Ryan's Repeat - All I Really Want is Girls

This is a test of the male ego alert system.......
 

If this was a real emergency involving a drunk dude hitting on you at a bar, you would have been alerted where to seek shelter.....
 

This is only a test.....

What I always wanted to accomplish in this blog was to give a true life, real world look into the sordid, tattered, warped world of the male mind.  In all it's base egoistic Id based needs I felt the male mind needed to be unearthed and presented to the females of the world in an unsanitized way.  Think of it like that scene in Jurassic Park when the scientist reaches into the Dinosaur poop.  Pretty gross but it had to be done!

 

Or better yet to read those grocery store aisle magazines you would think men are like that obelisk in 2001 A Space Odessey, something to be feared, marveled, and gingerly inspected.

If it ain't pizza or pussy I ain't in'ersted!

And so when you are at the grocery store you pick up that Red Book to learn the "10 Things Your Man Wants."  Problem is there ain't 10 things we want! 

 

Red Book don't kid yourself, we are not that complex; after sex, food, and sports there is a tremedous exponential drop off in marginal returns on male wants #4-10.  I don't even think I can name #4, 5, and 6 for me and I've been thinking about this post for a week!  World Peace, take a nap, a clean safe neighborhood, that hot early 30-something blond MILF that walks her dog in that tight tennis dress every night around 7 pm,...  Wait, see, even when I try to think of a top 10 I get to well, you know what!  :)

 

Yeah we are definitely more like those apes than that obelisk!

I think this post in many ways best represents the way us guys think (or not think).  Let's be real!

 

 

As they say "it is what it is" so "don't kill the messenger!"   :)

Ryan's Repeat

from August 30th, 2011.....

If I truly represent Gen X I had to eventually quote some Beastie Boys!

Do you remember way back when you got an allowance or maybe your granddad gave you a dollar just because. Of course then you went straight to the store to get a candy bar. And let’s just say in this analogy that the candy bar was $0.75 (remember, I’m pretty old now). Now, what did you do with that other $0.25 (we’re factoring out taxes right now)? Save it right?

Wrong!

Of course you walked around the store to find something that was exactly $0.25 even if it was some pack of cheapy gum; you were not going to walk out of that store with a single penny if your life friggin’ depended on it. Yep that’s right, human (dog) nature!

So what does that have to do with me? As we were venturing into winter everything was great right! Well, of course, but that never stopped a guy from doing something he shouldn’t.

Well, my little problem was that figuratively I had another quarter in my Ashley Madison pocket (or rather about 40 credits). I had been a very good boy for a few months, hiding my profile – not even thinking about it. But on one Saturday when I was at work and had too much idle time that quarter woke up and started burning a hole in my pocket.

Well what’s a guy to do? It won’t harm anything to take a quick peak – you don’t even need to unhide your profile on AM to do that. I had been getting those e-mails from AM telling me about new ladies in the area but had simply been ignoring since things were so good with Sandra – who needed it. So I faced that moral dilemma and as with the kid in the candy store I think you know what side wins!

So I took just a quick peak at the new ladies in the area. Some very interesting ladies just happened have signed up recently including LonelyNDC, Needmorenow, Channel, SexyNtheCity, Wouldliketochat…. Well Wouldliketochat wasn’t really – what kind of name is that, who want’s to do just that? Not me of course!

And then I saw her. Her photo just jumped out at me. Long vibrant wavy Auburn hair down to the middle of her back with lovely shoulders exposed from a sleeveless sundress. Yes, SexyLady was worth reading about and she was online at that very moment! So I printed off her profile so I could draft a witty note highlighting all of her interests and meshing them with mine.

Among other things she was looking for tall, dark, and handsome; witty; a bad boy; a boy next door (I love it when a lady does that), etc.

So a lot of good info and a lot of my old stuff I can draw from. So among other things I say.

Dear Ms Beautiful Auburn Hair,

“I’m 6’ and 1/64 Choctaw Indian so I think I qualify for tall, dark, and handsome or at least I am for most of the summer. Bad boy and boy next door, do you have a split personality? Well good because I am a bad boy next door! As for intelligence I do have an MBa and a Minor in English from ******** **** which of course makes me brilliant! Unless you are a fan of *** then, well… I do know how to read. Oh – and I’m a sucker for long beautiful Auburn hair!”

And of course I did all the bullet pointed Riff Dog type stuff.

Oh, yes I guess I did send some notes out to Chanel, Needmorenow, and Lonely as well, but I’ll have to get to those later.   :)

So about 30 minutes later I get a message back from Sexy Lady.

“like your note, you made me laugh but I deleted it by mistake can you write again?”

So of course I said, screw this and left for the day. NOT!

I wrote back…

“OMG, I put my soul into that note and you know you can’t just cut and paste in this cruddy AM editor! But hey, what’s $4 among friends, so here you go. It’s good I took typing in middle school although I think I just told you how old I am J

A bit daring but I think witty.

She shot back. “Thanks I would rather have you save your money to buy me a dirty martini. Btw, I like your school but I’m not into American football. I’m more of a rugby fan.”

