Monday, May 9, 2011

I'd Fly Above the Trees, Over the Seas, in all Degrees, to Anywhere I Please

Shannon’s Story – Part VII

This is part VII of a series of sub-blogs written from my best attempt at writing from my wife’s perception of our life together.  If you are reading this blog for the first time I would request you go to the beginning (here) and start reading or go to any entry that looks interesting but don’t start here as this entry is a bit of a diversion from my previous direction.  If you are reading Shannon’s Story for the first time part I is here.

Shannon speaking….
Yes Brent and I had sex.  Although it was more than sex, it was a world opening up to me.  Although in truth we were both a bit drunk so some of the memory is a bit hazy.

Luckily the next day was just a half day for “the team,” all departing after lunch.  Brent was engaged in private meetings so we didn’t really have to confront one another around the others.  This was good because I needed time to think about how I would handle this going forward.

So we all left.  Brent said goodbye to everyone and did nothing different with me, just saying “we’ll be together next week in St. Louis, right?”

I had a nice long 5 hour drive across a flat Mid-Western state to get home, plenty of time to think.  But 5 hours later I was no more sure of where I was going and what I would do as I did when I woke up that morning.  I remember vividly standing in front of a nice warm fire that evening after the girls had gone to bed and telling some of what had happened to Ryan.  Of course I only told him of the dance and the kiss on the cheek.  I wanted to gauge his reaction.

Typical Ryan, his inner judge came out and he reminded me of his suspicions from 6 years ago in *******.  He also reminded me of Brent’s reputation.  But as far as feeling hurt or compelled to fight for me, I saw nothing – just his judgment.

The next four months would be a blissful whirlwind.  Part of Brent’s magnetism is that he makes things happen.  After all, he controlled his own schedule and mine so it was no surprise that our paths crossed so often.  Looking back, I can’t think of a Mid-Western city where we didn’t have sex – St. Louis, Chicago, Detroit, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, even Omaha (with a wind chill of -10 outside).  And then there were the conferences….. Orlando, Palm Springs, this was a whirlwind romance across the US and it was completely intoxicating.  My encounter with Sammie a few years prior had been all about sex, this was an affair to remember.

Back to Ryan and I for a minute though.  The previous December (prior to my first time with Brent) we had made one last effort to connect sexually.  Over the holidays we had sex several times over a three week period.  Ryan even went to an adult store with me to get some toys.  I think he was really trying.  The sex was OK, but not fantastic.  So with that I was very susceptible on that February night with Brent.  About two months after Brent and I started our affair I had sex with Ryan one last time.  He was home one afternoon during the week and it was just an impulse though mostly I wanted to see how I felt.  It was mechanical for me and nothing like it was now with Brent.  So I had my confirmation, I would now go forward full steam with Brent.

Of course Ryan throws a wrench into everything.  As I said before Ryan was becoming more of a family man and less work focused.  But this was becoming an issue for him at work.  Ryan had always been successful at work; he was the “fix-it” guy you brought in when you had problems.  But the problems at his account now were vast and he was not able to fix them as well as he had hoped.  I knew the looming cloud because I now was in the very inner circle of those above Ryan.  I think we both knew that Ryan’s career was in jeopardy now, me even more so.

We even started talking about moving to a better location for my travel and him being a “stay at home” dad.  What a ridiculous paradox; that was all I ever wanted and now he had the audacity to propose that, thinking it something that I would like.  It may have been a quick fix but it was not attractive.  Again Ryan brought up that magazine article about relationships where the woman says “I Fell in Love with Him All Over Again” after kids.  Ryan’s point was that now that he was such a good father, I should be attracted to him and want to have sex.  But that is not what attraction is, I just didn’t feel it with him anymore.

The stay at home thought didn’t stay with Ryan for too long.  Soon he was burning up and calling old peers to bail himself out.  He talked with an old boss about a job on the Carolina coast, which would have been nice.  Then he got an interview at a job outside DC.  I really didn’t pay any attention because I had plenty to occupy my time and in my mind I was not moving again for Ryan when I had the growing career.

Ryan interviewed for the job outside of DC.  I did not go with him.  When he got back he was suddenly inspired by this new opportunity and he put the full court press on why we should go.  I really wouldn’t hear anything of it – again I had the career potential now and Brent, why would I follow him now?

to be continued…..

1 comment: