’m open to all kinds of people, and love to be surprised, here’s what I know I appreciate in a man: Someone who’s intelligent, established, and curious; and who relishes adventure and new experiences as much as I do. Someone who can teach me new things. A lover of animals, grandchildren, and the outdoors. Young at heart.”


And here is my letter to Martha:

Ah Yes Martha - the good life; we all aspire to that, don't we!

So yes Martha I'm so glad this really is you.  And can you believe it, this is really me - Ryan Beaumont!  I'm established and creative as only creativity could have attracted 113 followers to such a silly blog.  You did say you wanted fun too, right!  Well since we are both here let's create an alternative third place beyond home and career where we can enchant and beguile one another along wondrous exciting adventures that raise that heartbeat and stimulate the imagination!  While I see your note on faith is "I'll tell you later," I'll tell you mine is sharing experience and hospitality and making others happy and fulfilled.  Particularly all my furry friends who would love to meet you some day.

Yes, I see you are fun and adventurous.  I'd offer to "Fly You to the Moon" but I'm not "Old Blue Eye's" so how about I offer you a quick plane ride down from ISP to IAD and we'll take an Appalachian Waltz in this Appalachian Spring.  I have so much to show you.

With a brisk hike up to a scenic overlook we can view the intersection of two rivers and three states and view a historic town where the course of America pivoted.  If you still have energy we may walk down to that town and glide above the trees.  From their I can take you along country rodes to a quaint and historic boutique distillery where we can refresh ourselves with a Peach Bellini.  If that only wets your thirst for our landscape we can continue down our beautiful vineyard trail and enjoy a delightful Ice Nebbiolo.  Let's pair that with a hot and fresh baguette and some Raspberry Goat Cheese.  Of course we are both "foodies" so after that we must enjoy the best of outer Beltway cuisine.  In my mind I see us at a delightful restaurant converted from a historic mill and draped with our area's most beautiful Magnolias.  We must enjoy the fresh heirloom Roma tomatoes in a wonderful Caprese Salad and maybe I can tempt you with one of my favorites shrimp and grits; they do it so well.

You might think me ADD but really I just have a great deal of energy and a lust for life.  I like to stay on the go whether it's kayaking on the river or biking along the C&O.

But I can slow down enough to talk about literature or history.  Perhaps we could compare ourselves to Holden Caulfield or imagine ourselves as Huck Finn.  I enjoy being challenged and don't mind alternative points of view.  And most of all I love to cook with or for someone special.

So there you go Martha, my adventurer, let's prepare a fine cuisine together - I can't wait to see what we come up with.  True I'm Southern genteel to your NYC sophistication.  But perhaps I can show you how to baste a Cornish game hen on a grille with a berry infused honey barbecue sauce and turn an Arnold Palmer into a John Daley and you can show me how to turn a average table into a showcase and together we can learn from one another and more importantly be young at heart.

And though I am not Old Blues Eyes nor can I "Take (You) to the Moon," surely we can "fill (our) hearts with song" and "swing forevermore..."

Take Care,

R


I hesitate to write this but extra admiration credit to anyone who can guess the locations I'm talking about.  Trust me, I'm not outting myself because I don't live exactly in those places.  Or do I, that might be a good red herring!  :)