Hmmm….now who around here says American football and likes rugby? Oh boy, I think I have a Brit on the line here! Thank you, thank you AM! And I like the Dirty Martini idea!

So I write back. “Yes us old guys know how to type and that is why we’re so good with our hands! Those young guys are all thumbs with the texting J Don’t like American football, am I sensing someone from a far away island nation?”

She writes back and says “I am not from here but not from England either, think way south.”

Oh Crikey, I think she’s an Aussie! TABA NABA! So I ask her if she is from a land down under and ask if we can segue over to e-mail.

The answer is yes and yes among other things and she gives me her e-mail and signs off,

xoxo, Keeley.

“I like the way that they walk
And it's chill to hear them talk
And I can always make them smile
From White Castle to the Nile”

“I like girls!”

Author’s Note: I have a real thing for English accents. In fact there are a few lady bloggers who whenever I read them for some reason I hear them with an English accent – I guess it’s just a weird fetish! Of course, I still love a good Southern Belle’s accent as well and I probably could even go for Fran Dresher’s Jersey accent if she was saying “hahdah Ryan hahdah, hahdah!” Well, I guess I like any type of accent on a hot lady!

Like a Lonely Fox, Boys, I Need a Place to Hide

I get addicted to songs on YouTube occasionally.  This is a song originally performed by Manfried Mann.  But I have heard it more often performed by bluegrass bands.  It is one of the more popular songs the Country Gentlemen used to preform.  The Country Gentlemen were very influential as they were one of the early bluegrass groups to incorporate a lot of folk and pop music into their performances thus ushering in the era of Progressive or New Grass that I have so long admired.  They were a forerunner to Tony Rice, Allison Krauss, Nickel Creek, and other groups that eventually got more play on country music radio.  To me the fusing of these beautiful songs performed by master bluegrass craftsmen of music is among the highest forms of music.  And I feel close to the Country Gentlemen because they are from DC!  Yes, DC has always had a very strong bluegrass scene.  In fact one of the best places to see bluegrass and acoustic music in the whole world is at the Birchmere in Alexandria.

So within a month life had gone from perfect to perfectly chaotic.

I won't leave you hanging too long because cancer is not a comical subject.  Thankfully, the following week the test showed that Shannon simply had a cyst.  So we breathed a collective sigh of relief but we also realized that this was likely to become an annual ritual for years to come.  Although the one upside was the support Shannon received, the well wishes, and the staggering number of similar stories from so many places. Even though I have a category for "rants" on my blog I don't really rant except for today.  And my rant is, if you are a women over 40 or with a history of cancer don't let anyone fool you (particularly a health insurer) - get a mammogram every year, period!  Even if you have to pay out of pocket your co-pay or minimum deductible is an insignificant price to pay against the rest of your life!

But during that week of soul searching I realized all this AM stuff was too much, at least for now.  I really had the feeling that Keeley was going through the same emotions.  My gut told me that she would be just as happy with an easy out as I would be (I had told her about Shannon's diagnosis).  So I went ahead and sent her this note (paraphrased):

Dear Keeley,

You are a wonderfully attractive and fascinating person.  I have truly enjoyed getting to know you.  But I think we are both dealing with family issues that really need to dominate our lives right now.  At a different time I think we could be great for one another but unfortunately I don't think now is that time.....

I truly wish you the best.

Take Care,

Ryan

The next day I got a very polite and understanding reply that echoed the well wishes toward me.  So each of us moved forward and really have not spoken since.  But she will always be a very fond memory.

So along with the soul searching regarding Keeley, I soul searched about my relationship with Sandra as well. I had a note breaking it off with her written as well.  But I held off.  I guess I had more vested in my relationship with Sandra, perhaps in spite of everything I just didn't want to break it off, or perhaps I felt I just didn't need to.  The thing is, Sandra had become as much a friend as anything else.

So I re-wrote that note and simply let Sandra know what was going on with Shannon.  I was curious what she would say.

I was so glad that I did approach Sandra the way I did.  She was glad that I told her and wished Shannon well.  She told me "Oh the same thing has happened to me several times, she will be OK.  But take care of her and keep me posted; let's get together after the holidays."

Wow, Sandra is a good person - you really can't beat that.

Take a quick listen to Manfred Mann's version of this beautiful song!

'Cos I Die a Little Each Time When She Cries

Or The Road I have Traveled on is Paved with Good Intentions


When Shannon called that day I could tell she was holding something back.  She asked if she could stop by my office to talk about something.  Of course, in light of my activities that certainly could have been bad but I said "sure, come on over."


I saw her pull up into the parking lot and get out of the car.  I could tell she was disturbed and her face was puffy from crying.  In an instant I realized I knew that look because I had seen it before. 


No, she had not caught me cheating!  If that was the case she would have been carrying a baseball bat; I think I have told you Shannon has a wicked temper!


We walked into my office and she began to speak but I knew what the message was even before she began.  Shannon had just been to her annual medical exam.  What she was now telling me was that her routine mammogram had picked up a spot and that the doctor wanted to have her come back and take a closer look with a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.


I know Shannon is a hypochondriac, the reason I said I had seen the look before is because she has broken down when a doctor said he needed to remove a mole.  But this was serious, cancer runs in her family and I was alarmed.


Shannon is a tough person to deal with because she exudes such confidence and has developed a very corporate aura to her.  She has a high need to build emotional walls around her and project herself as a "tough chic" because as our therapist has said "you (she) feel(s) a need to strike before being struck."  But in times like this, just like that Dylan song, "she breaks just like a little girl."  And who could blame her.  At that moment in spite of all that has gone on between us I really just wanted to hold her and make her feel better, she is in fact very easy to adore.  But of course I could only sympathize at this point.


So our life would be on a tenuous hold for about a week until she got the ultrasound.


And later that day that guilt I had developed about cheating on my mistress started to ramp  up about 10 fold.  I realized I was now in John Edwards territory; my wife potentially with cancer and me cheating with two women.  I was that dastardly guy on the cover of a Supermarket tabloid; the lowest of the low.


This feeling was further manifested by the fact that Keeley's e-mails over this time continued to be dominated by her worries for her daughter.  They too were lining up tests for her.  Perhaps it was Chronic Fatigue or Crohn's but regardless it was not what you wanted to be going through with a child who should be a healthy teenager.


I entered a rather reflective time.  This Ashley Madison thing that had been so fun for almost a year now was now starting to be a chore and a weight that I was carrying.  I started off saying that I always wanted it to be fun and I never wanted to hurt anybody with my actions.  Could I now say that this was all true - unfortunately not.


So it was time for some soul searching, perhaps a time to take a step back - a needed break from it.  Besides, something new was starting to dominate my time anyway.  You see I had started this little Word document on a flash drive at work.  It was now up to about four pages and I had labeled it "I am a very regular guy."

And the First One Said to the Second One There, I Hope You're having Fun

So the first week of my Keeley/Sandra plan had started off perfectly.  I had great sex with Keeley and I couldn't wait for more!

The next day when I opened up my e-mail I got a message from Sandra.

"where did you go?"


And then it hit me, I felt GUILTY.  I was cheating on my mistress.  I had become a real dog!

Sandra was not really checking up on me, that was not her way.  I had just gotten so caught up in chasing Keeley that I had not talked with Sandra in over a week and she was concerned.

So I sent her a note and let her know how I was doing (sans yesterday's encounter).  Within an hour she e-mailed back and said she was glad to hear from me.  By the end of the day we had plans for lunch next week so all was relatively good.  But the guilt did catch me off guard.

I, off course sent Keeley a note to let her know how much I enjoyed yesterday and that I was thinking about her and I was.  I was surprised that she did not e-mail back before the end of the day but I didn't linger on that.  The next day I did have an e-mail back from her.

Apparently her daughter was still sick (she had mentioned this before) and they were going to a doctor later in the week.  She was a bit short in her notes throughout the remainder of the week and into the following and she seemed a bit distant.  But I didn't think anything of it, I assume we all put family first - I would worry if she didn't!  She always thanked me for asking about her family and seemed happy to stay in touch.

So the following week was a Sandra on/sex off week.  We had lunch at a sushi place she knew of that was new to me.  As always we had a good time.  She brought me up to speed on all of her dogs and she of course was wearing a new vintage dress from e-Bay.  In her dresses to me she looks a little like Jane Mansfield and she has very warm dark eyes that always seem so caring and sensitive.  She is a very nice person.

After lunch we sat in her car and talked a few minutes more.  Conveniently she was in the back of the parking lot and we had eaten a late lunch as was our norm so there was not much of a crowd.   So our conversation didn't last long!  Soon we were kissing, hands moved to strategic places, lips moved to necks, buttons were unbuttoned, and fingers pried their way to soft warm places that brought sighs of happiness and contentment.  If we were in a van and had another hour I think we might have tried car sex but unfortunately child activities were calling me away so I had to leave.

But I could tell Sandra was interested in next week being sex ON!

All You Ever Think About is Sex

OK so I won't make you wait for the rest of my Garth Brooks "Into the Fire" Keeley story.  But first I have to say XM Radio on a Friday night gets into the more weird songs (and on Saturday night they have Dark Wave which is Love N Rocket, Bauhaus, etc).  I heard this song last Friday night performed by the Sparks and so it got me in the mood for this post.

They followed that up with Orgasm Addict by the Buzzcocks.  I suggest you "google" it.

"you're an orgasm addict.
Ryan (johnny) want fuckie always and all ways.
he's got the energy, he will amaze.
he's an orgasm addict.
he's an orgasm addict.
he's always at it.
he's always at it.
and he's an orgasm addict.
he's an orgasm addict."

Sounds great although I do think they are referring to self love.

So yes, just as I was starting to get interested in how the stock market was doing that day my cell phone started buzzing - it was Keeley.

"I'm here, or at least I think I'm here.  I'm in the lobby of the Comfort Suites - where shall I go?"

