Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Juliet When We Made Love You Used to Cry

You know when you mess around on AM and worse yet you start to blog about it you can get a little jaded about love and relationships.  But I am the eternal optimist.  In my life I have seen that while humans have a limitless ability to do mean and stupid things, they also can do the most amazing things that just send your heart aflutter!

Wait Ryan the first paragraph gave me no sense that you were:  1 - going to talk about sex (which of course you rarely do) or Ashley Madison, 2 - food (which as you may know the biggest food holiday is in two days), or 3 - sports.  If you are not going to talk about that stuff then what else are you even remotely qualified to talk about (as if you were even qualified to talk about the listed points either)!  Surely you are not going to talk about lovey dovey feeling stuff.  What in the world would you know about that for Christ sake!

OK, you're right, I'm going to talk about sports! 

I love this time of year, perhaps even more than bowl games.  This is the time of year for those epoch state rivalry games.  I like them even better than bowl games because at bowl games everybody is happy to be there and even if your team loses hopefully you had the chance to get drunk and laid in New Orleans or Miami or well Shreveport for that matter (who cares you got drunk and laid)!  However, in contrast those end of the year rivalry games offer joy, hate, glory, triumph, and perhaps even redemption all wrapped up into one.  When redemption and glory are on the line, well, you know a game means something.  For example Big State U plays our big state rival this week.  Even though our rival truly sucks I still will watch and hopefully enjoy BSU doling out another generous helping of butt kickage because BSU's rival is such a bunch of snotty pricks.  For me and Big State U fans the game offers an annual dose of pleasure at seeing the bad guys suffer.  However, on the slim chance Big State looses our pretentious snotty rivals will gain a good dose of redemption though they have suffered through a miserable year.  Wouldn't life be great if you could always have a chance at redemption at the end and right all the wrong that had gone on over the past year.

But as I have learned over the year's growing up in the South one state rivalry trumps them all.  This one state lives and breaths football as much as any other but no state has had two teams as competitive over the years as the state of Alabama.  Between the two schools they have won the past four National Championships.  And for that reason the annual Iron Bowl between Auburn and Alabama is the measuring stick for all hate filled state rivalries.  Heck, an Alabama fan actually tried to poison the historic trees on the campus of Auburn University a few years ago.  Now that ain't tree huggin', that's pure old fashioned home cooked hate!

And it is that game that is the background of a true LOVE STORY.

Wait?  Hold on a second!  What happened to the sports?  Psyche, I am talking about lovey dovey stuff - I just sucked you in on the sports!  :)

See this year's Auburn-Alabama game offers the ultimate Romeo and Juliet.  Yet the fact that this love has lasted is even more uplifting than that ancient Shakespearean tail.

You see Katherine Webb, that viral star beauty who conquered Sports Illustrated, reality TV diving competitions and gave Brent Musburger a woody on national TV is in fact an Auburn graduate and her boyfriend is the QB at Alabama.

Now I suppose it's not so unusual to date a guy from a rival school and her boyfriend A.J. McCarron is (I guess) a cute guy to be sure and likely to be the recipient of an NFL contract next spring.  But let me tell you something, that's a Tom Brady body above there buddy!  And A.J. ain't Tom Brady yet.

Ms. Webb could have had about any guy she wanted over the past year.  And by that I mean guys of the Tom Brady/Brad Pitt caliber.

You see Juliet was a sweet girl and her love of Romeo was timeless.  But let's face it Romeo was the fer shizzel in Verona and his family was loaded.  Juliet didn't have the option of hooking up with an NBA star or signing onto a movie deal with some glitzy director/producer.

Which gets me back to the fact that I find it mildly sweet, in even my jaded heart full of spiders, that Ms. Webb still adores her 'bama QB.  In spite of all she could have she stays true to her college beau.  I nearly shed a tear when I read this article about her fears at attending this year's Iron Bowl.

