Tuesday, November 29, 2011

No Time for a Winter (Summer) Friend

Or The Weather Outside is Frightful by Delightful Dear is Doubtful
how affairs are tough when it ain't golf weather

I just thought this was cute!
A few weeks ago I wrote about how affairs and the holidays don't mix.  And because they don't I had to endure a long dry spell last December.  But hope sprang eternal in January and I was able to spend quality time with Sandra shortly after the start of the new year (see last post); 2011 looked like it would be a good year.

Unfortunately I would find winter is sometimes a bad time for affairs as well.  Well, actually it's the weather that can play havoc or in my case more specifically the lack of "golf weather."

I mentioned once that Sandra referred to herself as a "golf widow."  Meaning her husband played a lot, which allowed her a lot of time to play with me!  It seemed like the perfect scenario.  At least until the husband stopped playing golf and then everything got screwed up.

Getting to know someone beyond a couple of hotel room hook-ups is actually pretty fascinating.  I am always the curious one so it was actually interesting to get familiar with Sandra's life.  Her husband is some type of high powered sales exec.  Not just a simple stockbroker or car salesman; I'm talking the kind of guy that sells Geico all of their computers and printers and stuff like that.  He worked from home and from my understanding generally put in about 3 to 4 hours a day and then hit the links.  Not exactly a work-a-holic but it apparently provided him enough income to keep Sandra happy; I think she mentioned getting a $20K check from him every month as part of her "golf widow's" pension.

He actually seemed like a really nice guy.  He is an ex-marine and yes I know your asking yourself "Ryan he probably knows how to kill people with a paper clip and a rubber band, are you stupid!"  Well the ultimate answer to that question is of course yes I am.  But apparently his measurements are about 5'10" and 250#'s+ so I think I could outrun him!  :)

And of course with those measurements you see that in addition to making Sandra a "golf window" he was not exactly in great shape which opened the door for me.  Guys, that's the educational piece for the day to keep your wife off AM - stay in shape, don't make her a "golf widow!"  Funny how the money doesn't keep one faithful though, just married!  :)

But again, I said he always seemed like a nice guy from the way Sandra spoke.  It was clear that he adores her in spite of his golf addiction.  And I think Sandra really does care for him although it may be more as an old piece of furniture that frustrates you because you don't know what to do with it but it's too sentimental to throw away.  Hey, that's exactly how Shannon feels about me - it must be karma!

Sandra had a daughter from a previous marriage and he had apparently really become a father figure to her daughter.  Sandra's daughter was caught in a really bad marriage and her husband, from Sandra's description, was one of her daughter's best allies.  Btw, Sandra's daughter's situation was often causing as much of a distraction as the weather.  Apparently her husband was a real pig and so Sandra really had to step in at times to hold things together.

Anyway, I am loosing my point today.  Sandra's husband, let's just call him Doug, was very concerned for her.  Anytime there was so much as a flake of snow or drop of rain he apparently didn't want her to leave the house.  Or at least that is what she said, I really don't have much reason to doubt her.  So kudos to him, never discount the value of having someone that cares!

And so late January though most of April was a continual process of making plans and then breaking them because weather was bad, Doug was not playing golf in the afternoon, or the daughter had some type of emergency.

But these are the things you have to deal with if you are going to play this type of game.  We did meet once for breakfast at IHOP and stayed in touch via e-mail and the occasional phone call.

Of course I had a few "e-mail queen" diversions on AM with Aleah, Lonely in DC, and Tiny Dancer (I forgot to write about her - it didn't go anywhere).  But by the end of February I was really on a sabbatical from AM.

The big question though is, was I mad or upset?  The funny thing is, the answer is no.  First, as I have said before, family comes first so you can never get mad when your affair partner has issues on the home front.  Also, I have to say once I got really going on this blogging thing it really took over my psyche and occupied me.  Even with the lingering dry spell over those lonely winter months I really started to get excited by that next post or planning for something down the road.  And throw in some friendly banter with your new found blogger friends and that adds up to a lot of satisfaction!

OK, so a lengthy post with really no interesting information.  Except for Doug, I purposefully brought him into the dialogue.  Not for any real reason but like my Shannon posts I think it is important to know that when you are having an affair there are other people involved even if they don't know it; so they affect you in some small way.  I think it's important to keep them in mind don't you?

So let's warp forward now to May where I'll hopefully pick things up next week.

Except for the next post this Saturday where I'll have to go back in time one more time to celebrate a another great date in Ryan history.

Hope everyone had a happy and safe Thanksgiving!  Now get back to work and to the gym!

No Time - the Guess Who:

Next Post It's All in My Mind (Love and Rockets)

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Fire in Your Eyes Keeps Me Alive

Nothing to me says Gen X like the Cult and this song "She Sells Sanctuary."  Maybe because it was in that movie "Singles."  God, Bridgette Fonda was so fine in that movie!  I think I started liking coffee and  grunge music just because of her!

Anyway, it's amazing how much you start to miss sex when you have it with consistency.  Prior to meeting Alesha it had been awhile for me.  But with Sandra, it had become consistent and more importantly great.  And a dash of Keeley had only helped.

But by mid-January the holidays had created a dry spell of almost two months.  And that was no fun.

I remember a fraternity friend one night, when we were all drinking heavily, waxing poetic by saying

"wow, I really feel sorry for the next girl I have sex with; it's been a long time and I may blow her head off with the wad I'm likely to shoot (that means orgasm he was not a serial killer)"

I won't present my attitude as ineligantly as that but let's just say I was ready for some action coming out of the gate in 2011.

So about the second week of January the weather wasn't too bad, Shannon was off on a trip, and Sandra and I had another one of our indoor picnics set for our little Comfort Inn down the road and just off the Frontage Road (I say that hearing the Reverend Billy Ray Collins from the John Boy and Billy show)!

As was the norm I got the room arrived early and with wine, cheese, hummus, and pita chips.  Sandra called a few minutes before she arrived to let me know she was near.  I watched and saw her pull up and then walked down that back stairwell to that hotel side door to greet her.

She looked gorgeous in her shades, her knee high leather boots, and a tight grey "stretchy" dress cut low.  

I said hello and took her by the hand and walked her inside and up the stairs and to our room.  I think she was talking about her dogs but I was only thinking about how I didn't want any foreplay just get right down to it sex!

As we walked in I handed her a cup of wine I had already poured.  She stood in front of the bed continuing her dialouge about her pets.  But I have to admit I was not listening.

I walked up behind her as she stood facing the side of the bed.  I put my arms low around her waist and pulled her into me and dove my face into her neck at first kissing and then nibbling.

She said "ohhhh, you are restless today" and turned around and with a smile and a gleem in her eyes.  She kissed me and then started to unbutton my shirt.

Once unclothed Sandra turned to get onto the bed.  I didn't let her roll onto her back, rather put my knees onto the bed just behind her and guided her waist forward.  Once we were both on the bed I pulled her ass into my waist and moved my hand around to her pussy.

She was wet so I wasted no time putting myself into her.  She looked so good stretched out in front of me.  I loved the feel of her ass slapping against my hips.  Several minutes of that were very invigorating but it can get a little tiring and for some reason as much as I enjoy it from behind I always struggle with cuming in that position.

So she laid down, rolled over, and we went into missionary mode and it wasn't long before we came together; although I think it was her second.

After that it was naked wine and cheese and just hanging out.

Well, maybe there was a shower together at some point!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

How 'bout Cookin' Somethin' Up with Me

What's Cookin' Good Lookin'?

1. Haagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s?
Haagen Daz, I love the Java Chunk

2. What is always in your refrigerator?
Lemon juice, minced garlic, dry white wine, and cream - you can do just about anything as long as you have the "mother" sauce on hand.

3. What’s your worst kitchen disaster?
Oh, I don't make mistakes; you just roll with it and act like that is what you planned to do.  That being said I have scalded a fish chowder and had to make it into a Blackened Cajun' fish chowder!  :)

4. Favorite kitchen gadget?
I am great with just a basic French knife.

5. What was your last meal? Did you like it?
Panko Breaded Pork Chops sauteed in Olive Oil, Mashed Potatoes, and Green Beans.  Of course!

6. What’s your favorite cookie?
Oatmeal Chocolate Chip

Monday, November 21, 2011

Hurrah for Fun! Is the pudding done? Hurrah for Pumpkin Pie!

Thanksgiving Cooking!  How to cook the perfect bird.

How it's done!
But first here is my famous recipe for pumpkin pie.  I forgot to give this to you at Halloween!

OK enough silliness, here are some tips on cooking the perfect Thanksgiving Turkey.

Step 1 - Go to your local Marriott and enjoy their Thanksgiving buffet, they will enjoy cooking for you and you won't have to clean up!  Better yet, spend the night with your AM buddy the night prior at the 'rott (that's what we used to call back in the day) and just meet the Fam there on Thanksgiving Day.

But seriously here are some tips:

Tip 1 (Fry It):   If you have a portable fryer there is no better way to cook a turkey than to fry it; but if you have a portable fryer you probably already know that.  If you don't have a portable fryer it is a nice investment!  Everything is better fried, I tend to think!  Make sure you put the turkey in first and then add oil or else you might spill oil everywhere and always use a smaller turkey if you are frying (less than 12#'s).  Also the turkey needs to be completely thawed as ice crystals from a frozen turkey can hurt frying oil.  And take the neck and giblets out first for Christ sakes!

The good thing here is that in a fryer at 400 degrees your bird should cook in about 45 minutes and will be much more tender and juicy than when cooked in an oven.  Frying automatically accomplishes all that you are doing when basting.  The high heat sears the outside locking in the fats which create the moistness/tenderness.

If you want more flavor inject the turkey before frying with the normal ingredients such as puree of onion, celery along with sage, thyme, salt, pepper, garlic, or even cajun' spices if you want to feel like you're on the Bayou!  Or even pack an onion with poultry spices and pack the onion inside the turkey.

Tip 2 (Brine it):  If you do not have access to a fryer the next best thing is to brine your turkey.  First, make sure your turkey is completely thawed.  Remember a 20# bird may take a few days to thaw so don't do this last minute like me!  Purchase a brining bag from your market and put your bird in, breast down.  I would recommend getting a brining kit with spices and just follow directions.

But as a guideline do the following for a basic 10 to 12# turkey.

Bring 12 cups of water to a boil and add 1 cup salt, 2 cups sugar, 1 cup cider vinegar, 2 tbs sage, 2 tbs rosemary, onion powder, peppercorn melange, poultry seasoning, and bay leaf (if preferred).  Boil and stir for about 20 minutes and allow to cool.  Place turkey into bag and pour brine over turkey and then add 4 cups of ice.  Seat bag with breast down and leave in refrigerator for 2 days.

Cook using basic instructions below.

Tip 3 (Bast it):  If you are going to do it the old fashioned way I suggest you take the time to bast and understand that the best way to cook meat is "low and slow!"

If you are industrious separate the skin from the breast meat (without removing and stuff butter, fresh rosemary, sage, thyme, salt, pepper, and other desired spices between the skin and the meat. Additionally, you may want to consider cooking breast side down which allows for automatic basting and more tenderness (the fat gravitates down through the breast meat).

Once you are ready to cook.  Put your bird in the oven at 475 for about 20 minutes.  That will sear the outside.  Then turn your oven down to 250 and cook for an additional 20 minutes per pound.  For example for a 12 pound turkey cook an additional 12#'s * 20 minutes/# = 240 minutes = 4 hours.

Check your bird every 20 minutes and with a cooking syringe suck up your juice at the bottom of the pan and pour back over your bird.

Check out this great New Yorker article about the great American bird.  In fact this whole issue is basically dedicated to cuisine!


And to settle an age old questions, does turkey really make you sleepy?  Well, the answer is MAYBE! Turkey does have a high concentration of an amino acid Tryptophan which makes serotonin and melatonin which can cause drowsiness.  But many doctors would say that turkey does not create enough serotonin and melatonin to really have any greater impact than your slice of pumpkin pie.  So for you lurkers out there I would not use it as a substitute for "ruffies."  However, I still do get sleepy after dinner, but it may be due to all that cooking and cleaning!  :)

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

Friday, November 18, 2011

All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

E-Mail Queens Week

Day 5:  Santa's Little Helper

Wow, 5 posts in 5 days - that's tough.  How do these bloggers like Vanilla Mom do it, I am so impressed now!  I'm remembering Forest Gump's quote "pretty tired now, think I'll go home and rest."  Btw, I have noticed a lot of new bloggers tend to put out a lot of posts right off the bat.  I suspect they get burnt out and then often quit.  My advice, take it slow and easy so you don't burn out.  Part of the fun is getting your story out slowly to build momentum and suspense.  Or better yet, stall like Riff and make people think something really big is out there on the horizon!  Then again, what the hell do I know this is my first time doing this kind of thing.

Remember all that stuff I was saying the other week about Holidays and Ashley Madison don't mix.  And remember the pity party I was on about cutting things off with Keeley and staying focused on other things.  Well let's remember two things 1) I'm a guy, and 2) this blog is named the Ashley Madison Adventures of a Regular Guy Gone Bad.

So in spite of being busy over the holidays a guy like me can always rationalize that there is no harm in looking.  And so some time in mid-December 2010 and after ending things valiantly with Keeley, I decided to take a quick tour of the new ladies on AM.  Mind you, I had no intent on actually writing to anyone but just wanted to make sure nobody fascinating had just mysteriously appeared in one of those "last seven days searches."

And lo and behold there she was!  Santa's Little Helper didn't have a photo but she was about 5'6" and I think 140# and wow, what a profile.

Absolutely NO checks but one very well written, thoroughly enjoyable, and funny letter to Santa under "What I Want."

She wrote (paraphrased):

"Dear Santa,

What I want for Christmas is one sincere, sweet, handsome, charming guy to share romantic walks in the mountains followed by candlelit dinners.  Please make him tall, dark, and handsome with a great sense of humor.  It would be great if he likes wine and loves music.  He has to love animals and enjoy reading but doesn't have to agree with me all the time.

I admit, I have been a little naughty this year and my present can be a little naughty as well.  But for the most part I have been good and would love to have someone new to play with."

Thank you dear Santa,


Your Little Helper

It went on for more but hopefully you get the point.

So considering the time and effort she put into that letter I considered it inhospitable and frankly rude not to write to her and let her know how much I enjoyed her profile!  Funny how us guys are such good rationalists!

So again we got to yahoo after a few brief AM notes.

Unfortunately, we all often choose a different zip code than where we live in reality.  Sometimes that zip code is closer than expected, sometime further.  In Little Helper's situation she was in the outskirts of my 20 mile radius with the zip code she used.  But that zip code was about 20 miles closer to me than she actually lived.  What that means is that she lived about 60 miles away.  Certainly "as a crow flies" that is not so far but around here 60 miles can be a long way because you might have to drive over a few mountains and across a river to get there.  Kind of like "over the river and through the wood to have a first rate screw! Oh hear the text say 'where r u' hurrah for Ashley Madison!"

She was however interesting and we e-mailed over the course of about 2 weeks.  She is an author of children's books and owned several chocolate labs.  She did send a picture of herself with her dogs.  She was cute but I didn't find myself rushing out to the car to drive down to her.  And she was not beating down my door either.

In the end distance and the holidays prevailed and I just didn't write for a few days and she didn't write back for a few days and then we all just move on.  Such is life in this ephemeral world of Ashley Madison (yes I googled ephemeral)!

So there you have it!  E-mail queens week - so what didja' think!  Any favorites out there or perhaps you're own e-mail king/queen stories to share?

And just in case you were thinking this list was exhaustive it's not, I held a few back for the future - just in case.  I kind of feel bad now that I didn't include Tiny Dancer or Santastic!

Maybe they will find a way into my life somewhere down the road???

Thursday, November 17, 2011

With Her US Mail & Her Pony Tail Well She Looked So Sweet

E-Mail Queens Week

Day 4:  NBA Girl

Here is the other lady I mentioned in my Riff Goes to College post.  I think I mentioned around the time I came across Keeley's profile I found some other interesting ladies.  One of them was Sexy in DC.  Her profile just jumped out at you.  Sure it was mostly the headless photo of her with the slinky trapeze artist type outfit.  But furthermore it was her caption "I purr like a Maserati."  Wow, so many possibilities with that type of material to work with!

I think I said something to the effect of "do I need to purr in Italian to talk to you?"  She also said she liked Kickboxing so I probably said I was "willing to try because I love getting my ass kicked in different languages."  Again, I got to e-mail fairly quickly - I just love saying "can we segue to yahoo?"

The silhouette is Jerry West of Laker fame
I call her NBA girl because she said she was a former NBA cheerleader.  From her private photos, I saw nothing to dissuade me from believing that, she was definitely HOT!  She had long bleach blond hair, blue eyes, and seemed to live in a bikini.  She said she was an accountant, taught kickboxing on the side, and loved the water.  See that was probably my opportunity to talk about "water sports" on chat but I'm too slow for that so we ended up talking about food mostly and why debits have to equal credits.  She was part Italian, apparently not the bleach blond part but did like Italian food.  Oh, and btw one of her private photos I recognized from a Married but Playing profile.  My goodness, what type of person hangs out on all these adultery sites?  And my goodness what I could accomplish if I put my good memory to serving the needs of mankind.  Oh bother, this is way more fun!

My problem here was that I'm more of an afternoon delight kind of guy in these circles.  My wife travels and I have a lot of transportation duties in the evening.  On the weekends I just have yet to meet the person I want to risk it all for.  Mrs. NBA had older kids and I think she was more interested in getting out and playing at night.  Oh, and maybe with that body and living well within the Beltway, she could easily attract Mr. Smiling Executive (like Riff) - she didn't need Ryan Mr. Hick from the Sticks.  Well, I tried.  I have written to her periodically; she is a nice person.  And if I am in need of an audit she'll be the first I call - my books will be completely open for her!

In tribute to NBA Girl I have selected lyrics from the Stadium anthem Rock and Roll Parts I and II by Gary Glitter (or better know as the Hey Song).  Glitter, the former British Glam rock star, recorded the song in 1972.  Later in the decade a sports marketing rep started playing the song at the games of a minor league hockey team in Denver.  The song caught on and soon it was a tradition at Denver Nuggets and Broncos games and took off from there.  It is now as much a part of sports culture as the Wave, Mega Nachos, and the Redskins sucking because their owner gargles Steeley Dan's balls!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Only the Lonely Can Play

E-Mail Queens Week

Day 3:  Sandra (lite) or Mrs. Decorator

OK, so Aleah was a no-go for external reasons.  But it made me think that I was really hitting my stride on this AM thing.  My batting average seemed to be almost Riff-esque.

So I got back out there and found Lonely in DC.  Well that was not her actual name just her profile name but I'm not getting any inspiration for names right now so let's call her Mrs. Decorator or Sandra-lite.  That's because Sandra is an Interior Decorator as well.  Funny how I have attracted some of these classy decorator types.  Maybe it's because I've lived with a personal interior decorator all my life.  No, Shannon is not an Interior Decorator by trade but boy can she spend my money like one!  Anyway Mrs Decorator/Sandra (lite) is an Interior Decorator (like Sandra) but perhaps just not quite as vivacious, hence Sandra-lite.

So Mrs Decorator said she had her own business and was well educated and wanted someone similar.  She had food, wine, outdoors all checked and was looking to reignite, etc.....

I think she listed herself as 5'6" and about 120#'s.  So petite, I like that.

Overall, she sounded perfect, I could hit on all my normal tag lines; tour of vineyard, walk on Potomac, romance, adventure, enchantment, coffee at alternative third place, etc.

She responded back and we got to e-mail fairly quickly.  She was very interesting and we did share our experiences with travel, food, the outdoors, etc.  She is from Western NC and loves the mountains, moi aussi (love mountains, not from NC originally).  She attended a small fancy private college in the south that few other than a dork like me would have heard of.  So all things considered it was looking good.

We actually had a date set up.  She likes antique stores so I was going to show her some in my town.  Btw, I deplore furniture stores but I'm the type of gallant guy who will take a lady to a furniture store if I think it will earn me "brownie points!"  Hey, at least I'm honest!

Weather cancelled that day and travel kept getting in the way.

But today's point is also about disclosure.  I'll be honest I am horrible about it; I definitely reveal myself too early too often.  I have gotten better at it though.  In this case I was trying not to ask too much too soon.  I had read all those posts from Riff where he doesn't see a picture because he wants the surprise and I was sort of aiming for that experience because I'm always looking to copy what someone else has perfected!  :)  So I purposefully didn't ask.  But curiosity finally got the better of me.  I knew her name, her occupation, and where she lived.  So it was not too hard to find her website.  Now I'm not a stalker I wasn't there to find her home address or her portfolio just a picture because let's face it, I'm shallow.

So just a hint ladies, don't share too much with those guys out there unless they are shallow guys like me and you only want to use your info to get us into bed!  :)

I did find a nice photo of her on the site and to my credit she was just as I imagined her.  Very intelligent, artsy, and professorial looking in kind of a gentrified way.  And definitely attractive.  Kind of like Mary Steenburgen with glasses.

But I have to admit when times repeatedly didn't work out I found myself not motivated to press because I didn't see myself yearning to rip her cloths off and have wild passionate sex.  I sort of had that with Sandra and I just walked away from it with Keeley so why start anew.  Or maybe it was this blog thing that was starting to de-horn me?  Anyway, I said she looked like a professor and I guess I hadn't really wanted to fuck my professor since I was in my early 20's; perhaps I had just grown out of that phase?  :)  Although, now that I think about it, I have always been turned on by glasses - I guess I like that intellectual look!

Anyway, interesting thing and a bit of a spoiler alert.  I was messing around on Plenty of Fish this past summer (more to come on that later).  And one day I get a message "Lonely in DC" wants to meet you.  Lo and behold it's Mrs Decorator!

So we re-ignited our conversations.  And again travel, work, etc. always got in the way.  And again I just wasn't motivated to push too hard.  Or maybe it's just that something else got in the way.  Hmmm...., well that as they say is another story.

Funny how she told me she was surprised that I hadn't found somebody yet.  Oh how the truth would set you free!  :)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

We Both Know We're Never Going to Make it

E-Mail Queens Week

Day 2:  Aleah

This post is actually dedicated to a girl I had a massive crush on in high school, her name was Aleah.  Actually that is a fabrication just like all the names here.  Aleah was actually the younger sister of a girl named Shannon that I had a massive crush on but Aleah was pretty good looking as well.  And I guess now that I think about it maybe that is why I have been throwing that Shannon name around here so much.

Anyway, I love that song "Ah Leah" by Donnie Iris.  As an FYI Iris was also a member of Wild Cherry of "Play that Funky Music White Boy" fame.  Just thought you would like to know that.

Remember how I was so somber and reflective at the end of 2010.  Well I think I mentioned that I was a guy so I'll give you a guess as to how long that somber mood lasted.   Yep, new year new AM ladies and I would be remiss if I didn't let them know about the charms of Ryan!

So back out on the trail I came across Aleah.  She was a local gal, meaning from my actual county.  Eeek, I live in a small area and was unsure but I gave it a shot anyway.  Maybe it was because on her AM profile not only did she mention looking to reignite that flame but she flat out said her husband has ED, so I took that to mean that she was not an e-mail queen.  :)

I wrote to her and laid out all my normal outdoor guy, physically fit, etc. stuff (she mentioned she loved the gym btw).  I got a reply back; she said "I sounded interesting."

We moved to yahoo e-mail fairly quickly.  She actually asked if I used yahoo chat.  That was new to me.  As you can see, it's hard enough to write when I have time to think; on chat I am as witty and urbane as Rick Perry in a debate!

But actually I did OK.  As some of you may know (who I have e-mailed with here) I tend to fall back on safety zones of food, travel, sports, family, and politics so chat ain't my forte.  I guess I just have a hard time typing out "hey babe I want to make you into my peach pie and have you cream all over me."  Nope, just not good at it.

Aleah did send me a pic (she didn't have any on AM) through yahoo.  She was definitely cute.  In the pic she was in a French Maid's uniform at a Halloween party.

On AM, she said she was 45 but she turned out to be 48; that seemed par for the course so far so it didn't bother me.

Things were progressing well and I thought a lunch date was immanent.  But she was always very reserved and I couldn't get a commitment.  At times weather was an issue.

Finally, she agreed to meet me at my gym of all places.  It is very nice and new and she wanted a tour.

Did I mention she was 5 feet even.  You know you don't think about it but from where I stand 5 ft 4 is short; that's my mom's height.  I'm 6 ft, just 2 inches over average so not a giant by any stretch.  But when you're standing a foot over someone it starts to get striking.

Well, that really was not the problem.  In conversation at the gym that day we realized that we had a lot of acquaintances in common.  In fact one family she was close to and actually had vacationed with had a daughter in the same ballet class with my youngest daughter.  That family's daughter had even been to my daughter's birthday party.

I may be a lot of things but one thing that I had promised myself (along with many of course) was that I wouldn't do anything that would embarrass my daughters.  Also, she worked for my HOA's Liability Insurance agent so I didn't want to embarrass him either!  :)

Aleah is a nice person and certainly attractive but I think it would have been crossing a line.  Of course sometimes my humor gets in the way as well.  We were chatting about skiing and she mentioned falling.  I followed with "at least you didn't have far to fall!"  I thought it was hilarious but I don't think she took it that way and was a bit miffed at being reminded of her vertical challenges.  We have e-mailed a few times since but have not seen each other again.  I have seen profiles that look like her's within the last few months so I think she is still out there, I wish her well!

Oh, and btw here is that Donnie Iris song - "Ah Leah," it's a classic!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir

E-Mail Queens Week

Day 1:  Miss Soignee

I have to start with a quote from the movie Up in the Air - "I stereotype, it's faster."

Btw, those lyrics from above are from the song Lady Marmalade performed originally by Patti Labelle in 1974 and mean "would you like to screw?"  The writer of the song, who incidentally also penned hits for Franky Valli and the Four Seasons, wrote it while making various observations in New Orleans.

So this week I am pulling several experiences together and putting them into the one category of e-mail queens.  Most of these women I did write too several times on yahoo, many I chatted with, one I actually met, and one was just so interesting I have to include her even though I just wrote to her a few times on Ashley Madison.

But first let me digress.  You know there was this joke I remember from high school that goes like this:

"What is the difference between a hooker and a bitch.  A hooker will fuck anyone, a bitch fucks anyone but you."

I know, I know - very poor taste.  But e-mail queens week is really about women I wrote too more than just the occasional 1 AM reply.  And in these cases for one reason or another they chose not to go for the Ryan experience - poor them!  But as always this blog is about the experience and the story of how a relationship didn't materialize is often as fun as the story of the one's that did.

So I start with Miss. Soignee.  I mentioned her once before in my Riff Goes to College post.  She was in fact the lady who I only wrote too 4 or 5 times on Ashley Madison.  I consider myself a pretty confident guy.  I am fairly good looking and grew up in an Upper Middle Class environment.  Rarely in life have I felt I was out of my league - but here I have to say, I was out of my league.  But you know even college teams sometimes scrimmage major league teams in spring training just for the experience.  So I don't fault myself for trying and these were in my younger AM days so I didn't know what the hell I was doing anyway.

She reminded me of Donna Mills
Miss Soignee is/was HOT.  In my previous post I used the analogy of Carrie Prejean at 40 - no lie (this is assuming the pictures were real).  Looking back, her profile was beyond looking for a FWB or even a Sugar Daddy.  I think she was looking for an Arrangement (if you catch my drift).  But hell, as much money as my wife wastes, 10 credits (or $8) ain't going to kill me!

So I can write enough french just to get me into trouble so in keeping with her profile I said "chic and soignee are you doubly sophisticated."  I think I may have said she had a certain je ne sais quoi and that I was full of joie de vivre.  It got me a quick "your sweet, what do you do?"  And more importantly a pass-key!  Miss Soignee had some wonderful modeling shots of her (perhaps about 10 years ago) in various interesting poses.  One was very femme domme with a Mad Hatter type hat, black leather negligee, holding a riding crop, and in front of a castle looking very provacative.  I am not sure what she was trying to model in the other because she was in front of a bed with a dainty pink canopy completely naked so I was not sure, but I'm always a live and let live guy so I didn't object!  But OMG, did she look super-FINE!  And yes, she was one of the rare single ladies I have written too - I have long since given up on that pathway.

The catch with Miss Soignee was that she actually lived in Richmond (although she came up in my 50 mile zip code search).  I did tell her a little about myself, and yes I embellished.

She did tell me a little about herself.  From what I gathered she was a former model or perhaps an ex-wife of an athlete but had moved back to her hometown of Richmond.  I think life had had some bad turns of events for her and maybe she was hoping to get back on the fast-track.  

We talked food and travel and I thought I had a shot - she did say let her know when/if I was in town.  I started to deliberate over rationales for taking a business trip down to Richmond, it's only a 2 hour drive.

But she dropped off AM before I could make it happen.

I saw her later in Arrangement Finders but didn't write to her.  She had public photos on Arrangement Finders with Pierce Brosnan and an older man that I knew was a famous fashion designer (not sure which).  She did say on AF something to the effect that she was looking for an Anthony Bordain kind of guy that knew the difference between an Astin Martin and a Bentley.  She mentioned that she enjoyed brandy and a good cigar and that if you took care of her she knew how to take over in the bedroom.  She said she had traveled the world and lead many lives.  Overall very interesting!

So I think she was looking to sail the Med with Aristotle Onassis, not dip toes in the Potomac and share a PBJ.  :)

If she only knew what I can do with some leftover beans, rice, and sausage and a bottle of Thunderbird!  We could have been great together, but some things are just not meant to be!

One of these days a lady is going to be looking for a guy that knows the difference between a Kia and a Honda Odyssey and I'm going to be all over it!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Seasons Change with the Scenery

Since college I have always been fascinated by the Generation Theories of Strauss and Howe so I never pass up an article on it, particularly when it talks about my generation, Gen X.  Below is an article I found recently on CNN.com - I thought I would share along with some of my personal experience and beliefs.

But First I have to say "Happy Nigel Tufnel Day," get it!  "This one goes to 11."  So Happy 11/11/11.

I am proud of my generation.  We have become savvy problem solvers because we are sandwiched between two Generational 600# gorillas (the Millenials and the Baby Boomers).  We have to adapt to the tastes of those 2 generations.  Furthermore, as the mid to upper level managers we are tasked to meet the productivity needs of a world that is growing while business is downsizing while constantly keeping up with technology that keeps up viable.

In the end I am glad that this study takes note that in my opinion in speaking about my Generation, Gen X - "the kids are alright!"  Sorry those were Baby Boomer lyrics but all Gen X has to offer is "you gotta fight, for your right, to paaaaaaaarrrrrty!"

As always I love to hear your thoughts!

Study Says Generation X is balanced and Happy (from CNN)

Fight for Your Right to Party!
A generation once labeled "slackers," detached and melancholic has grown up to find out that reality doesn't bite as much it seemed when they were younger.
To the contrary, most of the 84 million Americans ages 30 to 50 are "active, balanced and happy," according to the authors of "The Generation X Report," a research report from the University of Michigan's Longitudinal Study of American Youth.

The release is the first in a series of quarterly reports based on questionnaires, interviews and tests from 4,000 Gen X respondents who have participated in the study since 1987. The study defines Gen X as those born between 1961 and 1981, though others sources tag Gen X as those born starting in 1964.

"We hope that this series of reports will serve to correct some of the misunderstandings and misstatements about Generation X that have appeared in the media," The Longitudinal Study of American Youth says on its website. "Some commentators have characterized Generation X as being less successful than their parents and perhaps less ambitious than their parent's generation."
The study marks the latest focus on Gen X as the cultural spotlight gradually shifts away from retiring Baby Boomers. The analysis bolsters findings in a recent marketing study, "Gen X: Flirting With 40," which stated that Gen X has matured into a group of "technologically savvy, adventurous pragmatists." Recent media coverage of rants and reflections from Gen Xers in Gizmodo and The Atlantic has also generated intense discussion, fueling debate over whether a passing of the torch from Boomers is under way.

The stated mission of the study, which is funded by the National Science Foundation, is to write the history and monitor the future of Generation X. Here's some data from the report that may surprise you:

Myth #1: Gen Xers are slackers.
Reality: Generation X devotes more hours to work than average and pursues continuing education.
-- Compared to a national sample of all U.S. adults, Gen Xers are more likely to be employed and are working significantly more hours above average, according to the study. In Generation X, 86% is employed and 70% devote 40 or more hours to work each week. For those holding a doctorate or professional degree, that number shoots up to 50 or more hours. Also, 79% Gen X women work.
-- Kids from "The Breakfast Club" era weren't so strung out on emotional issues that they passed up learning: Half of Gen Xers have completed a post-secondary degree and 9% are enrolled in continuing education.

Ryan's Reality:  Looking back it seems like the 80's had a lot of business movies where the hero was always working mega-hours to get ahead.  For us Gen X'ers if we worked well beyond expectations there would be monetary reward and more importantly "the future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!"  I went straight through to grad school getting an MBa after a BS in Finance.  I worked full time in grad school to pay for tuition.  Early in my career 80+ hour weeks were the norm.  But thankfully it got me to a station in life where I can coast a bit now.  Although, my spare time is eaten up with my second job of Personal Transportional Specialist for my 2 daughters!  :)

Myth #2: Generation X is hopelessly single and pessimistic about marriage.
Reality: A higher percentage of Gen Xers stay married than Boomers, and most want to be married.
-- Having spent their formative years in the era of growing divorce rates (divorce peaked in 1980) might lead to speculation that Gen X would run away from marriage en masse. In reality, two-thirds of Generation X is married and 71% report having children in the home. Additionally, divorce has been declining since 1996, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
-- 83% of Gen Xers said finding the right person to marry and having a happy family life is very important.

Ryan's Reality:  I have spoken about this before.  There is a lot of socio-economic gravitational pull toward keeping marriages together today.  The economy is #1 and I think for Gen X'ers rebelling against "Me Generation" parents who did often divorce is #2 (although my parents are still married).  I think the other big force is our collective generational devotion to our kids which drives lifestyles that demand 2 incomes.  Simply put, divorce means no private school, no ballet, no soccer, no Disney vacation for the kids and I think that is a sacrifice most of us Gen X'ers are not willing to make.
Myth #3: Generation Xers are disengaged, existential isolationists.
Reality: Gen X is social.
--There's a reason Gen X is called the "Friends" generation. The report states that Gen X has extensive social, occupational and community networks outside of the immediate family. Two-thirds of respondents entertain friends for dinner or participate in group cooking at least once a month.
-- One in 3 Gen Xers is an active member of a church or religious organization, and 29% volunteer in their community.
-- 95% of Gen Xers report talking with friends or family on the telephone at least once a week, and 29% say they do so at least once a day.

Ryan's Reality:  Oh this is easy.  Yeah, Millennials made Facebook edgy and interesting but Gen X'ers made it a marketing and societal force.  Yes, like our Millennial Generation neighbors we like Social networking but I think we still enjoy face to face time.  Hence, Ashley Madison which is a wonderful way to mesh social networking with real time pleasure!  Oh and yes, not all of Ryan's personal time is spent on chasing women on AM, I have spent some time on non-profit and HOA boards - so as a generation I do believe we are community focused.

Myth #4: As former latch-key kids, Gen Xers are wimpy, neglectful parents.
Reality: About 84% of Gen X parents expect their children to earn at least a baccalaureate, and 39% expect their child to earn a graduate or professional degree.
-- 72% of parents of preschool children read to them three or more hours a week, and 83% of parents of secondary school students help with homework.

Ryan's Reality:  Regardless of political philosophy I think as a generation we are very traditional.  Because we were often not shielded I believe we have a strong desire TO shield.  And I think because of the challenges of modern life the family is often a safe haven of retreat in a quickly changing world.  I think the proliferation of cooking shows and interest in cuisine is an example of how we find ways to seek interests/hobbies and personal growth in a way to share and engage with family.

Myth #5: Generation X is depressed.
Reality: Generation X is actually pretty happy.
-Two-thirds of Generation X are satisfied with their job; 24% of these workers rated their job at 9 or 10 on the satisfaction scale.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 meaning very happy, the median happiness score was 8, with 29% of Gen Xers saying they we very happy scoring a 9 or 10.
Ryan's Reality:  I think a lot of Gen X'ers achieved a good place before the economy hit the skids.  We are at a higher level in companies than Millenials so we have a little more job security and yet we are in the middle of careers and at peak productivity so we are a bit more viable than Baby Boomers.  And because of our upbringing we are savvy and tenacious and can problem solve our way to staying in the game.  The Ferris Buellers of the world tend to find ways to stay valuable!  I think despite taking some hits to our 401K's we are going to be OK.  So all things considered a lot to be happy about.  I think the big problem is that we will be on our own for retirement.  We are generationally small so in 25 years nobody is going to be concerned with Social Security the way we currently are with Baby Boomers.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

What a Lovely Way of Sayin' What You're Thinking of Me

"Ohh.... havin' my baby!"  Remember that cheesy 70's song by Paul Anka.

So the big news today is that the Duggar's are expecting child #20.  You know I'm no fertility doctor but I think there is generally only a 1 in 3 chance of getting pregnant on any given screw even when you're trying.  So from my calculations that's a lot of fuckin' for a married real estate agent.  Maybe I chose the wrong profession.

And of course you're probably thinking out there, we just eclipsed 7 billion people we should be worried about overpopulation!

Well sure if you're looking at the small picture, but I'm a big picture guy.  Or rather a big question kind of guy.

So the big question of the day!

Is all that married sex really healthy?  I mean if we were all screwing our spouses that much what would happen to the golf course industry, lawn care/home improvement, not to mention porn on demand along with all the masturbational aide devices.  Noel Biderman?  Poor sap would be on welfare quicker than a Lady Gaga orgasm!  We are talking world upside down folks!

Think about it, there are a lot of people counting on you NOT fucking your wife at all, ever!  Or at the very most only about 2 or 3 times a year.  This is a threat to our Western-style Democracy and the peaceful free market system that America has enjoyed for so many years!

So Mr. Duggar, quit screwing around with the normal evolution of the human species!  And Mrs. Duggar, at least make him buy you a diamond or a ski trip to Aspen before you do the nasty again - all this free love is like socialism or something!

Thoughts out there?

Article from Yahoo below:
Crickey! #20 On the Way!
The Duggars have their 20th child on the way!

"19 Kids and Counting" stars Michelle and Jim Bob will welcome their next child in the spring, People reported.

"We are so excited," the Duggar mother, 45, who is three-and-a-half months along, told the mag. "I feel good. I am past the sickness stage now."

The couple's most recent child, Josie, born on Dec. 10, 2009, is doing well after being born premature at just 25 weeks.

"It is a miracle. Josie is the most energetic, busy little almost-2-year-old," Michelle told the mag. "She is short, and yet she can keep up with the big girls and she thinks she is just as big as they are. We are amazed at what she can do."

According to dad Jim Bob, his wife is doing better than ever.

"Michelle is probably in better health now than she was 10 years ago," the 46-year-old said. "She has been getting on an elliptical for about an hour a day and is very careful of what she eats."

During her last pregnancy, the Duggar mother was diagnosed with preeclampsia and is now under the care of a high-risk pregnancy doctor. She is eating very healthy with plenty of protein, vegetables and skipping the caffeine - along with getting plenty of rest.

"We are just going to do the best we can," she explained. "I am taking a nap every day, and we are just taking good care."

Jim Bob added, "If we had lived by fear after Michelle had preeclampsia after her second delivery, we would have missed out on all our wonderful blessings. So many of her pregnancies have gone extremely well."
One aspect of their latest pregnancy that will be different is Michelle's first scheduled C-section.

"I've never had a planned C-section," Michelle told the mag. "So this one will be different."
In addition to their youngest daughter Josie, the couple is also parents to Joshua, 23 (who has two children, Mackynzie, 2 and Michael, 4 months, with wife Anna, 23), twins Jana and John-David, 21; Jill, 20; Jessa, 19; Jinger, 17; Joseph, 16; Josiah, 15; Joy-Anna, 14; twins Jedidiah and Jeremiah, 12; Jason, 11; James, 10; Justin, 8; Jackson, 7; Johanna, 6; Jennifer, 4; and Jordyn, 3.

The season finale of "19 Kids and Counting" airs tonight at 9 PM on TLC.

Monday, November 7, 2011

We Wish You a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Wait Ryan, we just got through with Halloween and you're talking about Christmas have you spent too much time in Walmart???  Well just hold onto your Thanksgiving Turkey, not too hard or its considered pleasure!

No, while I have noticed Christmas stuff in Lowe's (btw, I never go into Walmart unless I have to) you have to remember in my blog world I am nearing last Christmas.  Last week I mentioned that, although medically things looked fine with Shannon, Keeley and I decided to call things off amicably.  And Sandra, good person that she is, had sort of given me a time-off slip through the holidays.  All of which gave me time to re-think what I was doing, enjoy the holiday with my family (which I love), and continue to think about this little document I had been working on.  Would I really like to do this blogging thing I keep reading about; these guys like Riff really seem to enjoy it - maybe I could do it too.

Well, obviously as you can see I decided to do it.  But my bloggaversary is still a few weeks away so let's put that story on the back-burner for now.