Me:  "I'm in room 248, I'll have a glass of wine waiting for you!"

Keeley:  "lovely, I'll be right up."


And just a few minutes later I hear that lovely knock on the door I so enjoy hearing.

I opened the door and there she was as lovely as before!  She was again in a dark power suit with knee length skirt and low cut white blouse.  She held her jacket in her right hand and high heels in her left.  I backed up to let her through the door but before we got completely into the room instinct took over and I grabbed her around the waste and kissed her.  I felt her right arm wrap around my shoulder (I guess the jacket had hit the floor) and then her hand ran up my neck and into my hair, her nails slightly scratching my scalp as she gently massaged.  My hands moved down to her behind, squeezing gently as I pulled her tight.  I heard a thump at my feet as her heels were the next to hit the floor.  We lingered there for a long time, tongues tied in a wonderful deep kiss.

Finally Keeley pulled back just a bit and said "ahh ya goin ta let me ehn (remember she had that lovely Aussie accent)."


And I said "certainly, I have your glass of wine already poured."


We sat down on the edge of the bed and sipped wine, nibbled some apples, and had a little small talk about her over-needy egoistic client that wouldn't leave her alone.

After a few minutes she had to take a quick restroom break.  When she returned she didn't return to my side but  leaned up again the drawer in front of the bed and directly in front of me.  She took a sip of wine and smiled at me and slowly ran he right toe up my leg and settled onto my knee.  Instinctively I ran my left hand up her calf and to her inner thigh and began a slow massage.  I could see her arching her back slightly.  I bent over to  kiss her knee.

I then moved forward onto my knees and edged up to her, running my hands up her legs and settling inside her skirt and around her round and soft ass.  I nuzzled my way past her blouse and kissed her belly.  I heard her sigh and felt her hand massaging the top of my head.

I unclasped her skirt and it dropped to the ground.  Still kissing her belly in one motion I pulled her stockings and panties down slowly, kissing down her legs on the way down.  She slowly stepped out of those stocking and gently pulled me into her.  Her beautifully manicured reddish pubic hair with the backdrop of her light porcelain skin was an absolute turn on!

I ran my tongue around her clit and then worked myself slowly into her.  After she was starting to get wet I moved back slightly and replaced my tongue with my thumb slowly massaging her clit and then moved my middle finger into her and massaging her inside and along her pubic bone.  I looked up and she had unbuttoned her shirt and was holding her breasts - I could tell she was close.

I slowly stood up running my hands up her legs, over her ass, and up her back.  I pulled off her blouse and bra and she began undressing me.  Once naked I kissed her and grabbed her behind, our stomachs pressed firmly together and my dick slipped between her legs.

A revelation shot into my head that it would feel so good and look so wonderful to be behind Keeley and in front of that mirror.  Earlier I had described her as big boned but she is not over-weight just very athletic.  I moved my hands up to her hips and started kissing her neck and down her right shoulder.  I then gently guided and rotated her around like a slow dance move.  She was now in front of me, her back to my stomach and we were in front of the mirror.  My right hand moved down to her pussy and my left to her breast while I kissed her neck.  She moaned and I felt the wetness of an orgasm on my palm, now placed between her legs.

She slowly leaned forward and I moved my hands to her hips.  My dick slipped into her with ease.

In most cases I like a slight tan but something about her long Auburn hair flowing down her back with that pale complexion and athletic physique was a complete turn on!  She was so wet I slipped out several times.  Finally I just tried to stay completely in and thrust in a circular motion and within her.  It didn't take long for her to cum again.  And we both enjoyed the view in the mirror of me behind her

I guided her back up to me and kissed her neck and massaged her breasts, I was still in her.  We half-way collapsed back on the bed.  She rolled onto her back and I rolled onto her on top and was again inside of her.  My nose was in her neck breathing her wonderful Norwegian perfume and my hand was under her grabbing her ass.  From that point it didn't take long for me to get to orgasm.

From there we were just simply exhausted.  With her athletic physique it had almost seemed like some type of erotic wrestling match.  At the end I think you would rule that we both won even though she beat me 3 orgasms to 1!

At that point we just talked, cuddled, and kissed for about an hour.  We made a half-hearted attempt at sex again.  I was hard but we were both exhausted.  I would say it was more me just being inside of her, perhaps an internal form of spooning.  But I think that is all we wanted at that point.

The darkness told us that it was past 5 pm and time to go back home.  We cleaned up and I walked her to her car and I had a wonderful ride home.

Life is not Tried it is Merely Survived If you're Standing Outside the Fire

A little Garth never hurt anyone right?  But the big question I have is, are there any Cajun' ladies out there?  I am dying to write a post titled  "Operator won't you put me on through I gotta' send my love down to Baton Rouge!"   Although, let's be real, in a pinch I'd write "send my love down to Omaha" for the right offer.  :)

I read a lot of female blogs and most indicate a strong preference for confident guys who know what they want.  If you asked most people I'm around they would say that I'm confident and I can tell you I definitely know what I want.

