Friday, March 11, 2011

I’m a (Wo)Man Who Doesn’t Know How to Sell a Contradiction

Shannon’s Story – Part III

This is part III of a series of sub-blogs written from my best attempt at writing from my wife’s perception of our life together.  If you are reading this blog for the first time I would request you go to the beginning (here) and start reading or go to any entry that looks interesting but don’t start here as this entry is a bit of a diversion from my previous direction.  Part I of Shannon's story is here if you have not read thus far.

Shannon speaking….
Yes, it happened.  Sammie and I had the most powerful and passionate sex I have ever had.  As we finished I couldn’t believe what had just happened.  I felt deep guilt and complete bliss at the same time.  And I had no clue where I would go from that point.

Ryan can be a bit of a prude.  In fact we have joked before that he is more the female and I am more the male in our sexual relationship.  Ryan likes to cuddle, he likes foreplay and kissing, he can be coy; I like fast paced, raunchy and energetic sex.  No matter who it is I get bored after about 20 minutes, maybe I’m ADD?  With Sammie I was not bored; he pushed me to the edge.

Fortunately or unfortunately fate dictated my direction soon after Sammie and I had sex for the first time.  The small town where we lived had a very tight information network and apparently either Sammie was “kissing and telling” or his roommate had caught on.  At any rate a few weeks after Sammie and I consummated our attraction one of Sammie’s coaches stopped by to see me and confronted me about the relationship.  Without confirming the coach simply said I could no longer see Sammie.  I was scared and mortified.  I told Ryan about the encounter with the coach seeking comfort and advice.  It felt odd going to him but he was all I had at this point.  But I was even more shocked at Ryan’s response.

Stupidly I had been keeping a computer journal of my relationship with Sammie (that is what people did before the days of blogging).  Ryan had apparently found the journal and had read it and was apparently in the process of trying to find out if it was all real.  This might now be his confirmation.  I denied everything but he said he didn’t believe me.  So what to do now?

Luckily Ryan’s job searching (I mentioned earlier) was soon successful and he got that job in the Mid-Atlantic.  Ryan is selfish and his career success soon blinded him to my indiscretions.  So I got off lucky when Ryan became caught up in the excitement of our move and his success.  It’s funny, as glad as I was to apparently “dodge the bullet” I was dumbfounded by Ryan’s lack of passionate anger in response to his discovery.  He seemed cold, like an impartial jury, not a man who was driven to save his marriage and win me back.  I wanted to be cherished not simply let off the hook due to a technicality.  But, for now, the good thing was we were leaving and hopefully leaving our problems.  But, as I said before, we never really resolve anything we just change the scenery and hope the plot gets better.  But like a bad horror movie parts II, III, IV, etc never really get better.

In our new town we would only be about 3 hours away from our hometowns, I was very happy.  The first few months were great.  Ryan was not working as much, we could travel to interesting places for the day, and I got to see my family more often.  But that didn’t last.  Finding a job was hard and I ended up with a job as a receptionist in a very crabby office.

Ryan quickly went back to his work-a-holic syndrome.  And I was left with a dead end job I hated but had to work because Ryan always said we have to pay the bills.  Seriously, when did I sign up to be married to my father? 

What kept me occupied during this time was my longing to start a family and purchase a home.  We did find a lovely home in the country perched up on a hill with the prettiest little river running through our back yard.  I loved having a yard and home of my own to plan for and design.  On the family side we tried diligently for a year before I was diagnosed with endometriosis.  I had laparoscopic surgery and started on medication which threw my body completely off cycle.

During this lovely time and only 1 year after moving into our new home, Ryan decided that this escape job we were so happy with just two years before was now a dead end.  Ryan began looking again for that golden career challenge and soon found another opportunity in the Mid-West.  I protested vehemently but to no avail.  Ryan was determined to advance his career so we were on the move again right when I was hoping to start a family.

to be continued…..

No comments: