A Message to You (Ryan)

"Stop your messing around
Better think of your future
Time you straighten right out
Creating problems in town"

In my new streamlined format I'll probably just be doing one post a month on my current affairs (double meaning here).  So here it is.

I think our last Sandee post took us just past the New Year.  So I guess I should fill you in on what I've been doing over the winter and spring.  Of course around here winter could be two weeks ago and spring could have been back in February.  But that is a question about global warming and other nonsense so let's just keep it simple.  What have I been up to recently.

Ryan's brand of profane reflection!

That last Sandee post was kind of reflective almost.  If you read it you might think I sat around and contemplated deep feelings and was getting in touch with emotions.  Maybe I was reflecting on how I fit into this universe and what was the meaning of life.  Sometimes I do stuff like that but then invariably Talledega Nights comes on and I grab a beer and some BBQ chips and come back to Ryan-reality!

So here was the deal.  Shannon didn't want a divorce but damn sure wasn't going to do anything to make our marriage better.  I had to decide if I was going to make one final effort or just give up.  Give up sounded cheaper and easier than another $350 spa certificate and $80 bottle of North Coast Pinot that surely would work no better than the last trip to Nemocolin or Boca Raton worked.

Sandee was in a miserable marriage and needed to escape.  We continued to have a great time together whenever we could.  But the clock was ticking.  I couldn't expect for her to stick around indefinitely.  If she could get a job back home near her folks and escape her jerk of a husband I'd be the first to tell her go; I cared for her that much.  Then again, if I cared for her wouldn't I divorce my wife.  But then again part of what made Sandee attracted to me is that I did care and what kind of person would I be if I made my kids deal with a divorce?  If I was that uncaring how could I care about Sandee and she for me.

I lost my train of thought.  Bottom line I really didn't know what the *uck to do.  Hey this is a blog, you ain't my boss so I can admit stupidity here.

So in this position what would you do, what would any sane middle aged man do?

That's right, you'd log onto Ashley Madison again.  You know the blog is getting kind of boring don't I owe it to the world to go out and find some new material?

That's right, I do!  I do owe it to my dear readers to log on.  And you know it never hurts to keep up your skills.  I could just write to a few ladies, no commitment, and just keep my fingers in shape so to speak just in case I really do want to seek a new lady.

And so on a cold night when I was working late in February I logged onto AM and found an old friend of sorts.  Really not an old friend just a very interesting lady I wrote to the last time I faced a moral dilemma and ran to AM in response.

Her caption read "Just looking for Rhett Butler."  That was pretty much all I needed, I got that in SPADES!  I wrote about 1,500 characters of my best stuff.

As before she wrote back - "you are hilarious."

Over the next few days I sent several messages to her with all my best stuff.  We had a big snow storm and I had ample opportunity to ask her if she was OK (seeming caring) and yet funny and cool asking stuff like "are you taking advantage of all these flakes to get in some good skiing" or "any good snowball fights down there?"  I was generally getting messages back (encouraging) but always cryptic "darlin' we got 17 inches down here, no lights for three days," was one reply.

That "darlin'" thing really got to me.  A gorgeous blond with rapier wit and intelligence and she is prone to saying "darlin'."  I was smitten, you know I have a weakness for sassy Southern Belles!  Quick message to ladies out there who go through hoops to make men interested, often it just takes something easy like saying "darlin'" to us!  :)

At some point you might have asked about my title today, "A Message to You.." It sounds so severe.  What message should Ryan be getting.  Well in the height of desperation guys will do the strangest things.  As one who blogs about AM you might think me immune to such poor etiquette on the site.  But faced with a women who seemed to be what one might call "the Holy Grail" of ladies on AM even the great Ryan was prone to doing something stupid.

So here is what I did.



I don't think Sun Tzu had a quote for this?

We had talked about our familiarity with the general area where she lives.  Remember she was a little outside my normal range, about a 1.5 hours south.  I remembered going to a restaurant near to where she lived that had been voted as the "Best Bathroom in the South" by Southern Living Magazine.  I kid you not they had the cover framed right there in the "throne room" as you might say!  This was a pretty well known restaurant and has that great and quaint Southern grace about it.  I thought mentioning the restaurant along with it's well earned prize would be the perfect balance of style, class, and humor (as she did seem to enjoy humor).  But then hubris got the best of me.  I wanted to roll the dice, up the ante.  You see I'm a pretty good looking guy and of course I am a fantastic writer (you know) but this lady (according to her pics) was really at a different level I have to admit.   Knowing she was a nurse I assumed (maybe wrongfully) that she would be prone to seeking a doctor with a Jag with looks like Dr. McDreamy.  I needed some separation, something that screamed "this was the guy to be with, Mr. Excitement!"

So I thought, what do I have that really makes me stand out?  Of course these are the times that rational thoughts melt away and gravity pulls the cognitive process down to organs south of the brain.  It's when a guy starts thinking with that famous organ about half way from his brain to the floor that problems arise.

In that moment of cognitive penile rationalization I realized, "I've got it," I'm a world renowned blogger!  :)

And so toward the end of my message I did roll those dice and said.  Oh btw I do write a blog of some note http://regularguygonebad.blogspot.com/.  Check it out some time, I'd love to here some of your impressions of this silly little site.

The next day I see a message in my mischief e-mail box "Message from VaNurse4U."  I was excited, I logged on to Ashley Madison only to find out the "note" was a notification that my "Private Access" had been revoked.  Darn, what a tease but lesson learned, the blogging tactic doesn't work so well.  Well, let's be real; it don't work when you write a lame blog about Ashley Madison Adventures!  :)

Well no damage really done there.  An opportunity that was probably never really there lost.  I hid my AM profile and logged off.

But lo and behold out of nowhere (well not really nowhere just Plenty of Fish) came a familiar message from another long lost friend.

You see amid that desperation I not only logged onto AM, I logged onto that other site POF.  Actually I did a few more notes on POF because, you know, you can do that for free and I am always a fan of free.

So practically a hour after getting my notice on AM from VaNurse4U, a message from Gr8Lady4U came into my mischief e-mail box as well (via POF).  At first I didn't think too much on it.  The ladies on POF tend to be a little more forward, it is not unusual for me to get a wink or even a quick message.  Most of the time the message is from "MotorCycleGranny4U" so I don't get too excited.

But immediately I remembered her.

Hey there surprised to still see you here.  Have you not met anyone.  I still think about getting over to ********, would still love a tour if you are still in the tour guide business.

Hope you are doing well, M

It was Mrs. Decorator from my old e-mail queen days.  I think I also referred to her as "Sandra-lite."

I wrote back and included an article that I had recently read that I thought she would enjoy.

By the end of the day I got back:

"you do remember me, thanks!  It's good to hear from you.... Cheers"




You gotta listen to the song below - what a great cautionary tale for AM!  :)

"Stop your messing around

Better think of your future

Time you straighten right out

Creating problems in town"

"(Ryan) a message to you....."

It Was Over Before it Begun

You know Facebook has gotten big when a teen heartthrob is writing a song about it.  It's funny, in my day the worst thing you could do to your boyfriend or girlfriend was to cheat on them.  I guess now the worst thing you can do is "unfriend" them.  Yeesh, even writing that seems overly mean and passive aggressive.  Now that I think about it, that is pretty bad.  I mean often we don't even "unfriend" one another when we get divorced.  I fear for this generation!   :)

In my last Sandee post I hinted at reaching out to some old flames.  Sandee said she cared about me very much but just couldn't do the "affair thing."  I thought it was better to let her go a bit for now.  We could remain friends and I could take a peak back at Ashley Madison.  After all, I needed more blog material.  Thankfully it was summer and I was going to put the blog on cruise control and do some re-posts and some stories of loves gone by.  This would allow for some catching up on generating blogable material, I just needed to put myself into a "target rich environment" (sorry I'm pumped up from the debate last night)!

As for my "old flames" blog posts, I had settled in on seven girls from my past that I would do five posts about.  I thought it would be fun.  For me it turned out to be a blast going back over those great stories.  Of the 8 girls I had/would write about (including Chelle) I was Facebook friends with three and knew the whereabouts of two others.  I am always very curious so as I was thinking about these posts I couldn't help searching for the other ladies of my past on Facebook.

And that is how I found Tish.  Her page was locked so "non-friends" could not see her information so I just went ahead and sent her a FB friend request and a brief hello note.  About two days later I got a note back from her accepting the request and a very nice note thanking me for contacting her and expressing gladness at hearing from me.  After reading her note I, of course, checked out her profile to see if she is still HOT.  She is!  I clicked on the "about" button to see where she is now, assuming she had relocated back to NJ.  I see married, works at bank, lives in ....... (DAMN); she lives in ***********, **!  That's just 20 minutes up the road from me.  I drive through there all the time!

Over the next two weeks we exchanged several notes.  She mentioned that time had been good to me and that I was still very handsome.  She said I had a beautiful family.  I was feeling the vibe!


Of course during this time I didn't just try for options on Facebook.  Actually I didn't even consider Facebook options, Tish just seemed to have fallen on my lap (hopefully).  Yes, I finally did re-open Ashely Madison "with intent" to find and communicate with new ladies.

While I was in general again disappointed in what I found I did find one delightful looking nurse (apparently) and found another lady who just seemed to evoke a familiar feeling.

VANurse4U was actually outside of my normal zip code range (about a two hour drive) but she said she traveled to the DC area often.  I actually had really narrowed my range to yield ladies that would probably be on the periphery of my abilities.  To be honest I wanted a challenge and I was down to 175# and had just completed a biathlon so I was pretty cocky now.  I had done AM and the blog thing a long time now and I wanted to see how attractive I could be!

I put a lot of thought into Mrs. NSG.  I even googled NSG and found it was an acronym for Nuclear Suppliers Group.  That was my hook because she said she was successful and looking for someone smart.  I told her among other things that

"I checked out your website NSG, you are obviously smart since you are in nuclear physics.  I have an MBA from (Big State U) which makes me smart unless you are a fan of (U of State).

I added something new (my AM profile has always had a photo of me with the Lego Land Orlando  dragon in my background).  It has gotten several comments over the years.

"The dragon in my picture represents my powerful aura.  I say that because you said you like confidence.  Oh wait, that is actually the picture of me outside of Lego Land in Disney.  Well you said you like humor as well, and you know I'm a world traveler now!  :)"

Anyway, it seemed to work as I got this back along with a key to her private showcase.

Wonderful pictures :) thanks for sharing them.

I'm a healthcare risk management and cost containment consultant. "NSG" = nursing. Far more exciting than anything nuclear, right?

Would like to respond further but it's a busy time of day around here. I have a couple hours of catch-up from my work week, as well....but I look forward to learning more about you.

PS- my dad is a very proud alum of Big State U :)

Of course I immediately looked at her pics - DAMN!  She was hot.  She had a couple of bikini clad pics, some yoga looking pics and overall she was just gorgeous, a bit like that Courtney Thorne Smith from Melrose Place (although at 42 I guess more like According to Jim, although I don't really watch that).  Of course I'm a little off the beaten path, I actually was intrigued by the photos of her kayaking on a gorgeous lake.  Hot and outdoorsy, just my type.  I just needed to navigate that smart and successful angle; I don't seem to navigate it so well with Shannon!  Anyway,  I was definitely going to put some thought into my next note to her.  And put some thought into those pictures - smokin'!


But as I said above I had also found a lady that looked oh so familiar.  Yes I remembered the profile name immediately and her likes,

     "you know exhilarating, insuperable, passionate feeling.... THE look and THE desire.... the journey makes the destination.....

Yes, it was Alecia!  Just like the mongoose who can't stay away from that cobra I had to write to her.


So you are saying, "damn Ryan I thought you were talking about Vision Quests and taking stock of your soul the other day and now you are chasing every woman in the Quad-State area, what-up dude!"

Well, reality often is the medicine to cure you....

Normally I would stretch this post out to at least 3 or more or maybe even a month; certainly a week.  I'll apologize now for such a long post today.  But I've got other things I want to move onto these next few weeks including the mistress that ended up winning my love this summer.

So to conclude:

Tish - We flirted on Facebook for a few weeks.  Of course you never really know if it's a flirtation or just politeness.  I sent out a broad invitation to stop by if she was in town and mentioned I'll let her know if I was in her town.  But as often happens on Facebook you reconnect with old friends, write several times, and then you/they just fade away to old memories.  I see the pictures she shares now and she seems to have a very happy life.  At least I know where to find her if I get the inclination.  She is probably still mad I used to schedule her for the hardest sections!   :)

The Nurse - After such a promising reply I eagerly started my reply to her reply on Monday (yes I decided to play the waiting game - didn't want to appear like AM was all I had to do over the weekend).  But when I clicked to take another look at her hot pictures I got the worst notice you can get on Ashley Madison "profile not found."  DRAT!  I guess the weekend gave her cold feet to the Ryan experience!  :)

Alicia - I did write to Alecia and was very clever if I do say so myself.  Among other things I said

"you had me several years ago when I was still naive; well you said we made such a pretty pair...." 

Well that is actually a quote from that Carly Simon song "You're So Vain," but Alecia really likes Carly Simon.  And don't you get it, she was my first AM experience so I was so naive and of course we did make a pretty pair.  So I continued on to say that she seemed so familiar and that her thoughts were seductive and I could not yield and had to reach out yada, yada.  I think I did mention that she reminded me of someone from my past that was so alluring and tempting that I just couldn't pass on writing to her (now).  Of course, insinuating that she was in fact the "she" from my past.  I don't know I think I got lost in the layers as well but it all sounded pretty good as I hit the send key!

This time I did not send a key to my private showcase.  I thought I would let my words be the draw for once.  It worked or at least so I thought.  The next day I had a request from her for my private showcase.  So send my pics I did and waited for Alecia's response.  And waited, and waited, and....

As she is/was wont to do, I never heard back from her.  As I was writing this post I went back to my lists and saw that this and one of her other profiles are not currently active.  I know she is on Facebook, but this mongoose is only willing to go so far down that snake hole!

Maybe quoting from "You're so Vain" sent the wrong message, "Chicken Soup with Rice" perhaps would have been better I think!  :)

So on this Adventure Ryan was 0-3.  But that was OK because just as I was rediscovering the depths of Ashley Madison dispair another old mistress came back into my life.  And that story will have to wait for another day (or Thursday)!   :)