Thursday, January 30, 2014

I Wanna Be a Billionaire So Frickin' Bad

Hey it's a Super FFF'n Day
So head over to Three Spelling Mistakes
and join in!

Thing 1 and Thing 2!
I for one am not really officially joining in today as I have another task at hand (see below).  But it is a nice picture and it reminds me of one of my favorite authors who's influence I hope you see permeates my prose that I do a quick paraphrase so.

Then he got on my couch
with a tip of his beer.
"I call this game fun with your cock,"
said that cat Ryan right here.

With your cock you can do two things
and that I will show you how.
You will like these two things,
I will show you now.

What I have in the next room I like to call
Thing One and Thing Two
These things like to suck cock
they like to go down.

And at the mention of that upon the couch
Oh my did two things come with big tits attached.
These things were in fact Thing One and Thing Two.
And if they did not suck cock I'd be fine just *ucking those racks

They said "how do you do 
do you want your cock sucked 
by Thing One and Thing Two."
And who was I to turn down that which was offered.

And I of course knew not what to do
So in fact I let my cock be sucked
by Thing One and Thing Two

They sucked and they sucked
but then oh my Shannon did say 
"those ho's shouldn't be in this house, make them go!"
They should not be sucking your cock, even if I would not!

Put them out put them out said Shannon
and zip in that cock
And so with a frown I did zip up my cock
turned on the game and grilled up some brats

Oh my that was kind of fun for quick and sloppy!

But as you can probably tell by my lyric title I have a post that is going to talk about the big Bruno Mars concert this Sunday night on TV.  I think there is some kind of game going on also. But Bruno does drop the "F" bomb when he sings those lyrics with Travie McCoy.  But I think I'd prefer another Janet Jackson costume malfunction to that!

You know along with music I also like food.  In that song Bruno says "a different city every night oh I swear the world better prepare..."  So in light of that I'd like to take some cuisine from two random cities - like say Seattle and Denver and show them to you here.  I like to call this:

Ryan's Best Food of the Super Bowl Cities!

The one thing I see in my mind when I think about these two cities is the Wilderness Lodge in Disney.  One of the best restaurants in all of their properties is Artist Point.  There you can get fresh salmon, bison, and many other great earthy treats.  So in the spirit these cities, teams, and that restaurant my Super Bowl menu is:

Maple Whiskey Cedar Planked Salmon
Herb Roasted Yukon Gold Potatoes
Sweet and Spicy Green Beans
Artist Point Berry Cobbler

And pair this with a nice Willamette Valley Pinot Grigio!

And if you are really adventurous you can add that Rocky Mountain favorite Mountain Oysters as an appetizer (if you dare)!   Maybe even have a side competition over who can teabag the most oysters at one time!  :)

Here's how you do it:

Planked Salmon (adapted from Artist Point menu):

1               Red Cedar Plank
16 oz        Whole Wild Caught Alaskan Salmon
2 oz          Walnut Oil
2 oz          Maple Syrup
4 oz          Canadian Whiskey 
6 springs  Fresh Herbs incl Rosemary and Thyme (rough chop 1/2)

*               Soak cedar board with half of Whiskey for about an hour.
*               Heat cedar board in oven for 15 minutes at 400 degrees.
*               Brush board with Walnut oil.
*               Rub chopped herbs into salmon flank.
*               Lay half of fresh herbs on plank.  Place Salmon, skin down, onto plank over herbs.
*               Mix remaining whiskey and syrup together and drizzle over salmon.
*               Cook at 400 degrees for 20-25 minutes

Planking is a way to get the best of all worlds.  The softness of the wood allows the fish to steam gently and remain tender and flaky.  Yet the wood also adds a natural "smokiness" and whatever you use to soak the plank to the flavor.

Herb Roasted Yukon Gold Potatoes:
Artist Point is a gorgeous restaurant!

1#             Yukon Gold Potatoes
1/2 Cup    Infused Oil (olive, grape seed, walnut)
1 tsp         Sea Salt
1 tsp         Cracked Black Pepper
1 Tbs        Chopped Fresh Parsley and Rosemary

*               Rub potatoes with oil until soaked.
*               Combine spices into mixing bowl. 
*               While potatoes moist from oil roll them in spice mixture, coating outside.
*               Bake potatoes at 400 degrees for about 40 minutes (until soft).

Spicy Asian Green Beans (borrowed from

1#             Fresh Green Beans
2 Tbs       Soy Sauce
1 Clove    Garlic
1 tsp         Garlic Chili Sauce
1 tsp         Honey
2 tsp         Canola Oil

*               Arrange steamer basket over a pot of boiling water.  Steam beans for 4 minutes.
*               In bowl, mix all spices together (no oil yet).
*               Heat canola oil in skillet on medium.  Add beans and fry for 4 minutes. 
*               Pour sauce mixture over beans and fry for an additional 2 minutes.

Artist Point Berry Cobbler (from Artist Point menu):

3 Cups          All-purpose flour
1/4 Tbs         Salt
2.5 Tbs         Baking Powder
1.125 Cups  Granulated Sugar (prefer turbinado)
1/2 Cup        Unsalted Butter
2                   Eggs
1 Cup           Heavy Cream
2 Cups         Blueberries (and/or blackberries, raspberries)
8 Tbs         Brown Sugar
8 Tbs         Unsalted Butter
Pan Spray
Whipped Cream or Ice Cream
4                 Ceramic Ramekins

*                 Combine flour, salt, baking powder, and sugar.
*                 Break 1/2 cup of butter into small pieces and mix into flour.
*                 Crack eggs and mix in until absorbed into flour.
*                 Add heavy cream and mix until incorporated (batter should be lumpy).
*                 Divide dough into 4 pieces.
*                 Spray bottom of 4 ceramic ramekins with pan spray.
*                 Gently form dough pieces into ramekins, covering bottom and spread evenly.
*                 Spread berries atop each dough piece in ramekins.
*                 Sprinkle each cobbler evenly with brown sugar.
*                 Dot each cobbler top with butter (from 8 Tbs).
*                 Bake in heated oven @ 350 degrees for 15 minutes (or use the clean toothpick test).
*                 Cool to room temperature and serve with ice cream or whipped cream

My Prediction:  Well I usually like to take deep statistical analysis to make my predictions like which team has the hottest cheerleaders or which town has the best music scene.  In this case I think the cheerleaders are a push.  The music scene?  Well let's just say based on that, this would be an epoch beat down by the greatest music town of my generation!  But actually since I'm always for using other people's ideas I'll just go with the Madden results with perhaps a slightly lower score and say Peyton will be going to Disney after Denver wins in a close hard fought game.  I think TD's will be hard to come by so I'll say Denver 23-16.

"Oh every time I close my eyes, (watch ya see, what you see brah?)
I see my name in shining lights, (uh huh, uh huh, what else?)
A different city every night, oh I
I swear the world better prepare (for what?)
For when I'm a billionaire"

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Ryan's Repeats - It's a Long Way Down the Holiday Road

One thing I've learned over the past few years is that blogging is great fun, far more fun than all the fun I've had on that AM thing.  Well, maybe not; Sandee has really been a blast.

But I always feel bad when I start reading a blog and then they go poof!  Kind of like the ladies on AM now that I think about it.  Sometimes those blogs don't go poof they just get interesting, come to some sort of resolution, and then fade away.  Sometimes I think it would be better if us bloggers just stayed in a constant state of being *ucked up just so we'd all have something to read and write about.

But as much as I can be a shinning example of bloggerdom (yeah right, this coming from someone who never even wrote of diary before) here are some thoughts I have on keeping your blog going and keeping it interesting.

Hen pecked, diva wife; yeah I feel a link
First be strategic and define your blog broadly.  My blog was never about my wife being "bitchy" and mean, nor was it about screwing a smorgasbord of AM gals.  It was always about relationships and the silly ways a modern-day, regular old guy finds to cope in this world.  In that I hoped that I could connect, that people could see similarities or at least correlations in my experiences next to theirs.  I figured that readers might validate or refute what I felt but regardless I would come to better perspective on life.  You are more than a random event so be more than just a random event that just took place in your life in your blog.  Sure you might get some snarky feedback but that is life you'll either see yourself in a new way or be more resolute in your viewpoints.

Secondly, you wouldn't eat the same meal every day for the rest of your life would you!  Well let's face it a lot of us wouldn't screw the same person for the rest of our life!  So don't write about the same thing.  Sure you started the blog to get out some angst from your marriage out on the table or to tell the cyber world about your hot sexy affair.  But in the end that gives you about a dozen posts.  Write about something else, the environment, food, your pursuit of world peace, curing your dog of licking his balls....  Who knows!  But as in life, figure out some other things that you are interested in and put them out there.  You'll enjoy it and others will too.  Now that being said I wouldn't go so far as to say "hey I really like the new shudders on that house at 321 Wisteria Lane," just after writing about getting a blow job in the Target parking lot from your new AM friend.  We do need to keep a good degree of anonymity and let's face it "plausible denighability!"

But if you do throw some personal enlightenment and skill sets out there what you are likely to find is that you will start to connect with people in a deeper and more meaningful way.  I was always astonished by the feedback from my Shannon stories and my food posts.  Well let's be honest I really liked it that the lady readers seemed to dig those posts so I kept writing.  I bet you'll write something totally different and you'll be surprised because someone from Bangladesh or Brussels was thinking the same thing!

Thirdly, take your time with this.  So many bloggers start out writing every day and then burn out quickly.  Pace yourself, it will build interest in your blog.  It's kind of like screwing on your first date. Too often we don't respect what we really didn't earn.  Make your readers earn your story a little bit.  Make us come back next week and take you out on a few dates first before you give it all away.  We'll respect you more in the end!  :)

I get that same confused look often!
As for me my silly dream is to one day write a Disney sitcom about a silly hapless dad that is mostly a good guy but who's good intentions always get him in trouble.  Kind of like me.  My girls and I even write out sketches sometimes based on Good Luck Charlie or Hannah Montana.  One day I might just do it.  Below is a repeat post that sort of gets to where I'd like to be some day in my writing.  I had planned on stopping my repeat posts at the end of last year but I really did love this post.

Which brings me to my final thought.

Fourthly,  link to the past.  Whenever I see a blog for the first time and I see it has like 400 posts it's almost too daunting!  As you write posts each week link back or create a mechanism for new readers to link back to past thoughts and/or stories.  My repeats over the past year were really a way for new readers to get "suggested readings" from me, in hopes that it might take them back through my story in a more convenient way than just starting from day one.  I know, I said above make them earn it but in the end we are humans - we always need "turn key."  It's also a great way to revisit your story.  It's amazing how much I've forgot I wrote.

But again, think "turn-key" because in life being "turn-key" is what I've always been about.

Anyway here is another one of those repeat thingies!  :)

Ryan's Repeat
from January 28th, 2013.......

I gotta tell you I'm a guy who likes routine and I like my things a certain way.  I like to work out at a certain time and watch Chris Matthews on the TV while I'm doing the elliptical.  I like to eat at a certain time and I like to watch my college football and basketball at a certain time each night (NASCAR or the Nats in summer).

All that is thrown out the window when you are on vacation.  Now when you are traveling to Aspen to ski or going to Boca to the beach you take those deviations in stride because you are doing something different that is fun.  But when you are just going to visit the family in their vanilla town well then all those little changes to routine are just a pain in the ass.

I happen to have great in-laws.  Shannon and I have joked that if we ever get a divorce we don't want to lose our in-laws.  That being said I like them, I don't want to live with them.  My wife's sister and her husband are DINKS (double income no kids).  DINKS live in a foreign world with no stress and no mess.  When we invade I know it's tough on them because their no fuss world is thrown into tatters by our "young-un's."  But it's tough on me because they are DINKS and lead a DINK lifestyle which means existing in their world becomes almost like an episode of Bear Grylls for Ryan.

I will outline the predicament in my bullet-pointed rant below.  Let's call it Ryan the Average Married Dad's Survivor-Man Experience in DINK-land:

Can someone find me a damn Cheeto!
*  My brother in law has a wide range of beverage choices at his home much like I do.  Except that while I have the family version of variety (milk, OJ, Fruit Punch, and maybe some Sprite and the occasional Rolling Rock) the brother in law has a wide assortment including Crown Royal, Johnny Walker (red), Stolis, Heineken, Blue Moon, and the local Pale Ale.  Oh and he has tap water as well.  This of course is fine because he has no kids which is really just a half step away from bachelorhood.  Really it is a bachelor without haveing to go through the exhaustive efforts of finding a woman to sleep with every night.  For Ryan this starts off fun.  I don't drink a lot but I do enjoy a good beer now and again.  But by day 2 my head is pounding from alcoholic consumption and dehydration and I just want the Libby's Cherry Punch my kids drink and I count on for re-hydration on a typical evening.

It's bad if you'd kill for fruit punch

*  Meals are interesting at the in-laws.  My wife's sister will get up and fix a hearty breakfast of 4 eggs, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, 2 slices of toast, and a squirt of OJ (I forgot they did go out and buy a 20 oz bottle of OJ from 7-11 for our visit).  Now let me clarify.  That menu is not per person that is TOTAL!  This may feed them fine.  They are DINKS, they still give a shit about how they look.  But we have hungry kids and kids go through breakfast food like a locust plague leaving Ryan with a bite of cold egg and the dry toast crust my kids turned away.  I try to dash away at some point late morning, faining a need to fill the car up with gas and steal off to 7-11 or Dunkin' Donuts for needed sustenance.

*  Next comes TV.  The DINKS have no kids which means no fighting over TV rights.  That means they have 1 (count it 1 TV).  That means we have to deal with kids complaining over missing Shake it Up Chicago or deal with actually watching the show.  Guess who wins.  Actually my girls are now kind of addicted to their IPads so this isn't as much of a problem as it used to be.  But then the problem is that my brother-in-law (who doesn't have kids) has actual REAL hobbies like playing golf 5 times a week.  When he doesn't play golf he watches golf.  In fact right now the European Tour is playing in Liechtenstein.  Oh wait, I barely give a shit when they are playing at the Master so I certainly don't care when they are playing at a small European Duchy!  Bottom line, no ACC basketball for Ryan!

*  Anyone who has kids knows that the average American child has to have sustenance (snacks) every hour or they pass out.  I implied that Shannon and I don't care how we look but actually we are pretty health conscious.  Our girls are very healthy and fit as well.  We keep our pantry and fridge stocked with a wide variety of fruit snacks, cheese, yogurt, etc.  The kids stay healthy and these are the type of things Ryan lives off of late at night whilst watching the Duke-UNC game on TV.  The DINKS, who both happen to be very Metrosexual apparently live off of beer, wine, and about 300 calories a day.  What that means is NO 'effin snacks.  So while Ryan is missing the ACC basketball game at night, is dehydrated from only consuming alcoholic beverages throughout the day (did I mention happy hour for the brother in law starts at noon), going on about 1 hour of quality sleep (will speak to that below), and is on an all Dunkin' Donut/convenience store nacho diet (from lack of normal meals), he also is devoid of his late night cheese and cracker snacking routine.

*  At the end of the day poor Ryan is very tired.  The bed in the DINKS extra bedroom is technically a double if you are a couple from Munchkinland in the land of Oz.  Otherwise no two standard adults would fit, certainly not Shannon (who is very fussy) and I.  So that means the little one sleeps with mommy.  The older one is now 12 so too old to sleep with daddy on the pull-out futon-like thing in the living room - so she gets that.  That leaves Ryan banished like Quasimodo to the air mattress in the brother in law's office in the back of the house.  The air mattress provides a wafer thin boarder of air between my body and the cold hard wood floor.  That means I awake on the hour to a sore shoulder and adjust to the other side.  Upon one of these awakenings I think to myself "my God, I'm drooling icicles!  No it's because it's 'effing freezing in here!  Apparently there are too many heat vents in the other bedrooms and if they keep the thermostat above freezing all the other rooms are at the boiling point.  Thusly, the DINKS keep the thermostat at Minneapolis level.  They stay warm and by morning there is a Ryan-cicle in the back room!  Bottom line - no good sleep for Ryan.

Anyway by the afternoon of day 2 all the girls had left to go shopping and it was just the brother in law and me at home.  Actually we were watching the Falcons-49'ers game but I was just too damn tired of sitting on my ass so I decided to go on a walk around the neighborhood.  Their neighborhood is very nice with a lot of families.  I enjoy being there in the summer because of the plethora of hot young mommies sprinkled throughout.  On this particular day there were a lot of mommies out walking but unfortunately poor Ryan was looking quite haggard and disheveled from the malnutrition and sleep deprivation.  Consequently, as I passed all those cute mommies I got those proverbial "please don't rape me/I've got a can of mace buddy don't make me use it," stares!  The final insult was when some guy (I guess assuming I was a transient liquored up bum) offered me the puke green couch he was dragging to his curb to dispose of.  I thanked him but told him someone in Greenville would probably like to have that on their porch instead.

Oh well, life's a bitch and then you die - but someone has to do it!  :)

Friday, January 24, 2014

FFF - The Content of Their Character

It's FFF Time!
and Join In!
It's One Big Melting Pot of Joy

I am so happy Tom chose this picture.  I had been thinking about a MLK Day post and had a certain message in mind.  I think I can put my message within the framework on a story at much less effort which is always preferable by me!  So thanks Tom!

Margo speaking.......

As a Haverford College girl I prided myself on being of a liberal mind.  As a Poli Sci major I intended on using that liberalism to help create a more harmonious world.  I always felt being open minded to new things, new cultures, new experiences was a pathway to learning and understanding.  Back then I felt just thinking that was all I needed to do to have an open mind.  But how do you really come to be open minded or to be truly cognizant of multiculturalism?  All thoughts I didn't think I really needed to ponder since my liberalism gave me the key to social understanding; or so I thought.

As a young girl I always found myself a little attracted to African American men.  Men like Sidney Poitier and Nat King Cole were so stylish and handsome.  While my dad was always watching sports, I was watching Muhammad Ali or Dr. J and wondered what it would be like to be with them.  I was oh so excited that my first foray into politics was helping out on the Doug Wilder campaign back in '89.  I was so proud my state elected the first African American governor and wow was he so suave and debonair!

I was so proud of myself to be so accepting and good at recognizing the achievements of another people.  But my school had only a few "men of color" so until college this was only a girl's fantasy.

But it wasn't until fantasy became reality that I truly understood what it meant to understand.  It was the summer of '91 that I met Van.  He was everything that I had admired in "black men."  He was sleek, stylish, and chiseled with muscular angles.  He had graduated from Temple the year before and was a standout safety on the football team.  I learned that he had gotten more than a few looks from the NFL.  But he had decided to forgo sports and was now at Penn working on a graduate degree in Folk Literature.

