Thursday, November 30, 2017

I Can't Get to Sleep, I Think about the Implications



Well the good news today is that I am writing a post which means I survived my bi-annual trip to my in-laws, the DINKS.  I've written about them before (here); DINK's meaning double income, no kids.  This trip was particularly stressful because we were there a full three days.  An overnight at the DINK's is survivable, just like when you get a colonoscopy; you simply need to make sure you are hydrated and you pretty much can survive the 36 hour period with no non-alcoholic infused liquid intake.

Just to explain the DINK's (by definition) don't have kids so they don't live or eat like normal human beings.  Mr. Dink lives off of approximately 3-4 cheese and crackers, micro-brewed IPA's, and small batch artisanal bourbons.  Mrs. Dink lives off leaf lettuce varietals, old world grains, and various nut milks including Cashew, Almond, and free range organic pistachio infused acai coconut water.

To be fair we disrupt their lives by bringing a very scary invasive species into their virgin ecosystem; namely two common teenagers.  The teenagers lie down on couches that are not even supposed to be sat upon, they wipe their face with ornamental towels that are not actually supposed to be used at all, and wash their hands with decorative soaps that you don't actually use.  The teens don't understand stuff you look at but don't touch and the DINK's don't understand being around humans who expect constant service, technology, and nourishment.  Heck, Mr. Dink is not even on Facebook so he has no concept of the need to check Snap Chat every 8.5 seconds!

The mixture of these worlds is difficult at best, dangerous at worst.  Hell, they don't even have cable for Christ Sake.  And that doesn't mean they have like a satellite dish, they actually don't have ESPN. How do you not have ESPN in a first world country.  I couldn't even watch my second favorite college rivalry game on Thanksgiving Night and had to keep track of my idiot Redskins via stats-tracker; in a word I felt violated!  I felt like I was in Antarctica!  I had to make major logistical plans to make sure I would be in a place I could watch Big State U last weekend and had to go through considerable angst when we then determined to watch the game at one of the Dink's favorite pubs. Until I actually saw the game on TV I was sure I would find myself at a wine bar with a jazz band and a pack of 40-something hipsters talking about net-neutrality and their short game.

Yesh!

The first night I woke up around 2 am and my mouth feeling like I had woken up in the Sahara Desert.  I walked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator.  In a normal human home (or at least mine) you could hydrate with fruit punch, OJ, sweet tea, lemonade, maybe even Kiwi-Strawberry lemonade but bottom line you can go back to sleep with your thirst quenched.  As my eyes blearily perused the refrigerator panic slowly infiltrated my soul.  The refrigerator was completely full yet with nothing a normal human could drink.  There were, as stated above, no less than 4 varieties of organic nut related milk; bleck!  There was enough beer varieties to put an Irish pub to shame.  And yet nothing to actually quench a normal persons thirst.  And then I saw it a small bottle of clear liquid.  WATER!  Yes water, I can drink that!  I grab it and start to twist off the cap.  DAMN!  It's Club Soda.  It's Mr. Dink's club soda he splashes over his small batch artisanal bourbon.  That's not water that's fizzy water that fakes you out, kind of like ocean salt water. OMG, I'm going to die!  I finally had to settle for tap water.  But first I had to gently grab a glass glass to pour the water into.  Who drinks out of a glass glass?  In our home we have all plastic cups, like normal people.  If it drops on the floor, no worries!  At the Dink's, weary and unstable from dehydration, I have to gently handle a glass from the 1998 Kiwanis Golf Scramble, knowing it simply can't be dropped and broken as that is the one Mr. Dink won the closest to the hole competition.

Also disturbing was the presence of the Thanksgiving bird sitting uncovered in the fridge wilting from dehydration just like me.  I walked away somewhat hydrated by lukewarm tap water but couldn't help but worry about what that dry old turkey would taste like tomorrow.

Btw, Shannon and I are both pretty good cooks having both served in the hospitality industry for many years.  In spite of our differences, in the kitchen we are a power couple churning out food like a well oiled machine.  But that bird was not bound to be well oiled, it was likely to be as dry as my tongue.

On Thanksgiving Day after a long walk I broke down and found an open grocery store and brought home enough hydration to get through the rest of the weekend for myself and the teens.  To my teens delight I even found Cheer Wine, a delicacy hard to enjoy when outside the Carolinas.  But when I got home I saw the trepidation in my teens eyes.  I asked what's wrong?  Apparently Ms. Dink had been seen with Brussel Sprouts!  Brussel sprouts ain't for Thanksgiving!  My daughter mumbled "I just want the regular Thanksgiving stuff like turkey and potatoes and green beans..... I don't want anything organic."

