Sunday, June 9, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - Her Name was Ann and I'll Be Damned

I just wanted to re-post this post as a illustration of how this blog affects me in strange and silly ways.  About two years ago Terry Nunn (former lead singer to Berlin) was a guest of Richard Blade's on XM Radio's First Wave.  I've mentioned several times how much I like Richard Blade's show on this blog.  Terry Nunn, btw, dated Richard Blade back in the day.  Anyway, Terry was playing her favorite songs from the 80's and played a song by a band that sounded like "plastic baton (as I heard her)."  Though rather kitschy I liked the song.  It was like a Euro New Wave/punk band crashed into Jan and Dean.  I searched and searched for "plastic baton" but could never find them.  Several months later I heard Richard Blade playing a band called Nouvelle Vague that sings 80's songs to a "Lounge" rhythm.  Later that day I looked them up as I wanted to feature them as one of my daily songs on the blog.  As I searched through their songs lo and behold I found a band called Plastic Bertrand and there was my song from Terry's show.  See wasting time always produces good results!
 
Anyway I didn't completely use that song for this post but it did add some nice flavor on the back end to emphasize the ending to my story.
 
In fact I had really written this post several months before I published it.  This was one of those stories I had longed to write.  In writing this blog I often have more fun writing about the trials and tribulations of relationships than I do the successes.  After all isn't the pursuit of excellence that makes us great.  Actually I think it was Vince Lombardi that said in chasing perfection we catch excellence.  Well excellence is not part of this story but this was a fun night and I wanted to write about it.  It just took me some time to find when and where was the best place.  This is also one of those instances where the girl's name really is Ann.  How could I make up a name when this Gordon Lightfoot song fits so well.  And I do love Gordo so....
 
Btw as I searched for plastic baton I found several illicit sites on how to make pipe bombs with plastique.  I'm sure the FBI is after me now to break up the ring of the lame and tacky plastic pibe bomb blogger.  Oh and check out all those links to Southern Culture on the Skids - dang I like the way they play a song!


Ryan's Repeats
from June 14th, 2012.......


Ryan's Retro Summer:

Past Adventure #3 - Ann (Ryan Tries on a Grunge Chick for Size)

First I have to say a word on the lyrics above from Gordon Lightfoot's song "Carefree Highway."  I obviously like a lot of different types of music but if I was ever stranded on an island and could only pick one artist to listen to the rest my life (I don't know why I would be facing that dilema but let's just go with it) I would probably pick Gordo.  Why does it fit here?  Well I guess meeting Ann was in a fairly carefree time in my life.  The lyrics go on to say "her name was Ann and I'll be damned if I recall her face; she left me not knowing what to do."  Well I do remember her face and I think most women leave me knowing exactly what to do, RUN!   :)

But then again I do want to live the life of one of those Gordon Lightfoot songs one day, running away with some hard-drinking Cannuck lass way back in the woods.

But her name is/was Ann and I love Gordon Lightfoot so there you go.

Actually it would be better to do something like this:

"the way you talk down to me sends a chill right down through me..."

Wait that would be more like Shannon and no this story is not about bondage and humiliation!  But that lyric does come from the Southern Culture on the Skids song "White Trash" and SCOTS will be a central figure in our "Ann" story.  Btw, if you ever get a chance to see SCOTS do it; damn they do an awesome version of "Rose Garden," and have a song about Banana Pudding!

So on to my Ann story:

"Her name was Ann and I'll be damned" that frat boys can create a great atmosphere for a "hook up."

Wait, that is an odd way to start?

OK let's start with this.  Ann was a roommate of three girls I knew from my fraternity (little sisters).  She was kind of "pixie-like" cute.  Probably about 5'5", thin, with short reddish hair and blue eyes.  Let's visualize her as a bit like Allison Hannigan from those American pie movies; that personality type suits Ann fairly well.  She was a bit geeky and quite demur.  She was an English major and played the part by wearing a lot of grey and black stuff with fluffy cashmire like sweaters.  Very brainy and colliagiate looking if you go to college in Seattle and hang out in coffee shops all day reading books of poetry by dead English poets who cut off their ears for women who wouldn't screw them (or am I getting that mixed up with French impressionists, idk).  But obviously she was just perfect for a dumb, jockish frat guy like moi.  But much like I am here I do like to dabble in a variety of activities so sometimes I liked to veer away from those "keggers" and catch an Alt-rock band like the Dead Milkmen or Love Tractor if they were passing by Big State U.

