Look at You - You're a Pageant, You're Everything - that I've Imagined

I didn't think I could do it.  I knew I wanted to do it.  I had always wanted to do it.  But could I do it?  Who else could do it?  Yes, I had to do it.  I knew I could do it.  So, I did it!

What did I do, you say?  Well let me tell you what I did!

So, it was a normal Saturday and I was at my desk goofing off as is the norm.  And what better way to goof off than spending some time on Ashley Madison.  So I logged on.  Took a dash through all the new gals within 20 miles, nothing interesting.  And then in a flash I remembered a challenge I set for myself long ago and now I was ready, ready to scale that huge mountain.  No time like the present!

But before I say what I did I want to take a page from "the Donald."  Today I am really, really proud of myself.  I want to congratulate myself, I have achieved something of great importance for our country!

So let's dispense with the drama!  What did I do!

I wrote Claire!  And better yet, she wrote back!

Yeah baby!  That Claire!  Riff Dog's Claire!

How did I find her?  Well, I would love to tell you but you know some things like International Espionage, the making of Spam, and missions such as finding Claire are things better left behind lock and key.  As they say in DC (you know I'm familiar with it) "those who say don't know and those who know don't say."  Let's just say it took all of my ingenuity.  My god now I am realizing what my potential might be if I used that ingenuity for the betterment of man.  Oh well, shake that off, this is way more important.

What I will provide you is a transcript of the dialogue.  So here goes:

my writing....

This really ain't Claire btw

Ryan:  Dear Claire, So here I sit at work with nothing to do and looking at your profile once again and knowing your an itch I just have to scratch.  And by itch I mean a good itch not one of those, you know, bad itches :)

So I love sex, but nothing kinky unless you consider tantric sex kinky (she checked each of those/seemed conflicted to me).  And I take a shower every morning so I am clean and disease free (she checked that as well)!

Oh and humor, I love it.  Have you ever heard of Riff Dog, he is my mentor - all my humor I get from him!

So am I a good fit?!?  Please take a look at my profile and let me know how I scored!  After all I am investing $2 hard earned dollars into this message so please give me a few of those 2,000 available characters back to moi!

But dear Claire I see nobody has given you any checks?  Perhaps Mr. Right has not stumbled upon you yet?

Take Care my dearest Claire, Sincerely, Ryan B

and a few days later....
Claire:  Oh Ryan, I love the picture of you flossing your teeth in front of the mirror - you are sooo clean and sooo disease free!  More than any other man I've seen!  And I've got just the itch for you.  Why I was just going out to get some Vagisil for a little problem I'm having but I think I'll just give it to you instead :)  Please take this private key and enjoy.  Til next time xoxo Claire

OK, so she really didn't say that :( - so here is Riff's transcript

Riff Dog:  Dude, why are you writin' from NOVA?  Isnt' that on the other side of the OC?  I don't hang with chics outside of West LA or Santa Monica unless they are some really bitchin' MILF from Huntington Beach or a sorority chic from Long Beach.  Oh wait, you did say you were a dude - hey I don't do dudes dude! Dude, if your into dudes you need to go to Laguna Beach, so surf on that way and don't shave my buzz!

OK, actually Riff didn't say that either, here is what he actually said:

Riff Dog:  Ha! So how many Claire's did you have to message to before you found mine?  In 3 years of writing the blog, you have the honor of being the first (and only) person to find her.  The only prize I have to offer is a private picture.  You're the first to get her key.


So as Donald said "I am very proud of myself!"  It's great to be first at something, and to think some people make such a fuss over little things like the first to climb Mt. Everest.  But here I know I have a first that is really worth something!  Yep, check that one off the old bucket list, Check!

Oh, and I gave her two checks for "worth the time" and "popular," sort of like planting my flag on the moon :)  Unfortunately good hygiene was not a checkable option.

So boys, she's out there - you just have to find her.  And if you do give her a wink for ole' Ryan!

Second Star to the Right and Straight on 'til Morning

Or was it, second door to the right and hurry - I've got to pee!

Yes food and bathroom breaks are a constant as you tour the parks, but if you choose wisely there are some great experiences out there.  And by that I mean the food, the bathrooms are not anything special :) 

OK so here is Chef Ryan's Guide to Disney Food


Yak N' Yedi (Animal Kingdom) - Wonderful menu with Pan Asian cuisine.  Plenty of American favorites if you just want to dip your toes.  We had the lettuce cups as an appetizer.  I ordered the Beef and Broccoli which was excellent, the tempura shrimp is very good, and I also tasted the Miso Salmon with Jasmine Rice.  Everything was great and the meal along with 2 Plum Wines was under $100 which is a great value for Disney.

Hoop d' Do (Ft Wilderness) - I love to talk a good game of cuisine but when push comes to shove this is right up ole' Ryan's alley.  All you can eat Fried Chicken, Ribs, Mashed Potatoes, and Strawberry Shortcake!  Yum!  Shannon hit the Sangria.  It is a dinner theatre so a bit pricey but not too bad at about $225 for 4.

San Angel Inn (Epcot) - A great place to cool off in Epcot!  I had a wonderful crabmeat tostada with chipotle mayo and cilantro.  Shannon, always with an eye for the chic, had a Blood Orange Margarita.

Le Cellier (Epcot) - Our friends to the North should be proud, this is probably the best restaurant in Epcot, perhaps all of Disney!  Do Canadians only eat steak and salmon?  Perhaps not but this is the place to have a big ole' piece of red meat.  It's pricey but worth it!  I love the Gruyere Yukon Gold Potato Au Gratin!  If you are a member of PETA there is free range chicken and a Potato, Leek, and Goat Cheese Quiche. :)

Artist Point (Wilderness Lodge) - A beautiful space located near the spectacular lobby of the Wilderness Lodge and another restaurant that is arguably the best at Disney.  Featuring Pacific Northwest cuisine you will definitely want to try the seafood or perhaps a wild game entree if you like to expirement.  Price is not for the faint of heart with most entrees in the $40+ range but you won't regret at least one splurge!  And you need reservations many months in advance.

*  Note:  Victoria and Alberts in the Grand Floridian is typically considered the best at Disney World but I have never been.  I have also been to Boma - Flavors of Africa at the Animal Kingdom Lodge and it is excellent.

Wolfgang Pucks (Downtown Disney) - Our best QSR experience.  You don't get a Disney meal for under $50 (even fast food).  But this is fairly affordable and healthy.  I like the Chisnois Salad and the Margherita Pizza is to die for.  The brownie however was a big disappointment, all sugary with no big chocolate taste.

Rose and Crown Pub (Epcot) - It is what it is when you eat in England but the atmosphere is nice.  I just went with Potato Leek soup and scavenged fish and chips off others (Shannon and the girls are not heavy eaters).  Bangers and mash sounds like something I might like to do with a Spice girl, but to eat - not so much! Should have gone to Japan for dinner!

Chef Mickey's (Contemporary) - Character meals are expensive and this was about $125 for breakfast but it is much more efficient than seeing characters in the park and less expensive than lunch or dinner.  Breakfast was very good here with all the traditional breakfast items along with Mickey waffles, wonderful fruit, and a great vegetable fritata.  I also enjoyed creating my own Bananas Foster oatmeal!

We also went to La Nouba (Downtown Disney).  The family loved it!  For me a bit pricey to watch a bunch of European mimes jump on trampolines :( 

But then again, nobody ever accused me of being culturified!



So as they say:     One Disney Vacation = About $5K
                            Disney Family Memories = Priceless!