That being said something about me, I'd like to say the Southern Gentleman in me (though it may just be that I'm a weenie), just has a hard time saying "this week I want to meet you in a hotel room and let's screw our brains out."  So even when I'm about 90% sure a woman wants to have sex with me I still find myself falling back into the ideals society has taught me.

So I think I said my bold plan was to meet Keeley one week, Sandra the next.  And it would be sex on, sex off, yada, yada.....

I hadn't had sex with Keeley yet so I kind of wanted to start that program with her and be in the "sex on" week.  I had no reason to believe she wouldn't be up for it.

But on Sunday I still found myself typing.

"How is your weekend?  My Tuesday and Thursday's are real clear in the afternoon.  How about a wine tasting at L*********, I'll pack lunch!  Take Care, R"

Yeah, I know sweet but nowhere have I communicated that what I really want is to be naked and draped all over each other for about about 2 hours in the hotel of your choice.

Monday morning Keeley responds "That sounds lovely, Tuesday afternoon looks good for now.  I'll let you know by the end of the day.  Sure you want to be seen with me in public, what if I can't keep my hands off of you!  :)  xoxo K"

I love these new-fangled confident women who are not afraid to say what they want and mean!

Monday afternoon Keeley writes back and says she is clear for Tuesday afternoon and we agree to meet at 1:30 pm at that little vineyard off I-70. 

So Tuesday shortly after noon I head off.  About 30 minutes down the road I get a text from Keeley "running a bit behind, clients won't leave - I'll keep you posted."

An hour later I get "still trying to get out, I'm soooo sorry - what is the latest you can stay, do you still want to meet?"

My first thought was this would have been better to know before I spent almost an hour of driving to get to the point at which I was now contemplating the real chance of getting stood up!

But as a former baseball player I know you have to play to the last out so I hang in there.  Sometimes you have to fight off a few foul balls until you get that hanging slider you can hit out of the ballpark!  Keep the faith Ryan!

So I text back (which I loathe btw) "am OK until 6 pm, then I turn into pumpkin :)"

She texts back "you are my Prince Charming"

OK, so flattery will get you everywhere with me.  So now I am in the area and just start circling the airfield so to speak until it's clear to land.  Yes, I am frustrated but that is never productive.  Patience usually pays in these circumstances so I continue keeping the faith.

At 2:15 she texts:  "am leaving now, do we still have time for that tour?"

I shoot back:  "it's a bit cold, not sure on tour.  have bottle of wine and pic-nic packed can meet anywhere!"

Keeley responds fairly quickly:  "there is a park near *****ville just off highway, do you just want to meet there?"

Me:  "sure, anywhere with you is the place 2 b!"

Of course bad me is thinking we have already wasted prime foreplay time.  If we had just met at 1:30 we might be screwing by now.  But then I counter with the logic I always use - in 5 years it won't matter if we had sex today, tomorrow, or next week just that we had sex.  So a few more minutes are OK with me - keep the eye on the prize.

At 2:45 pm Keeley texts:  "Christ it's cold outside are you sure you want to pic-nic"

Hmmmm....., this is where champions are born.  Now I felt like Tom Brady with a minute left in the game.  I have my RB open in flat - that would surely keep the drive going.  But hark, yonder I see the CB has given up on coverage, my receiver is going long.  Yes, if I can thread the needle it could be the game winner.

I text:  "of course, I've been waiting all day to pic-nic with you but you know there is this little Comfort Suites pic-nic area I see and I think they advertise private heated pic-nic areas; does that sound more cozy!  :)"

And in my mind I am thinking *gulp*

A few minutes later I get "Ahh... now that sounds much better; I think I know where that park is - b there in 15 mins, can you reserve our spot.  I'll call when I get there."

So I pull into that Comfort Suites and get that room and make my way up.

Now, why is that when I am in a room just to have sex I still habitually turn on CNN.  Like I really care what the weather is or what the breaking new is!  Oh well, so I turned the TV and watched although I was not hearing anything, just waiting for her call.

"I can't abide standing outside the fire" 

Ryan's notes:  I purposefully added the notes from my thoughts along with the dialogue just to show you the scary crazy world that goes on in the backstage of a guy's mind.  Unfortunately I've exceeded my potty break reading limit so I'll have to continue this for you later!  :)

Now the Pace We're Livin' Takes the Wind from My Sails

I'm not a humongous Buck Owens fan but he was very influential.  He was part of a renegade country movement in the late '60's that was termed "the Bakersfield sound."  It was a blend between the traditional country and western sound of the 50's along with a little bit of the more "produced" Countrypolitan sound developing at the time.  Many artists I do very much like adapted elements of their sound from Buck Owens' recordings including Merle Haggard, the Flying Burrito Brothers and even the Beatles and the Stones.  The Bakersfield sound morphed into the Outlaw Country movement of the 70's and became hugely popular when Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and others started reaching pop charts.  Today you hear Owens' influence in Dwight Yoakim and many other country artists.  OK, so that is today's attempt at being a writer for Rolling Stone!  I just thought that line from Tiger by the Tail fit my feelings as I was contemplating how to fit everything into my life.  :)

So maybe you are thinking - "hey Ryan this Keeley stuff is great but what about Sandra, you never ended that story?"

And you know what you would be right.  So listen here ladies this is a deep dark entrance into the warped male mind here; total candor and rationalisation.  Men are good at rationalising you know.  I make no apologies for me and guys in general here, but then again I suspect you were never here to read about Good Guy adventures!

You see I work in hospitality so I work a lot of weekends and often will have a long day or two during the week.  But I'm also the boss (in my little area) and make my own schedule so that allows me to take an afternoon off or two.  My boss (the VP way up in the sky) is only worried about the bottom line as most bosses are wont to do.  Thankfully old Ryan is a cash cow and always makes budget so I generally have the freedom to do as I please at work as long as I keep producing.

Sorry for that egoistic diatribe on work.  But anyways here is the rationalization.

Sandra and I were basically meeting every other week and one of those weeks would generally just be lunch or breakfast; the other well, you know.  I didn't get the impression that Keeley was looking for someone who would be draped all over her constantly.  So my plan in my devious and now "bad guy" brain was that I would see Keeley one week and Sandra the next.  In that way I would achieve a perfect Feng Shui balance; kind of like the Karate Kid in an adult way "Sex on, sex off, Keeley on, Sandra off, Keeley off, Sandra, on, wax on, wax off!"  :)

Btw, in writing this I googled "wax on, wax off" just for the hay of it and found that there is actually a Wax on Wax Off Spa in Chicago - I guess I just find that funny!  Anybody care to join me for a couples waxing next time I'm in the Second City (my treat)!

http://waxonwaxoffspa.com/

Here is Buck Owens and the Buckaroos from Cornfield County!



Don't You Know that it's Different for Girls

Something about Joe Jackson always reminds me of the summer.  I think it's because I just seem to associate that song Is She Really Going Out with Him with being at swim practice and around the pool in the summers way back when (note:  the song was released in September, 1978).  And doesn't every guy truly identify with THAT song!  How many times were you asking how did that gorilla end up with that girl and is she really going to take him home tonight?  Doesn't she realize she could be with me?  Oh wait, Riff probably doesn't identify because he was that guy that was with that girl while we were scratchin' our heads!  :)

Anyway something about Joe Jackson is very calming and peaceful in a depressing way of sorts.

Another song of his is It's Different for Girls.  To me it seems to be about a guy who thinks he should pursue a girl with the typical romantic sweet intentions yet finds out not all girls are that way.  In fact some girls are in it for the sex among other things.  But regardless isn't it so important "to be sure we want the same thing!"

I really was drawn to Keeley from the start, probably moreso than with Alesha or Sandra.  Maybe it was because I was loosening up and just enjoying the playful gamesmanship of the AM notes, e-mails, CHAT's, etc.  And also understanding that it was perhaps a titillating game for her as well; yes it's fun to be the prey sometimes.  Regardless, I was really anxious to meet Keeley.  And obviously the fact that she was from another country added to the allure.

As I said in my last Keeley post she was a little reluctant to meet a guy that lived an hour away.  So I made it "turn-key" for her.  I love to explore and exploring out of the way restaurants is one of my hobbies.  There was a diner I had driven by many times on the way to Baltimore.  It looked like something you would see on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives so I really wanted to go but had never found the time.  This place would be about a 15 minute drive for Keeley so it was the perfect "turn-key" compromise.

The one difference here was that I had yet to speak with Keeley over the phone, I had done so with Alesha and Sandra.  But Keeley and I had CHAT'ed so I knew more about her on paper.  But it still felt like a real blind date not having heard her voice.  Of course, I had alerted her to the fact that some claim I have a bit of a southern twang to my accent - I didn't want her to have any bad reaction to finding out she was with a hick from the sticks!

So I found myself driving toward Baltimore on a beautiful, crisp, clear October day.  It was one of those days where you get the feeling that it is the sun's last blast of fall just before the November blahs.  We were to meet at about 2 pm for a late lunch.  I got there a few minutes early and just waited and listened to XM Radio.  A few minutes after 2 pm a big Black tank of an SUV (Denali) pulls up toward the middle of the parking lot.  I was pretty sure it was her.  I saw a very stylish looking lady with sunglasses and long hair as she drove by.  I could just make out that she was finishing a cell phone call.  She finished, put down the phone, and then glanced into the vaniety mirror and swiped at her hair.  Then she opened the door and stepped out.

She had a dark navy power suit with a fairly tight knee length skirt and a somewhat low cut white blouse.  Her heels accentuated her long shapley legs and her height.  She had long Auburn hair that really caught fire in the light of the sun.  I stepped out and started to walk toward her.  She took off her glasses and revealed a timid smile.  As I approached I opened up my arms a little and said "are we supposed to hug here?"  I thought that might break the ice and it did.

