Sunday, December 8, 2013

Ryan's Repeats - It's All in Your Mind

I was really torn over which post from December, 2011 to repeat.  My first inclination was to either re-post my edited version of the Twelve Days of Christmas (with a sprinkle of Ryan's adult-centric humor) or a post about coffee or rather a generational analysis based on coffee consumption.

But I feel I have been straying from my mission and purpose of late and the last thing I need to do is another post about categorizing people.  Seems like between trips to California and the mall all I can think about is how to put a label on that cute cashier at Banana Republic or the hot mom in line for the Tower of Terror.

Of course you might ask me "Ryan I've been reading your blog for some time now and the only mission you seem to have is not working, chasing married women, working out at the gym, and finding ways to inconspicuously look at women's butts.  Am I missing something here?"

Well, you would mostly be right but at some point I wanted this blog to be about relationships or at least a little peak into the relationships this hapless married guy from the Greater Metropolitan Baltimore-DC area happened upon and how they affected me.

You know what, I think you are right maybe I should just talk about sports.  You see just this weekend one of my favorite teams lost a big game and ended their season.  It was one of those games that in retrospect hung on a few plays.  Early the game a defensive back for my team walked right in front of a screen pass on the 5 yard line.  He could have walked into the end zone but instead he dropped it.  Later, the other team clearly fumbled a punt but the refs missed the call.  Two big plays that didn't go our way.  But should we have won?  Who knows.  Probably not, the other team was the better team on that day so while a few plays could have made the game interesting and perhaps swung things our way we are really only left with the results.  I could play "arm-chair quarterback" all day but it won't change the ending result on the scoreboard.

You know it seems in life we so often play "arm-chair quarterback" with our relationships.  And as with all "arm-chair quarterbacks" we are always wise and correct because, of course, hindsight is 20-20.

But recently I have gotten some feedback from readers about their extramarital relationships as those relationships have either ended or transitioned.  And so it gave me pause to consider the end game to some of the relationships I have experienced through Ashley Madison.  Now that I think about it these relationships on AM seem to be somewhat like those Hunger Games we all seem to enjoy watching at the movie theatre.  As with the Hunger Games we all strive to succeed knowing that our success may well hurt someone.  We form allies to survive and use our guile to stay alive knowing that in the end the odds are not in our favor and for most it will end terribly.  And yet onward we proceed because in the end, in the arena, that is all that we can do.

So maybe each Saturday or Sunday afternoon we should just enjoy the game and not yell at the screen "quit running up the GD middle and throw the ball!"  And with our relationships maybe we should stop second-guessing and just live and enjoy them.  Because, as we know, sometimes the wrong team wins, often the "Career Tribute" wins the games, and often our extra-relationships fail.  We know that going in so don't be afraid of the outcome.

OH, and "may the odds be ever in your favor!"  I like that quote, I may use it sometime.

Ryan's Repeat
from December 12th and 16th, 2011.......

Part I:  And if You Give Me an Hour I'll Show You how I Feel

The big intersection with opportunity unfortunately came and went for Sandra and I.  Doug left for his family reunion later than expected and the day he was gone I just couldn't get away from work.

Sandra didn't really push because issues with her daughter and more specifically her son-in-law were getting really heated and she often had to help out with the kids.

You know there are levels of dissatisfaction.  Each of the women I had met (at this point 4) had significant issues with their husbands including being distant/detached, having low sex drive, or just simply being boring.  But hearing about Sandra's son-in-law was a new level.  In a word, her daughter was going through abuse and I have to say I really didn't know what to say or offer.  If it was my daughter I would know my response and the guy would get a first hand and personal lesson on abuse from me that he would not soon forget!  But I felt bad because from Sandra's description her husband Doug had really stepped up to the plate and helped out.  In fact I think she was worried that Doug was going to use some of that Marine training on her son-in-law (in my mind he deserved it).  But of course nobody would want to see Doug in jail.  Bottom line though, I really wasn't sure I had a place in this.

Regardless, there was not too much fun to report.  Sandra also had a birthday in July and was really fighting some depression as well.  Or at least outwardly so.

I also got the impression, just call it sixth sense, that she may have been seeing someone else.  I didn't have any hard evidence but the consistent last minute cancellations for some reason just gave me a sense that something else might be happening other than the family issues.

Anyway, as this Love and Rockets' song goes it was probably "all in my mind."

I have to say a better man would ride this out.  A bad man would start hitting AM again.  I guess I am a pragmatic man and so I started thinking about moving on knowing that it was probably not my place to lend a hand in Sandra's issues.  I would like to think that maybe it's best to step aside sometimes; she was in good hands with Doug - I was not sure she needed me.

Part II:  So Don't Be Unkind, It's All in My Mind

I mentioned in one of my Keeley posts that Sandra had sent me a note once saying "where did you go" when I had been absent for awhile.  It was not checking up on me, just a gentle nudge to make sure I was still out there.

With all her issues I just felt I should give her some space and see what happened.

My friend Kat has mentioned that blog and cyber-time is very different from reality.  I think it's like converting dog years to human years.  The time just goes much more quickly.  It may not seem like a long time to wait a week or two to e-mail someone.  But in cyber-time that is an eternity.

So as late July melted into August and as I just kept putting off e-mailing Sandra and as I never saw an e-mail in my inbox from her it started to become apparent that we were both moving on.

And I am not sure if I should say Sandra disappeared or if Ryan disappeared but in the end there was not reason to be unkind much was probably in my mind.  But regardless as we approached the end of summer, it was time to move on.  But Sandra is an awesome person and made me feel very good about myself.  I can only hope she thinks of me well also.

Btw, please note that I like the song but I don't wear make-up!  :)

No comments: