I Got a Girl

You know I have a rule of thumb I use when I have tough decisions.  It's the "sigh of relief rule."  Do whatever makes you breath a sigh of relief.  If you do what makes you breath a sigh of relief you are doing what is in your gut and you likely won't have regrets.

Problem is I never take my own best advice.  So when I can't use my first rule I go with a song to show me what to do.  Well, when it comes to me and girls that rarely works either but lets give it a try.

But first, I left you with a cliffhanger of sorts last month (or was it April) concerning an old e-mail queen friend of mine - Mrs. Decorator II.  Well in life we find out often we are who we are.  Mrs. Decorator is an e-mail queen.  That is who she was when I met her and no matter how much she said she wanted to see me that is who she remained.  But hey, it's good we can count on things staying the same like e-mail Queens, stupid Republicans, and the fact I'll always get a sunburn on my first day at the beach (psst...., I was on vacation two weeks ago which is why I have not been posting that much).

But let's analyze where I am.  And since I have no idea what the *uck I should do let's do it to a neo-psychodelic 90's punk band from Dallas.  You know the song (I Got a Girl) is not exactly "Hey Jude," but then I'm not exactly Dostoyevski.

I got a girl who lives with me                 Shannon
I got a girl she smells so sweetly             Sandee
I got a girl she loves her dog                   Sandee
I got a girl I love her dog too                   Sandee (he is very cute)
I got a girl who stares in the mirror          Shannon
I got a girl who blames it on her period   Shannon
I got a girl she is so right                          Shannon
I got a girl she's my guiding light             Shannon (or is it that she kicks my ass into the light)

Well I know, I need, I feel we're going higher and higher

I have a girl who loves good soul            Shannon (she can sing too)
I got a girl who dances the disco              Shannon (and oh can she move)
I got a girl who wears cool shoes             Sandee
I got a girl who wears them in the nude   Sandee
I got a girl who speaks her mind              Shannon
I got a girl who will argue anytime          Shannon
I got a girl she is so small                         Sandee
I got a girl she'll knock down any wall    Shannon

Well I know, I need, I fell we're going higher and higher

Get a load of this she's always bitching at me when I'm feeling down (Shannon)
Asking questions with her little frown

I can't take much much more of this, I'm out
Get a load of this she's always bitching at me when I'm feeling down (Shannon)
Asking questions with her little frown

I can't take much more of this, I'm out

I got a girl I love to kiss                            Sandee
I got a girl I never wanna miss                  Sandee/Shannon (the whole problem)
I got a girl who's my best friend                Sandee
I got a girl that won't even hold my hand  Shannon
I got a girl that makes me laugh                 Sandee
I got a girl I'll make her laugh too              Sandee
I got a girl she has girlfriends                     Sandee
I got a girl I like her girlfriends                  ???? (what guy cares unless they are hot)

Well I know, I need, I feel we're going higher and higher

I got a girl and she's got a guy                    Ryan

So what would you do?

Well May was oh so much fun.  It was finally nice outside so Sandee and I got back into kayaking as well as our secret missions to our secret island gettaway.  I remembered to take a towel this time so we had a place to land once on our secret island in the river, if you know what I mean.

On another day we went zip-lining at a nearby park.

After zip-lining we went for a walk in an adjacent park.   After a few paces Sandee just hugged me and said "thank you, Ryan, that was so much fun."  We walked for about a mile and sat down on a bench underneath some trees.  The beautiful park was below us and some Orioles were near chirping (probably mad at our presence).  Sandee thanked me again.  She sat on my lap and pressed a kiss to me.  She plunged her tongue into my mouth and kissed me deeply, practically swallowing me.  After a long kiss I looked into her eyes.  I am not so sure I have ever seen someone look back at me with the same level of warmth.  She was thankful but I don't think so much for the simple act of taking her zip lining but for putting together a day that she would enjoy and that she could enjoy with me.

I also really tried to be nice to Shannon.  We actually went for some evening walks and she joined me on a wine tasting event.  But each time things seemed kinder and gentler the wall went up as soon as I tried to kiss her or even just hug her.  The message was clear, detente was all that was desired.