She felt really good in that brief moment and smelled wonderful.  She had listed herself as 5'8" and 150#'s on AM but the heels made her feel like she was eye to eye with me.  I think you could classify her as "big boned" but very sexy, shapely, and athletic looking; similar in appearance to Princess Fergie.  Again, I have said back in school and certainly with my wife I have always been with the petitie cute girl.  With Sandra and now with Keeley I found myself with the bombshell type.

Oh, and I forgot to mention.  Just after I said "are we supposed to hug here?"

She replied "yeah, I guess we are.  It's great to finally meet you - you are a cutie."

And WOW, that Aussie accent was a total turn on!

So we went inside and got a table with a beautiful view of the highway (that's sarcasm) but I was not really looking there because she was to my right and in front of that view.

I tend to be the typical WASP with a big personal space so I always notice when people are close and maintain eye contact.  Keeley seemed very genuine and eager to get to know me.  We did find ourselves talking about family a lot but also just how we got to where we were.  She came to the states for college to play a sport, met her husband in college, had lived out west, but had been on the east coast for the last 10 years.  Marriage was the typical story; husband with low sex drive, lost feelings, work-a-holic etc, etc.

It's funny all the women always say they love their husbands.  And you know I say the same thing too.  But we both agreed that we needed more and were looking for that romantic enchantment.

We ordered, I think she got a Caesar Salad and I went with my diner stand-by Cobb Salad (originally created at the Brown Derby restaurant in Hollywood for you food buffs).  By the end of the meal our knees were touching.  At one point I made the point to slightly touch her arm to emphasize a point.  Her smile seemed to broaden at the touch in acceptance.  We decide to split a slice of Banana Cream pie with coffee.  She touched my hand at one point to emphasize one of her points and that lingered into a few minutes of hand holding.

When she went to the restroom and I got up to pay I was surprised that it was already 3:30 pm and we had been there for an hour and a half.  When she came back I walked her to her car.  I had mentioned that work was winding down a bit and I would be more free in the coming weeks.  As I opened her door she said "is next week still slow for you?"

I said "yes."

Then Keeley followed with, "let me see if I can get a whole afternoon off so we can spend some quality time together."

I could tell she wanted to be kissed so I leaned forward as if to hug.  She met me with a kiss.  At first a few pecks but she didn't pull back so I leaned in further.  I love those soft gentle kisses that lead slowly to a deeper kiss.

But I sensed this was not the time and place and something down below was on full alert and I didn't want a Ron Burgandy moment sticking out there in the breeze so I slowly pulled back.  Keeley was smiling and rubbed me on the shoulder and said "next time."  I was not exactly sure what next time meant but I knew what I hoped it meant.

I Sit and Wonder Does the Message Get to You

Do you recognize that lyric?  Probably not, it's from one of those songs you've heard but would never guess the group.  Remember Baltimora - I didn't think so.

The song is Tarzan Boy.  No - this post is not about me screwing monkeys, get your mind out of the gutter!

Btw, if you live near DC you also live near Baltimore.  Except that even though Baltimore is close as a crow flies (we say that down south), anyone that lives in a major metro area knows the other side of the beltway can seem like the other end of the universe.

Yes McLean, VA to Beltsville, MD may not look too far on a map but at certain times during the day, trust me, it's a lifetime away.  Luckily I don't live in either of those places but it's a good analogy here.

Keeley had a town near Baltimore on her profile so I knew going in she was a bit further away than normal.  But as I had learned a little 30/45 minute drive to meet an AM friend was a good thing.  The problem is convincing a new lady of that.  You see, often new AM members are under the false assumption that sexual satisfaction lies within their neighborhood.  Well, that actually may be true but the problem is that liaison may be intersected by that nosey PTA mom upon your first casual drink at that local bar.  And god forbid your car is recognized at your local Holiday Inn :(

So, in my book, local is somewhat of a paradox.

But unfortunately you can't always tell these things to the new girls.  So you have to slowly work on it.

E-mail wise things moved fairly quickly and Keeley liked to CHAT on yahoo, that was somewhat new to me (I guess I'm just an old fashion cell phone guy).  I'm an OK writer when I have time to think but I'm not always quick on the draw so to speak in CHAT.  And like a bad politician I don't always stay "on message."  Meaning, one minute I'm working on talking about a dream or fantasy that includes coffee and whipped cream and the next I'm saying that I wish the Redskins would just stay sucky and not flirt with my emotions by beating the Cowboys and then tanking against Buffalo.

Anyway I was feeling good vibes from Keeley it was just the location thing that concerned her.  Luckily, Ryan is always flexible and volunteered the first drive.  There was in fact a diner near her off the highway that I had driven by many times and wanted to try.  She knew of it also and heard that it was good and wanted to try it as well.

My advice when trying to secure that first date.  Make it interesting but more importantly make it "turn-key!" 

Remember those lyrics from that song the Rose:

"And you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong"

On Ashley Madison success does not always go to the best looking or funniest, it often goes to the lucky and the accommodating!

So after about 1 week of e-mails, CHATS, and a few exchanged pictures I had a date at a diner with about a 75/25 travel split - but I'm always willing to go the extra mile for the right lady!

