Far Across the Distance and Spaces Between Us

OMG Ryan, tell me you didn't go there!  Is that title post actually lyrics from that Titanic movie theme song?  You have gone over to the dark side (or rather mushy side).  Now I know you'll do anything for attention!  :(

Didn't I say I looked just like him?

No really guys this fits.  Let me 'splain.  And really it had been on my mind 'cause I had just been thinking about seeing Kate Winslet naked in 3D on the big screen!

So, I was pretty sure this Sandee thing was never going to go anywhere so I threw out a real Hail Mary (or rather grabbed something out of my ass).  What was there to loose at this point except my pride (but as you can see from my blog that is not really a high priced commodity)!

But really the thing was that I was fairly busy at work and didn't really have a whole lot of time to go fishing for new prospects on AM just now.  And to be honest I was already contemplating how this thing was going to play out on the blog.  I really thought the epic failure here would be an interesting story to tell.  You know you always learn more through failure - or at least I heard that once in a movie I think.  Bottom line was, I was going to keep moving forward; I really had little to lose.

Since Sandee had said something about being afraid to take a jump on all this AM stuff, this is what I wrote to follow up on those notes following the weekend debacle.

"Dear Sandee,

Couldn't help feeling like Leo a bit (see quotes below).  Don't jump Sandee!

Don't do it.

Sandee: Stay back! Don't come any closer!
Ryan: Come on, just give me your hand. I'll pull you back over.
Sandee: No, stay where you are! I mean it! I'll let go!
Ryan: [He approaches slowly, gesturing to his cigarette to show that he is approaching merely to throw it over the side into the ocean] No, you won't.
Sande: What do you mean, "No, I won't"? Don't presume to tell me what I will and will not do, you don't know me!
Ryan: Well, you woulda done it already.
Sandee: You're distracting me! Go away!
Ryan: I can't. I'm involved now. You let go, and I'm, I'm 'onna have to jump in there after you.
Sandee: Don't be absurd. You'd be killed!
Ryan: I'm a good swimmer.

OK, so I'm silly and like movie quotes - sue me!"

Get it, I'm comparing us to Kate and Leo but in my case I'm actually using reverse psychology encouraging her to jump (to me)!

And it worked.  Or at least it seemed to.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

How could ANYONE not ADORE  silly Ryan????  OMG!! I was crackin up like you wouldn't beLIEVE reading these e-mails!! Seriousy! crack-IN-up!!!! I was tempted to dial your digits just so you'd hear, but didn't want you to think I was more nuts than you already do!!

Thanks for the laughs!!!!! You DA BEST!!   :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

I will rent that movie. Can you come watch it with me?? For realz! Friday night!! You, me, and your precious Kate! And you can finally taste my brownies!!

Ryan would YOU jump in to save me??? Or would you throw a brick on me?? :)"

I know what you are thinking; I'm stupid.  This will never go anywhere.

But it was at this time I started to think about a scientific experiment.  I had read Riff Dog's laments about "e-mail queens."  Heck, I'd even written about e-mail queens myself.  But I had always given up and apparently Riff Dog and everyone else always did too.  When I thought about it my only cost in continuing to pursue Sandee was my time which as you can see is not all that valuable.  No, I think I owed it to the scientific community to continue to pursue this.

And maybe now you can see why I wrote this blog entry several weeks ago about e-mail queens!

And anyway while we have other friends that are notoriously "doggish" I tend to be a little more like a cat.  Yeah a dog will just pick up anything it finds on the ground.  But a cat enjoys the hunt, the pursuit, the chase.

I know you are thinking this blog makes no sense but maybe now you can see the "organized chaos" I try to create.

Hey this makes 8 posts in 9 days; I'm really crankin'.  And I've got a really smokin' post ready to post on Thursday.  And then maybe I'll take a rest!

And I Will Be Alone Again Tonight My Dear

Or Day Four

My last 5 Sandee post lyric titles, including today, have come from one song I hear sometimes on XM radio.  I have written often about listening to Richard Blade on XM Radio's First Wave.  I love his shows.  He often plays a song by the Damned called "Alone Again Or."  It's actually a cover; the song was originally recorded by a group called Love in 1967.  The writer was inspired by a memory of waiting for a lady and a melody in Prokofiev's Lieutenant Kije Suite.  I'm not sure if I'm hearing it but that is what wiki says and I want to sound smart so I'll go with it!  Btw, Prokofiev also wrote music for Peter and the Wolf and the ballet to Romeo and Juliet.  But back to "Alone Again Or," I love the histrionic feel, the elegant lyrics, and the mariachi band horns.  The original recording by Love is wonderful but the Damned just seem to add something extra and their video is like a Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western collided with the Road Warrior (please take a look below).  Calexico does a pretty awesome version as well!

As an aside Love often performed at the famous Whiskey Au Go Go on the LA Strip in the 60's.  Love and Vanilla Fudge were two of the bands that a certain aspiring artist listened to as he was forming his own group that would later become the house band at the Whiskey.  That group went by the name the Doors.

OK so that's my Rolling Stone Op/Ed piece for the day.  So again, all my lyric titles this week have come from that song as I waited for Sandee all weekend!

As I woke up on Monday I knew it was my last chance for the weekend; forth and long.  But I still had hope, I was going to go wherever I needed to make it easy on Sandee.

I texted her around 9:30 am and she said she could meet around 11 am, "grumpy" was still at the hospital.  I texted her again as I got ready to leave and she responded "can we push back to noon?  Running a bit behind.  Sorry!"

I decided that I would go ahead and drive down to the coffee shop regardless.  Something told me that if I kept texting this would get pushed back and pushed back.  I hoped that if I was really there that she would commit to meeting me.

So I got to the shop about 5 minutes early and took up a position on a bench across from the cafe and began to read (psst, I don't really read but I thought it would be a good first image for Sandee to see).  Btw, this little area is wonderful, a tree lined pedestrian mall with boutique shops et al.

Noon came and went.  At 12:15 I texted her and let her know I was there.  A few minutes later she texted back "grumpy just got home, trying to get away - give me 15 mins."

So I kept reading.  About 12:45 I texted her again politely "how's it going?"

She replied "grumpy invited friends over for lunch, got to get something ready, how late can you stay?"

I told her she had me all day if needed.  Perhaps that was too nice but it was Hail Mary time now.

"Give me to 2 pm and I'll be over," she said.

So I walked around town, read a bit more, looked at some shops, changed cell phone screen 6 times, etc, etc.

At 2:15 pm I texted her "are you able to come out today?"

About 15 minutes later she replied "I'm so sorry, grumpy is drunk now and won't let me leave; he yelled at me in front of his friends and called me a child.  I told him I was leaving and he locked me in the bathroom.  I don't know what to say.  I need time to think about all of this.  Do you hate me?"

Hmmm, do you really want an answer to that question?  Sometimes things are better left unsaid.

As I started to drive home I was PISSED!  And just in case you have not been able to tell from my blog I am fairly even tempered.  Which is great in life as I live with someone who is prone to throwing blunt objects when angered!  But I held off on any retribution for now.  By the time I got home I had calmed down.  I decided to wait on a response to Sandee for now.

The next morning I typed out this:

Hey Sandee,

So I have to say yes after two hours I was a bit aggravated.  :(  So there is the extent of my temper!  Many people would say I'm very even tempered, others would say gullible - not sure what fits here.

But I'm also one to look on the bright side and now I know every inch of your fair city!  

My main concern is you!  Are you OK?  I really hope I didn't cause friction at home for you.  Please tell me about it, I can be sympathetic ears/eyes for you.

Regardless of what happens I would like to meet you.  It doesn't have to go anywhere but I would like to reconcile the reality of Sandee with the images I see in your e-mails :)  I bet the reality of you is even better than what I have read!

Take Care,

R

I felt bad when Sandee responded later in the day with this:

"Dear Ryan~

    It breaks my heart to hear you say you might have been gullible today. I have hurt you, and I don't know what to do."

She went on the talk about how mean her husband was, how he treated her like a child, how all the other guys on AM were weird (and I was the only one she clicked with), etc.  She said she felt men had more freedom and wished she could leave on a moments notice to meet a "handsome stranger (you)!"

So we were still at square one; e-mailing a very intriguing person that was probably trouble but who just seemed like they would be worth it if I continued to endeavor.  Or so my gut told me.

Where is pragmatism when I need it!  And Kat here is your que to say "I told you so!"

But then again, do you really think I would spend so much time on talking about a complete washout?

Oh well, the Silver Lining to this tale is that the fam got back in town around dinner and I had "my girls" back which made me happy, I did miss them very much!

I Think that People are the Greatest Fun

Or Day Three

Sunday was never really in the game plan.  You see I probably could have figured out a way to get around the work thing and driven over to the beach on Sunday morning to meet the family.  But in addition to knowing I had a good excuse to create a bachelor weekend it just so happend that an old college buddy needed to give away one of his tickets to the Redskins season opener against the Giants.  Ryan was happy to comply!

Hail to the Redskins!

Oh wait, I was supposed to be portraying myself as a devoted family man - well, I guess you can't believe everything you read.  Particularly when one gets a chance to see this (look to your right)!

So even though I had given Sandee a chance to see me, when she didn't say "let's have sex all day on Sunday" I didn't push.  Football is often a decent alternative to sex.  I think I did say something about coming up for breakfast or brunch Sunday morning when we were texting the night before.  I did text her about it Sunday morning but she had to go to church first and the window of time between "after church" and "leaving for the Redskins game" was too tight so I didn't push.

So Sunday would just have to be boys day out at the Redskins game.  Little did I know I would be watching the World Champions that day. Yes, the Redskins would go on to win that game and then beat the Giants again in New York later in the year.  The Giants would go on to beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl thus crowing the Redskins champs in Ryan world as they handily beat the Super Bowl winner TWICE!  Don't you agree with my logic!   Dan Snyder still sucks old scraggly man balls!  :(

I did text Sandee throughout the day though and she promised that she would move her schedule around on Monday to meet.  She had the day off and "grumpy" was to be at work all night and would come home and sleep.

We were down to one day left on Ryan's bachelor weekend.  One last chance, one last 2 minute drill drive to take the team down the field and win the game.  One last chance for Ryan to make the heroic play.

Would he succeed, how will our Sandee and Ryan's weekend of freedom story end?

Come back Monday same Bat Time, same Bat Channel!

Hey I used that line once on Sandra, she liked it!

Yeah, I Heard a Funny Thing

Or Day Two

Well, I really didn't think Friday was going to be a go anyway.  Saturday all along was the big day I was aiming for.  I did have to work until mid-afternoon but after that it was "Saturday Night's Alright for Fight(uck)ing."

I did go on a walk around the neighborhood Friday night and texted Sandee for a long time.  Again, nothing of substance just poking fun at each other, talking about biking, kayaking, etc.  But I still got that "clicking" feeling not the "I'm being taken" feeling.  I was still very intrigued.  And she was upbeat about meeting on Saturday.

Again, I rolled out the crab shack destination, a really neat restaurant I know about way up near PA (really just an hour away), or even just good ole' Georgetown or Olde Towne Alexandria.  Lot's of options, something had to stick.

Also, I had brought in 2 mountain bikes to work so I had suggested we go on a ride in this beautiful park in town.  It was a gorgeous day outside; I was really upbeat about the possibilities.

Throughout Saturday I texted her from work.  Everything was looking good, she said she could meet around 2 pm and had the whole night available.

But her husband "grumpy" was always present in her worries.  Apparently ER doctor's (or at least Sandee's husband) are real jerks to live with.  He was apparently arrogant, possessive, and had a very bad temper.

Around 1 pm I got a text from Sandee "can we bump it back to 4'ish?"  I said that was OK.  If that was all from her text I would be suspect but as always she was flirty and upbeat about touring my the town, taking a bike ride, and then going out for dinner.  In my gut I really thought she was trying.