I wish I could say my first attraction to Van was his mind but I'll admit that wonderful body was something I longed for immediately.  I'm not sure if it was due to his gentility or the maturity of his age but even as I was so forward with my desires he chose to spend that first night talking about his theories of Atticus Finch as more simply an advocate of decency than a hero.  I guess it was his nonchalance about sex, his brilliance of literary analysis, along with his charm and physique that made me want him all the more.

I guess I finally passed the depth test and we did end up sleeping together.  I think I did wonder, as his clothes dropped to the floor, about the urban legends about the sexual appetite and prowess of African American men.  But looking back I now can only remember the experience of being with the sweetest most tender man I have ever known.  I think now I have to say Van was not the most energetic or most passionate man I've ever been with.  He was, though, the most emotionally connected man I ever slept with.  One night, as we intertwined sex with discussions of the beautiful melancholy of Mayo Angelou's imagery, Van cried.  I'm not sure if it was the discussion of literature or our relationship that brought him to cheers.  Perhaps it didn't matter as we shared both at that moment.

Later that night in the throws of passion Van rose up above me.  The moonlight cascaded through the window and onto his chest.  The beads of sweat upon his chest glimmered as sheets of that refracted moon-glow burst towards my eyes as a white brilliance.  I lay in darkness below within the shadows under that brilliant dazzling light.  It was then that I realized that the white and angelic image the moon's light revealed in Van's body next to the darkness of mine in the absence of light no more defined our being than the reality in the pale of my skin tone and the darkness of his revealed in the light of day.

Van was a poet, an appreciator of great literature, and a loving caring man that's all; no more, no less and certainly not black or white.  And I was a person who enjoyed my time with him; no more, no less and certainly not black or white.

Soon I didn't look at him as a black man with a gorgeous body.  I looked at him for who he was, a tendered hearted soul who was more emotionally engaged than anyone I had ever known.  I had such lofty images when I heard Martin Luther King, Jr. mention "judging men by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin."  I thought it was only in epoch moments that we saw such content.  Little did I know that content of character is actually found in tender simple moments between people who no longer see the need to see the images that the day or night light reveals.

I wish I could say I held onto Van.  I'm not really sure why we broke up now.  I guess I got involved in my missions and he decided he wanted to visit Europe and do post-doc work at the Sorbonne. 

But I'll always adore the time with him and the experience of coming to understand what I know, what I don't know, and what I should probably just not worry about.

I must admit I have no idea how many words I used today but don't you think those that have a dream often are not bounded by rules!  :)

Hope you had a great MLK weekend.  We are still freezing here!

And also, did you know that Haverford College is the only school that uses the Black Squirrel as a mascot!  The things you learn while blogging!

Friday, January 17, 2014

In January It's So Nice

while slipping on the sliding ice
to sip hot chicken soup with rice
sipping once, sipping twice
sipping chicken soup with rice...

Hey, I'm in the mood for a food post today!  Anyone with me?

I get to play with food a lot at work.  And by "play with food" unfortunately I don't mean kinky stuff like pouring whipped cream all over lovely ladies, stuffing them with berries and peaches, and making them into my personal "Fruit of the Forest love pie."  But we do a lot with planning special events, planning and costing retail menus, and basically trying to figure out what people want to eat and how to best fix what they want to eat.  One of my favorite things to do at home and at work is to work with left-overs.  Of course to a $'s and numbers guy like me leftovers mean FREE FOOD!  Free food means more money for me and my bottom line!  I like that!

This time of year (post holiday) we often have a lot of those leftovers.  Perhaps, even still, you have some of that holiday turkey left-over and in the freezer (hopefully).  If not you better pitch it.   Normal health guidelines are use it or freeze it in 3 days or pitch it!

Another thing about Ryan (window into the soul now) is that I LOVE soup!  I know you're thinking "Ryan is this a 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' thing, that's so deep."  Unfortunately I am not that deep, I just like soup.  I'll eat it almost every day.  Sometimes I go to Olive Garden and just order the Pasta Fagioli soup for dinner (with bread of course).

So the other day we were working with leftovers and soup and created the following concoction that I bring you today.  I'll give credit where credit is due as well (rare for me) as I'm borrowing a bit from the "Pioneer Woman" and Panera Bread, which I love!  At home we do watch a fair amount of Food Network.  We love to critique Cupcake Wars.  My critique is often "too many ingredients that get muddled and confused, let the food taste like food and for Christ sake let it garnish itself!"  See I tend to be a minimalist with food and Pioneer Woman is spot on with what I like in cuisine.  Then again maybe I just like red-heads who can rope a steer!  Of course now you are saying "I totally get that Ryan, food minimalist - that is  so totally you just like you're an intellectual minimalist in your blog writing skills!"

