Friday, November 18, 2011

All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

E-Mail Queens Week

Day 5:  Santa's Little Helper

Wow, 5 posts in 5 days - that's tough.  How do these bloggers like Vanilla Mom do it, I am so impressed now!  I'm remembering Forest Gump's quote "pretty tired now, think I'll go home and rest."  Btw, I have noticed a lot of new bloggers tend to put out a lot of posts right off the bat.  I suspect they get burnt out and then often quit.  My advice, take it slow and easy so you don't burn out.  Part of the fun is getting your story out slowly to build momentum and suspense.  Or better yet, stall like Riff and make people think something really big is out there on the horizon!  Then again, what the hell do I know this is my first time doing this kind of thing.

Remember all that stuff I was saying the other week about Holidays and Ashley Madison don't mix.  And remember the pity party I was on about cutting things off with Keeley and staying focused on other things.  Well let's remember two things 1) I'm a guy, and 2) this blog is named the Ashley Madison Adventures of a Regular Guy Gone Bad.

So in spite of being busy over the holidays a guy like me can always rationalize that there is no harm in looking.  And so some time in mid-December 2010 and after ending things valiantly with Keeley, I decided to take a quick tour of the new ladies on AM.  Mind you, I had no intent on actually writing to anyone but just wanted to make sure nobody fascinating had just mysteriously appeared in one of those "last seven days searches."

And lo and behold there she was!  Santa's Little Helper didn't have a photo but she was about 5'6" and I think 140# and wow, what a profile.

Absolutely NO checks but one very well written, thoroughly enjoyable, and funny letter to Santa under "What I Want."

She wrote (paraphrased):

"Dear Santa,

What I want for Christmas is one sincere, sweet, handsome, charming guy to share romantic walks in the mountains followed by candlelit dinners.  Please make him tall, dark, and handsome with a great sense of humor.  It would be great if he likes wine and loves music.  He has to love animals and enjoy reading but doesn't have to agree with me all the time.

I admit, I have been a little naughty this year and my present can be a little naughty as well.  But for the most part I have been good and would love to have someone new to play with."

Thank you dear Santa,


Your Little Helper

It went on for more but hopefully you get the point.

So considering the time and effort she put into that letter I considered it inhospitable and frankly rude not to write to her and let her know how much I enjoyed her profile!  Funny how us guys are such good rationalists!

So again we got to yahoo after a few brief AM notes.

Unfortunately, we all often choose a different zip code than where we live in reality.  Sometimes that zip code is closer than expected, sometime further.  In Little Helper's situation she was in the outskirts of my 20 mile radius with the zip code she used.  But that zip code was about 20 miles closer to me than she actually lived.  What that means is that she lived about 60 miles away.  Certainly "as a crow flies" that is not so far but around here 60 miles can be a long way because you might have to drive over a few mountains and across a river to get there.  Kind of like "over the river and through the wood to have a first rate screw! Oh hear the text say 'where r u' hurrah for Ashley Madison!"

She was however interesting and we e-mailed over the course of about 2 weeks.  She is an author of children's books and owned several chocolate labs.  She did send a picture of herself with her dogs.  She was cute but I didn't find myself rushing out to the car to drive down to her.  And she was not beating down my door either.

In the end distance and the holidays prevailed and I just didn't write for a few days and she didn't write back for a few days and then we all just move on.  Such is life in this ephemeral world of Ashley Madison (yes I googled ephemeral)!

So there you have it!  E-mail queens week - so what didja' think!  Any favorites out there or perhaps you're own e-mail king/queen stories to share?

And just in case you were thinking this list was exhaustive it's not, I held a few back for the future - just in case.  I kind of feel bad now that I didn't include Tiny Dancer or Santastic!

Maybe they will find a way into my life somewhere down the road???

1 comment:

Liam said...

Five posts in five days! I hope you have the "Stamina" box checked on AM. I may declare a "flameout" week sometime and write about more abrupt endings - some of them have even been funny.