OMG, that hot and willing to forgo the attentions of the rich and famous and willing to face down her Capulet family from Auburn and maintain her star-cross love affair with her Crimson Tided Romeo Montague from U of Alabama.  I am truly touched.

It's times like this that I realize us idiot guys really don't deserve the love of a good women, but thank God we get it sometimes!

Now let's away yonder past Tuscaloosa's McFarland Blvd to Dreamland BBQ or to Toomer's Corner and hug it out!  And for the love of God decide what to call yourselves Crimson Tide, Tigers, Elephants, Eagles you know this split personality thing is never good for any relationship!

That being said based on my deep analytical game analysis, the Tide has too many cool names on their roster including Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, Vinnie Sunseri, and Deion Belue to lose.  But that 10.5 point spread is a bit high.  The Tigers beat Johnny Football in College Station and the Tide struggled with that high powered A&M offense.  My tip - Alabama wins but bet the Tigers to beat that spread.

The Montagues:
The Capulets:

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Too Much Time on My Hands

So this event happened to me about two months ago but as I think about the oncoming "Black Friday" shop-o-gasm next week I pause to speak a little about places no man should go no matter how adventurous.  You see I consider myself well traveled visiting New York, Chicago, Atlanta, San Francisco, LA, even out of the way places such as Opelika, Alabama and Olatha, Kansas.  As with many professional men I have a certain air of confidence that I control my destiny and whichever environment I traverse.

However, as I recently found out one should think about their adventures before they undertake them well considering their preparedness as well as the necessity of said adventure.  One never wants to charge up the Himalayas without a good coat or travel down the Amazon without bug spray.

And so it was one Thursday afternoon as my car was in the shop that I found myself in a foreign land.  A land so bleak and yet simultaneously so dense it dwarfed the vastness of the Mojave Desert and the blinding infinity of wildness of the Rainforest.

What horrific land is this that I describe?  It is in fact a foreign land that no professional male should ever see or seek.  It was in fact the mall at 2 pm on a rainy Thursday.  For as I found that bleak day a suburban mall is no place for professional man.  In fact my very presence disturbed that delicate balance of the eco-system.  Of course I roamed the isles of the JC Penny's in total innocence simply seeking a pair of sports briefs for the gym.  But I may as well have been a ferocious Lion stalking through the Savannah as females craned their necks in shock to get a glimpse of this rare creature as if they were Meerkats trying to figure out why a strange beast had invaded their manor and should they be leery!

The funny thing is that I was as scared as the inhabitants of this place.  I thought to myself, men's apparel is to the right but what if I take a wrong turn at cosmetics and and get caught in women's lingerie?  Will they think I am just some dirty old man out for a cheap whack-off on his coffee break?  Oh my?

Fortunately Madison, a brave and confident young 20-something female associate, eagerly encountered me; obviously perceiving my weakened state.  She offered "can I help you find something sir (with a cute smile)?"

OMG, I think..., those tits are so young and perky I can see them now bouncing up and down upon my face as she maneuvers over me.  Yes this is surely a lead into a proposition.  However, my reply is a mild "where is your sportswear."  She smiles and says "let me show you."

Ah see, what is actually lovely about being a male in a store is that the hunter becomes the hunted and cute young females know a professional man is an easy target for an up-sale!

A few minutes later I return to the counter patiently waiting behind some old guy who has not grasped the concept of on-line checking and has actually driven to the JC Penny's to pay for his JC Penny's card in person with one of those old school paper checks.  I could have walked a few feet to Grandma (in her retirement job) who was only folding shirts at the cash register counter.  But no, I wanted another one of those 20-something smiles from my friendly female tour guide.  Just before my turn in line I see a tie just in the style I've been looking for, I grab it; it's needed and who want to just walk up to the register with two packs of undergarments.  Ms. 20-something sales associates smiles and says "I love this tie, it's going to look great on you; you know we have a sale.... buy 2 get the 3 one free."  Like a zombie I immediately go to the counter tie rack and pick out two more as if she had suggested I go to the back for a blow job.  See this is why female salewomen love men!  I even hold one tie up to see if she approves, and she coos with approval - sale closed.  She rings me up and I throw in 3 impulse purchase Godiva chocolate bars for good measure.  She laughs and says, "hungry are you?"  I let slip and say they are for my daughters.  She replies "awwwww, that's sweet."  Probably not the best line for a blow job but the look in her eye was enough for me to think I could have scored if I wanted to or were 20 years younger.  Anyway, necessary purchases made and ego stroked so all things considered a successful trip.