Anywho, thinking about leftovers and borrowing from Pioneer Woman here is a creation we made the other day:

Turkey Tetrazzini Soup:

Ingredients (serves 10):

Half              Onion (finely chopped)
1 Stick          Butter (unsalted)
1/3 Cup        Flour
4 Cups         Whole Milk
2 Cups         Half and Half
1 Head         Broccoli (cut into florets and "shocked; or puree if preferred)
1#                Turkey (rough cut into cubes)
1/2 Cup        Chopped Carrots
1/2 Cup        Fresh Mushrooms
1 Cup           Orzo (or Wild Rice)
2 Cups         Shredded Cheddar
1 Tbs           Cooking Sherry
As Needed  Chicken Broth
To Taste      Salt and Fresh Ground Pepper


*     Melt butter is stock pot over medium heat and add onions once melted.
*     Cook onions approximately 3 to 4 minutes (do not brown).
*     Stir in flour briskly and combine quickly to avoid lumps.  Stir for approximately one minute and until mixture makes a thick paste.  Hey, you just made a roux!  Here are some simple directions for how to make a roux.
*     Turn heat down so that roux is not simmering.
*     Slowly stir in milk and combine thoroughly.  Then slowly add half and half until mixture completely combined.  Once mixture is complete you can slowly turn heat back up (be careful here nobody likes a broken sauce).
*     Add Orzo pasta and carrots, cover pot, and keep at low simmer for 10 minutes.
*     After about 10 minutes slowly add in turkey (and broccoli if not "shocked").  Continue to keep soup at a simmer and covered.
*     After 20 minutes (if orzo completely cooked) add in "shocked" broccoli (or pureed), mushrooms and combine.
*     Stir in cheese until melted and combined.
*     Add cooking sherry.
*     Add salt and pepper to taste.
*     Add in chicken broth if you wish soup to be less thick.

Victorian FFF!
Tetrazini is one of those dishes I love.  And putting it in soup form is even better to me!  It's really poor peoples food created by taking whatever vegetables and meats you have laying around and combining with pasta.  All my favorite cuisines creole/Cajun, Carolina Low Country, Tex-Mex, and even Asian American, Floribbean, and others basically use this same tenant; see what you got laying around sprinkle in some spice and make it fanciful!  Apparently Tetrazini was created by a San Francisco chef and named after Italian Opera star Luisa Tetrazini who frequented his restaurant in the early 1900's.

Btw, have you ever listened to all those lyrics in that Carol King "Chicken Soup with Rice?"  What gives with those October lyrics?

"to witches, goblins, and a ghost;

I'll serve them chicken soup on toast..."

How the hell do you eat chicken soup on toast?  Remember, I'm an intellectual minimalist!  :)

Friday, January 10, 2014

FFF - Crystal Balls

It's a New Year and a New Place to FFF
So if you can spell or even if you c'ain't
 click over and join
your blog it won't taint!

Oh and Happy FFF'n New Year!

Wow, 2,000 characters; where have I seen that figure before.  It seems like Ashley Madison is a universe built on a bi-mille-omial foundation, you have to accomplish everything in 2,000 characters whether it's a note to a lady or letting your potential partners know your interests, your intimate desires, or your perfect match.

So when I saw the word budget and paired it with the photo I immediately saw this as an AM profile pic.  The only task then is to determine who this lady is and how her AM profile would read.  Oh, and of course to write out "what (she) is looking for" in those 2,000 characters.  So lets meet:

Lady Leota
"Your Fairy Sex-Mistress"

Location:     Point of Rocks, MD
Height:     5'7" (   cm)
Weight:     140 lbs (  kg) - Shapely Toned
Languages Spoken:     English, Elvish, Spirit Incantations
My Limits Are:     Not of this World
Status:      Attached Female Seeking Wandering Spirits
Gender:     Female
Ethnicity:     Ephemeral
Smoking Habits:     Only from my wand

What I am Looking for:

Oh spirit world who cares about these checks at all
for it's what's in a man's soul that makes this a ball

As I gaze into this Crystal Ball and scry
I only ask the spirits for a clean cut professional guy with whom to lie.              

Of course I need clean and disease free                                     
but please let kinky include something other than pee                                  

And when did good hygiene become an option to select
No matter his sex drive smelly will be seen with regret                                

Who in the world would check Cottage Country and think
that I would agree to screw him amid his stuffed mink                                

I'll take him dominate, romantic, and disliking routine 
But adult swing clubs and erotic tickling still ain't my scene                        

My lord if you think I want a father to *uck
You better look like that dude in the Thornbirds, good luck

Could he even be a bad boy next door let's hope                                
I know that sounds wishy washy but it's my pussy so cope                        

Oh now crystal ball so I don't turn to dust
Let him be stylish and classy and dear gods discretion's a must                                  

Muscular and fit? Casual Jeans?  It would be so nice if he were a steal
But OMG he's got to be tall and his hair must be real                                  

