Monday, November 14, 2011

Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir

E-Mail Queens Week

Day 1:  Miss Soignee

I have to start with a quote from the movie Up in the Air - "I stereotype, it's faster."

Btw, those lyrics from above are from the song Lady Marmalade performed originally by Patti Labelle in 1974 and mean "would you like to screw?"  The writer of the song, who incidentally also penned hits for Franky Valli and the Four Seasons, wrote it while making various observations in New Orleans.

So this week I am pulling several experiences together and putting them into the one category of e-mail queens.  Most of these women I did write too several times on yahoo, many I chatted with, one I actually met, and one was just so interesting I have to include her even though I just wrote to her a few times on Ashley Madison.

But first let me digress.  You know there was this joke I remember from high school that goes like this:

"What is the difference between a hooker and a bitch.  A hooker will fuck anyone, a bitch fucks anyone but you."

I know, I know - very poor taste.  But e-mail queens week is really about women I wrote too more than just the occasional 1 AM reply.  And in these cases for one reason or another they chose not to go for the Ryan experience - poor them!  But as always this blog is about the experience and the story of how a relationship didn't materialize is often as fun as the story of the one's that did.

So I start with Miss. Soignee.  I mentioned her once before in my Riff Goes to College post.  She was in fact the lady who I only wrote too 4 or 5 times on Ashley Madison.  I consider myself a pretty confident guy.  I am fairly good looking and grew up in an Upper Middle Class environment.  Rarely in life have I felt I was out of my league - but here I have to say, I was out of my league.  But you know even college teams sometimes scrimmage major league teams in spring training just for the experience.  So I don't fault myself for trying and these were in my younger AM days so I didn't know what the hell I was doing anyway.

She reminded me of Donna Mills
Miss Soignee is/was HOT.  In my previous post I used the analogy of Carrie Prejean at 40 - no lie (this is assuming the pictures were real).  Looking back, her profile was beyond looking for a FWB or even a Sugar Daddy.  I think she was looking for an Arrangement (if you catch my drift).  But hell, as much money as my wife wastes, 10 credits (or $8) ain't going to kill me!

So I can write enough french just to get me into trouble so in keeping with her profile I said "chic and soignee are you doubly sophisticated."  I think I may have said she had a certain je ne sais quoi and that I was full of joie de vivre.  It got me a quick "your sweet, what do you do?"  And more importantly a pass-key!  Miss Soignee had some wonderful modeling shots of her (perhaps about 10 years ago) in various interesting poses.  One was very femme domme with a Mad Hatter type hat, black leather negligee, holding a riding crop, and in front of a castle looking very provacative.  I am not sure what she was trying to model in the other because she was in front of a bed with a dainty pink canopy completely naked so I was not sure, but I'm always a live and let live guy so I didn't object!  But OMG, did she look super-FINE!  And yes, she was one of the rare single ladies I have written too - I have long since given up on that pathway.

The catch with Miss Soignee was that she actually lived in Richmond (although she came up in my 50 mile zip code search).  I did tell her a little about myself, and yes I embellished.

She did tell me a little about herself.  From what I gathered she was a former model or perhaps an ex-wife of an athlete but had moved back to her hometown of Richmond.  I think life had had some bad turns of events for her and maybe she was hoping to get back on the fast-track.  

We talked food and travel and I thought I had a shot - she did say let her know when/if I was in town.  I started to deliberate over rationales for taking a business trip down to Richmond, it's only a 2 hour drive.

But she dropped off AM before I could make it happen.

I saw her later in Arrangement Finders but didn't write to her.  She had public photos on Arrangement Finders with Pierce Brosnan and an older man that I knew was a famous fashion designer (not sure which).  She did say on AF something to the effect that she was looking for an Anthony Bordain kind of guy that knew the difference between an Astin Martin and a Bentley.  She mentioned that she enjoyed brandy and a good cigar and that if you took care of her she knew how to take over in the bedroom.  She said she had traveled the world and lead many lives.  Overall very interesting!

So I think she was looking to sail the Med with Aristotle Onassis, not dip toes in the Potomac and share a PBJ.  :)

If she only knew what I can do with some leftover beans, rice, and sausage and a bottle of Thunderbird!  We could have been great together, but some things are just not meant to be!

One of these days a lady is going to be looking for a guy that knows the difference between a Kia and a Honda Odyssey and I'm going to be all over it!


Rosie said...

Arrangement Finders. I'd never heard of that one. I'd like to be a sweet princess on a pedestal, but probably better not drop a profile there. Am impressed that you did so. But then you can speak French, and all I have is Latin. I often wonder if I am considered an E-mail queen, but do want to build some connect and just not rush off to the Meet for Meat.

Riff Dog said...

That last line ("looking for a guy that knows the difference between a Kia and a Honda Odyssey",) is killer!

Funny thing about "Sugar Babies," I have a theory that you're better off with younger ones. As they get older, they seem to be much more cynical and demanding in their ads. I guess their theory is that their looks may be fading, so if they make themselves seem harder to get, their appeal will go up. I'd run from this girl. But yeah, like you, in my early AM career, I would have been all over her.