I then decide to take a scary adventure to the mall food court.  Along the way I see all forms of Geriatric walking gangs, goth slackers, and super stroller-buddy mommies (some I think pre-ordained to be future AM customers).  All things you don't realize exist when you work for a living.  But wait (head twists quickly) behold in yonder window draped in silky pink stringy thingys.....

I need a thong for my AM girl; bra for the wife!
Somewhere along the path I walk past the ultimate male danger zone that is Victoria's Secret.  This of course is a false Heaven.  The place looks so inviting, the exact place where a man would wish to be but what key doth unlock this Heaven.  Can a man simply go inside and peruse the scantily clad models pictured on the wall and imagine the thong up the crack of that manikin is affixed to the beautiful round ass of that hot sales-girl behind the counter?  I bet not.  What story will yield validity to a Victoria's Secret expedition?  Panties for my daughter? SPOOKY!!!  Bra for my mother?  CREEPY!!!  Teddy for my wife?  BONG! That ain't going to get you into Chelsie's (the hot sales girl with the beautiful round ass) "Juicy" thong!  No this is a paradox; a black hole of temptation where paradise is never quite found!  Best move on and turn away from the false light.

Now ladies this is not an article of misogyny.  Yes there were men present, several.  Some were even in their 20's but they were of a different species of male.

Let's take a look at some of these Suburban Mall male specimen:

*  Fleece-wrapped Septuagenarian Slow Walker - This might be Ryan in 40 years (not).  This male shuffles along slowly behind  his female mate thinking about his next opportunity to pee and what's for dinner (and maybe the weather).  He is dressed in blue slip on velour looking shoes, relaxed fit sweat pants, and either a flannel shirt or pull over sweater that says "PaPaw," "Dollywood," or "Gatlinburg, TN."

*  Pale Skinned Ringed Goth Slacker - This person, when not in his room at mom's house playing War Craft or Grand Theft Auto, is lurking around the Game Spot looking for new versions of War Craft and Grand Theft Auto.  They only have a limited connection to reality as most of their time is spent running from the Po Po in Los Santos (their alternate real world).  They have pale skin and wooly hair or is that just the stocking cap that has been worn so long it has molded to their brain.  They tend to wear black and maintain an intricate heavy industrial chaining mechanism between their belt buckle and pocket.  If they have any equity it would be in Doc Martin's stock or simply the mulititude of Doc Martin shoes they own.

*  Skinny Jeaned Sideburned Electronic Hipster - This is the closest species to Ryan.  He actually dresses well, quite well actually with skinny jeans, a skinny Banana Republic Euro looking sweater, sleak slip-on Italian looking shoes, and he may actually have on a tie.  He is probably wearing glasses and has that brush up hair-do.  All Skinny Jeaned Electronic Hipsters work at the mall cell phone kiosk - they have formed a trade union.  If you need to sink, link, or upload anything or get an app for anything they know how to do it.

*  Faux LeBron Honky NBA Wanna Be - At the risk of being non-PC this is the white guy with a goatee, scraggly side burns, a LA Laker hat on side-ways with a LeBron James jersey on top of a Celtics long-sleeved tee shirt.  The LeBron Jersey hangs down over his Pabst Blue Ribbon signature gut and down to his knees almost covering his jeans that are a 52" waist about his 48" body.  The jeans cover the approximate area between half his ass (showing off his LA Clippers boxers) and somewhere between his knees and his ankles.  He has multiple tattoos about his neck, arms, and ankles including all Chinese zodiac animals and some fung shei sign thing that must signify the balance between wearing someone else's jersey and the extreme personal slackerdom.  He has on high top sneakers of course.  You wonder how he can afford all that apparel or why he is even wearing it as his 5'4" stature means he has never actually played basketball before.  Makes me remember how rad I looked back in the day with ankle sox in black high tops and bike shorts hanging out under my gym shorts!  Aw Ryan what a memory!

*  The Hills Have Eyes/Duck Dynasty Family - enough said

Note:  Hey did you know that Hall of Fame Pittsburg Steeler's QB Terry Bradshaw was actually the back-up to that Duck Dynasty guy at Louisiana Tech!  Yep, there is no end to the stupid facts Ryan knows!  :)

OH well, all in all not a bad day.  I did get my sports briefs, 3 cool new ties, had a moderately satisfying mall food court lunch, discovered new territory, met fascinating people I did not know existed, delighted my daughters with chocolate, and for once the car was under warranty so I didn't have to take out a 2nd mortgage for a tire rotation and balance!

But I ain't going back to the mall anytime soon.  Surely some female out there is willing to bear that cross for me and dress me how she feels fit in the appropriate Banana Republic attire.  When dressed properly I do make a great accessory for a lady!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

She'll Give Every Penny's Worth but it Will Cost You a Doller First

Or is it the Other Way?

One of my favorite things to do on this blog is give my commentary and analysis regarding big world-wide stories.  However, I've been quite busy of late so I've not commented on such events in several months but it is not because I've not been watching.  And watch I did yesterday as a truly riveting story, encapsulating all that interests me including sports, geo-politics, and well something else I'll mention later that's even more important to me, flashed across Yahoo News!

That story is one just out of Brazil and really has my attention right now.  For years Brazil was mostly know for sugar production, movies about getting lost in the Amazon and eaten by pointy toothed fish, and thongs (which is not a bad thing)!  But Brazil is now an up and coming nation currently preparing for the 2014 World Cup (of soccer for us dumb Yankees) and the 2016 Olympics.  Brazil is one of the fastest emerging markets rich in mineral resources, water, and green fuels.  It is truly primed to become a world leader!

But to be a world leader you must have integrity and you must be able to build upon your strengths and basic core foundations of your culture.  The public must be able to trust the decision making integrity of your event judging professionals. And for that I am shocked and concerned over what I am hearing about the 2013 Brazilian Ms. Bum Bum Pagent!  Yeah that other thing that is important to me I mentioned in the 1st paragraph other than sports and politics?  That's right, butts!

the winning cheeks!
Ms. Dai Macedo, a 25 year old model with a 42 inch bum bum, is this year's winner of the Brazilian Ms Bum Bum competition.  Ms. Macedo said of the award "It's a lot of work and devotion...I deigned myself a lot of things.  No nightclubs.  No sweets.  I went to the gym Saturdays and Sunday."  And I'd say considering the results of her devotion, it paid off in a BIG (and soft round) way!

But there is controversy!  Apparently social media in Brazil is buzzing over allegations of impropriety in the form of pay-outs to judges for good scores.  It has been alleged that the various contestants may have paid upwards of $35,000 to gain the favor of the Ms. Bum Bum judges.

You know what hold the presses for just a second, before I say anything further how does a guy get a job where chicks are willing to pay him $35,000 to look favorably at their butts!  That's sick!  Heck, I go to the gym every day and look at women's butts for free!  I don't consider it a favor on my part, just instinct!

Dang, 2nd place counts in asses!
Apparently in Brazil Ms. Bum Bum is a serious thing with the winner gaining instant celebrity and valuable endorsements.  One dejected losing contestant alleged this "it is sad because the result isn't deserved and her bottom isn't the most beautiful, which in a serious competition would be more right!"