Thankfully the meal ended up OK.  Ms. Dink basted the turkey in garlic butter and it was fine.  The brussel sprouts ended up as a salad which I tasted and survived.  Dessert, OK as well; though I have to admit enjoying the frustration Ms. Dink exhibited after thrice failing at her home made chocolate tart dough; not understanding the concept of flouring the table to roll your crust.

I know I'm a jerk, but when you can't watch the State-UNC game you take entertainment where you can get it.

Friday, I did convince the group to go out and see a live college basketball game which gave me the opportunity to load up on needed sustenance from the vegetable, starch, and processed cheese food groups with a large popcorn and nachos and cheese from the concessions stand.  For a moment I felt like a married man again!

Oh speaking of married.  Over dinner the married Dink's asked about Christmas.  They were looking into treating each other to a spa weekend in Sonoma and asked what we were doing.  Shannon and I mentioned that we were considering buying for one another a sexy stainless steel refrigerator washing machine combo!  Yes the contrast is pervasive.

Oh well, I'm not such a good house guess myself.  I don't start drinking until 5 pm and I don't know when or why you would use a 5 wood vs a long iron.  Anyway, I gleefully made everyone stay to the last second of my favorite college rivalry game, merrily watching to the bitter end Big State U's gazilianth straight #ss kicking of Pompous Preppy U.

And now I'm home and comfortable and glad I don't have to venture back into the desert until well after the rainy season.  I'm sure the Dink's were happy when we left, able to get back to their novels, golf game, and aroma therapy.




Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Ooh woo, I'm a Rebel Just for Kicks

"let me kick if like it's 1986...."


Wow have I been enjoying that "Feel it Still" song by Portugal the Man on my daughters terrestrial current music stations.  It's a really groovy retro break from all the crappy rap talking about how many millions the dude has in his bank account.  And who knew there was more to Wasilla, Alaska than our own favorite retro Tea Party politician Sara Palin (yes, that is where Portugal the Man is from)!  Reminds me when we thought crazy people only ran for VP.  The song really does feel like one of those old Phil Specter "wall of sound" songs.  I guess given all the harassment going around I shouldn't be talking about him either.  I mean who knows who might be hacking this and get offended by me and I'd have to render a public coming out and apology.  Kind of makes you just want to stay and home and curl up in a ball in bed with a cat.


But you know I can never do that can I.

I mentioned last month that I was back on AM just for kicks and to finish out my last credits.  I wrote to Ms. INTJ (Alexa) but she opened my note and then promptly shut down her account.  Disappointment for sure because I wrote such a great note, you know.  Well the next day I open up my mischief e-mail and see "AlexaBell is interested in you...."

I opened my AM and Alexa had written the following note back:



"Thanks for the message. Tennis, work, are about it for the weekend. 

As to the INTJ, I am a true INTJ, there is no border (you spelled it boarder...) for me, though I'm also in sales so a persona is adopted as needed. Yep, very familiar with that site. 

And the dominant aspect, I am so dominant that if I meet a man than can challenge me consistently, yet not arrogantly, highly unusual. Much nuance involved. It's a welcome break. There has only been one Dom, and it seems he's becoming more rare by the day. I have to assume by your second to last sentence that by confident you meant dominant, but in a very understated and subdued way."


So when you read about AM advice you hear a lot about how to construct that first message, how to get that door open by being interesting, engaging, and making sure the recipient is cognizant of how much you are considerate of who they are and what they are looking for on the site.  And that is good advice.  But in my experience I have learned that following a few good recipes will get you that "read receipt" message and a few good quick responses back like "thanks for reading my profile you seem like a nice guy, what are you looking for here..."

The reality on AM or rather key to getting laid is not so much that first note (impression) but the critical second note.  For that is the note that is going to start a conversation and ultimately that super critical segue to e-mail.  Only then can the action start, so only after that second message is delivered and received with interest do you truly start on the road to AM success.

Clearly Alexa had poked some fun at me by my misuse of the word "boarder," would I use that effectively or get put off.  Well, the offended rarely get laid, so I try to turn stupidity into something fun and intriging!


Here was my second note to Alexa:


Ha, ha, yes I am about 51% E and 49% I; I am not a resident or occupant (boarder) of that Myers-Briggs axis! Perhaps it would better to say I straddle the line betwixt the two! 

So INTJ and sales you must be adaptive. One does not typically consider INTJ congruent with sales. Are you in technical or corporate sales? INTJs are not typical "do I have a bargain for you today..." type of people. 

For me I get the opportunity to make plenty of decisions at work every day, perhaps too many at times. When I'm on my own time, and that is often outdoors, I like to just be. I am confident and as an I/ENTJ I can be contrarian so it's often hard to TELL me what to do though I am happy to be encouraged and influenced to do so. I think INTJs need to feel like they control or at least affect the decision and their opinion (or expertise) is valued and being considered. 