Politics, cooking, theatre, and opera, that's not why we're here in this strange AM land
So let's hope you've checked oral and are good with your hands  

And now let's stop talking about checks and start talking about you
Let's see if you can write as if you have a clue

Let's not hear about how your wife is a shrew
Just remember she did in fact pick you

A selfie is nice if it shows you have class
But holding your junk before a mirror just says you're an ass

Because let's face it if all I want is 9 inches of stout flesh my hubby still has his
My trouble is he put into our nanny Miss Liz

Oops I broke my own rule with that last nasty line
But let's face it a lady can break rules when she has tits such as mine
so let's just see you in a coat and tie, my imagination's just fine    

OK so there are my 2,000 characters to give you a clue
let's see how you read and write and then we might screw

But let's first understand there must be chemistry between me and you
So I want to know who you are but do make it true

For I don't wish to be quite the shrew
But don't say your Brad Pitt and then be Mr. Magoo

Yes sex and lust I look for, it's a must
Over me I sure expect you to fuss

For when you see me a bed you'll wish to seek
But first relax and over a glass of wine let us speak
My prediction:  A lot of meaningless posts connected slightly to borrowed musical phrases, a lot of indecision, arguments with Shannon, wishing I was on the water with Sandee, and in the end writing about it all.

Friday, January 3, 2014

I'm Looking for Someone to Change My Life

The Best of the Rest!
or of those that never were....

As you have probably noticed I am a prolific listener of XM Radio's various channels.  Now, after three years of blogging, I get the dual pleasure of often hearing songs I have used as lyric titles.  I can't tell you how many times I've almost leaned over to whoever was in the car with me (Shannon, Sandee, other) and said "I used that song once in my blog...."

The parallel to that is when I hear a song and think "dang I should have used that song for my last Sandra (or Keeley, or Riff Dog, or Shannon Story) post!"

Well, as I've found out in writing this blog if you are ever lacking in things to write about just re-write about what you wrote about once before!  Maybe this time it will come out better.

Today what I want to write about are the songs I've been collecting in my mind that I perhaps should have used the first time I wrote about something.  These are more of my "Best's that Never Were"  but are now not because I'm rewriting what I should have perhaps written in the first place if I was better at writing at the outset.

*    But first what of that lyric title above.  Well I have long been a fan of the Moody Blues.  I heard them at an early age and have fond memories of them.  One of their biggest hits was Question and I think the answer to their question "I'm looking for someone to change my life," is quite the metaphor for Ashley Madison as we all seem to be here looking for some new direction or looking for the solution to the inquiry "how did I get here?"  And more importantly, "how do I get out?"  Of course always remember the "someone" you should look to first to change your life is YOU, but it does help to find a conduit to the new you (via AM).

*    As I wrote about my first fruitless attempts at communicating with women on Ashley Madison I chose to use a song from the Sex Pistols (Anarchy in the UK) which stated "don't know what I want but I know how to get it."  I guess in reality it was quite the opposite.  Clearly I wanted sex but hadn't learned how to endear myself to Metro DC ladies yet.  Perhaps I should have used a lyric from another early 80's Brit Punk Rocker (turned a bit pop for the MTV generation).  Adam Ant wrote "desperate, but not serious" which would have been a great depiction of my attitude back in April, 2010.  In fact the whole song is a good advise column for AM "if I ask you difficult questions, if I make improper suggestions, would you find that a risk to your health, would you put me on your bookshelf."  Or another good bit of advise, "if I were kind and adoring how would that be? Very boring."  Yeah, ladies like exciting and not overly needy, but don't be improper - all good advise!

But with AM comes failure.  As I've said in my blog if you meet 1 in 10 ladies your are doing well. Of course that means a 90% failure rate but as Yes said once "your's is no disgrace!"  Because as they go on to say "lost in losing circumstances, that's just where you are."  Which of course is why you are on AM.  I also like the lyric throughout the song "silly human race," which is certainly true. We are pretty much here because we are silly and this is all silly so I guess we should just try to sit back and enjoy because in 1,000 years nobody is going to give *rap about all of this anyway!

The moral crisis, a FWB or kinky/crazy?
*     Of course AM is like an odd Kabuki theatre with dancing around the paradox of experience.  As Jimmy Hendrix wrote "Are you Experience, have you ever been experienced... I have."  Of course do we admit this on AM.  Every women I ever communicated with essentially asked that question.  What is the right answer?  Yes, I'm experienced and so you don't have to worry about me "wigging out" as I'm a great FWB.  Or does yes mean I'm a slut?  Is no the right answer, "no out of the hundreds of women I looked at, your profile so inspired me that I knew instantly you were the one for me?"  Hmm, sounds like a tripped out fairly tale on crystal meth; where is Breaking Bad when you need it.  Of course I don't have the answers as the right answer to those questions is always in the mind of that lady receiving the message and Lord knows the eternal question men seek has always been wtf is going on in their heads?!  Maybe you should write like one of Jimmy's other songs and just talk about "butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairytales, that's all she thinks about."  In the end it's probably just a flip of the coin anyway!  :)