Anyway my concern here is that the world is counting on Brazil to lead our planet in bio-fuels, saving the rainforest for it's vast wealth of flora and fauna, and be a successful host to two the biggest sporting events in the world.  If Brazil can't get a butt judging contest right, and OMG that surely is supposed to be their specialty, then what CAN they get right!  I mean what's it gonna' be like when they try to pull off Modern Pentathlon.  Then again, maybe if we pay the right Brazilian dude off we could turn Greco-Roman wrestling into a co-ed beach sport in thongs!  Now I really would pay to see that especially if Ms. Bum Bum was contesting that event!  And oh brotha' do I want to see that Brazilian beach volleyball team on the hot sands of Rio!

But to my dear 2nd place contestant(s) I have to say don't judge a butt by it's (almost) covered thong; beauty comes from inside.  Just as that cure for cancer may come from one petal on a flower hidden in the darkest parts of the Amazon so is the beauty of all those Bum Bum contestants hidden in their desire to show the world how big and excellent an ass can be.  So take pride in the ascent toward excellence for it's the thrill of competition that makes us greater and takes us higher and let's be frank molds and shapes that ass into something truly worth holding onto regardless of our rank.   But mostly I'd like to say this: "darlin' could you turn to the right just a smidge and bend over a little I really want to get a good look at those dimples!" :)

But speaking of right, this is RIGHT ON!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - It's So Funny, Why We Don't Talk Anymore

J-wow don't let him eat me!
Wow, has it really been a whole year since that last election?  Time does fly.  Here is my last year's election coverage.  I know it's an off year for most of you but politics was pretty big around here with two Gubernatorial elections in our region.  The big thing decided?  Nothing!  Christie won big in Snooki-land but perhaps not a Presidential road paving landslide (and of course he had to duck the coat-tails of Cory Booker to do so).  In Virginia the Democrats won in a historic election (first time the same party in the White House won the Virginia Gubernatorial election in over 20 years) but not by so much as to dissuade the Tea Party from feeling they could have won if not for the presence of a 3rd party candidate and lack of National support.  I can just here them now, if the Rino's would have just helped Ted Cruz and the Cuch a little more yada, yada....  So what can we look for in the next year as we await those mid-term elections in 2014?  Yep, more of the same no doubt.

As an aside I mentioned a few weeks ago that Kat's Chain during the month of November was in some sense a "last hurrah."  Looking back into last November I have to say "egoistically" that there is some good stuff (if I do say so myself).

Here is a link to my entry into Kat's November Blog Chain.  It's so long I don't think I can cut and paste that much!  But read it if you dare.  It's political satire - Ryan Style!

I also had a funny little post, I think, about Octomom (how can you not enjoy spoofing her)!  And I even had a fairly nice Sandee post about spending time with her at one of our favorite river "spots."

Yeah, as I think about it last November was pretty fun writing about all the stuff I had recently done or thought about.  But I have to say the energy it took to come up with all that "stuff (junk/crap)" took some wind out of my sails so to speak.  I got through December but soon after the start of 2013 I finally decided to decelerate.  You see up to November everything about blogging had always been fun; something I looked forward to.  December had enough stuff like holiday cookie posts and a Christmas tale (that I wanted to become an annual project) to be interesting.  But at this point I already knew that it was time to slow down or the blog would become a chore I no longer relished.  I was asking myself "who is Ryan Beaumont?"  He had been a pretty prolific blog writer for some time but perhaps it was time to go a little more reflective going forward and yes slow down.

Anyway, at this juncture (back in 2012) I decided to take some time and discuss relationships, or at least relationships as I see them based on my past experience.  All too often as we navigate our relationships we continue to be like last week's election - a lot of press but in the end not much decided.  As Einstein once said "the definition of insainity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

God help us we keep doing that at the voting booth and as I reflect we do it all too often in our relationships!

Ryan's Repeat
from November 21th, 2012......

It's Thanksgiving tomorrow so time to think about the 3 F's to Thanksgiving. No that is not an invitation to do an FFF this week, although you should - Advisor has been working hard at keeping that alive no thanks to me. No to me the 3 F's of Thanksgiving are Food, Family, and Football (not necessarily in that order). I'm not really in the mood for a food post today so I will leave you with a link to my Thanksgiving food post last year HERE, and my famous Pumpkin Pie recipe to the right. -------------> :)

So let me move onto Family or rather relationships or really relationships with your spouse. Well, I'll probably digress first with a sport analogy so that I can work in the other F (football) which is of course the most important of all those F's. So because I care so much for "you" I'll have worked in all the "F"'s for "U's" by the end. Btw, thinking about football tomorrow "GO Redskins, "FU" Dallas!" :)

I read a lot of blogs. Some talk about the exhaustion of tired relationships. Some talk about the hope for something better and reflect on what the spouse could do to meet half way.

But let me digress for a moment and mention something a little deeper about myself that will help my point. After all many I come into contact with in my real life know that I'm nothing without a good sports analogy. In my business I interact with athletics often. Over the years I have seen teams go through pre-game meetings, meals, and warm-ups. I have read about teams the talking heads favored yet seen defeat in their eyes as they got ready to take the field. I have seen winless teams for some reason find the gumption and determination to excel and finally win a game. I have seen teams know exactly what they needed to do to execute a game plan that will exploit an opponent's weakness and then go out there and do it and it was beautiful. Talent will keep you in games but winning often just comes down to diligence, motivation, and desire. Yes, sometimes it really does come down to who "wants it" more. Or as is my point for today, "who is cheering for one another."

I've been thinking about this post really for almost 5 years because it's a topic I discussed so many years ago in a marriage counselors office. Really it was a question I posed. That question is:

Are you rooting for your spouse?
Well really I was bitching to the therapist and saying that I didn't think Shannon was rooting for me.
So after that really big intro- what a silly little question. But much like that sports analogy you can have the best quarterback in the world, you can have a screen pass called on a maximum blitz, but if you don't execute it's all for naught. And execution often comes down to that diligence, motivation, and desire.
So I ask again: "are you rooting for your spouse?"
Now let me 'splain.
Think of those words diligence, motivation, and desire. Don't they sound like nouns you'd like to apply to your marriage or any relationship.

Diligence - Careful and persistent work or effort

Motivation - The general desire or willingness of someone to do something

Desire - A strong feeling of wanting to have something

Are you diligently pursuing your spouse, are you strongly motivated to be with them, do you have a strong desire of wanting to be with them.

Now jump back to football. I'll give you sneak peak of my December Blog Chain post for Kat. It involves a big football game, the Big Easy, and the holidays. My team, Big State U, was playing in a big-time bowl game in the Big Easy many years ago. I got tickets because I wanted to see BSU on that national spot-light and of course I wanted to be with Shannon in the Big Easy. It was hard to get tickets, this was way before EBay and StubHub. But I found them and we decided to go.

No, this is not BSU
Think how hard I worked to get those tickets to see Big State U in NOLA. Think how much I wanted to see them. Think of the strong feeling of pride I had when Big State took the field and our fans cheered. I was cheering for my team with pride as well as diligence, motivation, and desire. In that game BSU got down early but we still cheered. We were just proud that we were there no matter the score on the board. Luckily, BSU caught fire late and clawed their way back into the game. BSU pulled ahead early in the 4th quarter on an electrifying punt return and ended up winning.

OK so now back to that family F and spouses.

"Are you cheering for your spouse?"
OK psych, I'm still on sports analogies. So if you are in fact cheering for your spouse are you sending in the right plays? Do you truly wish to see your spouse succeed or would it just be easier for them to fail and then be justified in your disappointment and thus the choice to move on in life.