You say "I am so dominant that if I meet a man that can challenge me consistently, yet not arrogantly, highly, highly unusual.." Wow, I so want to be challenged! Throw something my way, I love challenges! 

Sorry you had to work over the weekend but glad you got tennis in. I've gotten back into tennis a bit of late but I'm better at racquetball. Saturday was work and fun for me as we had a big annual running event in town ********. 

Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend. And throw something challenging at me! I love a good debate and don't mind a difference of opinion. 

Btw, I've checked my spelling and grammar three times knowing now that you will proof read! :) 

Take Care Alexa! 


I think a popular comedic trait these days is the Will Ferrell effect of being wittingly ignorant or seemly ignorant in a clever way.  Or maybe its curiously silly.  Oh well, I seem to do it OK and seems to get the ladies interested.  You must always know that the entire AM process has to be fun for all so MAKE IT SO!  I must have made it so as Alexa wrote back:


And I can tell that you're exactly that, split between the two. The exclamation points are a dead giveaway. I seldom use them unless I have to feign enthusiasm. 

Yep, I am very adaptive and have to put on a persona many a day, some days not as much as others. When I do, it can be an effort, but I then have the benefit of getting back into the car to recover. Despite that, I have been relatively successful at sales. All sales have some level of technicality, and most sales are via a corporation of some sort. I work in ********* sales. Sales has come a long way from that mentality of the bargain aspect. I've never been that way as it is. Relative to the company and type of sale that I am engaged in, it's from a position of consulting and providing solutions to customers rather than pure selling for selling sake. 

Of course, agree on the INTJ descriptions you've noted That's certainly me. And it also seems to be you. It is me looking for the challenge, and you've got a huge challenge in simply e-mailing me and keeping me engaged That's the one that has dropped into your lap. 

If you don't mind my asking, which **********? And if you mind my asking, never mind. What type of administrator are you? 

I've never played racquetball. I assume I would enjoy it since I like most racquet sports. 

So I've now gotta ask how long we'll be e-mailing here vs off the site or are you simply looking for a pen pal? Though I enjoy writing immensely, being a pen pal is very far from my only interest. I assume you're taking a real low key approach. 

What's the name behind the R? 

Your checking for typos and checking grammar goes a long way, thank you. 

A


OMG, "exclamation points," she is definitely "effing" with me, I love it!!!  How is that for over exclamating!  :)
I couldn't help it though I had to continue to play along.  I was even more pleased with my next note:

Oh snap Alexandra! Exclamation points to feign enthusiasm! Love it! 

I'm sure my writing prof in college would mark off for using exclamation points and while one needs to be concise here, projecting a degree of emotion can be a good practice. I would say my writing has evolved over the years, or rather devolved. I've learned a well place OMG, lol, :), or ?! helps innumerably when communicating with those Gen NeXters presently around me all the time. 

  *********** distribution sales - very interesting; makes sense. In that you really need to know the customers end needs relative to packaging, delivery, engineering, production flow, and of course the end customers needs and desires. All that is pure INTJ. 

I oversee ******** services here at my little place in the world. Nobody ever knows what that means so I often say ******** services.  My career came through ******* services in the ***** ***** sector and I grew into my current position about five years ago. 

As you can tell I do take a low key approach. As I like to say five years from now it won't matter if we shared pictures or met for coffee this Tuesday or next but by being overly anxious you can preempt yourself from something you desire. Not sure if that is passive or Dom? I do think it is confident that things will turn out OK if you are a good person and treat people well. 

So it is true that this (AM) is not the best word processing program and editor. Gmail et al are demonstrably better. I am happy to segue to that format. If you wish, send a reply to ryanbeaumontregularguy@gmail.com. Yes that is a tip of the hat to one of my favorite bands REM. And, pen pal is not my only interest as well! 


So tell me how your day is going?

Take Care, 

Ryan


Just an FYI, I realize that ryanbeaumontregularguy is certainly not a tip of the hat to REM, my favorite band; but I'm sharing my mischief e-mail here any more than I would share my blogger e-mail with an AM lady.

Alexa wrote back:


Hmm, that's pretty cool that you're interested in hearing all about my day. Is this normally how you are or unusual, wanting to know all about my day, that is? 

And how did you come to pick "amidujour", which I know means "friend of the day" in French? Is this your modus operandi? 

I shall write more later, I'll betcha you're not surprised (I enjoy writing). I'd like to hear much more about you. After all, I never want all the spotlight.



OK, so this is looking pretty good.  I seem to be hitting on the write language.

"Might be over now but I feel it still,
Might've had your, but I feel it still...."