Sandra and I did meet for lunch one more time before Christmas; unfortunately no-sex.  But it was nice to see her, relax, and just talk about life, the holidays, etc.  I gave her some wine as a present.  She gave me candy canes with the logo of my school's biggest rival.  I think she got the schools confused but I didn't have the heart to correct her - it's the thought that counts you know.  :)

Anyway this is all boring and I promised to catch up to the present soon; which I will in the coming weeks.

But today's educational piece is "affairs and the holidays don't mix."  I think this is good timing as we are fast approaching that season so as always I want to add my little 2 cents (knowing full well that assessed value may be a stretch)!

Holiday Roadblocks to Affairs:
*  When the kids are out of school that is just one more obstacle to getting away.  And before you go saying "Ryan you're a jerk," yes I do value my family time and love it when I can spend an entire day with my girls!  So, yes I do choose to go see the National tree with family over hotel room hook-ups.  So get in that family time, rest up, and get back into the infidelity ballgame after the new year!
*  Other family are around and they have to be entertained.  And they don't always assume I'm as stupid as Shannon does so they might actually be more perceptive.  Shannon btw always plugs along at her job so I tend to be the entertainer for both sides of the family.  So be careful about those mother-in-laws!  Remember, she never liked you; don't give her the Christmas present of being able to nail you to the cross!
*  Ryan's job slows down a bit over the holidays so the, "we are swamped right now honey" excuse doesn't work as well.  And you can only be at the gym for so long!  For you, if your work pattern has changed make sure the sheets of your affair pattern are not suddenly left to hang in the wind.
*  Travel - hard to keep up those liaisons when we are two states away.  And traveling man is pretty tough to do in between Midnight and Christmas Day mass!
*  Even though there is the temptation to slide in an $89 hotel charge on the card; who would notice with all those purchases, it does tend to be the one time of year Shannon is a little more perceptive of finances.  After all, it's time to buy, buy, buy, plan for Spring Break vacations, and buy some more so she wants to make sure every possible penny is spent to it's highest enjoyment value.  Oh right, and Ryan (Mr. Stick in the Mud) is starting to think about taxes so we are usually sparing over the value of another trip to the Caribbean versus paying our taxes, HOA assessments, insurance premiums, etc.  All of this makes Shannon very angry and she expects Ryan to justify any expenditure that is not associated with disposable spending.  Sorry, I ranted - let's just say this is the one time of year Shannon would notice money going towards anything other than her!  :)

OK, hopefully you get the picture.  But I would love to hear your thoughts!  What do you do over the holidays?  Do you take a break?  Does it afford you more time?  Let's share some of those "best practices!"

And so to finish out my 2010, Sandra was pretty busy too so we wished each other Happy Holidays and agreed to get in touch right after the new year!

So let's push fast forward and go over to 2011, finally!  But first, next week I want to go back one more time and do some e-mail queen stories - they are so fun when Riff tells them, let's see how mine stack up.

So next week will be E-Mail Queens week!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Like a Lonely Fox, Boys, I Need a Place to Hide

I get addicted to songs on YouTube occasionally.  This is a song originally performed by Manfried Mann.  But I have heard it more often performed by bluegrass bands.  It is one of the more popular songs the Country Gentlemen used to preform.  The Country Gentlemen were very influential as they were one of the early bluegrass groups to incorporate a lot of folk and pop music into their performances thus ushering in the era of Progressive or New Grass that I have so long admired.  They were a forerunner to Tony Rice, Allison Krauss, Nickel Creek, and other groups that eventually got more play on country music radio.  To me the fusing of these beautiful songs performed by master bluegrass craftsmen of music is among the highest forms of music.  And I feel close to the Country Gentlemen because they are from DC!  Yes, DC has always had a very strong bluegrass scene.  In fact one of the best places to see bluegrass and acoustic music in the whole world is at the Birchmere in Alexandria.

So within a month life had gone from perfect to perfectly chaotic.

I won't leave you hanging too long because cancer is not a comical subject.  Thankfully, the following week the test showed that Shannon simply had a cyst.  So we breathed a collective sigh of relief but we also realized that this was likely to become an annual ritual for years to come.  Although the one upside was the support Shannon received, the well wishes, and the staggering number of similar stories from so many places. Even though I have a category for "rants" on my blog I don't really rant except for today.  And my rant is, if you are a women over 40 or with a history of cancer don't let anyone fool you (particularly a health insurer) - get a mammogram every year, period!  Even if you have to pay out of pocket your co-pay or minimum deductible is an insignificant price to pay against the rest of your life!

But during that week of soul searching I realized all this AM stuff was too much, at least for now.  I really had the feeling that Keeley was going through the same emotions.  My gut told me that she would be just as happy with an easy out as I would be (I had told her about Shannon's diagnosis).  So I went ahead and sent her this note (paraphrased):

Dear Keeley,

You are a wonderfully attractive and fascinating person.  I have truly enjoyed getting to know you.  But I think we are both dealing with family issues that really need to dominate our lives right now.  At a different time I think we could be great for one another but unfortunately I don't think now is that time.....

I truly wish you the best.

Take Care,


The next day I got a very polite and understanding reply that echoed the well wishes toward me.  So each of us moved forward and really have not spoken since.  But she will always be a very fond memory.

So along with the soul searching regarding Keeley, I soul searched about my relationship with Sandra as well. I had a note breaking it off with her written as well.  But I held off.  I guess I had more vested in my relationship with Sandra, perhaps in spite of everything I just didn't want to break it off, or perhaps I felt I just didn't need to.  The thing is, Sandra had become as much a friend as anything else.

So I re-wrote that note and simply let Sandra know what was going on with Shannon.  I was curious what she would say.

I was so glad that I did approach Sandra the way I did.  She was glad that I told her and wished Shannon well.  She told me "Oh the same thing has happened to me several times, she will be OK.  But take care of her and keep me posted; let's get together after the holidays."

Wow, Sandra is a good person - you really can't beat that.

Take a quick listen to Manfred Mann's version of this beautiful song!