I knew Ann and had talked to her several times.  She was not very approachable and seemed perpetually in a bad mood.  But my obtusity often serves me well so I would talk to her when others had been shooed away because I was simply too stupid to be insulted by her brooding and sarcastic nature!   :)

I have no idea why she was at "THAT" bar that night.  It was THE signature fraternity bar at Big State U so she was certainly WAY out of her element.  It was packed inside and so me and my friend Unfortunate Dave were outside when we bumped into Jules and Kim (and Ann, obviously dragged along).  So we drank and talked on that balcony above the sand volleyball pits below.  At some point Dave, Jules, and Kim drifted off.  I think Ann was too scared to go inside so I stayed and talked to her.

And then it happened.  Opportunity in the form of a drunk Frat guy came in for a landing.  Yep this drunk guy walks outside with TKE sewed onto his chest, turns the corner, does an about-face, unzips his pants, pulls out his pecker, and starts pissing on the side of the building approximately 5 feet from where Ann and I stood.  He follows up his rather lengthy and volumous piss with a very loud belch and then turns to Ann, smiles, and says "what are you looking at bitch" upon seeing her frown!  Then Mr. TKE turned to go back into the bar leaving behind a very audible final salvo from his other end as he walked away!

Ann was visably disgussed and I could tell she could not get out of there fast enough.

And so the valliant Ryan says "hey Ann I think Southern Culture on the Skids is playing down at the *****; let's get outta here."

He shoots!  He scores!

A slight and begrudging smile broke across Ann's face and she said "sure," biting her lip as if to hide the fact that she might actually want to go somewhere with me.  We walked down the street to the ***** and that is where my brooding little grunge girl opened up.  We danced, drank, sang, fell on top of each other yada yada.  It was like a scene from a "brat pack" movie.  Later we just walked around town in the cool early spring air.  I took the bus home with her as I certainly wanted to make sure she got home safely (neither of us had driven and we had thankfully lost our rides).

Once at "her place" I was invited to crash on the couch for the night as I didn't live close by.  I said yes and thanks knowing full well my intention was NOT to sleep on the couch!

Well, I didn't sleep on the couch but I didn't get layed either, that night.  Plenty of kissing, etc.  But I broke through the next weekend after a nice hike at one of my favorite spots, followed by a dinner at one of my favorite spots up in the mountains which both preceded a very satisfying night (and following morning) of multi-dimensional sex.

Ann was mine from there on.  Well, at least for about 6 months until Bertrand that Commie Metrosexual Euro doctoral student tempted her with his Haiku or whatever the hell kind of weird writin' he was uh studying there at Big State U!  I don't know what is so damn sexy about a French accent and cigarette breath but chics seem to dig those Euro dudes in those skinny black jeans and turned up collars!

Anyway, I had a lot of fun with Ann.  I only have fond memories now.  I guess that is what I get for going to a Bastille Day Party (but the food was awesome).

Actually as cute as she was, she was a bit tentative in bed so to speak.  I know that sounds like sour grapes and it is.  But I'm just sayin'.    :)




I actually don't remember that Euro guy's name I just used that name as an excuse to upload this video of Plastic Bertrand - nothing like French New Wave/Punk set to beach music; kind of like the Beach Boys meets Valley Girl!  Btw, France if you are out there please translate for me!  I think this song is supposed to be about getting high.  And how in the hell do I get from Canadian folk music to southern red neck to French new wave - I must be smokin' crack!



Sunday, June 2, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - 88 Lines About 44 Women (bloggers)

You know as I go through the blog I remember posts I forgot about.  Last month in a fit about comments I re-posted my Airline Meet 'n Seat post.  But last week when I was looking for a June, 2011 post to re-post I remembered this post which actually is the post that had the most legitimate comments. I also got a comment from Ms Inconspicuous which was always an even more special and rare treat than a comment from Riff.  I think the only comment I ever valued more was probably from Kimberly Errant Wife when I made her "lmfao!"  But I guess I'll have to get to that post next month.

But what I really enjoyed about reviewing this old post was remembering those past bloggers that (now so unfortunately long gone) were the "it" bloggers when I first started out.  Wow how I tried to emulate Riff and admired Ms I, Elle, Kim and how much I looked forward to posts from Holly.  I miss those days and I miss those bloggers but I do have fond memories.  Hopefully this is a nice way to remember as well.

But really some advice here, nothing gets comments like mentioning other bloggers and putting links to everyone's blog.  Maybe that's why I got so many comments on this post.  I guess maybe that goes along with that "attracting more bees with honey" thing I heard once.

Anyway this is a cute but rather silly song.  I can only hope you think the same of this blog!  :)

Author's note:  as I was writing this post I was also thinking about that Jim Carroll song "These are the People Who Died."  Jim Carroll btw is the author of the autobiography "The Basketball Diaries" that was later made into a movie and starred Leo DiCaprio as Carroll.  More useless info from Ryan I guess!