*     I hesitate to say this as I don't think it is fair to take my relationship with Sandee to this level but at any of the various times we have been at a crossroads where either of us has questioned why we are still doing this I also have to ask this lyric to myself (as I have always done when listening to the song), "if our love's insanity why are you my clarity?"  Yeah, Zedd has that one dead right.  And from reading a lot of blogs out there I think this song would speak to a lot of us.  Wow, "you are the piece of me, I wish I didn't need..."  Yep, that hits home.  Who is Zedd you ask?  "Zedd's dead baby, Zedd's dead." Sorry, just had to throw in a quote from Pulp Fiction that didn't relate to this point in the slightest but I did love it when Bruce Willis said it.

*     Once I found success on AM I certainly did gain confidence.  It is of course paradoxical that to have success on AM you need confidence and yet many of us have arrived at AM because we have endured soured relationships that of course have soured our confidence.  It's hard to deal with that but you must.  Perhaps you should just seek out that Joe Jackson song "I'm the man" before you write that first AM letter.  You'll feel better and the confidence you have will more likely yield a result like the one I enjoyed with Alecia which of course gave me the confidence to have other successes.  The song continues with "pretty soon, I gotta make a comeback."  Yeah, I made a nice comeback with Alecia!  Maybe Joe Jackson would have been a more "guyish" to use than the La's (which is what I did).

*     I hate to be snarky but sometimes it gets tough dealing with Shannon.  As I have told her "a lot of stuff bothers you (Shannon)."  It's true, as she say's herself "I have a low tolerance for stupidity." Unfortunately stupidity takes on many forms in her eyes including not folding laundry properly, not coughing properly, watching too much football (e.g. more than 15 minutes), paying too much on the credit card (rather than saving for vacation).  I wrote about the paradox I felt between who I was on AM vs. who I was at home.  I used one of my favorite songs of all time by REO Speedwagon.  But, perhaps, I should have been a little more bitchy and used those Transvision Vamp lyrics "you better tell that girl to shut up."  Yeah, being bitchy is not a good thing but it does feel good from time to time!  But don't worry I'm too polite to tell her to shut up.

Of course I think a lot could be better between Shannon and I if not for what Kenny Loggins once said. Yes, I have often looked into Shannon's "Angry eyes."  "Blindness binds us in a false disguise....."  Yeah, it's funny how you find that every thing is wrong when you look at the world with angry eyes.  I wonder if angry eyes are savvy illuminators of injustice or in fact an excuse to not trust anybody and thus the blindness that keeps us apart.

I think the fact is that too often we are looking for a hero in our mate and as Gordon Lightfoot says "the hero often fails."  Lord knows from my Shannon stories I have failed often.

*     There is nothing better than the feeling you get when your affair partner totally gets you and is completely turned on by what you do for them.  I got this with Sandra and it made me feel great.  For that post I used a catchy little lyric from one of my favorite bands the Pixies (Here Comes Your Man).  But perhaps I should not have been so nimble; as hard driving lyrics from those talented Cannuck fellows Loverboy would have worked much better.  On that afternoon with Sandra "the kid is (was indeed) hot tonight!"

Btw, as I write this I get a crazy desire to start an urban legend that Riff Dog was in fact Mike Reno, famous lead singer for Loverboy.  For some reason I see Riff in a bandana and red leather pants!  :)

*     Oh, and finally here is a great thought from Queen:  "keep yourself alive."  Of course that song is a cautionary tale of keeping yourself alive when temptation is everywhere.  I love the lyrics "I've loved a million women in a Belladonic haze..."  Had to go to and yahoo answers to learn about that one.  Apparently it is about the poisons of excess.

Anyway, be careful out there and no matter what make sure to find people who change your life in positive inspiring ways because as Bob Seger wrote "these are the memories that make me a wealthy soul" but for Christ sakes

Keep Yourself Alive!

P.S., I can't help cut and pasting this as well as hopefully this is the soundtrack to all our younger lives.  I never used this song in any of my retro posts but I probably should-ah!

"Stone In Love"
Those crazy nights, I do remember in my youth
I do recall, those were the best times, most of all
In the heat with a blue jean girl
Burnin' love comes once in a lifetime
She found me singing by the rail road track
Took me home, we danced by moonlight

Those summer nights are callin',
stone in love
Can't help myself I'm fallin'
stone in love

Old dusty roads, led to the river
Runnin' slow
She pulled me down, and in clover
We'd go 'round
In the heat with a blue jean girl
Burnin' love comes once in a lifetime
Oo the memories never fade away
Golden girl, I'll keep you forever