Since I'm always the visual kind of guy I will say that Keeley looked a bit like Fergie; not from the Blackeyed Peas (all you millennials), the former princess Fergie.  Damn, now I'm thinking what it would be like to meet the Blackeyed Peas Fergie on AM - I'd be glad to "get stupid" with her!

Girls, All I Really Want is Girls

If I truly represent Gen X I had to eventually quote some Beastie Boys!

Do you remember way back when you got an allowance or maybe your granddad gave you a dollar just because.  Of course then you went straight to the store to get a candy bar.  And let’s just say in this analogy that the candy bar was $0.75 (remember, I’m pretty old now).  Now, what did you do with that other $0.25 (we’re factoring out taxes right now)?  Save it right?

Wrong!

Of course you walked around the store to find something that was exactly $0.25 even if it was some pack of cheapy gum; you were not going to walk out of that store with a single penny if your life friggin’ depended on it.  Yep that’s right, human (dog) nature!

So what does that have to do with me?  As we were venturing into winter everything was great right!  Well, of course, but that never stopped a guy from doing something he shouldn’t.

Well, my little problem was that figuratively I had another quarter in my Ashley Madison pocket (or rather about 40 credits).  I had been a very good boy for a few months, hiding my profile – not even thinking about it.  But on one Saturday when I was at work and had too much idle time that quarter woke up and started burning a hole in my pocket.

Well what’s a guy to do?  It won’t harm anything to take a quick peak – you don’t even need to unhide your profile on AM to do that.  I had been getting those e-mails from AM telling me about new ladies in the area but had simply been ignoring since things were so good with Sandra – who needed it.  So I faced that moral dilemma and as with the kid in the candy store I think you know what side wins!

So I took just a quick peak at the new ladies in the area.  Some very interesting ladies just happened have signed up recently including LonelyNDC, Needmorenow, Channel, SexyNtheCity, Wouldliketochat….  Well Wouldliketochat wasn’t really – what kind of name is that, who want’s to do just that?  Not me of course!

And then I saw her.  Her photo just jumped out at me.  Long vibrant wavy Auburn hair down to the middle of her back with lovely shoulders exposed from a sleeveless sundress.  Yes, SexyLady was worth reading about and she was online at that very moment!  So I printed off her profile so I could draft a witty note highlighting all of her interests and meshing them with mine.

Among other things she was looking for tall, dark, and handsome; witty; a bad boy; a boy next door (I love it when a lady does that), etc.

So a lot of good info and a lot of my old stuff I can draw from.  So among other things I say.

Dear Ms Beautiful Auburn Hair,

“I’m 6’ and 1/64 Choctaw Indian so I think I qualify for tall, dark, and handsome or at least I am for most of the summer.  Bad boy and boy next door, do you have a split personality?  Well good because I am a bad boy next door!  As for intelligence I do have an MBa and a Minor in English from ******** **** which of course makes me brilliant!  Unless you are a fan of *** then, well… I do know how to read.  Oh – and I’m a sucker for long beautiful Auburn hair!”

And of course I did all the bullet pointed Riff Dog type stuff.

Oh, yes I guess I did send some notes out to Chanel, Needmorenow, and Lonely as well, but I’ll have to get to those later.  J

So about 30 minutes later I get a message back from Sexy Lady.

“like your note, you made me laugh but I deleted it by mistake can you write again?”

So of course I said, screw this and left for the day.  NOT!

I wrote back…

“OMG, I put my soul into that note and you know you can’t just cut and paste in this cruddy AM editor!  But hey, what’s $4 among friends, so here you go.  It’s good I took typing in middle school although I think I just told you how old I am J

A bit daring but I think witty.

She shot back.  “Thanks I would rather have you save your money to buy me a dirty martini.  Btw, I like your school but I’m not into American football.  I’m more of a rugby fan.”

Hmmm….now who around here says American football and likes rugby?  Oh boy, I think I have a Brit on the line here!  Thank you, thank you AM!  And I like the Dirty Martini idea!

So I write back.  “Yes us old guys know how to type and that is why we’re so good with our hands!  Those young guys are all thumbs with the texting J  Don’t like American football, am I sensing someone from a far away island nation?”

She writes back and says “I am not from here but not from England either, think way south.”

Oh Crikey, I think she’s an Aussie!  TABA NABA!  So I ask her if she is from a land down under and ask if we can segue over to e-mail.

The answer is yes and yes among other things and she gives me her e-mail and signs off,

xoxo, Keeley.

“I like the way that they walk
And it's chill to hear them talk
And I can always make them smile
From White Castle to the Nile”

“I like girls!”

Author’s Note:  I have a real thing for English accents.  In fact there are a few lady bloggers who whenever I read them for some reason I hear them with an English accent – I guess it’s just a weird fetish!  Of course, I still love a good Southern Belle’s accent as well and I probably could even go for Fran Dresher’s Jersey accent if she was saying “hahdah Ryan hahdah, hahdah!”  Well, I guess I like any type of accent on a hot lady!