Bottom line, I felt like a jerk.  I'm just not the type of guy who can have the type of day above with Sandee and then come home and feel good about hugging and kissing my wife (even if both ladies are incredibly hot).  I needed to come to some conclusions.

Of course in this limbo us guys can drift at times.  Perhaps there was a third option, easier and more fun.  Perhaps I could go rogue like John Cusack in "Say Anything," piloting a solitary blogging ship chasing new ladies and new adventures leaving all this emotional stress behind.

Yes, that's it; let's just focus on blogging - and we need more stuff.

How might we do that; this AM and POF stuff seems kind of stale anymore doesn't it.  That's right you'd check out Facebook because somebody you know mentioned they knew Alecia and you were curious.  And so you wrote her a note on Facebook just saying hi.  And omg a few days later, she friended you!  And omg, when you didn't respond to her friend request she sent you a note 2 days later asking why you didn't.  And so you accepted the friend request.  And then you saw her on FB one day and started "chatting."  And then you mentioned getting together for a drink and she said yes.

OMG, that's not in that song.  WTF Ryan, can't you do anything simply!

FFF - Bewildered

 Don't sit there looking bewildered get your butt over to Advizor's Blog and starting doing some FFF'ing!

My building is crazy!  There's the old Jewish couple that yell at each other every morning from 7 - 8 am, the artist upstairs with her unending chain of dirbag boyfriends, the bartender above me that nails different MILFs each Friday night after Happy Hour, and of course me; the one person who works 9 to 5 with aspirations of climbing tax brackets.  Heck, the only outwardly normal people in this environment are Freddy and Blake, the 50-something gay couple that run the jewelry store on the corner.  They're like the Ozzy and Harriet of the building.

 

But God-love 'em they threw that wonderful Bastille Day party where I finally met Jake.  Jake lived across the hall and I'd been eyeballing him for several months.  He was very quiet, just walked out with his bike every morning around 8 am.  That night, at the party, was the first time I really ever spoke to him.

 

After my second Chardonnay I was feeling pretty frisky and those Abs under Jake's tee shirt were looking a whole lot tastier than Freddy and Blake's cheese pairings and radicchio tacos.  Once Jake started talking about his bikes I just batted my eye lashes a few times and flashed my baby blues at him and said "I'd love to see your Schwinn!"

 

Once inside Jake's apartment I was pretty disgusted by what a bike repair shop/single guy's apartment looks like.  But hey, it didn't distract me from what Jake's 50 mile a day biker ass looked like.  I decided to skip the apartment tour and get right to a "tour de Jake."  Jake mounted me like a fine rider taking Courchevel.

 

The next morning Jake was such a gentleman.  He said he wanted to fix breakfast for me.  Unfortunately I noticed the night before that cuisine du Jake along with a month of coffee grounds were on the floor of that kitchen.  I told Jake, "honey you are sexy and that is so sweet but there is no way in hell these pedicured feet are walking across that kitchen floor; but I have an idea."  I stepped into a pair of slipper I assumed were his (it's so sexy wearing a guy's apparel the next morning) and headed right over to my apartment where sanitation is a core value.  I came back with a handful of swiffer pads and, buck naked, immediately brought Jake's breakfast nook up to community health standards.  Hey, Jake is a major hottie but a girl has to maintain standards.

 



Blake and Freddy

Walking down the hall naked you ask?  Hey this is New York, the Jewish couple was walking out the door amid their morning rant.  Freddy and Blake took one look and then swifly turned away muttering "passed on the Queso last night but I see she didn't pass on the cream puff!"



Author's Note:  damn Ad where did you find that picture! That may well be the most perfect ass I've ever seen.  You know my criterion for the perfect ass is if you can see just a little sunshine below the break in the ass cheeks and the upper thighs.  That little ray of sunshine says everything curves just right!  I know, I know I tend to notice the odd things but I appreciate an attention to detail!  :)