But I finished this song with the lyrics mentioning Holly as I always felt a kindred spirit with her.  That Jim Carroll song ends with the lyrics "and Eddie I miss you more than all the others and I salute you brother; this song is for you my brother."

And so for all those old bloggers this song (and post) is for you my brothers!  :)




Ryan's Repeat
from June 20th, 2011........

The other day Richard Blade from XM's First Wave played the song below by the Nails.  Please take a quick listen to get the rhythm.  Rarely in my life do moments of inspiration occur for me, let's face it - I'm not that deep!  But by the end of the ride I decided that I owed the world and more importantly the women of the bloggosphere an Ode!  So soon I started to mentally write my version of 88 Lines about 36 Women (& 24 Bloggers) - my ode to some of the ladies who inspire me!



88 Lines About 36 Women (& 24 Bloggers)
by Ryan B

Belle Amie was the first to Follow
Now I'm sure she doth think me Hollow
Kimberly was my first girl blog desire
If I could have her I know I would retire
Jane you are so non-PC
You must think me a complete weenie
Misty one day I'll see you at the track
If I do I probably won't come back

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

Southern Red I love your town
I'm just so glad you didn't drown
Agnes why are you so fraught
Come stay with me I'll make sure we don't get caught
Scarlett your boy names sound so English
Ryan's Irish how'd you like that dish 
Wave Rider that profile pic is fun, it fills me with glee
I drive right past it don't you see

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

Rocker Girl that girl is you
What's on your mind tell me true
Ella I like when you write of the Shire
I'd be glad to jump on, I'm for hire
J you seem to like your vodka
Wow, nothing rhymes just let me be your Screwdriva'
Me you say you want some suga'
Change that to salt and chase me down with tequila

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

Lady Inconspicuous I love that you like bluegrass
But my o' my you have one fine as. (pair of eyes) :)
Elle you are so young and fine
If I were not so old I'd make you mine
Coquette if Riff is not enough for you
Fly to DC, we know how to screw
And Riff some say you are a gal
So that is why I include you now

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

Pocket Rocketz your FFF's are fun
But don't let that mascara run
Suburban Mom I'm sure you're hot
But I'm a foodie too, I enjoy reading what's in your pot
Dusty Bunny your blog is a bit creepy
Counting down to Halloween I see, I still read it with glee
Sadie, wow you wrote the book
Now what can I do to get a look

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

OK so since I don't read enough
Let's search my blog to get more stuff
Miranda you seemed so cute and sassy
A secret pic from your wedding now that was classy
Beach Bunny you're always online
I write and write to no reply
Suzanne you said I was an ass
I'm sure you're not to be the last

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

Ciao Bella you really like your shoes
I wish I could've taken off those Jimmy Choos
E Red you want a Sugar Daddy
I'm not real liquid but I know you'd like this laddy
Brian are you looking for the walrus?
That was John but what about us
Renee sometimes I still see you at the gym
No rhyme hear 'cause in my mind I just say damn your fine

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

Alecia you never did say no
You just didn't tell me where to go
Sandra thanks for all you do
Yeah that's an easy rhyme 'cause I surely like doing it with you
Leah you love to chat and chat
I wonder if you'd actually come back
Keeley ooh I loved that accent it was a wonder
You made me enjoy it all down under

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

Spring Flower I wrote about your dreams
Now I want to make you scream
GLNO for some reason your travels seem like my wife
but its no cause I think for strife
Cracklin' Rosie your a store bought woman
but you make me sing like a guitar hummin'
Sorry Rosie I didn't mean to steal
'Cause your comments always keep it real

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

 Shannon dear I list you here
But you truly make me need to drink a beer
Because I take all your shit
Surely you'd let me lick your clit
And since I just cut the grass
Why oh why can't I have some (gl)ass
Ah but dear you are still so fine
I wish I still enjoyed you slowly like sweet red wine

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm

Kat you know you have such class
You tell us how to *uck your ass
And I know your always on the prowl
One day I would like to make you howl
Holly I save you for last
'cause reading you I always have a blast
But Holly dear I think I like you best
One day you might just be my quest

Hmmmm...Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mmmmmmm



Hey, I'm on Facebook now!
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100002464477196
You ever notice how this blog always seems to post things right after Riff posts something???  Don't you just hate a shameless leech!  :)  Hey, and I just moved up to reading on a 5th grade level so if I missed you be patient, I'm trying to catch up - I'm sure I can come up with more stupid lyrics somewhere down the road!