At 4 pm I texted to make sure she knew how to get here.  Actually trying to prompt a responses as to if she was actually coming.  A few minutes later she texted back "how long are you going to be there?"

I said "to about 6 pm; once the sun starts to set I turn into a pointy toothed creature."  Still trying to insert humor. Again, she wrote back that she would be on her way soon and this led to vampier humor, et al.  We both joked about this being a trap for the other.  Note, when you can create humor out of stalking, trapping, vampiers, etc. things are usually pretty good.

I say this because I was also thinking about Elle here as I remember her once saying on her blog that if a guy can make a joke about "rufees" that makes a girl laugh then he is pretty funny.  Elle, I tried to find that post (I think maybe it was about a bad date last summer) but try as I might I just couldn't so if you see in your stats that some scary guy read your entire blog and spent 2 hours on it, it's just me!  :)

Just kidding, I'd never spend 2 hours reading!

Anyway, Sandee was still enjoying my "rufees" or rather "vampire" humor at this point.

As an aside through text and e-mail all seemed OK.  There were no "red flag" messages that would make it seems like she was trying to "out me" or rip me off.  She always seemed genuinely interested and enjoying the exchange of notes.

Well we got closer and closer to 6 pm and Ryan was starting to get tired and ready to go home.  I texted Sandee again and she simply replied "grumpy is being mean, he won't let me go; I'll try to explain later."

Sigh, Kat you were probably right.

But maybe, I'm taking the wrong strategy.  To be honest Sandee seemed a bit scatter-brained.  Not stupid mind you, just a little disorganized.  Maybe I should be bringing the Ryan show to her!  I have been going off script to some extent by having her come to me; perhaps that was too lazy and/or arrogant.  My past success has always been predicated on making a meeting "turn-key," let me come to you and you can just show up at a convenient location and I'll do all the work.

That's it Ryan; you have to remember to make it "turn-key" and make it easy and convenient to say yes.

That night I texted Sandee again while I was walking in the neighborhood.  This time (meaning Sunday or Monday) I would drive down to her town and make meeting easy for her.  Her town was really cute and I knew it fairly well.  It had a great coffee shop in the old historic part of town.  I know coffee is cheap but at this point I think I needed to make this low risk and low maintenance for her.  The romantic bike rides along the lake, the wine tastings, and scrumptious dinners would have to wait for now.  I just needed a meet-n-greet.  The rest would take care of itself later.

According to Sandee she did try to leave.  But apparently "grumpy" was mad at the amount of money she spent the other weekend with the girls at Tyson's Square and was further angered by the fact that she dared to have a night on the town with those girls Friday night.  Apparently the girls were a bad influence and he was sure she would be up to no good with her girlfriends Saturday night if she went out.

Hmm..., if he only knew the type of influence Ryan was trying to peddle on her!

Hey that looks like Ryan & Staff!

So the day evolved or should I say devolved almost like a song I once heard:

"Once upon a crisp fall day; just a dream from yesterday
Ryan and his golden girl, wanted to eat some crabs with Old Bay
Come and play with me Sandee, come and play with me
And I will take you on a trip far across the Potomac River"

Does this look like an ER Doc?

"But Sandee belonged to a kooky old Doc
Who didn't want his hot bride got
From his Vroom Broom out in the drive
He watched poor Ryan's plan dematerialize
He waved his scope
The beautiful day was gone
The sky grew dark, the river grew rough,
and Ryan stayed home ALONE, Alone, alone, alone......"

And the fair Sandee!

Hey that is the second time I've quoted H.R. Pufnstuf lyrics in my blog; wow you can judge a book by it's cover!

And You'll Do Just what You Chose to Do

Or Day One

I woke up Friday morning and fixed breakfast for my girls, helped them pack up the car, kissed them, and then watched as they drove off for the beach.

I then hustled over to the office to see what response I might have from Sandee on my "mischief e-mail."  From yesterdays post you'll know that I had given Sandee what I thought were some very wonderful and specific options for the weekend.  She responded with this:

"Ryan, you've got it GOIN ON!!! So FUN!!!!!...How could I refuse any of the choices you've offered me??
My dillema of course; which one to choose??
I am SO not good at decisions. Choosing between just one thing or another. I'm an ALL OR NOTHIN kinda girl!! I wanna do ALL of life..to the MAXXXX!!! And I'm GOING to, TOO!!!!  I DARE ya  to keep up!! ;)"

What I was beginning to find out was that this cute little millennial had trouble staying "on-message" or maybe she was like Mitt Romney "you get to ask the questions you want and then I get to give you the answers I want."

As for Friday, Sandee had some type of certification test that day and she was not sure when it would be over.  Friday night also hinged on what "grumpy's" mood was when he got home.  He was on a long shift and she hoped he would just go home and sleep.

Friday on my end of the world was a rather busy day all day and Saturday was to be busy at work as well; this was after all why I wasn't going to the beach with the family.

A positive of my interaction with my new-found 20-something friend was that I was learning the art of texting.  In all my previous encounters I had never texted.  I had read other blogs and this seemed to be the new-fangled way to meet.  In fact I had even heard of this thing called "sexting", apparently a new way to have intercourse.  Anyway, I had been behind the times but now I was catching up!

So Friday of the big weekend after getting her e-mail I texted Sandee early to confirm that she wanted to meet for a drink and/or dinner.  I knew of a great crab place.  As in ocean crabs that you eat not a place to get crabs on your private parts!  You see, Sandee had said she liked seafood so I wanted to oblige (with seafood, not giving her a venereal disease)!

Over the course of the day I got a few flirty/funny texts from Sandee and I replied (mostly stuff like videos, etc.).   But nothing was committal!

So while dashing off for crabs and drinks sounded wonderful in theory I was having trouble getting a commitment on time.  And my time was at a premium throughout the day and I was running out.  By around 6:30 pm I had not gotten an answer and I left work for home and went for a run.  By the time I got back from my run and checked e-mail I got this (in response to my note asking how her test went).

"Yes I am happy! It is over :)  Just breathe...awwwwww... I think I did good. I am not good at math, so that was were my nerves were kicken it  BIG time!

You know I was going to call your bluff, surprise you, and drive all the way to see you and tell you in person! Seriously. But then I chickened out because I didn't know if you were really serious...awkward :{   

Ok! Call me in the a.m to plan our fun-ness!  PLLLLEASSE give me a warning text first?? Certain  people"s shifts have been all flip-flopped around here..what if he is home all day? 

Well, my friend SAMUEL ADAMS is here with me just kicken in a little so

Ok... I am going to soak away my stress in my cuzzi....oh boy..:)

Ryan. Good night SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET dreams sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Ryan ;)  You're so cute :)

Sandee"

Apparently her girlfriends from work who were also taking the test decided to capture her and make her go out on a "girl's-night-out."

OK, so yes I was a bit pissed.  But you know it's always a bad move to get pissed off over a "girls-night-out", how many boy-friends have bit the dust over that objection.  So, I played it cool said my congratulations and glad you had fun type of stuff.

Anyway Friday was just a potential; Saturday was always the big day.  A free Saturday night is a rare thing in a married man's life and this was it for me.  Her note above did sound promising.  And since she was married to a jealous guy I was sure my understanding and patient ways (along with my good humor and looks) would soon pay dividends!

At any rate, what guy is going is to walk away from even the slightest chance to meet a girl like that!

But you know reason always gets in the way.  Another positive to this weekend of freedom was some evening blogging time.  Or rather "chatting" time with blogging friends.  I was able to catch up to my friend Kat on chat on a Friday night.  I told her about my situation.  As a friend I was sure she would give me words of encouragement and assurance.  But then again Kat is a true friend, a smart friend, a caring friend, and a realistic friend.  Her words were "I don't think that girl wants to be caught."

Oh Kat, what a downer.  Let's hope your wrong; but I do value your advice!

Yeah, said it's Alright

Or Prelude

I know what you guys are thinking out there.  These married guys really do lead fascinating lives!  :)

Wait, have you not watched any sitcoms or movies lately???  Married guys are the biggest target for humor, ridicule, sarcasm, etc.  No joke is bad when it involves a middle aged married guy.  There is no end to our doofishness!

But I digress, you say we have fascinating lives.  Well this chasing thing is complicated because in fact we are fairly busy at times.  You see there are 168 hours in a week (that's 7 days * 24/hours in a day).  Right off the bat the weekends are usually off the books so lets take 52 hours off right there (including 4 hours on Friday night).  Then you have to sleep at least 7 hours (if you're me) so that takes away another 35 hours.  Amazingly enough, in spite of what I write about, I do actually work so let's take off another 45 (sometimes it's more though).  We are now down to 36 hours.  Now, getting kids ready for school, driving to work, eating, the gym, watching sports, taking kids to soccer probably takes you down now to a measly 4 to 6 hours to invest in some hobby like chasing women on Ashley Madison.  And even then you have to synchronize that thin slice of time with a partner who is willing and you have to be able to get away.

Bottom line is a married guy is like my dog that is always trying to run outside without a leash!  You have to be quick and strike while the iron is hot!

So when a married guy is handed the opportunity to have a weekend by himself with no family; well that is an opportunity that really just happens once every several years.  Or never!

And that is just what I was now looking at (well not as in right now but last fall).  A family weekend getaway had been planned, a last chance to enjoy the beach before the long winter.  But something at work came up and married guy just couldn't go.  But married guy was a good husband and father and insisted that family go on said vacation and he would just suffer at home alone and toil at work.

But what to do with this opportunity.  Sandee looked so HOT in those pictures and she was so cool.  She obviously was into me; she even said I had a sexy voice after one of our now two phone conversations.  But we had not met.  She could be anybody.  Well, her cell phone did have the correct area code so I assumed she could be anyone in this XYZ area code.  But that didn't narrow things down too much.

Then again, it had really only been about two months since I had last seen Sandra; should I contact her?  Surely she would enjoy participating in the "fuck-fest" that I planned to have with this weekend of freedom!  Maybe I should get out on AM real quick and see if I can come up with a quick hook up.  Maybe I could find one of those ladies with 5 checks under "looks better in person!"  Which translate to I'm one of the ones that might actually have sex with you!

A lot to think about.  Seemed so much easier back in the day when all I had to think about was whether to go to Club Nitrogen or Skankies Bar and Grille on a Saturday night for some hot "shackin' up."

This was indeed a crossroads decision!  I started thinking about those poets who talk about "the road not taken..." and; hey wait Ryan your BS'ing again you don't read poetry!  OK, so I didn't know which way to go.

Well for once in my life I decided to go all in and not be pragmatic.  So I decided to try the saturation bombing method with Sandee.  I was not going to leave any room for error and I'm all about options so I sent this:

Dearest Pen Pal,

The old guilt/jealously ploy didn't go as planned so now I'm shifting over to sweet!  That is actually my normal rhelm :)  And am I not great about just being out front with all my strategery!  I am all about the candor!  But an obtuse guy like me is unfortunately no match for a smart girl like you with that rapier wit (and good grammer skills)!

You seem like your a girl whose dance card on the weekend fills up pretty quickly.  So I wanted to lay out some plans and get my name on that card early for next weekend!

And you can check off as many of these options as your wish!

First, Sunday is fine again but it would need to be a little later (say 1 pm).  Tennis is fine or even a bike ride along the river and I can take you out for a late lunch at this cheap Taco place I know of.    (     )

But we also are offering today these additional activities:

Friday - late dinner or drink around 8'ish (w/location du jour)  (   )
Saturday - Come up here around 2 pm and let's run away to Baltimore or Philly or anywhere - or just a bike ride if you wish - see I'm all about the a la carte options.     (    )
Monday - Hey, it's a day off for Ryan, is it a day off for Sandee and the world of bed pans?  If so, I'm your's for breakfast, lunch, tennis, biking, etc.    (    )

Don't you like the way I did the little check marks just like in middle school.  I almost put down I like you do you like me Yes (  ),  No (  ) - check one!   :)

So it would be Sandee or nothing for this weekend of opportunity.  Would I find success?