Monday, October 3, 2011

Life is not Tried it is Merely Survived If you're Standing Outside the Fire

A little Garth never hurt anyone right?  But the big question I have is, are there any Cajun' ladies out there?  I am dying to write a post titled  "Operator won't you put me on through I gotta' send my love down to Baton Rouge!"   Although, let's be real, in a pinch I'd write "send my love down to Omaha" for the right offer.  :)

I read a lot of female blogs and most indicate a strong preference for confident guys who know what they want.  If you asked most people I'm around they would say that I'm confident and I can tell you I definitely know what I want.

That being said something about me, I'd like to say the Southern Gentleman in me (though it may just be that I'm a weenie), just has a hard time saying "this week I want to meet you in a hotel room and let's screw our brains out."  So even when I'm about 90% sure a woman wants to have sex with me I still find myself falling back into the ideals society has taught me.

So I think I said my bold plan was to meet Keeley one week, Sandra the next.  And it would be sex on, sex off, yada, yada.....

I hadn't had sex with Keeley yet so I kind of wanted to start that program with her and be in the "sex on" week.  I had no reason to believe she wouldn't be up for it.

But on Sunday I still found myself typing.

"How is your weekend?  My Tuesday and Thursday's are real clear in the afternoon.  How about a wine tasting at L*********, I'll pack lunch!  Take Care, R"

Yeah, I know sweet but nowhere have I communicated that what I really want is to be naked and draped all over each other for about about 2 hours in the hotel of your choice.

Monday morning Keeley responds "That sounds lovely, Tuesday afternoon looks good for now.  I'll let you know by the end of the day.  Sure you want to be seen with me in public, what if I can't keep my hands off of you!  :)  xoxo K"

I love these new-fangled confident women who are not afraid to say what they want and mean!

Monday afternoon Keeley writes back and says she is clear for Tuesday afternoon and we agree to meet at 1:30 pm at that little vineyard off I-70. 

So Tuesday shortly after noon I head off.  About 30 minutes down the road I get a text from Keeley "running a bit behind, clients won't leave - I'll keep you posted."

An hour later I get "still trying to get out, I'm soooo sorry - what is the latest you can stay, do you still want to meet?"

My first thought was this would have been better to know before I spent almost an hour of driving to get to the point at which I was now contemplating the real chance of getting stood up!

But as a former baseball player I know you have to play to the last out so I hang in there.  Sometimes you have to fight off a few foul balls until you get that hanging slider you can hit out of the ballpark!  Keep the faith Ryan!

So I text back (which I loathe btw) "am OK until 6 pm, then I turn into pumpkin :)"

She texts back "you are my Prince Charming"

OK, so flattery will get you everywhere with me.  So now I am in the area and just start circling the airfield so to speak until it's clear to land.  Yes, I am frustrated but that is never productive.  Patience usually pays in these circumstances so I continue keeping the faith.

At 2:15 she texts:  "am leaving now, do we still have time for that tour?"

I shoot back:  "it's a bit cold, not sure on tour.  have bottle of wine and pic-nic packed can meet anywhere!"

Keeley responds fairly quickly:  "there is a park near *****ville just off highway, do you just want to meet there?"

Me:  "sure, anywhere with you is the place 2 b!"

Of course bad me is thinking we have already wasted prime foreplay time.  If we had just met at 1:30 we might be screwing by now.  But then I counter with the logic I always use - in 5 years it won't matter if we had sex today, tomorrow, or next week just that we had sex.  So a few more minutes are OK with me - keep the eye on the prize.

At 2:45 pm Keeley texts:  "Christ it's cold outside are you sure you want to pic-nic"

Hmmmm....., this is where champions are born.  Now I felt like Tom Brady with a minute left in the game.  I have my RB open in flat - that would surely keep the drive going.  But hark, yonder I see the CB has given up on coverage, my receiver is going long.  Yes, if I can thread the needle it could be the game winner.

I text:  "of course, I've been waiting all day to pic-nic with you but you know there is this little Comfort Suites pic-nic area I see and I think they advertise private heated pic-nic areas; does that sound more cozy!  :)"

And in my mind I am thinking *gulp*

A few minutes later I get "Ahh... now that sounds much better; I think I know where that park is - b there in 15 mins, can you reserve our spot.  I'll call when I get there."

So I pull into that Comfort Suites and get that room and make my way up.

Now, why is that when I am in a room just to have sex I still habitually turn on CNN.  Like I really care what the weather is or what the breaking new is!  Oh well, so I turned the TV and watched although I was not hearing anything, just waiting for her call.

"I can't abide standing outside the fire" 

Ryan's notes:  I purposefully added the notes from my thoughts along with the dialogue just to show you the scary crazy world that goes on in the backstage of a guy's mind.  Unfortunately I've exceeded my potty break reading limit so I'll have to continue this for you later!  :)


Anonymous said...

you're pretty much the biggest tease ever! :)

Anonymous said...

you turn on cnn for piers morgan. lol! i love garth brooks. nice video.

Rosie said...

What a great song. But on with the pic-nic.