Friday, September 6, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - For a Smile They Can Share the Night

So this post sort of contains a hint of something Ryan old and a bit of something Ryan new.  I have always been a sports guy; swimming year-around, baseball in the summer, basketball in the winter, with a sprinkle of tennis, golf, racquetball, etc.  The one thing about me is that in addition to loving to play I'm a bit geeky about sports.  When I was little I remember I would love to make up schedules for my favorite teams and then play out those imaginary games on my garage basketball court or in the back yard.  I would even write out the boxscores of my mythical games and keep stats of my favorite players.  Yeah creepy, I know.

Am I witty social commentary?
Well the other thing I've been thinking of recently is this.  As I have said I minored in English at Big State U.  I wrote for the old high school and college newspaper, etc.  My only slight regret is not doing something with writing.  In fact I recently told another blogger that my secret dream for my next life is to be a freelance writer for Vanity Fair producing random commentary on politics, sports, food, lifestyle, etc.  Of course considering that I write a sex blog without much sex I can't image how bad my lifestyle colume would be; probably like that little old food critic in South Dakota that went virale with her critique of Olive Garden.

Or just the dweeb keeping score?
Anyway, put those two odd-ball topics together and you get a post like this something Ryan old (making up imaginary profiles) and something Ryan new (witty social commentary, in my mind).  You see some of my favorite posts have been the faux posts where I craft a fictions AM profile from a character. For some creepy reason I enjoy imagining what Giselle's (from Everafter) AM profile might look like. Below I did so for that famed White House Party crasher Michaela Salahi.  This also allowed me to create some satirical humor with how she might envision her climb up the DC social ladder which allowed me to attempt to craft some witty humor that might fit into a piece.  IDK, at least that is what my ego told me.

I know, big ego - but it passes the time on a boring day you know!

And who can resist poking fun at the Salahis (and Dan Snyder)!  :)

Ryan's Repeat
from September 18th, 2011

Or the Ashley Madison Adventures of a DC Divorce Crasher

This blog is many things. Some decent music quotes, a few recipes, and few silly tales of a good guy gone bad. But because I am one of those Insider Washington Elitists who believes the world revolves around that corridor between DC and Boston I feel I owe it to all you folks to bring you stories of vital importance!

So I just want to get out ahead of this story below.

Under that category of "who would have believed it would happen to them" apparently the Salahis of White House party crashing fame are now getting a divorce (see below).

Now this story seems to indicate former Journey guitarist Neil Schon as the culprit for the break-up. Apparently she has returned to her former occupation of groupie (that was before she was a Redskins cheerleader alternate).

But just to forewarn you if you hear of any mystery NOVA guys Michaele may have met via the internet just turn the TV set off if they say anything about a Ryan Beaumont! You know how the DC liberal media can skew everything! :)

But then again, if I have any post down the road about DCPartyCrashHousewifey you may know where it's coming from.

In fact just the other day I did see the following profile on AM:

"Into crashing backstages now!"
Age: 45
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 127
Appearance: Fit

Preferences? Shopping for Jimmy Choos in Chevy Chase (the suburb that is not stealing women's shoes from the SNL star), Bistros in Georgetown and Olde Town Alexandria

What Turns Me On? Aging stadium rock guitarists, the White House queso sauce, me in a Redskin's cheerleader outfit cheering for Chris Cooley. Looking as good as Michelle (I plan on being bff's with the FLotUS)

What am I Looking for? Somebody who is an invited guest and better yet the guy the party is for, I'm tired of crashing parties. Someone who has their own show so I don't have to share the camara with other ladies who think they are hotter than me and talk about my boobs behind my back! Dan Snyder to move to Dallas. But really I'm just a small town girl living in a lonely world wanting to take the train to anywhere!

* Authors Note: I just had to add the Dan Snyder sentence. :); Journey Groupie also checked everything except for Cottage Country and drug free! I guess if you're going to be a rock star groupie you have to make some exceptions for controlled substances!

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