What I was trying to communicate to that therapist and to Shannon is that I felt she was not cheering for me. She had wishes for a better marriage but did she really want me to be the one to provide those and win her over. Perhaps it was easier to pigeon hole me into a certain category of disdain and then not have to worry about when the marriage was better and thus be ready to have a more intimate relationship. Sometimes we just get comfortable with the distance.

Of course sometimes we do in fact have to move on in life. When you stop cheering you have stopped hoping.

So in the final analysis if your marriage was a game would you be rooting for your spouse or the other team? Or more importantly "is your spouse rooting for YOU!?"

Of course the answer (right) is that too often marriages are a one BIG damn game and it's that very fact that makes them a challenge! :)

And of course you are asking "Ryan can I get the last 10 minutes of my life back because you wrote this big long piece of written diarhea just to ask a silly stinkin' question!" :)

And so for a silly stupid post here is a silly song performed by England's (supposed) answer to Elvis!

Ryan's Repeats - The E Queens and Other Thoughtification

At first I just have to start the day by quoting those poignant lyrics by the enigmatic Disney Radio songstress Cher Lloyd!

"I wish I was tall, I wish I was fast; I wish I could shop with a bag full of cash.
'Cause if I want you I gotta have that.
I wish I had style, I wish I had flash; I wish I woke up with a butt and a rack!"

You know looking back on those "heady days" of flirting with all those AM E-Queens I really was emulating those Cher Lloyd lyrics.  You read a profile and think how can I come across as a little more "confident" or "kinky" or better yet how can I exemplify my knowledge of "cottage country!"  And of course we are all trying to project the fact that we are the most "clean and disease free!"

It really does seem like Anarchy defined; you think to yourself "I'm willing to be almost anything to this hot MILF because her profile reads 'hot and horny' and 'ready to be (my) love kitten.'  It's enough to drive a man to do some crazy things but hopefully maybe pause and take stock of one's life.

The other week I was chatting with Sassy about the vagaries of our peers and compatriots on Ashley Madison.  As we were discussing behavior it dawned on me that we need rules for this thing we've flocked to.  Of course me, who can only communicate through "song/movie quote," soon remembered the "Rules of Fight Club."  It was an "aha" moment!  Yes, this might be my Tyler Durden moment, I could stand before the masses and proclaim "THE RULES of Ashley Madison!"  But as Tyler was not a man but and image and a movement I didn't want to simply write this treatise on my blog, I wanted to pass it along or "pay it forward" so to speak.  So today after you read (or more likely skip over) my repeat post please check out the following blogs:


Each of these lovely ladies has agreed to be the conduit for my message about Ashley Madison and perhaps a higher calling as we endeavor to evolve along life's journey!  But more importantly they have agreed to give their analysis of this concept so please take a look - they are worth it!

BTW Cher, just so you know you are plenty cute for me; you REALLY don't need to grow a bigger butt and rack.  My only problem is that I'm old enough to be your dad.  But thanks for communicating that message to my daughter's that all they need to do is have a nice butt and rack and their life's problems will be solved!

Of course I suppose Cher's song could be sarcasm and poses some parallel allegorical analysis of how too often we equate success with physical beauty.  I watched the video to see if that was the case but unfortunately I'm a guy so I got carried away starring at her bu..eyes!  :)

Anyway below are links to a written project I completed some time ago.  That was a vital recording and accouting thereof my Adventures among those timed creatures the Ashley Madison "E-mail Queens" as Riff so aptly named them long ago.

Ryan's Repeats
from November 2011......

E-Queen #1:     Miss Soigne

E-Queen #2:     Aleah

E-Queen #3:     Mrs. Decorator

E-Queen #4:     NBA Girl

E-Queen #5:     Santa's Helper

OMG, I just realized something.  If Tyler Durden is right and I'm "not (my) *ucking khakis" what the hell am I going to wear from now on on casual Fridays!  :(

Oh well, because I'm all about education I have to share this with you also.  I saw it on funnyordie.com the other day - it's so hilarious!