Ryan's Repeats - It's All in Your Mind

I was really torn over which post from December, 2011 to repeat.  My first inclination was to either re-post my edited version of the Twelve Days of Christmas (with a sprinkle of Ryan's adult-centric humor) or a post about coffee or rather a generational analysis based on coffee consumption.

But I feel I have been straying from my mission and purpose of late and the last thing I need to do is another post about categorizing people.  Seems like between trips to California and the mall all I can think about is how to put a label on that cute cashier at Banana Republic or the hot mom in line for the Tower of Terror.

Of course you might ask me "Ryan I've been reading your blog for some time now and the only mission you seem to have is not working, chasing married women, working out at the gym, and finding ways to inconspicuously look at women's butts.  Am I missing something here?"

Well, you would mostly be right but at some point I wanted this blog to be about relationships or at least a little peak into the relationships this hapless married guy from the Greater Metropolitan Baltimore-DC area happened upon and how they affected me.

You know what, I think you are right maybe I should just talk about sports.  You see just this weekend one of my favorite teams lost a big game and ended their season.  It was one of those games that in retrospect hung on a few plays.  Early the game a defensive back for my team walked right in front of a screen pass on the 5 yard line.  He could have walked into the end zone but instead he dropped it.  Later, the other team clearly fumbled a punt but the refs missed the call.  Two big plays that didn't go our way.  But should we have won?  Who knows.  Probably not, the other team was the better team on that day so while a few plays could have made the game interesting and perhaps swung things our way we are really only left with the results.  I could play "arm-chair quarterback" all day but it won't change the ending result on the scoreboard.

You know it seems in life we so often play "arm-chair quarterback" with our relationships.  And as with all "arm-chair quarterbacks" we are always wise and correct because, of course, hindsight is 20-20.

But recently I have gotten some feedback from readers about their extramarital relationships as those relationships have either ended or transitioned.  And so it gave me pause to consider the end game to some of the relationships I have experienced through Ashley Madison.  Now that I think about it these relationships on AM seem to be somewhat like those Hunger Games we all seem to enjoy watching at the movie theatre.  As with the Hunger Games we all strive to succeed knowing that our success may well hurt someone.  We form allies to survive and use our guile to stay alive knowing that in the end the odds are not in our favor and for most it will end terribly.  And yet onward we proceed because in the end, in the arena, that is all that we can do.

So maybe each Saturday or Sunday afternoon we should just enjoy the game and not yell at the screen "quit running up the GD middle and throw the ball!"  And with our relationships maybe we should stop second-guessing and just live and enjoy them.  Because, as we know, sometimes the wrong team wins, often the "Career Tribute" wins the games, and often our extra-relationships fail.  We know that going in so don't be afraid of the outcome.

OH, and "may the odds be ever in your favor!"  I like that quote, I may use it sometime.


Ryan's Repeat
from December 12th and 16th, 2011.......

Part I:  And if You Give Me an Hour I'll Show You how I Feel

The big intersection with opportunity unfortunately came and went for Sandra and I.  Doug left for his family reunion later than expected and the day he was gone I just couldn't get away from work.

Sandra didn't really push because issues with her daughter and more specifically her son-in-law were getting really heated and she often had to help out with the kids.

You know there are levels of dissatisfaction.  Each of the women I had met (at this point 4) had significant issues with their husbands including being distant/detached, having low sex drive, or just simply being boring.  But hearing about Sandra's son-in-law was a new level.  In a word, her daughter was going through abuse and I have to say I really didn't know what to say or offer.  If it was my daughter I would know my response and the guy would get a first hand and personal lesson on abuse from me that he would not soon forget!  But I felt bad because from Sandra's description her husband Doug had really stepped up to the plate and helped out.  In fact I think she was worried that Doug was going to use some of that Marine training on her son-in-law (in my mind he deserved it).  But of course nobody would want to see Doug in jail.  Bottom line though, I really wasn't sure I had a place in this.

Regardless, there was not too much fun to report.  Sandra also had a birthday in July and was really fighting some depression as well.  Or at least outwardly so.

I also got the impression, just call it sixth sense, that she may have been seeing someone else.  I didn't have any hard evidence but the consistent last minute cancellations for some reason just gave me a sense that something else might be happening other than the family issues.

Anyway, as this Love and Rockets' song goes it was probably "all in my mind."

I have to say a better man would ride this out.  A bad man would start hitting AM again.  I guess I am a pragmatic man and so I started thinking about moving on knowing that it was probably not my place to lend a hand in Sandra's issues.  I would like to think that maybe it's best to step aside sometimes; she was in good hands with Doug - I was not sure she needed me.

 

Part II:  So Don't Be Unkind, It's All in My Mind

I mentioned in one of my Keeley posts that Sandra had sent me a note once saying "where did you go" when I had been absent for awhile.  It was not checking up on me, just a gentle nudge to make sure I was still out there.

With all her issues I just felt I should give her some space and see what happened.

My friend Kat has mentioned that blog and cyber-time is very different from reality.  I think it's like converting dog years to human years.  The time just goes much more quickly.  It may not seem like a long time to wait a week or two to e-mail someone.  But in cyber-time that is an eternity.

So as late July melted into August and as I just kept putting off e-mailing Sandra and as I never saw an e-mail in my inbox from her it started to become apparent that we were both moving on.

And I am not sure if I should say Sandra disappeared or if Ryan disappeared but in the end there was not reason to be unkind much was probably in my mind.  But regardless as we approached the end of summer, it was time to move on.  But Sandra is an awesome person and made me feel very good about myself.  I can only hope she thinks of me well also.

Btw, please note that I like the song but I don't wear make-up!  :)

December 3rd, A Date that Will Live in Infamy

It's My Blogoversary!

 or Why do we blog?

At this auspicious occasion of my 3rd Blogoversary I think it's important to paraphrase the great Winston Churchill by offering:  "never has so little been owed by so many to one idiot blogger!"

Yes, this is the 3rd anniversary of my blog which means I feel compelled and pressured to write something prophetic.  Which can only mean I'll really write something silly!

But before I get onto my theme today I do want to recall a meeting I recently had with another blogger.  That blogger recently wrote a post (here) and so I, of course, will pretend like I am paralleling that post with an anecdotal metaphorical simile.  Translation, I'm just going to steal the idea so I don't have to come up with an intelligent theme for my 3rd Blogoversary!

This transcendental convergence of bloggers seemed epic at first - would we really be able to meet, what would we talk about, would he spill the beans after that I'm really a dork?  Thankfully, Ad did show up at that Starbucks and he got his drink and I got mine and we sat down and started to talk.  Soon the left/right coastal blogging convergence became a conversation between two men all of a sudden not so different.  Two guys talking about figuring stuff out via this Google Blogging thing.  We liked a lot of the same stuff, were confused by the same stuff (translation - where the HELL has Kat gone; thankfully she has since returned), and of course had the same myriad of family challenges.  We both have daughters we hope to help navigate through life, get into college, and become hopefully a little smarter and more savvy than their dads!

In the end what I can truly say is that Advizor is in fact a very nice guy.  A guy living the same stuff I am and throwing it out there from time to time on a blog for the rest of us to take a quick peak at.

Of course we did talk a lot about blogs and as Ad's post indicated "why we blog?"

"Dang I miss Miss Inconspicuous too!"

We talked about blogs we used to love to read and some of our personal interactions with other bloggers via e-mail.  Ultimately we talked about why we do this seeing as we ain't getting paid.

As Advizor said perhaps we are looking for that spark that might give us inspiration to write the next great American novel or a catchy script.  Maybe it will be the next "Men of a Certain Age" or some type of "Dads Gone Wild."  Who knows?

For me, ever the quoter, this is probably like that Jim Croce song:  "like the pine trees lining the winding road; I've got a name, I've got a name."  I think we all have an inner story that screams to be told.  The beauty of social networks is that we now have a path for that story even if it just leads to a few followers.  And what we find whether we blog or just read is that some of the most interesting stories come for the most unsuspected sources (wait, that sounded so good but I really just paraphrased that thought off the movie Ratatouille).  In the end we connect by sharing those stories in a way that is way more meaningful than simply thinking "hey that Dad on Good Luck Charlie is just like me."  Yes, for me, it's better to be an active participant in the dialogue rather than just sitting on the sidelines and viewing the parade going by.  Maybe as I talk it out I can figure it out or maybe somebody will just call me out and then I'll know what it's all about.

As I think of that, it sounds so profound.  Which of course is not really my schtick so perhaps it's more like that climactic last sequence in "Horton Hears a Who" when all the Whos stand up and yell "we are here, we are here....," in hopes of averting being cast into boiling water.  Because you know "a person's blogger's a person no matter how small goofy."

Yes I think we all want someone to know that we are here and that perhaps in doing so we can connect in some meaningful way.  Maybe that is the ultimate saving grace of social media that others may know we are here and that we are going through the same life challenges.  That connection to some other person in Valdosta or Vietnam brings solace to the soul just like running into a fellow blogger at some Starbucks in Orange County.

So perhaps that transcendental convergence at Starbucks in the real physical sense doesn't seem so spectacular but the journey that got us there is the important metaphysical transaction that makes this stuff important and transformational.  Yes, someone is really out there and they hear me and better yet they understand me or at least are going through something similar.  And if they are going through it and surviving, maybe we will all come out on the other side OK.

As for me, I've said before, I started out simply wanting to be an East Coast Riff Dog that perhaps was a little more "real guy'ish" and not so suave and sophisticated.  What I found is that I loved reflecting on my experience and sharing my perspective.  By tossing in a few pinches of humor I thought I might connect, sort of like a naughty Good Luck Charlie episode where the dad can't help being a screw-up.  Perhaps somewhere down the road I transcended my focus to attempt to be some idiot-man's Jerry Springer'ized F. Scott Fitzgerald short story social commenter.  Except for me I wanted to identify what it meant to be part of this hybrid social dating circuit in the electronic age perhaps no so far off from Fitzgerald heady "Jazz age" days.  Who knows, sounds good as I write it - for sure!

I guess in the end I'm still not completely sure why all this is so tempting.  What I do know is that this is my 375th post and I've probably written over 1,000 pages of content.  I guess if I were smarter I would have used that time to write a novel or script.  Surely there is a script deal out there for a Family Guy turned bad, a latter day Al Bundy chasing MILFs, a common man's Great Gatsby looking for his Daisy on a screwy cyber dating site!  But what makes it worthwhile is that 119 citizens of the world have for some reason clicked on to follow and that is an awesome feeling - well worth the time.

Anyway, I am truly grateful you guys have stopped in and read about these silly adventures.

As the song continues....

"They can change their minds but they can't change me.
I've got a dream, I've got a dream.
Well, I know I can share it if you want me too.
If your going my way, I'll go with you."

Thanks for going my way for a little while, it's been fun sharing the road!   :)

You know as I think about though my one main regret is that I never developed a blogging enemy or nemesis!  I think I would make such a great evil blogger!  But perhaps I am too much of a conciliator to have a true nemesis.  Perhaps someone could be my "Frenemy!"  Would you be my "frenemy?"  :)