When I Met You in the Restaurant, You Could Tell I was no Debutante

Shannon’s Story – Part IX

Part IX of a series written from my wife’s perception of our life together.  Part I of Shannon's story is here.

Shannon speaking…..

Life moved quickly over the fall of 2004.  Ryan left in mid-September but he came back in early and late October and I was out there in late September.  It was at that early October trip back to the Mid-West where I told Ryan I filed for divorce.  About 1 hour later the sheriff showed up with the papers.  I did feel a twinge of guilt but I also felt it was something I had to do.

It was also odd because we had an accepted offer on a house back east.  We talked through the weekend and came up with a plan that we would buy the house and that Ryan would buy out my half within a year.  I began to look for apartments the next week and found one close to an airport and near one of my main cities not too far from where we currently lived.  I guess the thought was we would fly back and forth.  I think I wanted to believe this could work.  In hindsight I don’t think Ryan ever felt any of this would come to fruition and he should just wait it out, maybe he knew me better than I knew myself.

I did have a great trip to Florida for a conference in mid-October.  It was wonderful being there with Brent.  Even though we were busy we got to spend a lot of time together.

In late-November the day of reckoning finally came.  We moved out of our home.  I was gone all week.  Ryan had flown back to pack and get the house ready.  I simply came home on a Friday and found my life was on a truck.  We stayed at a hotel that night and the next day Ryan rented a van and moved the stuff I was taking to my new apartment about 2 hours away.  By Sunday Ryan was on a plane with our girls and the life I hadn’t asked for was now beginning.

A few days later I flew to our new town.  Ryan met the movers on a Monday and that quickly we were moved into our new home.  Five or more years ago this would have been a dream location, perhaps it still could be.  But no matter how good the cake tastes it’s never satisfying when someone is forcing you to eat it.

But simple little acts can make such a big difference.  I needed to work that day and I obviously couldn’t with movers and of course there was no internet yet.  So I went to Ryan’s office to work while he helped the movers.  Nothing of consequence happened that day as I sat at Ryan’s desk, except that unfortunately I didn’t deselect that “keep me signed in” button on my work e-mail.  A harmless error would now drive much of our life for the next few years.

But the fallout from that revelation was about three weeks away.  For now, it was Thanksgiving week and it was great to be just a 4 hour trip from my hometown and I enjoyed seeing family for the holiday.

Shannon had been to most of the film's ports

On Monday the real life started.  I kissed the girls that morning as they were still sleeping and then got into a car in the cold of the morning to drive to an airport to take a plane back to my work and life in the Midwest.  Later that morning Ryan would have the joy of waking up in his home with his girls in his new life.

Again, why did he get everything and I paid the price.  Yes, it would be so easy to capitulate but sometimes you need to take a stand for fairness!

And Found Myself Alone Alone Alone Above a Raging Sea

Shannon’s Story – Part VIII

This is part VIII of a series of sub-blogs written from my best attempt at writing from my wife’s perception of our life together.  If you are reading this blog for the first time I would request you go to the beginning (here) and start reading or go to any entry that looks interesting but don’t start here as this entry is a bit of a diversion from my previous direction.  If you are reading Shannon’s Story for the first time part I is here.

Shannon speaking….

That summer of ’04 was a roller coaster.  When I was on the road with Brent it was a paradox between the bliss of being with him and the guilt of not being with my girls.  What type of image was I building for them?

At home it was escalating tension.  Ryan and I no longer even slept together.  I would go to sleep and just see him the next day as he would crash in the guest room or the couch downstairs.  As I said, work was not going well for him and I was worried there would be a crash soon but the affair kept me from lingering on that thought for too long.

As I also said he interviewed for a job outside of DC in early July.  Ryan had left a somewhat dejected man with that gallows type look but he came back energetic about this great new opportunity that would change things for us.  My attitude:  “not going to work this time buddy, I’ve been down that road before!”

A week later Ryan did get the job offer.  He had a week to decide, or rather a week to convince me.  Actually, I have to admit, I seriously considered going right then.  As exciting as this new relationship with Brent was for me it was already mentally exhausting.  Trying to mesh our schedules together so we could hook up one night a week in some Mid-West hotel was at first an adventure but it can get old quick.  It would be so easy just to hit the re-set button on life and go back east with Ryan.

I have to admit there is a lot of good in my marriage to Ryan, he is the emotional opposite - calm, cool, organized, and balances my impetuosity.  At work Brent is very similar to Ryan and was probably a comforting attraction.  However, personally he is my equal on impetuosity which is why the relationship is so exciting.  But also why it is such a challenge, at times we simply burn each other out.  With Ryan I debate; with Brent we fight, yell, scream, cry and then make up.  One time Brent even got down on his hands and knees and begged me to forgive him for some argument we were having - that was hot!

But as far as moving with Ryan I had to hold the line; I had to have some control.  So I continued to say no.

Additionally, things with Brent, though at times stressful, could not have been going better.  We had a conference near the small town where he grew up and so one afternoon he drove me out and gave me a tour.  Seeing this to me was a big step forward in our relationship.  It was like getting a tour of him, a window into how he became the man I now loved.  I was starting to see a person not an object of desire and this was becoming my main relationship as a woman (of course my girls will always come first).

The end of Ryan’s week came and he agreed to turn down the offer.  I felt relief and disappointment at the same time.  Ryan was a dead man walking; did I just sign his death warrant?

Luckily for Ryan this company gave him an additional few days to think about the job.

And then Monday, August 2^nd, 2004 hit!  I had gotten a whisper of what was going to happen but it was still a shock.  Without going into detail that was the day that Ryan came to the realization that to paraphrase “he should seek other opportunities.”

I can’t describe the range of emotions I felt when Ryan called me.  I was out of town so I had another long Mid-West drive to contemplate what just happened.  Fear, anger, embarrassment, sadness – what was to happen to us now?  We had a roaring argument when I got home, or more appropriately I let him know where he could go and I’ll tell you it was to be nowhere near me!  I told him to take the job in DC.  I couldn’t believe this lucky bastard was going to get what he wanted again!  I was the one who worked hard and earned my way to the top.  Ryan screws up and his punishment – get a better job closer to home!  Screw HIM!

And so that is how quickly a life can change.  One day comfortably unhappily married and in an extra-marital relationship, the next not sure where I will be living in 3 months.

What I did promise myself though was that the punishment that Ryan seemed to be avoiding at present would surely be delivered by me!  Call me a bitch if you want but I have my pride!

Ryan had about 1.5 months before he started work back east.  He got the house ready for sale, got it on the market, and got it sold quickly (these were the days went houses still sold).  Fortunately he negotiated a 60 day closing.

So here is life as of late August, 2004.  Ryan will be moving east in 2 weeks and will be in temporary housing.  I will remain with the girls until we close on the house in 2 months.  Ryan and his mom would come back as much as possible to get ready for the move and help me.  Ryan also worked out a situation with a girl who worked at our daycare and babysat to stay with the girls overnight when I traveled.  So while difficult it was OK for now.  I had threatened divorce so Ryan was in full accommodation mode.

In late August we all flew to out to what would be our new town and Ryan sprung for a really scenic hotel – again really trying to accommodate.  This really was a charming location and I wanted to like it but didn’t want to leave the relationship I had in the Midwest.  We also looked at some houses.  When I came back for a visit in late September we settled on a house and made an offer.

Everything was coming together for that lucky bastard!  And because I tend to be disorganized things were moving beneath me and I was loosing control quickly.

Finally, I just gave up, called Brent and said I was quitting.  He was shocked.  Later I spoke with my former boss (a good friend) who now worked directly for Brent.  I was surprised when he said that Brent said to him “I can’t believe she is leaving for him (Ryan).” As my friend said that I felt sick to my stomach, I just couldn’t accept this – who am I if I let Ryan have everything he wants yet again.  I called a lawyer and filled for divorce the next day.

I'd Fly Above the Trees, Over the Seas, in all Degrees, to Anywhere I Please

Shannon’s Story – Part VII

This is part VII of a series of sub-blogs written from my best attempt at writing from my wife’s perception of our life together.  If you are reading this blog for the first time I would request you go to the beginning (here) and start reading or go to any entry that looks interesting but don’t start here as this entry is a bit of a diversion from my previous direction.  If you are reading Shannon’s Story for the first time part I is here.

Shannon speaking….

Yes Brent and I had sex.  Although it was more than sex, it was a world opening up to me.  Although in truth we were both a bit drunk so some of the memory is a bit hazy.

Luckily the next day was just a half day for “the team,” all departing after lunch.  Brent was engaged in private meetings so we didn’t really have to confront one another around the others.  This was good because I needed time to think about how I would handle this going forward.

So we all left.  Brent said goodbye to everyone and did nothing different with me, just saying “we’ll be together next week in St. Louis, right?”

I had a nice long 5 hour drive across a flat Mid-Western state to get home, plenty of time to think.  But 5 hours later I was no more sure of where I was going and what I would do as I did when I woke up that morning.  I remember vividly standing in front of a nice warm fire that evening after the girls had gone to bed and telling some of what had happened to Ryan.  Of course I only told him of the dance and the kiss on the cheek.  I wanted to gauge his reaction.

Typical Ryan, his inner judge came out and he reminded me of his suspicions from 6 years ago in *******.  He also reminded me of Brent’s reputation.  But as far as feeling hurt or compelled to fight for me, I saw nothing – just his judgment.

The next four months would be a blissful whirlwind.  Part of Brent’s magnetism is that he makes things happen.  After all, he controlled his own schedule and mine so it was no surprise that our paths crossed so often.  Looking back, I can’t think of a Mid-Western city where we didn’t have sex – St. Louis, Chicago, Detroit, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, even Omaha (with a wind chill of -10 outside).  And then there were the conferences….. Orlando, Palm Springs, this was a whirlwind romance across the US and it was completely intoxicating.  My encounter with Sammie a few years prior had been all about sex, this was an affair to remember.

Back to Ryan and I for a minute though.  The previous December (prior to my first time with Brent) we had made one last effort to connect sexually.  Over the holidays we had sex several times over a three week period.  Ryan even went to an adult store with me to get some toys.  I think he was really trying.  The sex was OK, but not fantastic.  So with that I was very susceptible on that February night with Brent.  About two months after Brent and I started our affair I had sex with Ryan one last time.  He was home one afternoon during the week and it was just an impulse though mostly I wanted to see how I felt.  It was mechanical for me and nothing like it was now with Brent.  So I had my confirmation, I would now go forward full steam with Brent.

Of course Ryan throws a wrench into everything.  As I said before Ryan was becoming more of a family man and less work focused.  But this was becoming an issue for him at work.  Ryan had always been successful at work; he was the “fix-it” guy you brought in when you had problems.  But the problems at his account now were vast and he was not able to fix them as well as he had hoped.  I knew the looming cloud because I now was in the very inner circle of those above Ryan.  I think we both knew that Ryan’s career was in jeopardy now, me even more so.

We even started talking about moving to a better location for my travel and him being a “stay at home” dad.  What a ridiculous paradox; that was all I ever wanted and now he had the audacity to propose that, thinking it something that I would like.  It may have been a quick fix but it was not attractive.  Again Ryan brought up that magazine article about relationships where the woman says “I Fell in Love with Him All Over Again” after kids.  Ryan’s point was that now that he was such a good father, I should be attracted to him and want to have sex.  But that is not what attraction is, I just didn’t feel it with him anymore.

The stay at home thought didn’t stay with Ryan for too long.  Soon he was burning up Monster.com and calling old peers to bail himself out.  He talked with an old boss about a job on the Carolina coast, which would have been nice.  Then he got an interview at a job outside DC.  I really didn’t pay any attention because I had plenty to occupy my time and in my mind I was not moving again for Ryan when I had the growing career.

Ryan interviewed for the job outside of DC.  I did not go with him.  When he got back he was suddenly inspired by this new opportunity and he put the full court press on why we should go.  I really wouldn’t hear anything of it – again I had the career potential now and Brent, why would I follow him now?

to be continued…..

But I Don't Care if You Don't

Shannon’s Story – Part VI

This is part VI of a series of sub-blogs written from my best attempt at writing from my wife’s perception of our life together.  If you are reading this blog for the first time I would request you go to the beginning (here) and start reading or go to any entry that looks interesting but don’t start here as this entry is a bit of a diversion from my previous direction.  If you are reading Shannon’s Story for the first time part I is here.

Shannon speaking….

About 1 year after I began working directly for Brent and began my travels I found myself at an out of town meeting with “the team.”  I had traveled a lot with Brent the two weeks before and I could tell he was starting to probe more and push barriers.  He had given me several bottles of a very expensive wine for Christmas just a few weeks prior and was paying me a lot of attention, putting me on a pedestal.

After the end of a long day of meetings we all went out for dinner and then drinks at this piano bar that was Brent’s go-to place in this particular town.  Brent even knew some of the regulars there and was picking on me when an older very professional guy was apparently hitting on me.  Of course, no one seemed to pick on Brent for all the flirting he was doing with the waitresses.  This place had developed into somewhat of an urban legend among “the team” and Brent’s escapades were somewhat legendary.  But I didn’t find Brent’s flirting with the waitresses a turn off.  To the contrary I was turned on by his magnetic personality, he was the “it” guy people wanted to be with and I now realized I wanted to be with him.

The whole team was pretty blitzed toward the end of the night.  As the one female on “the team” I always took a lot of ribbing.  A few of the guys were daring one another to ask me to dance.  Finally one of the older guys (Chuck) who was a really sweet man asked.  I was OK because it was really like dancing with my dad. 

Of course that gave Brent the “green light” and once he asked me to dance everyone stayed away and began their own conversations.  Once I was dancing with Brent he had me.  He kissed me slightly on the cheek at one point.  I was startled but then almost as a reaction I started to play with his hair on the back of his head.  At one point we looked at each other and I felt that momentum to kiss but we held back and just smiled at each other.

“The team” soon departed and walked across the street to our hotel.  I am not sure if this was planned but Brent’s room was close to mine but on a separate floor from the rest of “the team” so he was able to walk me to my door.  Brent said “we should probably talk about this.”

I should have known what “we should probably talk about this” meant but I was drunk and I was not really thinking about consequences so I invited him in.  I got a Sprite and some M&M’s out of the mini bar, took off my high heels and sat next to Brent on the edge of the bed.  He leaned back a little and put his arm behind me and then proceeded to tell me I was his fantasy woman and that he had thought about me since the day we met almost 4 years prior.  To say he “had me at hello” would be an understatement.  This was “it,” to be someone’s fantasy, to be the center of their universe was what I sought.  Here and in Brent’s presence I was exciting, engaging, intelligent, and felt sexy – I wasn’t the person irresponsibly spending away all of our money!  I can’t really remember too much more about the conversation but soon we were kissing and there was no going back.

to be continued….