Wednesday, November 9, 2011

What a Lovely Way of Sayin' What You're Thinking of Me

"Ohh.... havin' my baby!"  Remember that cheesy 70's song by Paul Anka.

So the big news today is that the Duggar's are expecting child #20.  You know I'm no fertility doctor but I think there is generally only a 1 in 3 chance of getting pregnant on any given screw even when you're trying.  So from my calculations that's a lot of fuckin' for a married real estate agent.  Maybe I chose the wrong profession.

And of course you're probably thinking out there, we just eclipsed 7 billion people we should be worried about overpopulation!

Well sure if you're looking at the small picture, but I'm a big picture guy.  Or rather a big question kind of guy.

So the big question of the day!

Is all that married sex really healthy?  I mean if we were all screwing our spouses that much what would happen to the golf course industry, lawn care/home improvement, not to mention porn on demand along with all the masturbational aide devices.  Noel Biderman?  Poor sap would be on welfare quicker than a Lady Gaga orgasm!  We are talking world upside down folks!

Think about it, there are a lot of people counting on you NOT fucking your wife at all, ever!  Or at the very most only about 2 or 3 times a year.  This is a threat to our Western-style Democracy and the peaceful free market system that America has enjoyed for so many years!

So Mr. Duggar, quit screwing around with the normal evolution of the human species!  And Mrs. Duggar, at least make him buy you a diamond or a ski trip to Aspen before you do the nasty again - all this free love is like socialism or something!

Thoughts out there?

Article from Yahoo below:
Crickey! #20 On the Way!
The Duggars have their 20th child on the way!

"19 Kids and Counting" stars Michelle and Jim Bob will welcome their next child in the spring, People reported.

"We are so excited," the Duggar mother, 45, who is three-and-a-half months along, told the mag. "I feel good. I am past the sickness stage now."

The couple's most recent child, Josie, born on Dec. 10, 2009, is doing well after being born premature at just 25 weeks.

"It is a miracle. Josie is the most energetic, busy little almost-2-year-old," Michelle told the mag. "She is short, and yet she can keep up with the big girls and she thinks she is just as big as they are. We are amazed at what she can do."

According to dad Jim Bob, his wife is doing better than ever.

"Michelle is probably in better health now than she was 10 years ago," the 46-year-old said. "She has been getting on an elliptical for about an hour a day and is very careful of what she eats."

During her last pregnancy, the Duggar mother was diagnosed with preeclampsia and is now under the care of a high-risk pregnancy doctor. She is eating very healthy with plenty of protein, vegetables and skipping the caffeine - along with getting plenty of rest.

"We are just going to do the best we can," she explained. "I am taking a nap every day, and we are just taking good care."

Jim Bob added, "If we had lived by fear after Michelle had preeclampsia after her second delivery, we would have missed out on all our wonderful blessings. So many of her pregnancies have gone extremely well."
One aspect of their latest pregnancy that will be different is Michelle's first scheduled C-section.

"I've never had a planned C-section," Michelle told the mag. "So this one will be different."
In addition to their youngest daughter Josie, the couple is also parents to Joshua, 23 (who has two children, Mackynzie, 2 and Michael, 4 months, with wife Anna, 23), twins Jana and John-David, 21; Jill, 20; Jessa, 19; Jinger, 17; Joseph, 16; Josiah, 15; Joy-Anna, 14; twins Jedidiah and Jeremiah, 12; Jason, 11; James, 10; Justin, 8; Jackson, 7; Johanna, 6; Jennifer, 4; and Jordyn, 3.

The season finale of "19 Kids and Counting" airs tonight at 9 PM on TLC.


Anonymous said...

LOL at your advice to the couple. ;-)

Lucky said...

19 kids and she has time in her day to do an hour of cardio?? She is a fucking machine. Literally.

Anonymous said...

In all seriousness, I can't believe they still make love because you know her little lady isn't the same as it once was, if you catch my drift.

I would be asking the doctor for an extra stitch or two after this delivery, just sayin'.

Elle said...

HAH! Love this Ryan!

Victoria said...

Her vadge is not a clown car. I'm amazed she still has bladder control!

But maybe that's why her hair is so long, so he can yank on when he plows her from behind.

msmarie said...

As far as frequent married sex, I'm not convinced they're having it, I just think she's very fertile and their timing is good. Imagine all the months of advanced pregnancy she's endured and all of the recovery time. Eh - I could be wrong - lots of people dig pregnant sex more than non. And I love the idea that old jimbob is plowing her from behind!

Ryan Beaumont said...

Thanks for all those comments. I think one thing is for sure - Mrs. Duggar probably has some buff Kegels!

Luna Moon said...

I don't know why I find the Duggars so annoying, but I do. Very funny observations, Ryan!

Pensive said...

Much is made of the fact that they are financially solvent--yet I do wonder if having all of those kids means they pay nothing in income taxes or get some money in return. The federal standard deduction for a kid could be anywhere from $500-$5000 per person, depending on your adjusted gross income. Although maybe the royalties they receive from their TV show puts them in a higher tax bracket. Just a thought.

Naughty Kitty said...

Again...funny. You obviously know how I feel as I just wrote my own post on the subject. I agree about the cardio. WTF?! I don't have that kind of time!!!

I wonder if I can slip into one of those "sister wife" dresses and pretend I am a Duggar just long enough to see what the hell is REALLY going on there. Maybe even get a little "somethin' somethin'" from Mr. D. He must be totally packing!